Comments by Women
HOMEWORK INSTRUCTIONS Due date: Next class session. WORTH 10 POINTS
This is a writing assignment. Please do not write your name on your paper; instead, put the last 4 digits of your student ID # at the top of the page. Use a word processing software program (such as MS Word) to write your paper.
You comments will remain confidential -- I will not match your paper with your name.
Your paper should be between about 2 to 5 pages long. It will not be graded -- you will get full credit as long as you take this exercise seriously.
Print a copy of your paper, and give it to me at the next class session.
Later in the semester, we will review and discuss the comments.
Please write as thoughtfully, clearly, perceptively, and honestly as possible. Your classmates will read your anonymous comments, and some of your comments may be selected for inclusion in a book I am writing. (If, for some reason, you do not want your classmates to read your anonymous comments, or you do not want your anonymous comments included in the book, please write a note indicating this at the top of your paper.)
There are no "right" or "wrong" answers. Simply describe, as honestly as possible, what you feel and think. Again, all of your comments will remain anonymous.
In contemplating the traits of the opposite sex in general, as a group, write one or two paragraphs to answer each of the following questions. You do not need to include the question itself before your response. Also, think about what you actually like or dislike about the opposite sex IN GENERAL, not about the specific characteristics of one or two people you have known.
Also, you are writing about how you think the opposite sex actually is, not how might like them to be. Be honest -- don't try to censor your thoughts or worry whether they are politically correct.
When you are finished with your paper, save and print it. Then you will need to also include your comments about the opposite sex with those of your classmates at our class wiki web site (see: http://drmillslmu.wikispaces.com/,
Log in. Click on our class, Psyc 310, and then click on Homework Assignment 1, women's or men's responses, as appropriate.)
Click the "Edit This Page" button at the top of the page, then click the "Floating Toolbar" button. Then scroll down to each question to paste in your response to that question.
Note: If you are doing the "Reactions to the Comments by Women" homework, do NOT insert your results below. Instead insert them in the Reactions to Women's Comments page.
RESPONSES FROM THE FALL, 2009 CLASS:
- 1. Think about the previous interactions you have had with the opposite sex. Has a situation ever occurred with someone of opposite sex that you found deeply puzzling and/or incomprehensible? And which you also think is somehow a function of that person's gender (not just the specific individual involved)? If so, think about what happened, and the behaviors, cognitions, motivations, or emotions of the opposite sex that you found particularly puzzling.
1. I find it puzzling why males feel they have to defend there masculinity by being distant and mysterious. I find that most men lean towards silence and a more closed off persona when attempting to defend their masculinity. They revert to a more shy and distilled presence in order to maintain a mysterious presence. I also find it puzzling when males say they are not thinking about anything. Is that even possible? I find it very puzzling that men have the ability to truly have a clear mind. It almost seems unnatural. 1007 1. One thing I don’t understand about the opposite sex is how they are capable of having a good woman that they are dating yet they will cheat on her. Also, how they a capable of walking away from a relationship so easily is confusing to me. What is puzzling is how unaffected they appear to be by leaving a relationship that is going well. Lastly, lying comes easy for guys. They can easily lie to a woman’s face and not feel any remorse. They use the lies to get out of her whatever it is that they want. (4515)
1. I don’t understand how men can eat so much. At parties or get-togethers, I feel like men are CONSTANTLY eating – whether it be the food provided or asking “Is there any food left”. It’s as if they plan on making sure that there is nothing left. After completing a plate full or two, they would state how incredibly full they were or how they couldn’t possibly eat another bite. And yet soon after, they decide that another meal needs to be had!! It’s as if they don’t think about the quantity or even care. -- 0936
1) Last summer I did this internship and I became close with a girl who works at the company. She wanted to set me up with one of her close guy friends. Apparently she had showed him my facebook and he wanted to meet me. So, she showed me a picture of him on facebook. I thought he was cute, and I was interested to meet him. He’s older than me. He’s about 24 or 25 so you’d think he’d be relatively mature and know what he wants. Meanwhile he wanted to go out in a group because he was afraid I’d feel uncomfortable going on a “blind” date with him (even though I would have been fine) Hanging out in a group never ended up happening, just a conflict of schedules with all of the people involved.. I ended up meeting someone else and started dating him. I forgot all about the other guy until a few months ago when we coincidentally spoke because of a different mutual friend. He had a connection for an internship I wanted this summer so I asked for his help. It was really akward because I knew that he would remember the situation and I was calling to ask for a favor. He was very nice and helped me out. I ended up getting the internship and to thank him, I asked to take him to lunch. It was the best little lunch date I could have imagined. We hit it off (just like my friend said we would have), and there was definitely chemistry there on both ends. However, I know this sounds awful, but we’re both in relationships. My friend text me about a half hour after the lunch and said “I heard you had lunch with him. He just called me and said he thinks you’re great and he’s so mad he didn’t do something when he had the chance.” We’ve kept in touch a bit by email. He emails every few weeks asking how I am and how the internship is going. It feels like he’s literally just trying to not lose touch. I should probably add that he never told me about his girlfriend. I found out thru our friend. So I am extremely confused. Why doesn’t he do anything about it if he is interested? I don’t see the harm in getting to know each other and becoming friends since we’re in relationships. It seems to me that becoming friends would be the best way to see if there is anything to pursue. A girl would think to become friends. A guy would just randomly email and not try to pursue anything? I don’t get it.
1. One situation that I found puzzling was a time when one of my guy friends was in a relationship with a girl who would teat him very badly. She always put him down by comparing him to other guys, in front of other people! When I would ask him why he was still with her he replied that she only acts mean in front of others to look like she was in control of the relationship but privately she was very nice. I did not understand why he was ok with constantly being humiliated in front of his friends and teachers. It seems to me that he thought she was “the one” because they were going out for more than a year and that made him force himself to be with her. Almost as if he thought that if he messed this one up, that was it. 8513
1. My roommate’s boyfriend of five years recently broke up with her because he said that he felt like he needed to be single for his senior year of college. She was completely devastated by the break-up because it came out of nowhere. This was the man that she thought that she was going to marry and spend the rest of her life with. Even though he was the one who broke up with her, he is still messaging her all the time to see how she is and what she has been up to. Also, when she ran into him at a bar a few weeks ago, he got all mad at her for talking to other guys, even though they weren’t together. I found this to be really puzzling, because he was the one who wanted to be single to do whatever he wanted, yet he couldn’t handle the fact that she was doing the exact same thing that he was doing. 8339
1. One particular situation that was puzzling to me was when a guy I had dated was very reserved about expressing his feelings to me when he was going through a tough time. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to tell me how he was feeling or what he was going through even though it was obvious he wanted to. When I would ask him how he felt he would just respond with “Don’t worry about it, I’ll be ok”. I wouldn’t try to pry too much because of this. Later, I had heard him on the phone with one of his girlfriends telling her how he really felt and how distressed he really was. This hurt me because I didn’t understand why he couldn’t tell me, his girlfriend at the time, how he had really felt. I wondered if he just didn’t want to show his vulnerable side to me because I was his girlfriend or if he felt that he had to show only his masculine side towards me. I just assumed he didn’t want to or know how to express his emotions to someone he was in a romantic relationship with and this was very frustrating for me. (8341)
1 One situation I found puzzling was when a guy I liked also liked me as well, but he pulled away because he assumed I wanted a serious commitment, even though I would have been fine with something casual. Guys always assume girls want a serious commitment/relationship. We wanted the same thing, and we both said what we wanted, but he just assumed that deep down or eventually I would want something different (0951)
1. Okay, so I’m just going to discuss a particular situation that I experienced with a guy that I went on several dates with. A similar situation occurred with another guy that I was hanging out with, but this one occurred more recently, and this situation actually involves a guy whom I was attracted to and liked. So I went on a total of four dates with this one older guy (10 years older than me) whom I met at a bar (I know, that shouldn’t been an omen right there). Anyways, I didn’t really intend or think much into the first date. However, after the second date, I became really attracted to his guy’s personality, which made him more attractive physically as well. By the third date, I was already starting to like him. After the third date was the fourth date, obviously. The fourth date is where it gets kind of tricky. Basically, we had dinner and I think he assumed sex based on his actions. Because this fellow didn’t get lucky, I felt like this kind of changed things. He obviously wasn’t a complete jerk when he walked me out of his house, but I sensed that something had changed (or that he had changed) AND that possibly this represented one of the last “real” dates that we would go on. Bottom line is that I was right. After this incident, I noticed that he didn’t call/text me as much nor did he ask to hang out with me. Instead, he would casually ask to hang out with me with my friends where he would be with his friends as well. This is what I found puzzling. In my opinion, I felt that because I didn’t have sex with him, he was turned off, felt rejected, or just wasn’t interested in me anymore. Whatever the case was, it made me analyze the date and think about my performance on the date. After thinking way too much into and realizing that it was pretty ridiculous for me to reevaluate myself over some stupid guy, I came to my senses and concluded he was a jerk, and it wasn’t worth analyzing the situation especially over some guy who was not worth my time. 5935 1.I feel like guys have one track minds. Like how can they watch football for hours and hours, and somehow forget to call you. It would make girls so happy to even just get a, hey thinking of you/hey sorry I’m busy text. Just anything to know you haven’t forgotten about us. Just the silence is what is so flabbergasting. (0169)
1. Situations I often find puzzling occur when guy friends of mine overreact unnecessarily aggressively to harmless or meaningless events or situations. For example, the other night I was talking to my friend’s boyfriend while my girl friend was talking to her friend of the opposite sex. All of a sudden, with no warning, my friend’s boyfriend interrupted her conversation and threatened the friend of the opposite sex that she was talking to. He warned him to “watch himself,” even though the conversation was completely friendly and innocent, not to mention occurring right before his eyes. Then, as if the threat wasn’t uncalled for enough, he attempted to fight the guy he threatened… for no reason. I find it particularly puzzling when the opposite sex is aggressive in situations that do not warrant such behavior.
1. I remember the time when Kenny and I were arguing in the car. I don’t remember the topic of the argument, as there were many, but I do remember it pushed me to the point of tears. The instant he saw one tear slip from my eye and trickle down my cheek, he started screaming at me. “Why are you crying? Stop crying! If you don’t stop, I’m breaking up with you! I’ll throw you out this car!” I found this situation completely puzzling. Most people would try to console his or her significant other. But break up with them? Or hit them? Looking back on the situation, I feel as if his action of aggression in a time of sadness, confusion, and anger came from two places. First, as the eldest son in a strict, traditional, Catholic, Mexican family, the idea of “machisimo” was the norm. The idea of machisimo stresses the concept of male dominance as well as the stereotype of men as strong, aggressive, and the head of the relationship. Also, men in general have been told over and over by society that they can’t cry. Maybe it was his culture or society or maybe it was a past experience that made Kenny react the way he did. Needless to say, the whole situation was stressful and puzzling.8707
I think this comment reflects how women often times allow themselves to be treated negatively or to be disrespected while justifying it with a "rational" or "logical" explanation. Whereas men would simply label a girl who showed this kind of behavior as "crazy" or "bitchy", girls will go out of their way to excuse or comprehend a guy's behavior even when it is blatant disrespect! Female, 3041, 11/17/09
1. I have a guy friend who is really bad about answering his phone or responding to messages, yet he always complains about feeling left out or he says that nobody talks to him. This always boggled me, because my other friends and I do make the effort to reach him—he just doesn’t return the effort! I guess he just doesn’t take initiative when it comes to communication. Not every guy I know has communication issues to this degree, but I suppose that in general guys just aren’t as in tune with people as women are. (5478)
1. In previous interactions with the opposite sex I found it puzzling that guys have such a hard time communicating their emotions. There was one instance where a guy openly asked his friend for girl advice but the conversation was short and ended with a reply about how to correctly “play the game.” Their behaviors generally insinuate that they are uninterested while they secretly are interested. Most of the time, it seems that their motivations and emotions are unexpressed and unimportant.
- 2. In general, what do you like about the opposite sex? What do you dislike? Again, think of the opposite sex in general, as they actually are, not how you might like them to be different.
2. I like that males are protectors, in the sense that they have more of a tendency to defend physically and verbally what they care about. I like that males are direct and less drama. I like that men are more approachable and easier to hang out with. Most males are low maintenance and easy to please. I like that males are fixers, they strive to find immediate solutions to problems. I don’t like that males are often inconsiderate and often seek the easy way out. It annoys me when males are less attentive to their girlfriend when they are around their guy friends. I dislike that males build up their ego as a form of masculinity. I dislike that males hide their emotions, even when provided with the perfect opportunity to express them. I don’t like that males refer to sexual cat calls when attempting to get a females attention. Lastly, I dislike that most males fear commitment. 1007
2. I think that men can be very material, focusing too much on “how hott” they want their flavor of the week to be and not truly taking into account the essence of the woman. They focus on a woman’s physical attributes, which also points to an extreme sexual drive or need to turn every potential compliment or conversation into a demeaning catcall or sexual innuendo. Rather than telling a girl “you looks very nice”, the compliment comes in the form of a whistle followed by a look of appraisal. That look tells a woman that the man is only interested in how she looks, caring nothing about what makes her the woman that she is. This mainly happens when guys are with their friends and a single girl walks by, and especially when out in public areas On their own, men can be more genuine because they aren’t putting on an act for their friends. They can be respectful and helpful without request, by holding a door open or helping someone carry a heavy load. I like how – once you become real friends with a man – they are honest and unwilling to allow drama and unnecessary problems enter their daily lives. At times, I envy their easy-going attitude toward life and confidence that things will just happen as they will, so why stress. In cases like this, I also hate when they’re right, but I also like when this will put me at ease and cease my own stressing. -- 0936
2. In general I like big strong build of a man. I dislike the tricks they play to get what they want when in a relationship. (4515)
2) Basically, I like that men are usually very easy going. For example, I find that guys go with the flow and are usually compliant in regards to plans. I also like the fact that men don’t get upset that easily. I find that men do not get upset when you accidentally make a comment that comes out in an offensive way, whereas women do take each word to heart. However, sometimes I feel that men do not care enough, or at least they do not express their emotions enough. A lot of times guys are upset and they don’t even say why, or they let people mistreat them for too long before sticking up for themselves. I also think that men tend to be very messy and usually are not as clean as women. I also think that men can be very disrespectful when they are too comfortable with a woman. They forget to censor certain comments that should not be said. I also dislike the fact that men tend to be more indulgent than women. Specifically, I find that men tend to drink more and use drugs in excess more than women do.
2. I like that men are very protective of us girls in situations of danger. I also like that they can be easily approached when it comes to getting advice. Men are good to approach when someone wants to hear the truth, rather than something that will not hurt their feelings. Also, men are usually very fun to hang around. They like going to adventure-filled places that girls do not go to often, and that makes everything interesting. I also like that they like us a lot. I dislike that men are not as thoughtful as we would like them to be. Despite all the love movies and songs out about love, men still forget to do the sweet things once they feel they have impressed the girl enough. The truth is that the “little things” is what fuels a relationship, no matter how long it has been. I dislike that men can be rude sometimes and not care.8513
This comment reflected gender differences to me in that it exhibited male characteristics valued by most guys, while also relating to the concept of the year-long time span. Because heterosexual men and women are programmed to feel drawn to each other for roughly the amount of time it takes to create a child, it seems that most men give up after that time span has elapsed - for some 6 months, for others 9, for some a year. After this amount of time the pursuit phase ends and the male reverts back to protective/action-oriented/emotionally reserved behavior. Female, 3041, 11/17/09
One thing I like about the opposite sex is that they are less complicated than women. We are very drama-filled, and we read too much into everything. Guys are simple and straight-forward about everything, and never complicate situations. I also like that they can fix things or build things, since I have no skill for that whatsoever. They are also more adventurous than girls, which is something I admire, since I am much more of a worrier and more focused on “what-ifs.” I dislike that guys have trouble communicating, and can never talk about their feelings. They also are generally dirty and messy, and lack organizational skills. They are also extremely sexual driven, and sometimes want to rush things. I don’t want guys to be exactly like us, but if I could change one thing, I would want to change their communication abilities, since communication is the key to a successful relationship. (0951)
2. In general, I like that guys are usually pretty down to earth and laid back. So far, MOST of the guys that I interact with and date are this way. Of course there are the rare exceptions. I like that they can usually get along with most other guys. I feel that guys tend to just click and can hang out with their guy friends very casually and they seem not to have real, deep conflicts with them that may hinder them from doing so. I also like that they don’t seem to overanalyze as much as women do. I think that based on experience, they seem to just take things as they are and not really read much into a situation or even a comment, for instance.
What I dislike about guys is that sometimes I really do not understand them. I’ve dated and hung out with guys, all of whom which are very different from each other. I feel that they are so hard to read, especially the ones who don’t get what they want. In general, I can say that I don’t like how egoistic they are at times and how “macho” they feel they need to be. Some of my serious past relationships included ex-boyfriends who felt that they needed to be tough and hard on the exterior when really they were so sensitive and were pretty soft inside. Ultimately, I probably just don’t understand them as much as I would like to, so I’m being kind of critical and developing these thoughts out of personal experience. 5935
2. Things I like about men are the protective feeling you get. Which goes along with their strength, which is handy for either moving or picking you up. The idea of manliness is also attractive to me, big shoulders. I also love how deep their voice is. I also like how simple things seem to be, there isn’t much debating on what to do, they know what they want and they go get it. I dislike that they have communication difficulties and don’t show emotions. Men are generally not neat, and seem to have messy rooms. They also can be sweet talkers to get what they want. Men can also be rather stubborn, they always think they are right. 0169
2. The things that I generally like about the opposite sex is that they are able to make rational judgments often eliminating emotions. I feel this enables them to be more direct and usually provide less drama. If something bothers a guy, they generally will work out the situation directly and then not dwell on it. The things that I generally dislike is their ability to set their emotions aside.
2. I like the way men problem solve. When boys have an issue with someone they are very reactant and honest. This can sometimes create problems when it comes to physical fights and disputes, but overall, it is better than the way girls deal with problems because they openly express the problem and aren’t passive aggressive. I don’t like that men are usually very stubborn. It is so difficult to have a mature discussion about something when the male doesn’t fully agree. It has to do with their superiority complex when it comes to dealing with females. Males always have to be correct and in control. Physically, I don’t like the typical male hygiene. Many men don’t care about being clean when it comes to personal hygiene, housework, and general maintenance.
2. I like that the opposite sex is extremely loyal, in that guys will stand up for their friends in any situation, for the simple fact that they are friends. I also like that guys are low maintenance, and do not need a lot things to make them happy. I also like the way that the opposite sex solves problems – they do not hold grudges, instead, if two guys have a fight they can usually get over the brawl quickly and easily and become friendly with each other soon after. Conversely, I dislike that the opposite sex conceals vulnerability. I do not like how guys do not express why they are mad and sad and instead keep their emotions hidden. Finally, I dislike that guys seem to feel that they are superior to women, or feel that they can speak disrespectfully to women.
2. What I like about men is that they are protective, have a different type of humor that women find kind of gross but its funny and that they are straight to the point and factual when they give advice. I like the way most men’s cologne smells, but not in excess. I like that guys are active and when they feel comfortable around you they express their true emotions. What I dislike about men is when they are cocky or arrogant. I dislike that they “cat call” and think that they can get any girl they want. I dislike that guy’s houses or apartments are typically dirty and you question the last time they cleaned or vacuumed. I also dislike how men can act different around you then they do their friends. 0910
2. I like that most men are able to brush things off and not hold grudges. For example, if two men get in an argument, they might fight about it, but sooner than later, they will make up. Perhaps they might even be “buddy buddy” and head out for drinks. Unlike men, women tend to hold on to grudges for days, months, or even years. On the contrary, I dislike the fact that men try to act tough in front of their friends. For example, if a straight man is with his girlfriend, he’ll act all sensitive and caring, but the minute he is in front of his guy friends, his whole demeanor changes. He becomes tough, macho, and acts as if he doesn’t care.8707
2. I like that men are typically approachable, easy-going, and straightforward. At the same time, I dislike that they are sometimes too straightforward and direct, to the point that they may hurt someone’s feelings; I dislike their inconsiderate and selfish ways. (5478)
- 3. What is the one thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about your own sex?
3. Men need to understand that women are analytical thinkers. Women often have a tendency to overanalyze situations or social circumstances. Where one situation might be brushed of and not attended to in a males mind, women will go around and around about the same situation, analyzing every aspect and detail. Women are fueled emotionally and males need to take that into consideration. 1007
3. Men seem to most misunderstand and make fun of why women go to the bathroom in groups. Ever since kindergarten and in almost any youth activity, we always are told to “go with a buddy”. Also – and more importantly – it’s a security issue. Since our childhood, we learn that girls are not as strong as boys, more likely to need an escort and more likely to find themselves in an unwanted situation. Going in a group rather than alone provides us with allies and in a sense a safety blanket; even if the “group” consists of 2 girls, both feel more at least than if they’d gone alone. These “group” bathroom trips usually happen in very public places. I don’t THINK about it every time as a security reason, but in retrospect, that’s why. -- 0936
3.One thing I feel that the opposite sex most misunderstands is how hurt w are by their actions. I feel like if they truly could understand and feel the way that they hurt us they wouldn’t do it. (4515)
3) The one thing that I think men most misunderstand about women is what women want from men and how to make women happy in romantic relationships. It still puzzles me to understand what exactly men think women want, but it is evident that they definitely do not understand that we want attention and verbal admiration from our men. We want to feel like we can communicate with men and that they will understand our feelings when we express them. Men do not understand the difference between doing something without us telling them to do it and them doing the action after being told to do it.
3. Men think that we want them to be romantic at the beginning of a relationship so that we can fall in love with them but the truth is that we want them to be romantic all the time. Not overly excessive romantic, like diamond rings, but maybe a text or a few words. 8513
3. The one thing that I feel the opposite sex misunderstands about the female gender is that all women are needy or vulnerable. Women often speak their feelings and express their emotions, often “talking too much.” I feel that men often assume that they are the dominate sex and can therefore treat women in a submissive fashion. In situations I have been in, I feel the male often assumes he is entitled to do as he pleases, without much shown consideration or concern for their partner. 3. When a girl is having a bad day it’s not always because it’s that time of the month, and actually it rarely is the case. They always just assume that you must be PMSing, maybe try asking us about it. 0169
3. I think that often time guys think that girls are a lot more emotional or dramatic than they really are. I don’t believe that girls take things too seriously. I think that girls are misunderstood for being too analytical and more worried about little things than guys are. This is not the case! I think that girls process information and express themselves differently than the opposite sex, but we are not as overly emotional as they believe.
3. Men most misunderstand why women get mad when men say they are going to call and never do. Don’t say you are going to call and not. Just don’t say you are going to call at all, have me call you instead. 0910
3. I think men misunderstand the fact that women don’t “put a lot of energy into how they look” for men (as stated in our previous class). For the most part, women dress for other women. So, guys, don’t flatter yourself.8707
3. They assume that all girls are helpless and need/want everything done for them, which is not the case and gets annoying quite honestly. (5478)
- 4. Think about a time when you found yourself particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex. What characteristics of that person do you think attracted you? What was the most important factor that attracted you to this person, e.g., physical appearance, personality traits, self-confidence, social status, friendly gestures toward you, etc.?
4. The last time I was particularly attracted to a male, it was primarily due to his outgoing personality. I remember the first time I met him; I was just taken back by how outgoing and friendly he was. It was interesting to notice that as our friendship grew, I became to appreciate him more and more. Then, once he made it clear that he wanted to be more than just friends, I became to find him physically attractive. I find that I am most attracted to a male who shares the same morals, goals, and hobbies that I do. 1007
4. The qualities that I was attracted to most were his charm and his ability to KEEP me engaged and interested. He had witty comebacks and challenged me even in conversation. He was knowledgeable and attractive. I was most drawn by his conversation and challenges – both intellectually and on our date. He was – and is – a very interesting person. I also admired how when we are with his friends – unlike some men I’d dated – he doesn’t change his persona. He is genuine with me as he is with his friends and family; he isn’t afraid to be himself. -- 0936
4) When I am attracted to a man, I think initially physical appearance draws me in, but then a man’s personality can either enhance the attraction or deplete it completely. I am attracted to a man who is interested in what I have to say, is smart and confident, as well as funny and talkative. I think one of the most important factors that I find attractive in a man is ambition. I love when a man knows what he wants to do, and is excited and persistent about achieving his goals. I like when a man has some similar interests as I do, but also has other interests or hobbies that are new to me. I find it intriguing when a man can introduce me to new interests and activities.
4. I’m attracted to intelligence. My eyes are drawn to good looks, a nice smile and a strong build. I appreciate them being classy and poised. I also like when they are not easily tempered. I expect them to dress stylish almost all the time. I love when a guy is really sweet to me and puts me first. I appreciate when he thinks of me frequently including when I’m not around. I admire his confidence.(4515)
4. The characteristics of this man that made him attracted were that he always knew what to say to make me feel like I was important to him. He constantly reminded me of how I was different than other girls he had met. He was also very polite and educated when we were out in public. He was the definition of a gentleman. The most important factor that attracted me to him was definitely his personality traits and qualities.8513
4. Physical attractiveness is a starting point. Having just enough confidence, but not too much to be cocky. Caring/doing well in school is important to me, but still being able to relax. The initial attraction along with looks would have to be how they compose themselves in everyday situations. 0169
4. I am most attracted to self-confidence. I like it when guys are confident, but not cocky—simply when they are proud of who they are and carry themselves as such. I am also attracted to a sense of humor; I don’t like it when guys take themselves too seriously, but instead when they are able to laugh at themselves. Physical attractiveness is what initially grabs my attention, but without the above stated characteristics my attraction won’t develop any further because appearance is only skin deep.
4.When I first saw my current boyfriend I was immediately attracted to his height, his smile, his eyes and his sense of confidence in being a nice guy. He was a dream guy but I was still skeptical of his personality. His athleticism and importance of friendship with many people made me more attracted to him. Now that I know him more intimately I am still very attracted to his physical features but more attracted to his personality, sense of humor and knowing how much he cares about me and his family. 0910
The thing I found most women had in common when answering what they find attractive, were things that I think directly relate to the maternal/emotional side of female evolution. Whereas most guys talked about how physically attractive a girl could be or how friendly/free-spirited she should be, girls (for the most part) said very similar things: physical attractiveness was a start, but not a must, and a lot of girls mentioned liking guys who valued their friends and family. I think from a female perspective we take a guy’s attention to or relationships with those closest to him as an indicator of his overall character and treatment towards us. Whereas for guys the attraction is physical and sometimes mental, for girls I feel like we are subconsciously taking all these indicators and signs about the guy into account, sometimes without even realizing we’re doing it, to form this complex, composite image of the guy which, on a conscious level, determines if we feel physically attracted to him or interested enough to pursue a relationship with him. Female, 3041, 11/17/09
4. Initially, I think the first characteristic people are drawn to is physical appearance. I think it’s important for the person to be well put together. The factors that often attract me to a person include an easy-going, active personality, their intellect and a strong self-confidence or a sense of self-certainty. I’m not sure which is the most important out of all of these but I would have to say that the most important factor that makes someone attractive is the way they are able to present themselves. 4. I thought he looked attractive of course, but his appearance was simple and also clean cut. He seemed to be a confident person but not in an arrogant sort of way. He was nice to me and would make small talk with me. (5478)
- 5. In your opinion, what are the strengths and weaknesses of the opposite sex?
5.Males strengths consist of: low maintenance, less drama, simple, easy-going, nice demeanor, great providers, they are protectors, they fix things, they can be logical when women are emotional. Males tend to be calmer in stressful or chaotic environments and tend to be more instinctive. Males weakness’ consist of: they are bad listeners, they are inconsiderate, they tend to put their needs before others, they are messy, they are egotistical, they are too sexually driven, they are indecisive, they are afraid to show their emotional side, they are afraid of commitment. 1007
5. A major strength is that men are innately in a more dominant position to women; this can also be a weakness, depending on HOW men chose to use this position. Strengths: They can be very protective, which reassures the woman they are with that they are safe. They do not tend to tolerate drama and rarely hold obsessive grudges against another. They tend to be more active in life, such as enjoying outdoor activities; whereas most women may be content with talking and relaxing. Weaknesses: Men can be so inconsiderate of other’s feelings. They don’t think about what they’re doing or saying and how it may hurt someone. I don’t know if you can go so far as to call it selfish, but there are certain social graces that we learn growing up; in time, these graces evolve into more specific “dos and do nots” of society. Somehow, men find reason to fling them out the window and to act incredibly rude and mean to get their way. -- 0936
For all the stereotypes that men have about women, this illustrated for me the stereotypes women have about men as well. The fact that we expect men to conform not only to our personal ideas of what is acceptable, but societal ideas as well, is in and of itself a contradiction. When they don’t fit into these expectations we label them as “rude” or “selfish” rather than trying to understand why they act this way and either communicating with them, or just letting them be. We don’t have to make excuses for this kind of behavior, but we also don’t have to condemn men for it or exhibit patience when inside it’s creating resentment and frustration on our part. Women need to learn to just deal with the problem and fix it or move on! Female,3041, 11/17/09
5) In my opinion, generally a man’s weaknesses include poor communication, poor listening skills, bad hygiene, lack of organization, quick tempers, and they tend to be forgetful when it comes to sentimental events and important dates – even details or plans. However, a man’s strengths include physical strength, handy at fixing things, the ability to not hold grudges and to get over arguments quickly, they get ready quickly, and they are very protecting.
5. Some strengths of men would be being handy, I feel it’s almost a stereotype that they have to know what’s wrong with the car etc. They also seem to have black and white emotions, where girls seem to waver more. This helps them to get over fights with their friends easily. Their weaknesses include holding in their emotions which seems unhealthy. Men also want to uphold this macho image, boys don’t cry. Men can be immature, yes women can be too but in very different ways. 0169
5.Men are very strong and therefore are usually good at many sports that require physical endurance and strength. Men are stereotypically the providers of a home, so they end up being very handy around the house. They are the down to earth sex that brings us females down to business when we are dreaming/fantasizing. Also, they know how to make us fall for them. Some weaknesses include being lazy and not being interested in the arts, something that girls love.8513
5. I believe men’s strength is their confidence, ability to take chances and their resilience. Their weaknesses are their lack of sincerity, belief that the grass is greener on the other side, not appreciating what they have and not fully communicating with people.(4515)
5. One strength of the opposite sex is that they are protective. I believe being protective becomes important later in life when a man must protect his family and finances – this shows that he is supportive and caring. Males are also direct and honest in their opinions, and will stand up for what they believe in, which is a good thing. However, a weakness I find among the opposite sex is that they play games when interacting with girls, especially ones who they are attracted to. I think it is a weakness when guys do not express or explicitly tell someone they like that they are attracted to/like them. When a guy tries to play it “cool” it sends mixed messages.
5. I believe that men are very powerful in the business world and the political world. I think that their will always be the stereotype of men being the provider for the family and a sense to live up to that expectation. I think that men are better at sports and fixing broken objects, like home improvements and cars. I think that men’s weaknesses are that they don’t express their emotions or don’t know how to talk about them and that they view sexual relations on a less intimate level then women tend to. 0910
5. The strengths of the male sex are their strength, want to exude power, their hope to produce stability in the family place, their hope to excel in the workplace, their ability to problem solve and rationally resolve problems or issues, their ability to possess a dominating presence and their ability to have a strong sense of pride or ego for themselves. I feel the weaknesses lay in the areas they avoid to protect their societal image. I have found that guys are very afraid to show they are weak and often hide their feelings and emotions to not lose “face” in front of their friends. I feel this often combats how they are and how they are supposed to be.
5. Naturally, men are physically stronger than women. It’s just our anatomy, however, I believe women are emotionally and mentally stronger than men. In addition, even though most guys won’t admit it, their biggest fear is rejection. Men are unable to handle rejection with grace and dignity. For example, if a girl rejects a guy, the guy might react by calling the girl stupid or a “stuck up slut.” 8707
5. Their strengths are that they are usually calm under stressful situations and easy-going overall. Their weaknesses are their poor ability to communicate, their thoughtlessness, and lack of portrayal of emotions. (5478)
- 6. Can you think of any instances in which you have personally been treated unfairly by the opposite sex? If so, give a brief description of what happened.
6. I feel as though I am often treated unfairly as a woman, simply because of my body. I continuously find that in professional work environments, males are often “checking me out” or making cat calls when I walk past them. I feel that males often demean my mind and inflate my body. Males often undermine a woman’s strength, integrity, and power. I feel that, personally, I am treated with more fragility simply because I am a woman. When I was raised, I was more sheltered and constricted as opposed to my brother who was free to do whatever he pleased. I am held under a more strict and protective standard in my family and am constantly fighting for more freedom. 1007
6. I was cheated on by a guy who had a fiancé but was actively pursuing me and spending a lot of time with me. He would tell me not to cheat on him but was engaging in that behavior the whole time we were together.(4515)
6. I cannot think of an instance at the moment. There have been times that I have been underestimated by men, but I cannot think of a situation where I’ve been treated “unfairly”. I’ve been fortunate in the work place and in school to have employers and teachers who focus on a person’s ability not gender. -0936
6) One specific instance in which I have been treated unfairly by a man was when I was in Hawaii on vacation. My cousin and I took surfing lessons. This was the first time either of us had ever tried to surf. The teacher was so rude. He would make comments insinuating that I wouldn’t be able to get up on the board because I’m a girl and because I’m too small and weak. He basically wasn’t even paying attention to me in the water. He would tell my cousin when to go and he was giving him constructive criticism, but he didn’t even care to watch me. He never gave me any pointers or guidance in when to go and when to not go. He was so nice to my cousin because he’s a guy, but rude to me. My cousin isn’t a very tall or strong guy, but just because he’s a guy, the teacher thought he’d be able to surf and I wouldn’t. It felt so good to prove him wrong.
6. One time I was home alone with my three brothers and my dad. It was breakfast time and I was getting ready to go to school. My dad went into my room and asked if I could make him eggs while he took a shower and I agreed. When he was eating his eggs, my brothers began complaining that as the only female in the house I should be making breakfast for them too rather than letting them eat corn flakes. When I said I was late for school they gave me a speech about how later in life I am going to have to learn that the family’s well-being comes first. 8513
6. I went on a trip to Australia and New Zealand over the summer and one of the guys that we were traveling with took it upon himself to become the unofficial tour guide. At first I didn’t have a problem with it, but after a few days of following him around and doing everything that he wanted to do, I started to get frustrated. Once he finally agreed that we could go do something that I wanted to do, he still tried to take over as tour guide, because he thought that he knew everything. He made a comment about how women always get lost and that they don’t have a sense of direction. Ironically enough, he ended up getting us lost and I was able to navigate our way to the right place by reading the map. 8339
6. Instances that I have been treated unfairly by the opposite sex are often miniscule such as being grabbed while waitressing or having inappropriate comments made in the work place. I feel the worst instance was being cheated on by one of my ex-boyfriends.
Recently, I was criticized for my physical appearance. I volunteer at a hospital and the doctor asked me and two other volunteers to push a patient on a gurney to get x-rays. Then, I heard him tell they male volunteer to make sure to help me and the other female volunteer push the gurney because he didn’t think we could handle it. I was a little insulted because there were two of us females and we could have easily done it because we have done it before. It just shows how some men think females are extremely weak compared to themselves. (8341)
In one instance, my friends and I were participating in a trivia game. Every time I said an answer, they would laugh and say it is wrong, even if I was right. (0951)
6. One time my girlfriends and I were at the beach with our guy friends. We were all playing beach volleyball for fun. The teams were divided by two with four on each or three on each (I can’t really recall). After a fun couple of rallying on the court, the guys kicked us off the court because they decided to play a “real” game. This was annoying and angered the girls—an example of where we were treated unfairly by the opposite sex. What this implied was that were we not athletically competent and not up to par with their beach volleyball skills. 5935
6. sometimes it feels like guys assume a women can’t do the job better than the man could, just because she’s female. I think were all guilty of it though, if you had a problem with your car who would you let fix it, a male or a female? Girls and guys have different strengths and those should be taken into consideration with the task at hand. Would you rather have a guy or girl decorate your house? 0169
6. I feel that often times I am left out of games because the opposite sex doesn’t think that I am cut out to play. I feel treated unfairly when I my abilities are underestimated by the opposite sex, especially when it comes to academics. Just because I am a female does not mean I am impaired, though I feel that the opposite sex has this prejudice.
6. Since a child, I have been considered a “tomboy”. Growing up, I enjoyed the color blue over pink, sports over dolls, and playing video games over shopping. Being different than the other girls in the class always made me stand out, but not necessarily in a good way. When I wanted to play baseball, there was no girls’ team, so I played for the boys’ team. My best friend, Tina, and I were the only girls on the team, and the boys would pick on us. They would say things like, “this is a boys’ sport. You can’t play with us.” Even if we were faster or stronger than them, they wouldn’t treat us like the other members of the team.8707
6. In junior high, there were these two guys that would always pick on me. One would knock/throw things off my desk randomly and the other spread a rumor about me. I had never had any sort of interaction with them: never talked or done anything against them, so I never understood why I was treated so poorly. (5478)
- 7. Can you think of any instances in which you have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex, simply because of your (or their) gender? If so, give a brief description of what happened.
7. Often when I go on dates, the male will open the door, pay for the bill, let me borrow his jacket, and make sure I am safe. I feel that this is done as a customary act due to my gender. It is seen in society as customarily proper to accommodate to a woman’s needs and comfort. I feel that this perspective is evoked from the idea that women are fragile and in need of assistance. 1007
7. I have had doors held open for me, although I find this to be more so a common curtsey than a favor towards my gender. At restaurants, the waiter will hold out my chair. I also know that men are more likely to do things for women – especially attractive women. - 0936
7) One specific instance in which I have been treated particularly well by a man is when I have gone out to bars or clubs. When I was under age and using a fake ID, male bouncers let me in on several occasions even though they knew my ID was fake. I feel like they would not treat a man that way. A bouncer would take a guy’s fake ID and not let them into the club, but for a woman, they will let it slide. Now that I am 21, I still find special treatment when I go out. Bouncers let women in more often and quicker than men all the time.
In simple situations, such as when they open doors for you. Also, in stores or coffee shops, they treat you nicer, and try to sweet talk you, sometimes for a sale, sometimes because they find you attractive. (0951)
7. Usually when I go out to bars or whatever, my girlfriends and I don’t have to pay for a cover fee or drinks for that matter. When guys are thrown into the equation, they usually have to pay and wait in line. One particular time I was at a bar with my guy friends and girlfriends. The girls got first priority, but my guy friends had to wait like 10 extra minutes and pay more for a cover fee. 5935
7. When I went to the Bahamas the men were especially friendly to the ladies. I received free activities, drinks and tours. They were always willing to drop what they were doing to help you. I believe they were most friendly because I was a woman and they were attracted to me.(4515)
7. One time, at the church youth group, there was a teenage boy who did not care about academics. As the coordinator, a man, tried to talk to him it seemed that the boy was used to simply joking with the coordinator about everything. The coordinator came to me and said that because I am a female, I might have a better way to approach him than he does.8513
7. Sometimes you get treated “well” because the guy wants something in return. It is nice when men open doors but that doesn’t seem to last very long. I think girls can get away with a lot more with a flirty smile, there have been times when I knew what I was doing was not allowed but with a smile you can get away with it just because you’re a girl. 0169
7. Often times in social situations I think that females are offered more friendly treatment by the opposite sex. I believe that being a girl has a lot of benefits. Girls are given a lot for free, from being offered free drinks at a bar to negotiating lower prices with a cab driver; I think girls can use their mere sex to their advantage, whereas guys cannot. Furthermore, the opposite sex is generous in helping and giving favors to girls.
7. Instances that I have been treated well by the opposite sex because of my gender can be seen during the initial period before dates and during dates. Some of these instances are thoughtful such as putting a rose in a locker as a surprise or bringing the girl to a nice date.
7. Over the summer, I interned part of the week, and worked the rest at a movie theater. Instantly, I was labeled “the new girl”. Everyday, my male coworkers would bring me gifts. The chef at our restaurant would bring everything from sushi to wraps to cream puffs made especially for me. The bartender made me free drinks after work, and the manager took me out for a night on the town (he said it was to make sure I felt at home and comfortable at work because I was new.) Oh the joys of courtship. Thanks fellows! 8707
7. My soccer team was scrimmaging against the boys’ team and at during the game one of the boys had kicked the ball right at my head. He was horrified and came quickly to my aid, ignoring the on-going game. I was not hurt or fazed by the hit (they came regularly while playing soccer) but I suppose that it was because I was a girl that I received the special treatment. (5478)
- 8. Describe an instance, or instances, when you have been rejected by someone of the opposite sex to whom you were attracted. How did they reject you? Was their behavior inconsiderate, rude or insensitive? How did it make you feel? How might they have done it in a more considerate way?
8. I was recently rejected by a male and it was such an interesting experience. We had both liked each other for a while and had anticipated being in a relationship as soon as school began. But when I told him that I wanted to be with him he freaked out and just wanted to be friends. What was interesting was that he took forever to tell me that he just wanted to be friends. We sat in his room forever in silence while he came up with his answer. What was even more interesting was that after he told me he just wanted to be friends he gave me a long hug and then walked off pouting. It was as if he wasn’t happy with the decision he made, but he was too afraid to change it. I though that his behavior was inconsiderate and rude. It made me feel insecure and disappointed. I think it would have been better if he would have explained his reasons for just wanting to be friends. 1007
8. I was once told that they didn’t wish to date me because they didn’t like my arm hair. The hairs are blond and hardly noticeable, but he decided that this would serve as his excuse. I think that it’s not a reason, especially since we’d been dating for a few weeks. Issues like that are noted and dealt with immediately. If I don’t find someone entirely attractive and that quality stands in my way, I wouldn’t pursue them. It was rude and slightly shocking. I found it oddly amusing, although I didn’t enjoy the reason. I don’t believe that was the reason, so I wish he would’ve been man enough to tell me the truth, plain and simple. - 0936
8.On of my ex’s broke up with me even though our relationship was going well. I tried to convince him that I wanted to be with him and I would do whatever it took to make things work. He was calm and sure of what he wanted to do. I felt he was inconsiderate by breaking up over the phone. I was devastated because to my knowledge the relationship was going very well and I saw a bright future between the two of us. The situation could have been more considerate had he had showed signs of distress before the break up. I was completely unaware of any problems.(4515)
8) One instance in which I was rejected by a man I was attracted to was when my ex-boyfriend ended our relationship after a year and seven months because he said he wasn’t attracted to me anymore because he felt like I was his best friend. I thought it was very insensitive of him to say he didn’t find me attractive anymore. It made me feel awful. I doubted myself for a while wondering if I had become too comfortable or let myself go a little or what happened. After that I focused on myself. I saw him a month later and he missed what he didn’t have anymore. I stupidly took him back and dated him for 6 months at that point but it was never the same because of those hurtful things he said to me. – Hence, we’re not together anymore and I’ve had a different boyfriend for a year now. Therefore, men don’t always think before they speak, and they don’t realize how damaging their words can be to another person.
8. At the beginning of high school, there was a guy who I had a huge crush on. We became friends and he told me he felt the same way about me. We were young and did not do anything about it until almost two years later. In senior year I had a boy friend for one month when this old crush started talking to me again in a flirty way. I unfortunately decided that I had been wanting a relationship with him for so long that I was going to break up with my boyfriend to give him a chance. I broke up with my boyfriend and went to the Valentine’s Day dance with the old crush, where I gave him a rose. We had a fantastic time dancing and I felt he was going to ask me soon. A day later he told me that I had broken up with my boyfriend too late, that he was already talking to someone else. I felt awful, especially because he told me through an instant messenger and avoided me in person. He could have had the guts to tell me in person or not gotten my hopes up in the first place.8513
8. I would say rejection was more avoidant. Having dated someone for a while, we both just stopped talking to each other. I think the behavior was inconsiderate and rude. I felt confused and annoyed by the behavior. I think a more considerate way is to confront the problem face to face. 8. I have not been rejected in the sense that I have asked someone out on a date and been rejected, or told a person of the opposite sex that I liked him, when they did not feel the same way. However, I have felt rejected when someone I liked did not reciprocate the same efforts that I put forth. For example, when I send a member of the opposite sex to whom I am attracted a message, I feel rejected when I do not receive a response in return. I would much prefer a guy I like to message me back a response, any response, rather than to ignore my message completely. I have feel rejected when I have been unacknowledged. I think that to ignore someone completely is inconsiderate.
8. The only instance I can remember was when I liked one of my older brother’s friends. He was actually really nice about it. He told me that he couldn’t date me because he didn’t want my brother to be mad at him for dating me, so it wouldn’t work out. Because he put it so nicely, I completely understood and I wasn’t hurt at all by it. 8339
I have only been in a situation where I was rejected by the opposite sex once. It was in seventh grade and a guy that I liked found out from word of mouth. He had his friend tell me that his parents said he wasn’t allowed to date anyone until high school. I felt this was a little immature, but I wasn’t too hurt by this and got over it quickly because I didn’t like him enough. However, I felt he could have told me himself instead of having his friend tell me. (8341)
After losing my virginity to my boyfriend, he did not want to have sex again because he did not feel it was enjoyable. He actually told me he felt ashamed and I felt rejected by the person that I trusted with my body for the first time. His behavior was totally insensitive because it hurt me and made me feel self conscious about myself. He could have kept his feelings to himself and the next time we were together, he could say he did not want to take the risk of pregnancy or something. (0951)
8. I don’t know if this was a direct rejection, but in my little world I saw it as rejection. Usually, if I don’t see that a guy is investing as much time as he should in me, I don’t even try. It’s kind of selfish and I guess I put an emphasis too much on societal roles, but in my opinion it’s me taking the hint that a guy isn’t as into to as I would like him to be. For example after I had a date with this one guy (after our fourth date), he didn’t contact me as frequently and didn’t ask me out on another date. I was a little conflicted as to why he suddenly changed his mind about me, but I let it go. I think it may have to do with me not giving into what he wanted of my sexually/physically so I didn’t take it too hard. I did think that it wasn’t really rude, but just confirmed, in my head, what kind of guy he was and was his motives were. 5935
8. My friends and I asked this guy to take a picture of us, he did then my friends and I went to dance. I went up and talked to him later and he responded with, “I’m engaged to get married in two weeks so you can flirt all you want but this isn’t going to happen.” He could of left out the last part and I would have gotten the hint just the same. 0169
8. It was the summer before my freshman year in high school. I had met a guy in my summer school marine biology class. We hit it off, and began hanging out with each other every day. Not only was this guy athletic, handsome, charming, and funny, but also he was intelligent and would be attending the same school as me in the fall. One day while walking in the park, he asked about what my parents did for a living. I told him that both of my dads worked in the school district. He seemed confused, so I proceeded to explain that I had two gay dads. His expression changed immediately from one of interest to one of disgust. He politely yet hesitantly walked me to the bus stop where I was going to catch a ride home. He never called me again. The fact that he rejected me because of my family disturbed me, and it made it hard for me to trust guys after that. 8707
8. He told me that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me and basically went on to explain that I wasn’t good enough for him and that he didn’t see the relationship working. I instantly felt humiliated and crushed. A more considerate approach he could have taken would have been to just say he didn’t want to date me; nobody needs to get their self-esteem attacked like that. (5478)
Imagine that you have known someone of the opposite sex for about a month. You have dated this person several times, but so far there hasn't been any kind of physical intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc.) between the two of you. Now, you are out on a date with this person again.
How would you try to influence this person in each of the following circumstances:
- 9. Situation 1: The date has been going very well and you feel very physically attracted to this person. How would you influence this person to become physically intimate, and to go as far sexually as you wanted to go?
9. I would make a move that suggested to him that I wanted to go farther physically. I would brush his hand or lean in really close when talking to him. 1007
9. During conversation, I would touch his arm and leave it there for a few seconds as I spoke. I’d lean in when agreeing with him. Also – as silly as it sounds – I’d wink at him. If we were just walking or there was a quiet moment on the date where I catch him looking at me, I’d look back, smile and wink. -- 0936
9) In order to influence this man to become physically intimate, I would invite him to come over to my apartment after the date. Being alone with a guy late at night provides a more intimate setting and insinuates that I would like to become intimate. I would expect the guy to make the first move at that point, but if he does not attempt to be intimate, I’d probably try flirting a lot and sitting close to him. If he still doesn’t try anything, I would probably share a blanket and cuddle. At that point, if the guy doesn’t try anything, I’d assume he either is not interested in me because there is another girl he is seeing or he might be gay.
9. I would make the first move by lightly touching his hand and saying good bye with a hug. If he reacted by holding on to my hand and hugging back then it meant he was also attracted to me.8513
9. After a month I would only be willing to hug, cuddle and hold hands. I would tell the person that I was very attracted to them. I would explain to them that I enjoy X intimate activity and that I look forward to the time we can enjoy that together. Lastly, I would wait for the person to make the first move.(4515)
As a girl, there is no convincing needed to get a guy into bed in most situations. Alcohol also helps, so getting them a bit drunk can help convince them to go as far as you want to, but in most cases, guys do not need much convincing. You can also wear sluttier clothes, or even start taking off your clothes, and basically he will follow suit. (0951)
9. Basically I would still continue to be myself. However, I would probably flirt a little more and make it obvious that I was physically attracted to him. I tend to very humorous and use my humor to be affectionate so that’s what I would probably do. If I was comfortable in terms of how far sexually I would want to go, I am usually good at making a point of what I’m comfortable and what I’m not comfortable doing. 5935
9. i wouldn’t, it’s the guys job to make the first move. I would let them know with nonverbal cues that I was interested but wouldn’t do or say anything. 0169
9. Typically when I begin to see a guy and know that he is interested in me, I let him make the first move. I don’t think that girls usually have a problem progressing in this arena because the opposite sex seems to be more sexually driven from the start. As such, I would be flirtatious to make it obvious that I am interested in him, and I would let my date make the first move from there.
9. Situation #1- After knowing someone for about a month and going on several dates, I would take the date apprehensively and hope to give off the right impression. I would hope that after several dates we would each know how we felt about each other. If I was physically attracted to the person and the date was going well, I would continue to flirt with the person and try to give off the correct signals, showing that I was interested in him.
9. I’m a pretty blunt individual (sometimes too blunt), but I feel like life is too short to beat around the bush. If nothing has happened physically with someone I have been dating for a month and he hasn’t made a move, I’ll make a move. If I feel like holding his hand, I’ll just grab him. If I feel like we should kiss, I’ll kiss him. When it comes to sex, I ask him straight up (but in a flirting way…I’m not that boring or bossy of a date.) For example, the conversation might go something like this:
That dinner was so good, babe. Thanks again. So since you took care of dinner, how about I take care of dessert? Etc. Etc. (Take him back to the house, and let the magic happen…)8707
9. I would playfully start nudging or pushing the person (constantly)—just trying to make some kind of physical contact to give a hint. Also, I would be making long bursts of eye contact. (5478)
- 10. Situation 2: The date has been going well, but you do not feel particularly physically attracted by this person. However, you can tell that this person is really turned on by you. Still, you know you're not interested in physical intimacy, and/or the subsequent involvement or commitment that might follow. How would you influence this person to avoid becoming sexual?
10 I would make an excuse to leave the date. I would tell the person that I would be more comfortable being friends. 1007
10. I would act like a friend, and I would make an obvious effort to not touch them. If they tried to take my hand, I would smile, squeeze it, then let go. Maybe I’d subtly switch my purse so that my hand could hold the strap and not his hand. If he didn’t pick up on my clues, then I would honestly tell him to stop. - 0936
10. In this situation, I think that I would try my hardest to keep the conversation very casual and make sure not to give him the wrong idea or lead him on in any way. Also, I would tell him that he is such a good friend to me and that I appreciate him for being my friend, in hopes of him getting the hint that a friend is all we will ever be. 8339
10. I would reject any move he tried to make and do such things as avoiding eye contact, looking at the time, and not smiling.8513
10.After a month I would only be willing to hug, cuddle and hold hands. I would tell the person that I was very attracted to them. I would explain to them that I enjoy X intimate activity and that I look forward to the time we can enjoy that together. Lastly, I would wait for the person to make the first move.(4515)
I don’t think I would actually tell them I’m not ready to physically intimate at first. I would just try to hint it to them by means of appearance and body language at first. If they continue to push for physical intimacy then I would say that I am not ready for that yet. I would also try not to lead them into thinking I may be interested, so I would not flirt back or respond to their flirting. I would just try to keep the date friendly and not very romantic. (8341)
10. I would ask to go home or get picked up. It seems as though when boys have their mind set on something sexual happening, there is very little that is going to stop them without being brutally honest about being uninterested. Sometimes humor can get you out of the situation as well. By joking about what’s going on it not only attacks their ego, but also makes the setting a little more relaxed.
10. Situation #2- After knowing the person for about a month and going on several dates, I would be apprehensive as to my next moves in order to not portray the wrong impression. To avoid the situation from becoming physical I would tell the person I saw them more as a friend and hope to not give them the wrong signals, keeping my distance.
10. I would try with nonverbal actions. Like sitting further away. 0169
10.I wouldn’t give this person as much attention or express non-verbal clues of interest. I would still be nice to them but I would feel extremely awkward in the situation and I think that the awkwardness would be noticeable and maybe they would realize that I am not interested. If they tried to make a move such a kiss me goodnight I would not kiss them and tell them that Iam not interested but thank them for a nice date. 0910
10. In this situation, there are several ways to handle it. First, I could pull the “friend” card. “That was a great dinner. I’m so glad to have a friend like you.” I could pull the “boyfriend or girlfriend” card. “That was so good. I think my boyfriend/ girlfriend would love to come here.” (However, this method is a bit harsh and should only be used if a one is desperate.) If I didn’t feel like saying anything, I just wouldn’t put my self in a situation where there was potential for any physical intimacy. For example, if he asked me back to his place, I would either say no or keep my distance. If he came in for a kiss, I might turn my cheek.8707
10) If I knew a guy was attracted to me and might attempt to be intimate and I am not attracted to the guy at all or interested in pursuing an intimate relationship, I would probably talk about another guy who I am interested in or dating, whether it was true or made up. Usually it’s easiest to talk about a guy that he knows. I might even ask him if he thinks his friend would be interested in me. I know that talking about another guy would make this guy that I am not interested in realize that I am not interested in him. Therefore, I would assume that he would not try anything with me. However, if he did not understand that I am not interested, I would politely, be honest and say that I had a nice time, but I would just like to be friends at this time. Sometimes honesty is really the best policy.
10. If I was not attracted to my date and could sense that he was really attracted to me, I would physically distance myself from him throughout the night to avoid coming into contact with him. Furthermore, I would keep the conversation strictly friendly, and not flirty. In the past, I have also tried acting less interesting and fun, in hopes that my date would become uninterested in me. At last, if I felt as if he were going to make a first move, like to try and kiss me, I would turn away from him and change the subject, but laugh so as not to be rude and hurt his feelings. After making it clear that I am not interested in my date, I would thank him for the night and go home.
10. I would keep a good amount of space between us at all times and make less eye contact, basically hinting that I have no desire to become physically involved. (5478)
For each of the following sentence fragments, complete the sentence, and, if you wish, add a few more sentences to complete your thought. Do not include the sentence stem in your response--only your answer to it.
- 11. In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become "insanely" jealous when...
11 You are dancing with another guy and you are wearing a revealing outfit. 1007 11) …his girlfriend or girl he is interested in is with another guy. This could mean the girl is dating another guy or is simply seen with another guy. In the case of a girlfriend, the guy would be jealous if his girlfriend was flirting with a guy or even just talking to another guy, especially an ex-boyfriend / someone he knows his girlfriend is attracted to / has previously been intimate with. 11. girls get so much more attention than they do. Usually women do get a lot of attention, but when it deters from attention drawn to the males, it makes them jealous. 11. …women display disinterest and believe that you have become interested in another person. 11.their girlfriend compares them to their old boyfriend.8513 11. I talk to my ex, who’s a friend. We’re exes for a reason, I don’t want to get back together with him but he was a big part of my life for a long time so we still catch up from time to time. 0169 11. other guys try to hit on me. When I had a boyfriend he wouldn’t get really jealous if another guy were talking to me, but if another guy bought me a drink and was flirty with me, he would get jealous. 11. you are in a relationship and he sees you talking with other attractive guys, who are just friends or acquaintances but that doesn’t matter. 0910 11. … other men come and begin conversations with me. Even if the man I’m speaking with is a good friend of mine; if he doesn’t know the man personally, then there’s jealously there. The jealousy may not be raging or crazed, but may be expressed with a firmer than necessary handshake. He can “mark his territory by coming to say hi and kissing me on the cheek, or letting me know where he’ll be “if you need me”. -- 0936 11. ...you talk to a lot of other guys, even if they are just friends. (5478)
11. If I was not physically attracted to the person I would avoid any instances of contact. I would explain that I don’t feel comfortable. I would remain polite the whole time but not engage in any physical intimacy so they would not be led on. Lastly, when I went home I would call them that not and explain that I didn’t think we were compatible.(4515)
- 12. When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex...
12. Eager 1007 12. … is always very masculine about it. His sexuality is expressed through sexual innuendos and pick up lines. Men seem to specifically put themselves in a more dominant position, making it clear that they are “the man”. - 0936 12) …is usually very aggressive when feeling confident about the situation. However, when a guy is unsure of whether or not the girl will be receptive and shares the same feelings and desires, a guy is very slow and hesitant to make the first move. 12. is less aggressive than I would expect. Males are often afraid to initiate sexual acts for the first time with a new partner, unless under the influence. 12. Should not say, “wanna make out.” It should just come naturally 12. …will initiate situations in which the two of you can be in the same location together. Males often will text message or call to let you know they are interested but will also refrain in order to show that they are not an easy catch. 12. is very eager.8513 12. always initiates sexuality. 12. …is pretty aggressive. A lot of the guys I date are touchy feely, and will find any excuse to rub up on me whether or not I want them to.8707 12. ….is clumsy. (5478) 12.Compare them sexually to another partner. Also, they get jealous when someone hits on you but you don’t realize it.(4515)
- 13. The opposite sex seems clueless about...
13. How significant communication is. 1007 13. … what women want. I don’t mean flowers or chocolates or diamond rings. Women want to have a voice and have their opinions, thoughts and words REALLY matter to their men. - 0936 13) …why women argue with each other. Men never understand why women get upset with each other. They always think that women are just being dramatic and sensitive. In the extreme cases where they do see the issue at hand, they usually still disagree with the delivery of the argument. They always think that it should have been handled in a different way than how it was dealt with. Men do not understand how women express their feelings and how we argue with each other. 13. how much friends mean to us. 8513 13. how to communicate with women. It seems that boys often avoid communicating with girls because they think that they’re getting themselves into complicated situations. 13. how to charm a girl. I think guys are more focused on their self-image in front of their friends and do not know how to really treat a girl in public without sounding or acting sleazy. Chivalry is not dead and the opposite sex should focus on being more attentive to girls that they are interested in, and even those who are merely friends. 13. …periods. When it’s that time of the month, girls are emotional, physically drained, and easily angered.8707 13. …the feelings of other people. (5478)
13. Is most aggressive. They generally do not need to know you very long and they are easily aroused.(4515)
- 14. Being romantic is something that the opposite sex...
14. Isn’t that great at. 1007 14. … does as a diving board into sex. Even if it’s not their conscious motive for being romantic, that is the final goal for every man, and being romantic is one of the tools used to accomplish this feat. - 0936 14) …is usually not very good at unless they are told what to do by either their partner, someone else, or were taught in a prior relationship. 14. …will often try to fulfill through cliché movie replications or large gestures that are often left to “speak for themselves.” For the most part, the most romantic gestures can simply be vocal expressions. 14. does for sex. Males only want to be romantic for physical purposes because they think women are more likely to ‘put out’ if they are chivalrous. 14. Seems to really have to try at. Chivalry is a good start. Sometimes being romantic seems like such a hassle for the guy. I had been dating this guy for a few months when valentines day came around and while we were at dinner he said he had been all worried about what to do that day. women pretty simple, just a little effort and that’s all I need to see that you care. Just being selfless. 14.can pull of at the beginning of a relationship, but fades away later.8513 14. should not underestimate. Every girl likes a little romance, it is the thought that counts and when a guy puts effort into thinking of a clever date (not necessarily an incredibly expensive one) it is really impressive. 14. …has the capability to do, but doesn’t do enough. Some guys are overly romantic and it’s kind of gross. My advice to guys is keep it sweet, keep it simple.8707 14. …is not particularly good at. (5478) 14. A woman’s deepest desires. How much she is truly willing to do to make a man happy. How much she wants to be appreciated for the things she does. (4515)
- 15. Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend/girlfriend through a series of relationship "tests" by...
15. Testing them sexually and emotionally. In reference to how far will they go or how much will they tell. 1007 15. … introducing the women they’re interested in to close friends and family. It is important to guy that their chosen woman fit into his life as much as he needs to fit into hers. If she is able to keep up with his friends and works well in the mix of his family, then the major test is complete. Sadly, women are the ones who tend to play more “games” and “tests” on their boyfriends. - 0936 15) …doing things that he knows will upset his girlfriend, in order to see how much she will put up with; Guys think it will show them how much she loves him or wants to be with him. For example, my boyfriend tests me by doing things after I ask him not to, and then when we argue about it, he will say the opposite of what I want to hear, just to make me mad, in order to see how much I’ll put up with. Once he knows that I’m really angry, he apologizes and says he didn’t mean any of it, but I think he tests me to see how much I’ll put up with. 15. taking us to meet the family.8513 15. …going out with their guy friends and seeing how you will handle the situation, hoping to not be presented with an overprotective, jealous girlfriend. Also another “test” often involves bringing the girlfriend to meet the parents or to meet the guy’s best friends. 15. distancing them to make sure they’re not too clingy. 15. Seeing if they are compatible with their friends 15. asking her questions about her guy friends to get a feel for her relationship with them and to see if he has to be worried about competition. 15. …bringing them around other guys and seeing how they react to another guy flirting with him or her. Another way is by blowing up for no reason and seeing how the other person reacts.8707 15. …asking you questions about your guy friends, your past relationships, and about themselves. (5478) 15.Has to be taught. (4515)
- 16. The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes except when it comes to...
16. Paying for dates, working when pregnant, raising children. 1007 16. … financial reasons and ability in active activities. Boys don’t like being beaten by girls and would be ridiculed for such a loss. - 0936 16) …talking to people of the opposite sex. Guys think it’s ok to talk to other girls when they have a girlfriend, but it is not ok for their girlfriends to have guy friends. They get extremely jealous. 16.cooking and cleaning. 8513 16. everything. Men think they’re superior to women intellectually, physically, and in practically every part of life. 16. driving 16. driving. My ex-boyfriend would praise my every strength and fault and still claim that “women are bad drivers.” 16. …making money and doing any physical labor. Men often think that they should be the sole provider for the family rather than the women. Also, when it comes to physical chores like fixing appliances or repairng the house, men think that they should do it because women might “mess it up.”8707\ 16. …sports. (5478) 16. Asking you about your exes.(4515)
16. … household work such as cooking and cleaning. Although we are headed more toward an egalitarian society, I feel that traditional roles are still embraced by both sexes. Males often assume that they are the “man of the house,” working while the wife will stay at home and take care of the children. 16. Nothing (4515)
- 17. Possessiveness is something that the opposite sex...
17. Has a higher rate of. 1007
17. … understands, but uses in a different way than women. Women stroke egos and make each other feel better. Men are positive, but do so by challenging each other to do better. - 0936 17) …expresses all the time. Guys are very possessive when it comes to their girlfriends, and later their wives. Guys like when women focus on them. They do not like it when women focus on their friends or other things going on in our own lives. Men even get jealous when their wives pay “more” attention to their children than their husbands. As much as men seem to be low maintenance, they actually are a lot of work and ask for a lot of time and attention. 17. pretends like they despise, but really exemplify. Men hate when women are clingy or dependent, but they get even more mad when their girlfriend talks or interacts with other males. They see this as a threat, yet they aren’t willing to give their girlfriends the same attention in a positive light. 17. can be good at if they feel insecure.8513 17. has the right to think about, but there should be trust too 17. has mastered. Guys are very possessive when they feel threatened; however being too possessive makes one seem insecure. Being too possessive will drive girls away. 17. …has a lot of. Especially when it comes to relationships, men have a tendency to be overly possessive with their girlfriends or boyfriends. They don’t want other people to try and “take them away” from them. This tends to lead to jealousy.8707 17. …exhibits. (5478) 17. …can embrace at times because it makes them feel needed and wanted. On the other hand possessiveness can also be a direct turnoff and can make men feel stuck or tied down.
17. Is notorious for. They don’t want you to talk to someone else but they will. They don’t want you to go out too much.(4515)
- 18. When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite sex...
18 Takes physical attractiveness more into consideration. 1007 18) …focus on it as much as women do, but women always act like they don’t care about it as much as men do. Realistically, women care about physical attraction as much as men do. Women just don’t express it nearly as much. 18. is very superficial. Males don’t give unattractive girls a second chance whereas women are much more accepting of average or unattractive men. Males like to be surrounded by pretty women so even when it comes to friends they are superficially selective. 18. always want the girl to look extra nice. 8513 18. Should know that yes it does take us longer to get ready, not all of us need hours but we will take longer than 5 minutes. 18. places a lot of value appearances. Personality is important, but guys value physical attractiveness in females most. 18. puts ways to much importance on big boobs and butts and just physical appearance in general. 0910 18. cares too much about finding the unachievable "perfect woman". -0936 18. …can be quite attractive when they take care of themselves, but they usually don’t. (5478) 18. … will often react first to attractive and provocative females. I feel men are mainly attracted to females that are well put together, thin, athletically fit and beautiful.
- 19. Money and status is are things that the opposite sex...
19. Highly values. 19) …men care about as much as most women do. Men strive to make money and gain a higher status in order to feel manly and like they can provide for their families. Women care about having money and a high status just as much as men do. However, having money does not make a woman feel like any more of a woman, like it makes a man feel manly. 19. are prideful about. Males think that money and status are the two greatest attractants for females. In reality, the average women cares much less about these two factors than they do personality. 19. should stay quiet to where they stand on those particular topics, don’t flaunt it if you have it and don’t complain about it if you don’t have it. 19. is not usually very interested in, depending on the person.8513 19. values. Money and status provide males with a competitive advantage over others, which makes them feel superior to other guys. 19. ...looks to establish with their career 0910 19. … finds important, but don’t use these as requirements for women. - 0936 19. …can greatly value sometimes. (5478) 19. … would hope to achieve in order to fulfill their desired lifestyle. To feed the male ego I would say that in their eyes, the more money and the better status they have achieved, the more successful the life they have lived. 19. Is expected to have. They have an easier time obtaining it than women.(4515)
- 20. It hurts me most when the opposite sex...
20.Is inconsiderate and degrades me for my gender. 20) …cheat in relationships. Cheating ruins relationships because it takes away the trust a woman had in her man. It really breaks the bond between the couple and it is very hard to build up that trust once it is lost. When a man cheats, it also makes a woman feel insecure and wonder if she did something wrong to make her man want to cheat. 20. makes generalizations about my character due to the fact that I’m a female. I think that I’m very different than the typical female stereotypes. I often have guy friends who make generalizations about how girls are crazy or stupid. I don’t appreciate being grouped into this category. 20. does not understand that what they are doing hurts us. 8513 20. Gives the illusion that they don’t care but shutting you out emotionally. 20. is disrespectful. 20. lies 0910 20. … doesn’t listen. - 0936 20. …thinks they are superior. (5478) 20. … does not express their emotions or true feelings. 20. Cheats, lies and is inconsiderate.(4515)
- 21. I feel best about the opposite sex when...
21. I am honored and respected. 21) …I feel that he is being honest and truthful. Having a heartfelt discussion and expressing one another’s feelings or secrets that no one else can know about makes me feel that a relationship is real. When a guy shares an important secret with me, it shows me that he trusts me, and it makes me feel like I can trust him and go to him with anything. 21. feels comfortable around me and is able to be completely open and honest. 21.he acknowledges that women are also essential for the world to keep spinning. 8513 21. … I have established a good friendship with a guy or when I have met a guy I truly like. 21. They open up and share something with you that you had to earn 21. I feel cherished and appreciated. Be it a boyfriend or simply a guy friend, when the opposite sex is an attentive friend or partner it makes girls feel valued and good about themselves. When I don’t feel important to someone of the opposite sex, I lose a desire to spend time with him because I don’t want to feel like a burden to anyone. 21. we can have meaningful conversations and create a connection whether it be intimate or friendship. 0910 21. … they remind me that who I am and what I think really matter. - 0936 21. …I am having fun doing an activity with them. (5478) 21.They are sincere, truthful and reliable. (4515)