Comments about the Opposite Sex Homework
Comments by Women -- Spring 2008 class.
HOMEWORK INSTRUCTIONS Due date: Next class session. WORTH 10 POINTS
This is a writing assignment. Please do not write your name on your paper; instead, put the last 4 digits of your student ID # at the top of the page. Use a word processing software program (such as MS Word) to write your paper.
You comments will remain confidential -- I will not match your paper with your name.
Your paper should be between about 2 to 5 pages long. It will not be graded -- you will get full credit as long as you take this exercise seriously.
Print a copy of your paper, and give it to me at the next class session.
Later in the semester, we will review and discuss the comments.
Please write as thoughtfully, clearly, perceptively, and honestly as possible. Your classmates will read your anonymous comments, and some of your comments may be selected for inclusion in a book I am writing. (If, for some reason, you do not want your classmates to read your anonymous comments, or you do not want your anonymous comments included in the book, please write a note indicating this at the top of your paper.)
There are no "right" or "wrong" answers. Simply describe, as honestly as possible, what you feel and think. Again, all of your comments will remain anonymous.
In contemplating the traits of the opposite sex in general, as a group, write one or two paragraphs to answer each of the following questions. You do not need to include the question itself before your response. Also, think about what you actually like or dislike about the opposite sex IN GENERAL, not about the specific characteristics of one or two people you have known.
Also, you are writing about how you think the opposite sex actually is, not how might like them to be. Be honest -- don't try to censor your thoughts or worry whether they are politically correct.
When you are finished with your paper, save and print it. Then you will need to also include your comments about the opposite sex with those of your classmates at our class wiki web site (see: http://drmillslmu.wikispaces.com/,
Log in. Click on our class, Psyc 310, and then click on Homework Assignment 1, women's or men's responses, as appropriate.)
Click the "Edit This Page" button at the top of the page, then click the "Floating Toolbar" button. Then scroll down to each question to paste in your response to that question.
RESPONSES FROM THE SPRING, 2008 CLASS:
Note: Do not insert your reactions to the comments here. Instead, add your reactions to the reactions to women's comments page. -- Dr. M.
#1. Think about the previous interactions you have had with the opposite sex. Has a situation ever occurred with someone of opposite sex that you found deeply puzzling and/or incomprehensible? And which you also think is somehow a function of that person's gender (not just the specific individual involved)? If so, think about what happened, and the behaviors, cognitions, motivations, or emotions of the opposite sex that you found particularly puzzling. Yes, when I was younger this boy would tease me and hit me, which made me feel really and his friends would laugh and pick at me. He was like the leader of the pack. One day for valentine's day I had a secret admirer at recess he comes up to me when no one is looking he places a note in my hand that says meet behind the trailers. I walk behind the building looking for a prank ( I had my best friend stand behind the cone for a surprise attack). He gives me a chocoloate heart and asks to be his girlfriend but he didnt want anybody to know I agreed likke an idiot but was very confused of why we had to keep it secret only me and my bestfriend knew....I always thought it was beacause I was un atractive.3138
Yes, I have recently been involved in a puzzling situation where I did not understand the logic that my partner was using. After our off and on relationship my partner decides that he does not want to be in a relationship with me anymore, but that’s not all. Not only does he not want to be with me, but he also does not want me to be with anyone else due to the fact that he can see himself marrying me in the future. I was totally confused by his statement and felt that it was partly due to male’s selfish and inconsistent behavior traits. He was saying what he thought was cognitively correct but in all actuality is very self centered and controlling. He cannot expect me to sit and wait for him while he goes around and experiments in his behavior and wants to return to me when all his fun is over. In my opinion this is a way for him to try to execute his male dominance over me, expecting me to be submissive to his vain needs. The main emotion that I found confusing was that he was actually sincere with his request, this is what he thought would be the best reality for him; which only resulted in anger and frustration on my behalf. (1941)
I had a conversation with a couple of my close guy friends a couple of weeks ago. While I was talking about my past relationships, they were talking about the different girls they have been intimate with in the past couple of months. It was puzzling to me how nonchalant they could be when talking about the girls and how they could be intimate with several girls and have no attachment to them whatsoever. They were even willing to have sex with girls that they didn’t find particularly attractive so long as their needs were met. Although to some it isn’t a big surprise, it just puzzles me how much control their sexual urges have over them and by their lack of attachment to girls. (4815)
1. Machismo, a male being very macho, a patriarchal male, who believes his gender role, is above that of a female. Other patriarchal males usually motivate these males, they tend to do it because of the peer-pressure, the appearance they want to portrait and not necessarily because they really want to do it. Males just do not want to look like a fool in front of their peers/other males. For instance I once dated a guy, who literarily believed that males were in a higher position than females. He believed that women’s role was to do the housekeeping of a home, regardless of having a job. (1588)
A male friend was upset with me because I did not tell him that I had a boyfriend until a month after the fact and he ended our friendship. I think that his behaviors and emotions were a function of his gender because males tend to be overly possessive and jealous. I was puzzled by the fact the he was so upset over something so trivial. (2808)
One of the most puzzling things I find about the opposite sex is how they sometimes can be very dependable when it comes to making and sticking to plans, but at other times, can be forgetful or even flaky. While this occurs in some of friends who are girls, men seem to be more blasé about making plans. I am always so confused when a guy and I have made plans and he does not pick up his phone during the time we decided on. One of my guy friends from home consistently does this: we will decide on a specific time to meet and then he will simply not answer his phone the entire night. He will say that he just fell asleep or did not hear his phone. I guess that many guys are not attached to their phones or do not adhere to previously made plans. (0467)
- 1. To tell you the truth I don’t really find males to be deeply puzzling or incomprehensible creatures. Although some might attribute it to the fact that I am a homosexual female with no serious hetero relationships under my belt, I find that my experience with men has been of depth and substance. I have many close male friends and have found myself to get along with men mostly because I understand them. The few questions that I have had concerning men are questions about the character, not the overall gender. 1381
Yes, I am currently in a committed relationship and although my partner and I have learned to improve our communication skills we often find ourselves in conflict. For example, we live an hour away from each other so often the only time we can spend together is during the weekends, however I sometimes work during the weekend and I try to compromise with him to plan out what days he would like to spend time with me but then he says that he doesn’t like plans. I think this is such a male attitude he is not organized at all and doesn’t follow thru with plans. I don’t know how else to use our time effectively when we don’t organize and work around our schedules effectively. 9716
There have been many instances when interactions with the opposite sex are puzzling. There have been instances when the opposite sex can not explain how they feel or what they want and will hint in a manner that is confusing. I believe this is a function of the male gender. It is difficult for males to express how they feel and therefore resort to other tactics. Just recently my boyfriend and I had made plans to see each other. We were just going to hang out. He sent me a text saying he had rented a movie and asked if I thought the movie was any good; he knew I had already watched it. Once I answered his text I received no more messages from him. I figured he was just going to watch movies with his family and asked no further questions. Later on that night he asked if I planned on visiting and when I answered that I thought he was busy he said the text he sent earlier about the movie was a hint for me to go over to his house. I asked why he couldn’t just ask if I was ready to go over and he responded that he didn’t know how to go about asking me to go over. Moreover, there have been plenty times when I ask my boyfriend why he doesn’t say ‘I love you’ often, he responds that he is “just not used to saying it.” I often see through my male friends, brothers and even dad, that it is difficult for males to express themselves. It is difficult for the opposite sex to just plainly say they want to see you or tell you how they feel about you. 2170
I have known several guys in my life that I met and hung out with that I just couldn’t for the life of me tell if they wanted to be just friends or more than friends. I mean we started out just talking but then we end up hanging out together one on one and it seemed one minute like they wanted something more and the next minute they wouldn’t even answer a simple text I sent them. I just couldn’t understand it. How do you go from wanted to go to dinner and a movie alone or drinking alone to seeming like you want nothing to do with the other person. The first time this really baffled me but I realized (through experiencing this with some other guys and talking to friends who said they had all know guys like this) that this is a guy trait. (0046)
I recently took a vacation with my boyfriend of 4 months. We have known each other for over a year, and things have been getting a bit serious, so I was feeling very confident in our relationship. One night over the vacation we met some girls who joined us at the night club, and my boy friend began paying particular attention to one of them. All night he was extremely attentive towards me and obviously “with me,” so I didn’t think much of his harmless flirting. The next day while we were in our hotel room, he was hiding what he was doing on the computer. I had a strange sense and decided to walk by and take a look. He immediately minimized the screen, and pulled up solitaire. Needless to say, I was livid and knew immediately that he was looking her up on Facebook . . . and what is more, he was sneaking it like a little boy. He admitted that I was right and apologized. His apologetic behavior seemed so sincere, yet his actions completely contradicted his “feelings” for me. How could some one who is pouring on the “I love you” line (when you are not) be so sneaky and conniving right under your nose? I think men innately would rather lie to your face than risk the possibility of hurting you, even when they realize they have been caught red handed. (1376)
I once dated a boy who developed a large cyst on his hand. He procrastinated going to the doctors for weeks, and the cyst only got larger. I never understood why he would not just go to the doctor and take care of it, if I had a large gross looking growth on my hand I would be very concerned and want it off immediately. It could be a function of his gender because boys do not always take good care of themselves when it comes to their appearance and health. He was a creative person and very absent minded about things that did not concern music, so I guess he was just absent minded about his health and appearance too. 2043
-This was an awesome example of the differences between males and females. I have done the same exact thing many times. We get little injuries and we refuse to take care of them. I do it because I can’t stand when the doctor tells me it is nothing and that ”time”’ will take care of it. This is exactly what I thought and now I also feel like a wimp. If it is really serious we will take care of it but otherwise we just deal with It on our own. Girls may live longer than guys partly because of this but they also waste more time taking care of these things so I feel like it all evens out. Male, 8219
Many situations have occurred with the opposite sex that I have found puzzling and incomprehensible. A recent situation that occurred was my breakup. My boyfriend told me that he did not want to be with me anymore, but then texts me two days later saying that we were not broken up that he just doesn’t want to talk to me. Instead of asking me what I wanted he presumed we were not broken up. I think men in general feel that they need to control the situation. Males need to be in control and this only goes to show how in control they need to be, but it confuses me because I do not understand how they can just tell me what is happening. What gives him the right to say that it is not done? Don’t I have a say in the matter? Is it man’s better nature to just take control of what is happening? 2043
1. Not that I can remember, I understand men better than women.7258
#2. In general, what do you like about the opposite sex? What do you dislike? Again, think of the opposite sex in general, as they actually are, not how you might like them to be different. I love the way men have all this energy and care free lifestyle. I dont like that can't express hows their feeling or what they are going through. I don't like how they have to be seen in any public area for example showing off or showing out. Alot of men pretend to have more money then they really do that can get pretty annoying. I like men who can balance be protective and not over protective and has respect for himself and others. 3138 When concerning the opposite sex I like how they can be used as a protective source when you are walking to your car late at night or when you are faced in any situation where danger is present. I also like how they do not live in a fantasy world but everything with them is straight forward. Men can tend to be the reality check that you need when your mind is filled with “hopeful” wishes and fairytale endings that you receive from your female friends. I dislike the fact that men can be stubborn and not often see both sides of the spectrum. They never like to admit that they are wrong as if it almost shows a weakness in the masculinity. (1941)
One of the things that I like about men is that they are less complicated than women. When they get into fights with their guy friends, there is not as much drama as when girls get into fights with their girl friends. They usually just solve the conflict and get over it. Another thing I like about men is their physical stature and strength. Since for the most part men are stronger than women, they are able to offer women protection. I also like their spatial abilities, particularly when it comes to driving and figuring out directions. One of the things I dislike about men is that they are not emotionally expressive. They often have a hard time expressing their feelings—how they feel about themselves, others, and situations. I also dislike the fact that they can be very stubborn. They have a hard time admitting when they’re wrong and also have a hard time compromising with others. I also dislike that they can be overbearing and controlling. (4815)
One of the things that I like about men is that they are simple and less complicated. In other words, they aren’t consumed by the petty things in life; for men, it is what it is. Another thing I like about men is their physical stature and strength. The fact that they are just physically bigger and stronger makes me feel protected and secure. One of the things I dislike about men is that they are not emotionally expressive. They do not express their feelings as easily and willingly as women do, whether it is in regards to how they feel about themselves, others, and situations. Another thing I do not like about men is that they are messy and not as hygienic as females are. (2808)
In general, I like the fact that guys have the ability to recover so quickly from emotional problems, at least it seems. When guys get into a fight, it generally lasts for a short while and then blows over. Guys do not hold onto grudges as much as girls. I also like how guys do not overanalyze situations as much as girls. They approach situations more objectively. In general, I do not like the fact that guys can be so clueless as to how girls are feeling around them. I have some friends that are completely oblivious to my feelings, if I do not make them explicit. Because guys do not overanalyze, they may not pick up on more subtle social cues. (0467)
- 2. I like that men are generally very straight forward. They tell you what they are thinking and they think logically in nerve-racking situations which is a major plus when problem-solving is necessary. Need the situation be changing or having someone change a flat tire, or on giving advice with a friend or loved one, men seem to look at things in the black and white and often times their perspective helps clear my head. I dislike that men generally believe they are superior to women. I am not entirely a feminist, but I do believe that men do not deserve more intellectual praise than women. 1381
In general, I like that males are built stronger and usually bigger than females. Their physique gives a sense of protection and comfort. I dislike that they are very messy and non expressive. Whenever my boyfriend and I get in an argument he would rather spend days without talking instead of talking it out as I often insist. 9716
Most women will agree that there is plenty to like about the male gender. What I personally like about the opposite sex is the fact that generally they are protection givers and feel that they have to always look after their female counterpart. In addition, their strength is very attractive as well as the fact that males are very handy and helpful to be around. It is very nice to have a guy around when you need to get your car checked or a tire changed. Of course there are also general characteristics about the male gender that I personally dislike. I dislike the fact that they do not express emotions, they are driven by sexual instinct and often do not think logically do to this and last but certainly not least that often times it feels as though the male counterpart is putting his male friends before his relationship. 2170
2. What I like about the opposite sex is that they are by nature protective, can inspired to be there to help you if you were to be in danger, their sense of humor, they are more laid back than females (to a certain extend). Moreover, in the other hand I do not like that they are very flirty, that they can be very inconsiderate; they do not like to have serious conversations, and they do not like to admit when they are wrong. (1588)
Something I like about guys is that they tend to be less dramatic than women. After spending so much time with your girlfriends you have to have some time where you just chill and talk and nonchalant things instead of what he did to you or what she said about you. Sometimes we women can tire each other out with kind of talk so it can be nice to talk to a guy and not have to deal with that drama. Another thing going with this theme is that guys don’t get upset as easily as women. So you don’t normally have to worry about trying to make them feel better like you do with your girlfriends. They are a good support system when you want someone to talk to that will give you a straight answer not like your girlfriends who just try to say what will make you feel better which can be good but sometimes you really just need to hear the truth about the situation. Guys are very handy in the sense that they can lift things for you and fix things that are broken. Something I dislike about the opposite sex is that they tend to be too shallow. They always focus on a women’s body. Another thing is that guys are so nice to you when you are one on one but as soon as they get around their buddies they start acting all macho. Guys get so jealous and territorial. (0046)
I like the smell of their neck when they wear a faint cologne. I like their strong physique, and arms wrapped tightly around you, holding you when you cry or need to feel safe. I like it when they are sincere, vulnerable and alpha male all at the same time. I don’t like it when men try to insult women’s intelligence with things like “I didn’t get the text” or “Sorry I couldn’t call you back last night, I fell asleep” (when not even their great grandma is in bed by 7pm). I don’t like it when they feel so secure with you, that they try running around your back with other girls. It is really insulting to our intelligence because women are not stupid. We really can read through the lines. (1376)
I like the male physique, that they are usually bigger than me and that I feel safe and protected when I am close to them. I also like the smell of their cologne and when they dress nicely. I like that boys can sit around and watch sports all day with their friends just drinking beer and enjoying the game, for some reason girls struggle with that. I also like that they are generally more relaxed than girls are, they are easy to talk/ spend time with, and are not as dramatic or catty. I dislike that they are hard to read emotionally, I can rarely figure out what is going through a boy’s mind. I also dislike the fact that guys will hook up with a girl and then refer to her as a slut; this is a double standard that really bothers me. I do not like the fact that they can be very sloppy and that a house full of boys is usually a huge mess 4023
What I tend to like about the opposite sex is the way they are not as complicated as women. They can get mad about something and get over it easily, unlike women who hold grudges. I also like how they are usually bigger than the woman. This way they are able to hold them in their arms and a woman can feel safe. Lastly, I like how they feel they need to be masculine, where they want to be your protector. What I dislike about the opposite sex is there need to bottle emotions. Instead of talking things out, which I like to do, they would rather not talk about it all. I also dislike how men need to be so in control. They always need to make the decisions. Finally, I dislike how men can be very territorial. Once a girl is theirs it is like their property and they get jealous whenever anyone else comes around. 2043
Likes: Simplicity of mind and general being…men have basic needs and wants that can usually be easily understood and met. Men do not generally accessorize or over complicate situations. Physical masculinity is very attractive in men. Physical appearance provides a sense of security whether needed or not. Aggressiveness- men tend to accomplish much by just being aggressive. Women also respond more positively toward an aggressive male, but it is a fine line. Spatial ability is always a big plus. Men give directions more clearly by simply using north, south, east, and west rather than landmarks like women. Nonchalant nature-diverts any drama, and keeps things on an even keel. Dislikes: Not emotionally expressive-leads to frustration for both men and women. Not only do men have a hard time expressing feelings, they can barely identify them. Poor hygiene is never attractive, showering is not difficult and soap never hurts anyone. I believe the hygiene issue is resolved with age, but that could just be a female influence. Men are incredibly stubborn; it is very hard to resolve issues when men are never wrong. Insane jealously is never good, men tend to be overly protective of women when it is completely unnecessary. Trust issues arise from jealous. Hairiness is not a sign of masculinity. 7258
#3. What is the one thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about your own sex? One thing that males misunderstand with females is that even though we may be emotional we are still very strong. I do not think that males give us credit for how we can handle situations which limits how much they are willing to tell us about a given situation. Yes, our first response maybe an emotional one but after we sit down and think we actually arrive at the most logical outcome. (1941)
The one thing that men most misunderstand about women is women’s need for men to listen to their problems and rants. They see women who do this as those who constantly seek and need attention, but in actuality, women just want to feel like their opinion matters and that they are appreciated. (4815)
- 3. I think that men most often misunderstand why women become so passionate about their relationships. Men often times overlook the fact that women pride themselves on having close friendships and relationships and are emotionally-expressive by nature. With these two things in existence with each other, men often times exaggerate and downplay the thoughts and feelings of women because they seem them as overbearing and ridiculous, purely because they don’t understand the female need for love and belonging. 1381
The one thing that males most misunderstand about females is that we are too weak (physically and mentally) when in reality females have just as much capability as men do in all areas. 9716
Often times the male sex misunderstands females. The one thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about females is that we are always moody. Men often think that women are always experiencing mood swings. However, women are not always moody but may experience discomfort during certain times of the month or may be undergoing a lot of stress. 2170
3. One of the things that males misunderstand the most about females is the way we are emotional and like to express ourselves when we need to. They tend to be overwhelmed by it and try to find the way out by making jokes or avoiding the conversation. This sometimes creates more conflict between romantic relationships. (1588).
Men think that they are better than women in a variety of aspects of life, including intelligence, athletic ability, and performance in general. Women are just as capable as men are. (2808)
. I think that guys tend to assume that all girls are emotional. While this is true in many girls, there is a good number of women who are just as objective as men. Many girls do not overreact to situations and stay level-headed in stressful situations. (0467)
Guys tend to think that women are always overly emotional and they always joke about it saying, “Be careful, you don’t want to make her cry.” Women can be logical and we know how to get through the day without crying. We aren’t so fragile that if we break a nail we go to pieces and collapse on the floor. Sure women do cry more times at sad movies than men but just because we can be sensitive to the pain of others (even if they are fictional) doesn’t give men the right to just write us off as on the verge of a breakdown. (0046)
Even though we come off as being strong, independent and secure, we need to be held and reassured. At the deep root of every strong woman is a little girl looking for our fairy tale and although they are not true, we like romance and the whole idea of chivalry and prince charming. (1376)
3. For some reason boys think it is okay to say they are going to call a girl and then never call her. I think that they think saying this is the polite thing to do even if they have no intention of calling, or just forget. This is a big misunderstanding. Girls expect a guy to call when he says he is going to, and in a timely manner. It is very annoying and disappointing when they do not follow through. 4023
I think that one that the opposite sex most misunderstands about my own sex is that we are not as weak as you think we are. Although we are very emotional it does not mean we are incapable of taking care of ourselves. We only cry because something is important to us, not because we are vulnerable. Crying just shows our passion and does not mean we are weak. 2043
Men misunderstand women’s sex rituals. Men and women have extremely different mating strategies, but males fail to recognize the implications of this because their own desires are in the way. The primary failure is in the evolutionary aspect of mating which is no longer very applicable because of contraceptives and other pregnancy preventing measures. Yet women are still searching for specific securities that men are oblivious to. 7258
#4. Think about a time when you found yourself particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex. What characteristics of that person do you think attracted you? What was the most important factor that attracted you to this person, e.g., physical appearance, personality traits, self-confidence, social status, friendly gestures toward you, etc.? The first thing that attracts me to a person is height if he is taller then most he gets extra points. The next thing is how he acts, does he smile alot does he seem kind? Next is muscle tone and stature. The most attractive thing is someone who is just beautiful personality wise. I love a man who is genuinely nice and cares about others, especially if he cares about me, that really turns me on. Nothing is better than a man who is more concerned about then himself. If he sacrifices his time and space for me then I really would want him in my life. Also I love a man who can talk to me and look at me straight into my eyes, I like to imagine he is looking into my soul.3138 Naturally, at first I was attracted to his appearance but then as time progressed I began to be attracted to the way he could keep me captivated in conversation and cared about my opinion and views. I was attracted to the way that when we talked, he made me feel like I was the most important person on his agenda. I think overall what was the most important factor that attracted me to him was his personality traits. (1941)
A combination of physical traits and personality traits were what attracted me to the last person I liked. More specifically, he was taller than me, which I liked because it made me feel protected. He had light brown eyes and a friendly smile. In terms of personality traits, he was always calm about things, which I like because I tend to be a bit high strung. He was always happy to be around others, always able to make someone laugh, and was able to be serious when he needed to be. However, the thing that really attracted me to him was the way he was around his sisters and his close guy friends. He was a caring and protective brother and was also a loyal and dependable friend. This showed me that he was capable of being a caring, protective, and loyal boyfriend.(4815)
It was a combination of physical and personality characteristics that attracted me to that male. In terms of physical appearance, he had straight teeth and nice smile, pretty eyes and was taller than me. In terms of personality, he had a good sense of humor, was intelligent and had a good set of morals. The most important factor that attracted me was his genuine nature; everything he did was authentic, not forced, simply because it made him happy. (2808)
4. The characteristics of a particular male (my significant other) that attracted me are those of being confident (not conceited), having a good sense of humor, very optimistic, and caring. It also attracted me his height (5’11), since I am not attracted to short guys at all. (1588)
The person I have been most attracted to was a person who was most in tune with my personality. We shared many fundamental values, such as humor, intelligence, and taste in music. It was these commonalities, especially our quirky sense of humor, that most attracted me to him. He just seemed to get me, even with my sometimes over-the-top sarcasm and such. (0467)
- 4. Although I do not typically find myself attracted to men, if for some reason I did it would be for a remarkable and indisputable intelligence and presence that he had shown me along with an excellent sense of humor and therefore the ability to make me laugh. 1381
I often find myself attracted to males that are friendly and confident. They must be the ones to initiate interaction because I am too shy to do so. Other characteristics that attracted me were his romantic gestures and emotionally supportive. In terms of physical appearance, I was attracted to his athletic body built and strong hands. The most important characteristic to me is by far friendliness. 9716
When I first met my boyfriend I was attracted to his physical looks, especially his smile and as well as the fact that he carried himself well. Furthermore, I began to like him even more as I got to know him better. I was attracted to his humor, intelligence, kindness, charisma and strength. The most important factor that attracted me to this person was his personality which includes the way he treats me. 2170
One of the first things that attracts me to a guy is that he can have good conversation with me and that he can make me laugh. I’m a big talker and I HAVE to know that a guy can talk with me. Dead silence is like nails on a chalk board to me and it makes things so incredibly awkward. Being able to converse with me lets me know that a guy has the potential for a relationship not just something purely physical. I mean there is nothing wrong with having something physical but that’s a whole different kind of attraction. The other thing that is a big factor is making me laugh. I absolutely love a good sense of humor. It just makes things so laid back and comfortable instead of strained plus who doesn’t like to laugh. It helps melt away stress at least for me. (0046)
A man’s eyes are very important, and a strong immediate connection. Posture and self assurance without being overly cocky is attractive. I like certain men’s voices that are deep and commanding. Physical appearance is important, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I prefer the guy who comes off as being selective about who he sleeps with. A sense of humor is major, and definitely a nice smile and nice teeth. (1376)
Appearance is a big factor in attraction for me, not to sound too shallow but I usually do not have any interest in talking to guy that I am not physically attracted to (unless he is a close platonic friend). Personality is also key; I am attracted to guys that can make me laugh, and also that I feel comfortable around. If the conversation is bad my attraction decreases no matter how pretty he may be. 4023
When I was particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex the first thing that I noticed was his physical appearance. What made me even more attracted to him though was his self confidence. I think that by having the self confidence that he did I noticed him more, not just his looks. Confidence in a man always seems to attract me because they go after what they want. 2043
Physical appearance is usually the first factor of attraction, but in the end it is not very important; although it is common to find people of the same attractiveness level together. The most important characteristics are personality, intelligence, and confidence. When dealing with personality, humor is particularly attractive, and I am usually attracted to type A guys, which are very different from type A women. In regards to intelligence and confidence, I am always looking to be challenged, so I look for someone who usually equally or superiorly intelligent and confident. 7258
#5. In your opinion, what are the strengths and weaknesses of the opposite sex? The strengths of a male are that in society’s eyes he is better off because of his gender. The discrimination in job cases are more for women than in men and so are sexual harassment cases at the work place. So the presumed male dominance of that gender is a benefit for them in various cases. Their weakness is that they try so hard to prove them selves as what is “socially masculine” that it affects them to evolve and administer other emotions that can be naturally expressed by both men and women. By holding back their feelings they can lose out on relationships, opportunities, and can end up living in regret. (1941)
In my opinion some of the strengths of men are that they are rational and don’t let their emotions cloud their judgment, they are straightforward, and they don’t like to cause drama and therefore don’t make things complicated. Some of the weaknesses of men are that they are not emotionally expressive enough, have a hard time admitting they’re wrong, and are too competitive. (4815)
Some strengths of men are that they are always more rational because they do not let their emotions hinder the situation at hand. They are also less dramatic than women and aren’t annoyed by the unimportant details. A weakness of men would be that they make decisions based on physical attraction alone and think with their genitals. (2808)
Men tend to be very driven and goal-oriented. If they set a goal for themselves, many of them will exert a great amount of effort to achieve that goal. This is a strength in my eyes because it alludes to persistence and tenacity. A weakness in the opposite sex is their inability to understand the mindset of women. They sometimes cannot effectively communicate with women. (0467)
5. The strengths of males are that they are less dramatic than women, they can control their emotions a little more than women in certain occasions, and there can be times when they can be very impulsive. Actually that is one of their weakness, when they are impulsive they can go to the extremes unlike females. (1588)
- 5. I believe the strengths men have are the confidence (or the overcompensation for insecurity) that their gender is more powerful than that of females. Although I do not particularly agree with or condone this behavior, I believe it strengthens the solidarity within men and therefore acts as a strength for them. I believe a major weakness for men is their unwillingness or incapability of communicating their emotions. I know many men are emotional, but their lack of emotional expressiveness can really hurt a relationship. 1381
In my opinion a male’s strengths is their ability to control their emotions and communicating in a more straightforward way. A major weakness is their inability to know their own strength and often leading to harming others. 9716
The strengths of the opposite sex include their physical strength, their spatial abilities, and handiness with technology. The opposite sex also has the weaknesses of not thinking clearly when it comes to sex, not being emotionally expressive. Furthermore, they seem to show jealousy when they feel threatened as well as seem to be more tolerant of violence. 2170
The strengths guys have are that they tend to be very straight forward about things. They see a problem and they go for a solution. They are strong physically and in their convictions. They tend to go after what they want head on and with the mind set that they intend to achieve what they set out to do. The weaknesses men have are that they can sometimes take it too far and become too stubborn about what they want. They also don’t seem to ever or at least rarely express themselves emotionally. You can never tell what’s really going on because they don’t tell you. They don’t seem to be listening when you are talking to them unless its sports or sex. They don’t always take the best care of their hygiene. (0046)
A man’s greatest strength is his protective side. There is nothing better than feeling safe in a man’s arms, and in a time of danger there isn’t a place I would rather be. Men can be assertive, strong and pretty much drama free. They are also wonderful to wake up next to. Men’s weaknesses are in the fact that they are easily ruled by below the belt and may be disloyal and then deeply regret it. Men could improve their expression of feelings because I am not sure if men lack feelings at certain points, or just do not know how to express themselves. (1376)
The male strengths are their ability to analyze problems and look for results quickly rather than dancing around the subject, they seem to demand attention in a more positive way, and they do not scrutinize over details about their appearances, or minute details of a situation. Their weaknesses are that they are often unable to show any emotion, when they are mad or frustrated they just give the silent treatment, and they just do not seem to take care of themselves that well in most areas (clean house, cooking, personal health etc.) 4023
In my opinion, a strength of the opposite sex is their ability to let things go. They do not hold on to things like women do. The weaknesses of the opposite sex are their aggressiveness. They need to physical about everything, like they have to prove themselves. 2043
Men’s strengths and weaknesses are often one in the same. For example, the lack of emotion and men’s ability to express it causes frustration and tension between the sexes. On the other hand, free from emotional ties, men can be much more logical and objective about situations. Because men are not emotionally driven, they tend to be more stable and women turn to that in times of crisis. This dichotomy can be seen in aggressiveness, and confidence. Both require men to walk a fine line of being aggressive and confident enough and not overly aggressive or confident. 7258
#6. Can you think of any instances in which you have personally been treated unfairly by the opposite sex? If so, give a brief description of what happened. I like to dream big and be apart in various leadership positions. In high school I was running for ASB president, a position that a female did not have for four years. I wanted my honors chemistry teacher to write one of my recommendations; he told me that he would write one for me but that it would not do any good because I female can never take the position of ASB president ever again no matter how hard she tried. Filled with frustration and anger I not only denied his recommendation but I worked hard to become the first ASB president in four year for the next two school years. (1941)
The last time I was treated unfairly by the opposite sex was when two of my guy friends and I were lost while driving and we were trying to find our way back home. One of my guy friends was driving and my other guy friend and I were passengers. After driving around for a couple of minutes, I began to recognize the streets and gave my friend directions on how to get back home. He didn’t trust my directions because he said I was a girl. He instead asked my other guy friend for advice on how to get back home even though my other friend had no idea where we were and I did. (4815)
6. A particular instance that I can recall of being personally treated unfairly has been one that occurred recently. I wanted to drive a 26-hour road trip with my mother and siblings; at first my father said it was okay. The next day he changed his mind, because he thought it was too dangerous for us to go without an adult male. I was very disappointed. I was just not treated unfairly by my father but by my significant other as well, he believed there was no way I could take a 26-hour road trip with my family (me being the driver). He even accepted that it was his “macho side kicking in”. I was stunned and disappointed on both my father and my significant other for underestimating me, treating me unfairly. I understand it could be dangerous, but not much more than what it is when you take a road trip with an adult male. (1588)
The check engine light came on in my car, so I had one of my male friends check to see what was wrong. He said that I would need to fix the carburetor. So I took my car to the mechanic and they tried to charge me for more things than my friend said needed to be fixed. (2808)
. A situation in which I was treated unfairly by the opposite sex occurred when I was the only girl in one of my classes. The teacher made a joke that implied that women did not have the same ability in the talent as men. As I was the only girl in the class, I did not receive any sympathy and felt it was better to hold my tongue, even though I was slightly offended. The guys in the class also felt completely free to expand upon the joke and further laugh, although obviously not seriously, about women’s incompetence in this area. (0467)
- 6. I was a lifeguard for three years at a local country club in my town in North Carolina. I had worked very hard for those three summers and was granted a pay increase and the position as head lifeguard. Under my position were 4 other guards that had to report to me, one of which was a male (my age) who had only worked at the club for one full year, that was his second season. He found out about my pay increase and confronted me on the issue with concerns that he wasn’t receiving proper compensation for his work. His reason for wanting extra compensation after only one complete season at work was because his female counterparts were given a raise, specifically me. I definitely felt as if I was being treated unfairly in this situation.1381
I have often felt this way with my dad. I am the youngest of my family and when I was in high school he did not want to let me do anything by myself at night. He would prefer that I had male friends come along with me at night than my own sisters. I think it is a natural reaction for males, especially parents to want to protect their children more specifically girls as if we are in danger all the time and only men can protect us. 9716 // -This one pissed me off more than anything. This is just dumb. Girls are different than boys. That is a fact. This is not to say that one is better than the other or anything like that. However there are some situations that one would fair better than the other, such as being out a night. Equality is great and fine until someone gets raped or mugged or something. I am a guy and I don’t like being in strange places at night, I can’t imagine what it is like for girls. It would be a great world if girls could walk around alone and be at no risk but it is not like that. As much as you might feel a sense of empowerment or whatnot, as soon as you set foot in the real world people don’t give a shit about that. My sister got cornered while at a movie theatre by a random guy during the day. I can’t imagine that in another setting, say, at night. We have already discussed this in class that guys are 15-20% larger than females across all cultures. Guys are more aggressive, bigger, more apt to act on emotions, and (wait for it) they have absurd sex drives. If you go out alone and swim with the sharks and do not complain about how unfair that was. This just really disturbs me. I have had two friends get raped and it has messed them up for years. Male, 8219, //
There have been times when I have been treated unfairly by the opposite sex, from the smallest form of injustice to a bigger form. For example, I used to play baseball with my guy friends for fun and because I was a female they believed I didn’t have the same agility as they had, I was always put in the right field so that I wouldn’t interfere in their game. 2170
-I am not sure where to put this but it sparked a memory of my freshman year at LMU. I was playing intramural volleyball and they actually had two rules aimed at “evening” the gender dominance. The first was that there had to be two girls on the court at all times and that when a girl scored it was worth two, not the standard one for males. This just bothered me a little. I feel like much like affirmative action it undermines the accomplishments of the girls that are actually really good at volleyball. Say a girl became the leading scorer on the team, then everyone would just say “Yea, well it's because her points count twice as much”. I don’t get it. I feel like it is counterproductive. male 8219 One time that I was treated unfairly by a guy was when I was working on a class project. Now I don’t know if he did this because I was a woman or because he didn’t believe anyone could do the work properly but he didn’t want me to work on the project alone. He had to read every sentence and make sure it was correct and any ideas I gave he just ignored them like I hadn’t said anything. Now I’m an intelligent woman. I don’t get perfect grades but I doing pretty well and I can certainly and have certainly done projects before and received good grades on them.(0046)
I was working for a man for about three weeks who raved about what a great job I was doing, and I knew I was because I never even left my desk to eat. After several very pleasant conversations over the phone with his wife, she decided to come into the office and we met in person. According to my now “ex” boss, his wife told him that he had to fire me because I was “too attractive.” He actually admitted that that to me verbatim! Although I suppose that should be taken as a compliment, I think he should have taken his balls out of her purse and kept me at the job (since he declared I was the best worker he ever had), or he should have realized that his insecure wife may have had issues the day he hired me. (1376)
The only thing I can really think of is that my parents have given my younger brother greater freedom when it comes to going out with his friends alone, they don’t seem to be as concerned with him being supervised as they were with me. 4023
I cannot think of a specific time when I was treated unfairly by the opposite sex, but I have been treated differently than my four younger brothers. I think that since they are boys my parents feel that they can protect themselves better than I, a girl, can. I think that in general women are seen as the weaker one of the two sexes. 2043
I cannot personally think of an instance of being treated unfairly by the opposite sex, but this usually happens in regards to promiscuity. Men are rewarded for being sexually promiscuous while women are scrutinized and humiliated. This is simply a form of social control passed down from generations. 7258
#7. Can you think of any instances in which you have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex, simply because of your (or their) gender? If so, give a brief description of what happened. A few months after I received my car a police officer pulls me over for speeding on a main street. Since I just started driving and my parents finally put trust in me there was no way I could come home with a speeding ticket. So when the officer came to my window I began to look teary eyed and was able to cry myself out of the ticket. I feel that the police officer felt sorry for me and probably thought that by issuing me a ticket would result in more tears. (1941)
The last time I was treated particularly well by the opposite sex simply because of my gender was when a couple of my guy friends and I went out to dinner. We had to wait for over half an hour for a seat in the waiting area. There were no other seats left in the waiting area and two guys offered their seat to me but not to my other friends. Also, after dinner was over we all waited outside while one of my friends went to get the car to pick us up. It was raining outside and one of my guy friends had an umbrella while the rest of us didn’t. He only offered me the umbrella even though I was wearing a thick hooded jacket while all my other guy friends were either wearing t-shirts or a thin jacket. (4815)
I was at Universal Studios with some friends and we were trying to use a front of the line pass twice in a row. The male working there was not going to let us go the second time around. So I decided to sweet-talk him into letting us go, and it worked. So he let us go to the front of the line. (2808)
A situation in which I was treated well because of my gender is when I go out on dates and the guy pays for me just because I’m female. There is a silent assumption when a guy and a girl go out on a date that the guy will pay, simply because of the gender roles. (0467)
- 7. I was raised in the south so any time I go out with my male friends they always take special consideration in opening my doors and offering to pay for dinner. Although many people feel as if this should be a regular occurrence, I don’t think it is as stressed in today’s society. I felt respected and appreciated when these acts of kindness occurred.1381
7. One particular instance, well it actually has occur a couple times with different males, not necessarily significant others but friends as well. It has been that the male accompanying me walks me to my house or car, especially if it is dark. This treatment has been out of courtesy for the simple fact that I am a female, and also going back to the good characteristic that males have of being protective when a female accompanies them. I really appreciate that about them because I am a very paranoid person when I am alone at night. (1588)
When I was in High School I had a male history teacher who was known to be very easy. A couple of my girlfriends and I ended up taking this class and would all sit together. He began to be very nice to us and would often refer to us as the “good students”. He would scream to other students more specifically to males never to us. He would praise our work so much that he even had a pizza for us at the end of the semester for having done so well in his class. The interesting thing was that when we had the pizza party it was only for my girlfriends and I, even though the class consisted of mostly males. 9716
There have been plenty times when I was treated particularly well by the opposite sex because of my gender. For example, male waiters at restaurants have been extremely nice and even given my friends and I free food, desserts etc. because we are females. 2170
I once had this guy friend that I was pretty close with and whenever we went anywhere together he would always pay for me. I told him I could pay that I didn’t want to feel like I was taking advantage of him. He said that even though we were just friends it was the guy who was supposed to pay. Now I haven’t met another guy like this so he may be the only one willing to be so chivalrous for his friends but it is a good example of a guy treating me particularly well because I was a woman and he was a man. (0046)
I met an actor who has a reputation for being a real bad boy. He was immediately very protective over me, and he not only kept his hands to himself around me and behaved like a gentleman, but he befriended me and gave me a job at a time when I really needed one. To some he is a notorious playboy, but to me he was (and still is) an angel. (1376)
When I was in Barcelona I was always taken care of at every club I went to; I never waited in lines, paid for anything and was always in the VIP area. I know this was because I was a girl, I never saw those guys inviting other guys to join them or take care of them. 4023
There have been plenty of instances when I have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex, simply because of my gender. One instance was at club; I got into the club before my guy friends and did not have to pay the entrance fee like they did. I knew I had only gotten this treatment because I was a woman. I think there can be advantages to being a woman. 2043
Having worked in the male dominated field of EMS, I received several perks. Fire fighters are much more willing to help a female then they are other males. Females in the field are not always welcomed, but once you’ve entered the inner circle and proven that you can do the job if not better than other men, you are set. On the other hand, females are less threatening than male counterparts; this might also be an advantage. 7258
#8. Describe an instance, or instances, when you have been rejected by someone of the opposite sex to whom you were attracted. How did they reject you? Was their behavior inconsiderate, rude or insensitive? How did it make you feel? How might they have done it in a more considerate way? Me and my boyfriend at the time got into an argument. After a day or two of not talking to each other I called him to see if we could get together in hopes of us talking about the situation and thinking of ways to solve it. Instead of him expressing his feelings towards me he rudely denies my request and tells me that he has plans. This really hurt my feelings because I assumed that we were all grown enough to express our opinions and feelings in an adult like manner and not run away from our problems in which he was doing. I feel that if he would have just told me that he was not ready to talk because I hurt his feelings or whatever the reason maybe I would have respected that more versus an insensitive no without an explanation to follow. (1941)
I was rejected by a guy I had met at a friend’s birthday dinner. We shared a mutual friend but never met before that day. We were seated next to each other and talked throughout the entire dinner and just got along well. I was attracted to him and I thought he felt the same about me. It was towards the end of the night and as we were saying our goodbyes, he suggested several times that I, he, and our mutual friend should hang out again soon. I didn’t have his number so our mutual friend called him a couple days later and asked if he wanted to get lunch the following day. He said he did, but when our mutual friend called him the next day, he never answered his phone. He called our mutual friend back later on the next day and said he was sorry that he couldn’t make it because some things came up. Our mutual friend called him back on separate occasions and he would either not pick up or say he was busy. Although I would not consider the way he rejected me as rude, I thought it was a bit inconsiderate. If he wasn’t interested then he shouldn’t have suggested in the first place to hang out again later on in the future. He should have just told me the first night that I met him during our goodbyes that it was nice meeting me and just left it at that. (4815)
A male told me that he was not ready for a relationship and did not want to move too fast. I found out from a mutual friend that what he told me was not true because he still had feelings for an ex-girlfriend and was trying to get back with her. I thought his behavior was inconsiderate because he lied to my face and led me to believe something that could never happen. I was very upset and hurt. A more considerate way could have been just not lying to me in the first place. (2808)
8. The only time that I have been attracted to a male that has rejected me has been the second male I dated for about one year. He then decided to move on, gave me an unreasonable excuse for us to go separate ways, I did not question his unreasonable excuse/reason because there was no turning back, the decision had been taken already. I think he was inconsiderate even though he tried to end things in a good way. Yet he did say we will never see each other again or talk to each other again. Moreover, two years later he still was still trying to contact me. (1588).
One time I was rejected by a guy because he was already dating someone. He had actually started dating the girl the same day I approached him about liking him. He also rejected me because he had tried to date me before, and I turned him down. He was very kind about it, but things were awkward between us for a fair amount of time after that. Only recently have we begun talking again on a normal basis. I think he handled the situation very well, and I didn’t feel stupid after talking to him. (0467)
- 8. I don’t date members of the opposite sex so I have not been rejected from a male due to these circumstances.1381
I was talking to a family friend for about two months we shared pretty deep conversation and I was beginning to get attached. One time began talking about our relationship and he instantly said that our relationship could never be more than a friendship because that would create conflicts within our families. I was crushed by his response we immediately stopped all contact and although our families are still in contact I have no idea what he is doing now. I think that he mislead me completely. He made the situation very uncomfortable and will never come around to family gatherings even though this happened years ago. 9716
I have found that when the opposite sex is not attracted to a woman as she may be to him, males may be inconsiderate in letting her know. My personal experience with this has been a sad one. I remember liking a guy a lot and I believed he liked me to as he was always leading me on. This guy made it seem as though we would end up dating, in reality having a girl that everyone knew liked him made him feel good about himself and continued to lead me on due to selfishness. This guys behavior was completely insensitive. 2170
I was absolutely devastated when the guy I had been dating decided to pull a disappearing trick. It was very confusing because he had been the pursuer, he was the driving force of the entire romance, talking about a future together, and no . . . he did not just cut bait after we finally had sex. Apparently, I found out some time later, he had been involved in some illegal activities and may have wanted to spare me from being involved, or didn’t really give a rat’s ass about me and just fled. In any event, I have never been so hurt by such an insensitive and unexplained get away attempt like that before in my life! It may have been nicer if he met with me in person, sat me down and said that he had personal reasons for needing to end things, or he could have had the decency to give me the respect of telling me to my face that it was just plain over for no reason at all. (1376)
I recently tried to get back together with an ex boy friend and he rejected that idea. He did it in the most polite way possible, and explained that he could not subject himself to what could possibly happen with us (I had previously broken up with him, actually more than once). He said he had to think of himself rather than just waiting for me to make up my mind. It made me feel awful to know that he considered me to be “an emotional rollercoaster”, but at the same time it was a much needed reality check about how I had treated him. I would not have changed anything he did, or how he handled it. 4023
I have not been in an instance where I have been rejected by the opposite sex. 2043
Imagine that you have known someone of the opposite sex for about a month. You have dated this person several times, but so far there hasn't been any kind of physical intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc.) between the two of you. Now, you are out on a date with this person again.
How would you try to influence this person in each of the following
- 9. Situation 1: The date has been going very well and you feel very physically attracted to this person. How would you influence this person to become physically intimate, and to go as far sexually as you wanted to go
My very first thought if it has been a month and we clearly have a good time with each other and like each other but he has not made a move on me is because of two reasons:1.He is trying to respect me and does not want to seem to forward or 2. He is gay. So towards the end of the date I would make a move on him and kiss him gently and then slowly back away to view his response. If all seem well then we will continue, but if he has a puzzled look on his face then maybe we were just meant to be friends. (1941)
Even though I have dated this person several times already and am very physically attracted to him, I have only known him for a month, so I would only go as far as kissing. In terms of initiating the kiss, I would probably thank him for the wonderful date and give him a kiss in the car before he dropped me off at home. (4815)
I would make it easier for the person to be physically intimate by grazing their hand or arm with mine on numerous occasions. If push comes to shove, I would just ask/tell the other person how far I want to go sexually. (2808)
Situation 1: If I were attracted to a person on a date, I would make eye contact and turn my body towards them. I would probably flirt by lightly touching their shoulders in a casual way or by laughing a lot. (0467)
9. If I was particularly attracted to the male I am dating and everything seems going well I would not do anything drastic. I will only tickle him or poke him in a playful way that could lead to a hug or holding hands or what not. It would not be anything to sexual. I preferably would wait until the male takes the initiative in order for me to be sure that I am not pushing things to far. (1588)
- 9. I would make sure the person I was on a date with felt completely comfortable before I ever tried to make a move. I do not feel as if it is appropriate or desired to “influence” someone into a sexual activity, if they want to sexually advance with me, they will make themselves available to do so. I would flirt however, and casually make physical contact, but I would only continue if the contact was reciprocated.1381
My first step would definitely be to get closer together. Sharing personal stories always brings individuals closer together so I would ask and share personal stories. Staying away from a public environment would also avoid any distractions. At this point I can take control of how far I would want to go and so I would have no problem in voicing my opinion. 9716
“A guy will only go as far as a woman wants him to go” this is something my brothers have told me my whole life. With this in mind, all I would really have to do to get this guy to go as far sexually as I would like is to lead him. After the date I would ask if he wanted to come into the apartment for coffee and would take it from there. In order to get intimate with the guy a woman would first have to kiss him and continue going further so that the guy finally gets the hint of what she wants. 2170
I would start maybe by having him put on a scary movie which we would watch with the lights out. Then I would act like I was really scared and that I needed him to protect me. I would ask him to put his arms around me so I would feel safe. Then I would snuggle up to him and just lean with my head on his shoulder. When I got “scared” I’d hide my face in his chest and hold him tighter. Then I’d just lean my head to look up into his eyes and if that didn’t work to get things started (and it has) I’d leave because he can’t take a hint. (0046)
I wouldn’t. First of all, I have never had this happen. Usually, by the second date at least, a guy has tried to kiss me at the bare minimum. Secondly, I don’t initiate physical intimacy with men unless we are in a relationship. In my opinion, if a guy wants physical intimacy, it will be clear. (1376)
I would sit closer to them than usual and probably touch their hand, or run my hand through their hair. I would also be sure to make a lot of eye contact. 4023
I think I would take the initiative to become physically intimate with this person. I mean it wouldn’t hurt to try holding their hand. If they are not interested they can say so, but if we have been dating for a month I think there is something there so I would make the first move. You never know if the other person is too shy to make the move, and if no one makes the move nothing will ever happen. 2043
Women have several cues to invite physical intimacy, initiating it is always the obvious one. Talking about past sexual encounters can lead to physical intimacy. Body language can initiate contact, such as sitting in closer proximity, turning your body toward the person, being physically available-meaning having your hands in a position to be held etc. On the other hand, setting up boundaries is also an important aspect of physical intimacy. It is advisable to set limits in your mind before the date even beings and maintain restraint when those boundaries are being challenged. Men will go as far as they can, and unfortunately it is usually the woman’s job to stop the physical intimacy or at least keep it at a certain level. 7258
#10. Situation 2: The date has been going well, but you do not feel particularly physically attracted by this person. However, you can tell that this person is really turned on by you. Still, you know you're not interested in physical intimacy, and/or the subsequent involvement or commitment that might follow. How would you influence this person to avoid becoming sexual? In a situation like this I would spark up a conversation about how much good of friends we are. Throughout the conversation I would over exaggerate the “friend” word in hopes of him getting the picture that we are strictly friends and that is where I would like to keep it. Hopefully by then he would get the picture and if he does not and still attempts to make a move then I would just have to be blunt and tell him the truth because nothings worse than being romantic with some one you have no physical interest in. (1941)
If the date has been going well but I don’t feel particularly physically attracted by him, I would just thank him for the date right before he dropped me off at home. I wouldn’t invite him to my house or suggest any further dates. (4815)
I would avoid any physical contact and long periods of eye contact. I probably would also be very distant and evasive. (2808)
10. On the other hand, if I was to date someone who I am not attracted to, I do not think I will date him at all to avoid that type of situation, but in case it was to happen I would be very cold. Males tend to misinterpret my kindness sometimes and my interest of just a friendship, so I will try to be not too friendly. (1588)
Situation 2: I would avoid any topics that might lead to sexual contact. I also would not make direct eye contact or laugh at their jokes too emphatically. I would emphasize the fact that I have to be home early or have other commitments. I would not give them any chance to kiss me or go further. (0467)
- 10. If I wasn’t interested in making sexual contact I would completely close off my body language and show no physical interest in them. I would also be careful as to not verbally flirt with me so ask not to lead them on. I would expect them to pay attention to my facial expressions and my body language, and if they didn’t I would explain to them kindly that I would just prefer to be their friend.1381
My best bet in this situation would be redirectioning the person to more topics of conversation that friends would share. If the person would still be persistent in continuing a more intimate conversation, ending the night would probably be the next step, since I would hate to mislead the person to thinking that I’m interested. 9716
To avoid becoming sexual with a date I am not interested in I would have to keep emphasizing what a good friend he makes and avoid talking about a relationship at all times. A good way to hint that you want no sexual intimacy is to talk about how busy life is at the moment and how you feel so overwhelmed that you don’t have time to add any other commitments at the time. Once the date is over, I would my separate way and if for some reason he drove I would not invite him into my apartment, I would end the night there. 2170
I would try to keep us in situations or places where there were people around and where the place was well lit. I would try not too stand too close to limit physical contact and I wouldn’t be as good with conversation such as when he said something or asked something I would give short answers so as not to seem that interested. Also when he took me home I would simply thank him for taking me out and then get out of the car and go inside without letting him come inside. (0046)
A quick get away is the best way to sever a potentially long, drawn out charade. A warning at dinner that “tomorrow is a really early day for me” might be a good way to preface an easy dart from his car to your front door. However, if I am sexually attracted to a man, I know it immediately. I don’t act on it immediately, but it is either there or it is not. Unless he really went to great lengths from being Romeo to Shrek in 3 courses flat, I would have known whether or not I even wanted to go to dinner with him and put myself in that position. (1376)
I would keep my distance physically and maybe say that I was tired. I would definitely pull away quickly if they tried anything, or move over if they got to close to me. 4023
How I would avoid becoming sexual is by telling the person that I did not see them in that way. I would want to be straightforward with this individual because that’s what I would want from someone. I think that if I did not tell them that I was not interested in anything but being friends with them that could possibly be disastrous. They could think that I was interested in them. I think by being honest the whole situation could be controlled. 2043
Avoiding physical intimacy can be particularly awkward. It is sometimes hard to make it clear that you are not particularly interested in someone. There is greater anxiety in avoiding sexual contact than there is in initiating it. Usually the anxiety is derived from unfamiliarity with one another and the lack of chemistry. Because you do not know someone very well, you are scared of the reaction resulting from rejecting, which can be intimidating in person as opposed to over the phone. The classic avoidance of a kiss is giving a cheek, or going in for a hug and completely avoiding the lips. Also you can initiate a hand shake before he can make a move, or just jump out of the car quickly at the end of the night. 7258
For each of the following sentence fragments, complete the sentence, and, if you wish, add a few more sentences to complete your thought. Do not include the sentence stem in your response--only your answer to it.
- 11. In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become "insanely" jealous when...
They feel threatened by a good friend of the opposite sex. Almost like the trust between the two of you does not exist once the friend is present. (1941)
you make comments about other guys in front of them.(4815)
you spend a lot of time with one particular male friend. (2808)
I talk to, hang out, or interact with other guys. (0467)
11. In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become “insanely” jealous when they actually see you carrying away a good conversation with another male. (1588)
- 11. …a female does better then them in any competitive situation. Males do not like to feel inferior to women and in this sense their manhood is threatened.1381
There is not enough trust in the relationship.9716 another male is checking out his girlfriend and it is extremely obvious. 2170
he thinks you are flirting with another guy. (0046)
other men pay attention to you. It seems that the competition of another male swooping in on their property elicits a great deal of jealousy. (1376)
They see girls talking with other guys, or even worse dancing with other guys when they are out at night. 4023
Another man comes into the picture. Their masculinity is questioned and they must prove they are the alpha male. 2043
paternity is threatened ie cheating. 7258
#12. When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex... Tends to be hesitant when they do not get the signals for you that you would also want to make that move. (1941)
is usually not shy about expressing their desires.(4815)
is usually the initiator. (2808)
Find an excuse to get physically close. (0467)
12. When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex tends to be the one to take the initiative. (1588)
- 12. …I’ve never experienced a situation in which a man would initiate sexual activities, so I’m not sure how this happens.1381
has voice how far they want to go and or if they feel comfortable. 9716
will do anything in their power to impress women. They will be attentive, somewhat romantic and very sensual. 2170
tends to be pretty straight forward. (0046)
has no problem giving it a good try! Usually they are sensitive to either ask permission before they try to initiate intimacy, or they at least wait to see that the feeling is mutual which I find very respectful. (1376)
Tends to be the first one to do so. 2043
is usually more aggressive. 7258
#13. The opposite sex seems clueless about... The fact that just because you show affection in public does not make you less of a man. (1941)
consoling a girl when she has fights with her girl friends.(4815)
consoling an overly emotional girl. (2808)
the need for women to be aware of their surroundings, such as safety, walking at home at night, etc. (0467)
Is often too aggressive and expects too much. They can also be awkward and seem unsure of what to do, but that just may be because they really have no idea what they are doing. 4023
- 13. …emotional intimacy.1381
A womens pain. 9716
13. The opposite sex seems clueless about female’s feelings and thoughts. (1588)
women’s needs at times. Men can sometimes be oblivious to what his female partner needs and will not know until she lets him know. 2170
how to show their emotions. (0046)
the importance of the little things that women notice so much like remembering birthdays, anniversaries, picking flowers, and listening when we need to be heard. The power of a hug is immeasurable. (1376)
Why girls spend so much money on clothes, purses, shoes etc. To many of them it all looks the same. And along with that they do not understand why girls stress so much about their appearances, or why they are so insecure. 4023
Women. They do not understand how women work and what is going on in their brain. 2043
giving presents. 7258
#14. Being romantic is something that the opposite sex... Needs to work on. Romance should not only be shown on Valentine Day and birthdays. (1941)
needs to learn how to master. (4815)
uses as a way to get sex from the girl. (2808)
Can be good at it but usually have a hard time going about in a satisfying manner to women. (0467)
14. Being romantic is something that the opposite sex tends to only be in special occasions.(1588)
- 14. ..needs practice with. I feel like males need to be able to express their emotions enough to be vulnerable.1381
Has to appreciate and not push for. 9716
doesn’t do enough, the opposite sex is scarcely romantic. 2170
tends not to understand and needs to practice more. (0046)
has really impressed me. My boy friend never shows up without flowers, a bottle of wine, or some sweet thoughtful gift. He brings over groceries for breakfast and cooks for me while I sleep in. (1376)
Needs help with. It usually takes awhile for a guy to be romantic in a relationship, and also some sort of hint to that it is needed, and what should be done. 4023
Only does during courtship or at the beginning of a relationship. I think that most males tend to only be romantic when they want something. 2043
has a hard time understanding or doing. 7258
#15. Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend/girlfriend through a series of relationship "tests" by... Talking to their ex’s to see what your reaction will be. (1941)
talking to you about their exes and choosing to hang out with their guy friends than with you.(4815)
meeting his friends and see what their friends think of you. (2808)
Not calling them back when expected. (0467)
15. Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend/girlfriend through a series of relationship “tests” by giving them a hard time. (1588)
- 15. …checking cell phones and email, not calling them back to see if they will be clingy.1381
Putting up a wall and not expressing their emotions until they feel comfortable with them. 9716
making their relationship a bit more complicated and adding problems that may not have been there before. 2170
waiting a few days before they call you. (0046)
men have not displayed these relationship tests that I am aware of. I didn’t even know they did that. Either I am completely oblivious, or I was too wrapped up testing him through my emotionally unavailable obstacle course. (1376)
Not returning their calls, or spending a lot of time with the guys. They push girls away to see what they can get in response from them. Guys also have a tendency to get sloppily drunk and do and/or say stupid things, putting up with that is a huge test. 4023
Asking them to prove their love to them. They will try and push you as far as you can go in order to see how much you love them. 2043
completely removing his partner from her environment into his. 7258
#16. The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes except when it comes to... Playing competitive sports. (1941)
cooking and cleaning.(4815)
child bearing and chores. (2808)
Letting a girl pay on dates. Also women achieving higher amounts of success than them. (0467)
16. The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes except when it comes to driving, housekeeping, and going on with close friends. (1588)
- 16. …salaries, job positions, housework, men would prefer to have high paying jobs and a higher position than a woman, and less housework than their woman counterpart.1381
becoming the financial provider. 9716
physical ability. Males believe that they are physically more agile and superior to women. 2170
doing housework and taking care of the children. (0046)
driving a car. Whenever I am in my car, the man I am with ALWAYS insists on driving. Also, I am sure the remote control has some sort of fine print on it that says somewhere “never, no matter what, EVER allow a woman to hold this at any cost.” All other matters, I am happy to say, men are surprisingly supportive in my experience regarding equality of the sexes. (1376)
Domestic work and child care. Guys still give the majority of those responsibilities to girls. 4023
Proving their masculinity. When they want to show how masculine they are, in front of their friends and what not, they tend to put women down. 2043
#17. Possessiveness is something that the opposite sex... Has a problem with. At times they make you feel like you are property and they own you. (1941)
should learn to control.(4815)
needs to control. (2808)
Is more of a personality trait than a gender-specific behavior. (0467)
17. Possessiveness is something that the opposite sex has even if they try to hide it. (1588)
- 17. …is notorious for. They feel very territorial and jealous.1381
Overlooks. 9716 is known for. Males tend to become very possessive of their partners when they feel threatened. 2170
has to learn to deal with better. (0046)
has displayed to me a lot in my lifetime. Men are very possessive and territorial. It can get scary when they overdo it, or it could be a warning that they are unfaithful and weary of your actions because they are guilty themselves. (1376)
Is very good at. Once a woman is theirs they have full control over her and will not let anyone else get in the way. 2043
gets a bad rap for, girls are possessive too. 7258
#18. When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite sex... Tends to be shallower in that department when compared to females. (1941)
is much more superficial than women. Men are easily lured by a woman who has a nice body than by a woman with a great personality. (4815)
thinks that it is more important than personality. (2808)
Is very concerned with it. (0467)
18. When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite take the chance to date the female without taking in consideration her personality or finding out more about whom she is. (1588)
Is guilty of. Guys are extremely possessive of their girl friends and get jealous or insecure very easy. 4023
- 18. …is very stereotypical and shallow.1381
Will use it as the judging factor. 9716
is more attractive when they display masculine traits. 2170
puts it as a top priority and is very shallow. (0046)
Does not have many front runners. I am very particular of the physical look that attracts me, and there are not many men of that look and type. Men have this great ability to allow outgoing personalities make you look at them even if they are not initially your type. A great sense of humor and confidence goes a long way. Too bad they don't think the same of women's personlities in the same forgiving manner. (1376)
Often needs help dressing better. Some guys have great style, but the majority of them need some direction. But once you teach a guy how to dress good it generally sticks and they keep improving. They are lucky in that their physical attractiveness is natural, their hair doesn’t need to be blow-dried or paid attention to like girls’ does. 4023
Seems to care more about it than women. I think that the opposite sex bases their opinion on physical attractiveness rather than meaningful first impressions. 2043
is more concerned with it. 7258
#19. Money and status is are things that the opposite sex... Think that they have the upper hand with, but society is now showing that more and more women are becoming more successful and gaining more money. (1941)
do not need to possess but possessing it would be a nice addition to a great personality.(4815)
thinks they need to feel successful and like the provider. (2808)
Often define their self-esteem by. (0467)
19. Money and status is/are things that the opposite sex cares for, just in a more moderate way.(1588)
- 19. ..strive to gain in life. Often times they will boost themselves over women and become sexist and inappropriate in order to gain that wealth and status.1381
Shouldn’t rely on to make a relationship work. 9716
wants at all costs. Males are too focused on having the most money and high status because they believe this is what is most important to women. 2170
needs in order to feel like they can thrive and be successful. (0046)
Security is important, but there is a point where materialistic stuff is just wedging itself between two seemingly nice people who may have actually liked each other. I have had men lie about their financial status, jobs, companies that they own, etc. and I always think what a shame that his alter ego turned me off, I never really got to know what that guy was really all about. (1376)
Are very concerned about. Guys are very competitive; wealth and high status are results of success, which means their ability surpasses that of others. Boys thrive off of being the best, they are competitive about everything. 4023
Likes to use to impress. They think that if they have a lot of money they will impress you more. 2043
are less interested in. 7258
#20. It hurts me most when the opposite sex... Does not take our feelings into consideration when they act in certain situation. Though relationships are not marriages they should still be based on partnerships (1941)
only thinks about himself and disregards my feelings.(4815)
Lies and doesn’t listen to what I’m saying. (2808)
Sends me mixed or confusing signals. (0467)
- 20. …hits on my girlfriend, insults my intelligence, or asserts their proposed superiority over women. 1381
Criticizes my physical appearance. 9716
20. It hurts me most when the opposite sex lies to me.(1588)
is inconsiderate to female’s feelings. Sometimes the opposite sex can be too cruel. 2170
says women can’t accomplish the same things they can such as in education or the work force. (0046)
Is unfaithful. That is the deepest pain I have ever felt. (1376)
Does not listen. Sometimes I feel I am talking but they are not listening. 2043
does not listen. 7258
#21. I feel best about the opposite sex when... When we can communicate on the same level, and when we can fully understand each other. (1941)
he makes me feel protected and shows that he cares about my views on things. (4815)
pays attention to the details. (2808) 21. I feel best about the opposite sex when they are very loving and show they really care. (1588)
They treat me well and like an equal. (0467)
Does not pay attention to me, or does not follow through on things they say they are going to do. I do not like to feel neglected or unimportant, I think a lot of time guys do this on accident because they can be absent minded, but it really bothers me. 4023
- 21. …they give equal opportunities and respect to their female counterparts. 1381
Makes friendly comments about me personality without using it as a pick line but a compliment. 9716
they have been complete gentlemen. 2170
they say that women can accomplish the same things they can. (0046)
We are in the beginning of a relationship and he is completely attentive to me and nothing else really seems to matter because when we are together. I feel a sense of total control and security. The ball is completely in my court and not that I would take advantage of it, but I know that he would do anything for me. I feel very protected. (1376)
I am comfortable and secure in a relationship. When I know that I can call a guy and that he will answer and wants to talk to me. It is important that he makes it obvious that enjoys being with me, and wants to spend time with me. 4023
They pay attention to me. A guy can make me feel important when they make me the center of attention. 2043
I am surprised. 7258
RESPONSES FROM THE FALL, 2007 CLASS:
Note from Dr. Mills -- remember to put the last 4 digits of your student ID after each of your responses.
#1. Think about the previous interactions you have had with the opposite sex. Has a situation ever occurred with someone of opposite sex that you found deeply puzzling and/or incomprehensible? And which you also think is somehow a function of that person's gender (not just the specific individual involved)? If so, think about what happened, and the behaviors, cognitions, motivations, or emotions of the opposite sex that you found particularly puzzling.
There have been a few situations with the opposite sex that I have found quite puzzling. First off, some guys I know don't seem to get the hint that a) I don't like them or b) when we talk to or hang out it is simply on a friendship basis. I don't flirt with them and I don't really respond to any compliments other than a "thank you". I mean, am I just being naive? If a guy is nice and I enjoy his company then I will agree to hang out. What puzzles me with this is why they misinterpret my friendliness as liking them. Secondly, I don’t understand why guys are still flirty even though a relationship is over. I believe things have ended because they are no longer interested. Why do they think it is okay to flirt with me and pursue physical intimacy when we no longer in an official relationship? Lastly, I don’t understand why some guys are so jealous and overbearing while in a relationship. Is it the fact that they are self conscious, have a fear of being cheated on or are simply controlling? It baffles me why some boyfriends simply don’t trust their girlfriends while having no reason to mistrust them. 3220
One particular situation that I felt deeply puzzled by occurred during my first year of college. I had not yet been involved in a serious relationship and was still pretty naïve about guys. Well this one guy I had a crush on and whom I thought had a crush on me because of all the flirty slash touchy-feeliness he would exhibit towards me, deeply puzzled my young, innocent mind. He would act like he liked me one day and then the next day completely ignore me. Not just ignore me as in I would see him the hallways and he didn’t say hi; ignore as me in I would go hang out with him and his friends and he wouldn’t talk to me or go near me. Um what the heck? I totally thought this guy liked me and he was ignoring me, so I would resolve that he didn’t like me and try to get over him. But then the next day he would be flirty again and acknowledge my existence. This pattern repeated for about a month until I finally got the picture. That’s just the way he is. When he wants to flirt with me, I’m there and pretty to look at but he wouldn’t give me that attention everyday because he didn’t want a relationship with me, he just wanted to flirt with me. I think his hot cold behavior was his way of giving me the hint that he didn’t want a relationship. Now if it was female and she didn’t want a relationship with a guy who was just fun to flirt with, she would simply not lead him on like that. But this guy led me on. His attitude represents the insensitivity guys show towards women.
I have been caught off guard by the opposite sex a lot because I feel that they are so sensitive sometimes. It feels like they always hide it but deep down they are more sensitive than girls. I also feel that guys do things without thinking of other people such a breaking up with a girl whenever he feels like it rather than taking into consideration what she is going through at the time or maybe if she is acting a certain way because of something that he does not know of. I also feel that the opposite sex overreacts with a lot of situations and they have fast responses rather than thinking something through I guess in the end it’s that I just don’t understand why the opposite sex doesn’t think more things through. I feel that the opposite sex hides their true emotions more because of the way that they were brought and how they have to be masculine and because of this it all builds up and then comes out either through anger or a situation in which they are very emotional and upset. 1219
In my interactions with many males, I have been absolutely astonished on their views of male homosexuality. I understand that being straight, one doesn’t want any uninvited sexual attention (which I totally understand as a female)… it makes sense you wouldn’t want a boy hitting on you if you were attracted to girls. When homosexuality would come up in conversation, I would frequently ask them how they would feel if their own son were gay and if they would want him to have a life partner/children/wedding etc. If it were me, I would have no problem with a gay son and would embrace him just as I would a straight one, wishing for him a happy life with a man he loved and could spend it with. However, the men I posed this question to often winced at the thought of having a gay child, said they prayed it wouldn’t happen to them, and if it did, they were uncertain on their feelings of gay civil unions/life partners/adoption. I was shocked that they couldn’t see past current prejudices and think of the happiness of their child. I just don’t understand why men have such a problem and feel so disgusted at the thought of being gay or baring a gay child. 6237
~I think that one of the most puzzling things the opposite sex is capable of is getting over a serious relationship without seeming to care or get as hurt as a girl does. My sophomore year of college I had a serious relationship which ultimately ended in us breaking up. However, we had spent so much time together and the feelings we shared were so strong that it was shocking when once we broke up he seemed to be over it extremely quickly while I was upset about it for awhile afterwards. I’m not sure if it’s just that they aren’t as emotionally involved as we are, or if they are just better at hiding it, but either way I do not understand how guy’s can get over serious relationships without too much sadness or regret. 6551
Freshman and sophomore year in college this guy had been extremely obvious that he liked me. He would contact me through Instant Messaging everyday and he would text message me sweet nothings all the time. Living in a building away from him and having the same circle of friends, we saw each other a lot. The weirdest thing about this guy that completely puzzled me is that when we saw each other in person, he did not act like he liked me at all. Not only did he act uninterested, but he acted like he did not even know me. His actions boggled my mind. I would talk to him online one minute and conversation would flow and be great, but I would see him in person the next minute and it was like we were strangers. In this situation I think the guy acted like this because I feel that guys in general like to hide their real emotions. I believe guys have to act “cool” in front of their friends, so they can’t act sweet and nice like they do when they are one-on-one with a girl. I believe men are afraid to let their true feelings about women show in fear that they will be too vulnerable and get rejected. 8623
I find it puzzling when the opposite sex can have a friend do something really bad or wrong to them and all they have to do is get in a fist fight over it. Then, the next day they are friends again, as though nothing ever even happened. I don’t understand how they can just “get over” things that quickly and not have it affect them emotionally. It’s almost as if they just shut off that part of them and just allow the aggression to come out and that pacifies them.
In general, I am puzzled by the disorganization of the opposite sex. I have always wondered why and how things can get so messy and dirty. Many of the men that I know are disorganized and messy and I have always been puzzled by it. I do know some females that are also messy, however, there are far less. 9800
I often find that when I male is doing one task he is unable to perform or engage in another. For instance, when I am trying to ask my father a question while he is watching television it is extremely difficult to receive an appropriate answer. He either gives me a “Ya, sure hunny.” or a “Mhmm.” as a response, which often is not even close to the answer I was looking for. This puzzles me because I am not sure if he is ignoring me or truly cannot hear me. However, I have found that this occurs in many different situations with him as well as with some of my male friends leading me to believe that the male gender is unable to multi-task. Whether they are writing a paper, reading the newspaper, or watching television, they seem to be entranced and to devote all their energy to the specific task and to disregard everything else around them. When they respond to someone else it is as if they are shaking you off and trying to give you the hint to leave them alone. But, when you finally get their attention after a few minutes of bugging them they seem to have forgotten everything they had said before. It is as if they were in a trance and you shook them out of it. 2156
There are general times when I have felt a certain emotion after either getting in a fight or during a situation which then following I could not understand why the male did not see how I felt the way I did. In these times I think it is clear to me how they really just do not think the way that women do and look at the same situation completely differently.5685
Based on my previous interactions with the opposite sex, one thing that I have found puzzling is how guys tend to bottle up their emotions, and furthermore, the methods that they choose to distract themselves from those emotions. For instance, if a guy is going through a difficult break-up, it does not seem likely that he will call his friends and want to openly discuss the issue, as girls oftentimes do. If someone asks him how he is feeling, he would probably brush away his emotions, and say that he’s fine and that he just needs to move off. Guys are usually trying to keep this certain image of toughness, and crying and being sad do not necessarily go with that image. In order to get his mind off of something that is bugging him, a guy might want to go out and play sports with his friends, go out drinking or playing cards, or even want to go out and meet new girls. This is puzzling to me, because it seems as if guys just want to rid themselves of emotions and want to be “hard,” in the sense that they cannot appear to others as weak and sensitive. (ID: 7558)
When I was in high school there was this guy that I really liked and I really thought that he liked me too. We would spend hours on the phone and he would come over to my house to watch movies and just hang out. What would puzzle me is that even when I took the initiative and asked him to go to the prom with me and he said yes, he would still only consider me a friend or like one of the guys by telling me about the girls he liked. Actually the most puzzling thing that happened was after he said yes, he started to be a little more physical. He started pulling me onto his lap to cuddle with him while we watched movies and started hugging me more but he never kissed me and he still would talk about other girls in the process. It was like the more I took the initiative the more he would treat me like we were going out while at the same time keeping his distance by talking about other girls. His being touchy-feely with me led me to believe he really liked me so when I took the initiative to ask him to prom and he said yes I thought things would change. Eventually months after prom and things not changing I called him on it and he said we couldn’t be friends anymore. I haven’t spoken to him since that conversation 3 years ago. His behavior exhibits the typical guy behavior of being afraid of a commitment in an extreme way. His actions showed some emotional detachment that I’ve come to see a lot of in guys. 7147
I would say the way that males act when they like you. I thought it was interesting that they begin to act “weird.” For example, they may hit you, push you around, make fun of you, and always seem to be picking on you. I always wondered why they never seemed to just tell the girl how they felt about her. It also seemed crazy to me that they bothered females which may lead to the females disliking them because they always feel picked on or attacked. On the other hand, I understand that they may not want to take the chance of confessing their feelings to the opposite sex and then get rejected. But, still I am confused as to why they take that route instead of other possible ways. 7989
It is always puzzles me that men tend to avoid and ignore their own emotions. Men have been trained to think that it is not okay for them to be in touch with their feelings. This can be harmful to them. I think that men try to hard to impress other men when it comes to being manly or macho. This is also more prevalent in certain cultures than others. This is puzzling to me because as a woman we are taught the opposite. I wish there was more of a balance for both males and females.
A situation that I found deeply puzzling about the opposite sex is concerning a past relationship I had two years ago. It did not end badly, but every single time I see this male he has an absolute hatred for me and will not speak to me. I don’t understand how you can have an intimate relationship with someone for an extended period of time, and then develop an utter disdain for them afterwards. The part that makes it even more confusing is that he was perfectly sweet and nice every time we saw each other afterwards for almost a year, and his recent bitterness is completely out of nowhere. Regardless of this relationship, after being involved in a relationship with someone and establishing a close intimacy and friendship, I don’t get how a person can be so cruel to ignore you and be completely insensitive to your own feelings. 7715
. I was talking to a friend of mine about relationships. He has a girlfriend who is really pretty. She’s good to him and does everything he needs of her. For some reason he finds it necessary to still cheat on her. Everything he is looking for in a girl is right in front of him. Second, he does even cheat on her with pretty girls. He talks to whomever he can talk to. I don’t really get why a lot of guys cannot commit to just one person even though they have something really good with a girl. Do guys always think they can get something bigger and better if they just hold on for a bit longer? Why even have a girlfriend? Even though he agreed with what I was telling him, he still won’t change his ways. Is it a convenient factor? (1960)
One thing I have found to be extremely puzzling with the opposite sex is their lack of commitment skills. This situation has come up in many forms, with myself and with my friends. It seems that men are more prone to cheating and to getting out of a relationship simply because they think things are getting “too serious”. In most situations with my girl friends and myself, it is the man who cheats in the relationship. We even conducted a focus group study in my non-experimental methods course, and found men were more likely to cheat physically. To me, and to most women, if you are in an exclusive relationship, why would you cheat on the person? If you wanted to cheat, why wouldn’t you just break up with the person you were with? In my opinion, men are wired to be less emotional and less considerate of feelings. To them, cheating isn’t a big deal and they do not feel as much remorse for their actions. One example: my friend slept with a guy who had a girlfriend, and now he continues to talk to her even though he is still with his girlfriend. He obviously has feelings for his friends, but he won’t break up with his girlfriend. I don’t understand how he could do that to someone who he supposedly loves. I think men are motivated by their sex drive and are not overly concerned with the feelings of others.
At my senior prom in high school, my date became a little physical with me, which struck me as puzzling since we were not dating or anything of the sort. We were simply going to prom as friends. This behavior of his I feel is more of a function of the male sex and not this particular individual’s personality. (7254)
A situation or interaction that I may have found puzzling is how aggressive men can be, and how men can be entertained by wresting with each other. Women would never just fight with each other or hit one another just for the pure enjoyment of it. Why anyone would want to physically injure themselves is puzzling to me but may have to do with a competitive instinct.9329
I was at work and one of my co-workers started asking me about my dating history and what kind of boyfriends I had and if I had one at the moment. He was asking for details and why certain things didn’t work out. I knew him well but didn’t feel comfortable disclosing this type of information with him, and he seemed to be very interested. He is also the type to tell everyone else his personal business too, even though some of us don’t want to hear it. I think overall guys are just more forward about asking people questions. From my experience guys are also more likely to talk candidly about their experiences with the opposite sex as well. The fact that they don’t feel embarrassed about this type of thing is something that puzzles me.(1711)
I was hanging out with some friends in Vegas, and my friend’s boyfriend was there too. So he met some girl at the nightclub and he went home with her. I do not know if he did anything sexually with her, but she was sitting on his lap on the ride back to the hotel. I was very puzzled that he would act in this kind of manner considering that he is very overprotective of his girlfriend back home. Seeing this just reaffirms my view that men are usually the ones that are unfaithful. I believe it is in men’s nature to cheat because their sex drive is higher than females. 0497
I just encountered a situation perfect for this scenario about a week ago. My girlfriend and I have been arranging (or thought that we were) a trip to Las Vegas with 2 of our guy friends. They are very reliable guys, and no more than “friends.” We’ve been talking about a Vegas get-away for 5 months, and then very suddenly and surprisingly they tell us that it will be too expensive for them. These are 2 smart fellas’ and I feel that they had made the connection some time ago that this wasn’t going to be a “cheap” trip. Now, I’m guessing that either one or both of them have found girlfriends (they go to school in Washington), which would consequently make it “wrong” for them to go to Vegas with 2 other girls, OR that they really didn’t realize the expense. I also found it puzzling how casual they were about this. I mean we were on the last leg of planning this trip and “oh, this is going to cost money, we’re out.” (6364)
Thinking about the previous interactions I have had with men, a situation, which comes to mind, that has occurred with them that I found deeply puzzling is how a guy who is supposedly com mitted to his girlfriend can cheat on her and think nothing of it. Yeah, he may feel bad about it, but not bad enough to prevent him from acting on his temptations. After I had graduated from high school, I started dating an older guy who just so happened to be a friend of my brother. Because of this, he and I kept our relationship under wraps, but we agreed to make it work long distance, since I was going away to college. Everything was going great for the first few months, but that all changed soon; I went home for my brother’s birthday party, and my boyfriend was also there, but the weird thing was that he brought a girl friend with him as a date. I am super understanding, to a fault at times, so when I asked him about this girl, he said that she was just a friend and he brought her to my brother’s party so neither my mother or brother would suspect anything going on between us, I completely believed him. I did not think he would have any reason to lie to me, but a few weeks later, he called me after he had a few drinks and the truth finally came out. It did hurt to hear that he cheated on me, but what hurt the most was that he had lied to me about it. Needless to say, things between us ended, not only because of the cheating but because of the combination of lying and cheating. He and I are now on good terms with one another, and I know that he is not malicious nor did he lie to me to hurt me; instead, he hid his infidelity from me to protect me from being hurt and for protecting him for his indiscretion. It turns out that either way he hurt me and things between grew sour and ended. I still care for my ex-boyfriend, but his cheating has made me skeptical about other guys. If he and I were in a committed relationship and he could cheat on my, what is going to stop another guy in a committed relationship from cheating on his girlfriend? This is one puzzling and incomprehensible situation I have encountered with the opposite sex. (4656)
This summer, a guy I knew had a party set up on facebook. He invited about 60 people. I was not one of the ones invited, though we are friends and he had invited me to other things that he had. I was puzzled as to why I would be invited to one party and not the other. We live very close to each other, so it is not as if it would have been at hardship for me to attend the party. I figure it is just common courtesy to invite people you know to a party, especially one that big. I did not know if he just forgot to invite me or did not want to invite me. I did not understand any motivations regarding the invite list. (6963)
#2. In general, what do you like about the opposite sex? What do you dislike? Again, think of the opposite sex in general, as they actually are, not how you might like them to be different.
In general, I like that men are much more practical than women. When making an important decision, men are more likely to be rational when considering the pros and cons of a particular situation at hand and rarely involve emotions. Women, on the other hand, are much more swayed by emotions and tend to think idealistically rather than realistically. In addition, I also like that men are generally more confident than women and are not as easily affected by what others think of them. Men are much less self conscious and are more likely to act, dress and say how they truly feel rather than what is expected of them. Furthermore, I like the fact that men are much less catty than women. I find that men hardly gossip about each other and bicker over little things which prevents many conflicts and arguments. In general, I dislike that men are much more immature than women. For example, many men, up until their college years and maybe even beyond college, take every little comment to mean something sexual. I find this to be very annoying and childish. In addition, I also dislike the fact that men are very egotistical. There is a fine line between being confident and being cocky and I feel that many men, especially during their high school and college years, are extremely cocky. Lastly, I dislike that most men have poor communication skills. Most men rarely share feelings and emotions unless pried out of them, have problems listening / have short attention spans and are more close-minded and unwilling to compromise than women. 3220
In general, one thing I like about the opposite sex is their chivalry. I like the fact that men are the ones that are expected to exhibit chivalry. Chivalry entails opening doors, paying for dates, initiating romance, asking out girls instead of the other way around. I like this because it makes me feel like a woman. I like that guys assume the role to ask out girls. I’m sure that some guys don’t enjoy this much for the same reason I wouldn’t and that is because of the fear of rejection. I would hate to initiate the first kiss or have to ask a guy out on a date because I would be so scared of getting rejected and then feeling immediately embarrassed by the situation. So I love the fact that men assume the chivalrous role. One thing that I dislike about the opposite sex is how dirty they are, in much regard to their habitat. Most guys are very dirty, dirty in an unsanitary way, in their living quarters. In guy’s apartment there is a lot of dirt and filth that collects in their bathrooms and kitchens and stuff that they neglect to clean. Men may clean their apartment but not thoroughly and with as much detail as women do. It makes me sick to see all the dirt that collects in their showers or the corners of walls. And I don’t think that men just go through this dirty stage, like in their college years. I think that men’s living quarters are particularly noticeably dirty in their bachelor years just because they have no women to clean for them. Before college, their mothers will clean for them and then after their bachelor years, they will get married and have a wife to clean for them or a girlfriend.
I love that men are strong. I love that they often know how to build things and fix things. It amazes me how competitive they get in sports and how they can take hit after hit and still keep playing. I love that they are rough and will stand up for their girlfriends and friends that are girls if need be. I love that men melt so easily when they find the right girl, and will do whatever we want if it will make us happy. I definitely dislike that men get jealous when we hang out with guy friends or go out a lot with other people. Men scream way too much, and when they aren’t yelling at each other, they use physical force. Its just stupid… learn to use your words not just start a fight before conversation has been exchanged. I really don’t like when men don’t listen or pay attention, and often are horrible at showing sadness or true compassion when something in a females life makes her cry or terribly sad. 6237
I love how the opposite sex looks out on life, how they are funny and always knows that something is going to work out and that they do not really stress about anything. I like how the opposite sex always takes care of us and makes sure that we are okay and even though they try to act like they don’t care they really do. I also like the how opposite sex tends to not be very moody unlike girls I feel that the opposite sex can be more composed in certain situations such as taking tests or stressing about school. But when it comes to social situations I like when guys get shy I think its cute, and I also like how guys can be more mysterious that girls because they do not just completely spill their guts out to people and you have to really get to know a guy in order to understand him. I also feel that they are deeper than people think and I like how you learn something new about them quite often because they don’t just put themselves out there so quickly. 1219
In general, I like that being accompanied by a male makes me feel more protected, especially at night. I also like it when men are gentlemen and open the door for me. Furthermore, compare to females, males are less dramatic and more direct about things. Females tend to over analyze everything. On the contrary, males just take things in as they are. Therefore, I enjoy having male friends not only because they are less dramatic but because I also learn lots about their sex too. Males also provide me with a completely different perspective on issues. On the contrary, I do not like that males are not sensitive about certain issues and most of them have a hard time understand females. Males are also stubborn and always want to have the last say. 0497
In general, I like that men are more masculine than women. I love that they give you a sense of safety and security. Just the feeling of being in a man’s arms is comforting because they are larger in stature and physically more muscular. I also love when men are chivalrous and treat women like ladies. In terms of chivalry, I appreciate when a man has manners and is a gentleman. For example, I like when men open the door for women. Another thing I like about men is that they come with much less drama than women do. Men do not let themselves get caught up with the gossip and drama of everyday life. They take a step back from it, and this is refreshing when hanging out with guy friends. Furthermore, I like when guys are secure and sure of themselves and carry themselves in a confident manner. I think it is what makes men attractive. I also think guys have their own specific kind of humor that I love. Men are usually very athletic, and I love that about them. I like being able to engage in sports or outdoors activities with guys. I also like that men are much simpler than women. On the other hand, I do not like that men seem very dense sometimes. I believe I have been in many situations where I make it obvious how I feel or what I want, and the guy does not catch on at all. Many men I know are also extremely immature for their age. I feel as though they will never grow up and act their age. I also dislike when men are overly confident. I did mention that I like confidence, but when it borders into cocky and arrogant, I dislike it very much. I think a lot of times men carry their cocky attitude in order to mask their true insecurities. Men many times can also be too controlling. I believe the controlling aspect of their nature goes hand in hand with their jealous nature. When in relationships, men can be very jealous and thus try to control a lot of what their female partner does. 8623
In general, I like how the opposite sex is less drama than many women are. They are able to not worry about the petty things unlike women where we get caught up in the petty issues all of the time. It allows them to not stress as much as we do. However, I dislike how immature men can be, even if they are of an adult age. They mature so much slower than women of the same age and thus it is really hard to interact with them and not feel frustrated.
I like the fact that they are less dramatic, practical, laid-back, athletic, and more confident. I dislike the fact that they are jealous, disorganized, insensitive, cocky, and immature. 9800
I like how the opposite sex is more carefree and risky. In general, males are raised and expected to be outgoing and athletic, which often entitles taking risks. In contrast, females are raised and expected to be proper and detail oriented. Of course, there are many exceptions today, but for the most part these expectations and standards still exist. I enjoy athletic activities and being outdoors, so these general characteristics that pertain to males work to my benefit. The tendency for males to think they are better than females at almost everything aggravates me. The patriarchy that existed for so long in our country and still exists throughout the world, in some areas more than others, is disturbing. Men are not better than women and vice-a-versa. Although I still encounter patriarchal comments and behaviors every now and then, I have noticed its depreciation. The fact that more women are enrolled in universities and are receiving degrees also foreshadows a further decline of such attitudes and behaviors.
I like that men are different then females. This makes a relationship with the opposite sex different, more interesting, and complex on a girlfriend/boyfriend level, husband/wife, and friend/friend. I like that men tend to be easy going, less emotional, creative, forward, careless, protective, and driven. What I dislike about males is when all of these things are too extreme and becomes difficult to handle. For instance, when a male is too protective and they become jealous too easily, or they don’t seem to care about anything that females care about, or when they should be able to connect emotionally but they don’t. To me it also seems that males hide their emotions and feelings so that they do fit more into what it is to be masculine or a male. 5685
In general, what I like about the opposite sex is that they seem to have less drama and are more laid-back; they live in the moment and do not really get stressed about insignificant things, and they are also less likely to blow things out of proportion like girls do. They usually gossip less and have fewer grudges or people that they dislike. Guys also more easily assume the role of leaders and take initiative, and they appear to be better able to hide insecurities and be more confident. Furthermore, I like how guys can have a good sense of humor, a good personality, and how they can be chivalrous. Being a female, it is nice to have guys take you out to dinner and out on dates, and to be protective of us; it is also convenient for us that guys are the ones that are expect to make the first move, ask a girl out, and pay most of the time. What I dislike about the opposite sex, though, is how oftentimes they are not able to express themselves emotionally, and can be careless and inconsiderate. Also, I dislike when guys are too controlling, and think that they are always right or better than us, just because they are guys. (ID: 7558)
In general, I like that the opposite sex gets involved in less “drama;” meaning that they do not seem to get in to as many petty fights as we do and are less catty about confrontation meaning they are more likely to go straight to the source rather than talk behind someone’s back. I also like the “take charge” aspects that the opposite sex has. Men are more inclined to make decisions quicker without emotions getting in the way of their decision making process. They also seem to have a more carefree view of life – they are more able to see the big picture of things where many girls can get caught up with small details and can feel much anxiety because of it. I dislike that most guys, especially our age, are maturing at such a slower rate. It is difficult to date around your own age because some college guys still act like they are in high school. I also dislike how most guys have so much trouble communicating exactly what they are feeling – it’s like pulling teeth to get them to open up. 6551
In my experience, guys generally make better friends than girls do. I really like how they are straight forward and when they really become your friend, it isn’t halfway (unless the guy is a jerk or just confused about how he feels about you). When girls fight with each other or with guys they have this tendency to involve other people and/or be malicious, or just keep it all inside and let the problem fester. The latter, is something that some guys have in common with girls, but generally if guys have an issue with you they’ll tell you that you are annoying them. I also like the protective and practical nature guys tend to have. What I dislike about guys is that they have this tendency towards extremes. They can take the things girls like about them and amplify them to point where it just isn’t appealing anymore. For instance, I like that guys like sports and show some sort of ability to focus their attention towards something with passion. But sometimes when guys are together and are watching sports, they have this tendency to form a bubble which is extremely difficult to penetrate. This is also an example of how them being good friends can backfire on you too. When a guy is with his friends, the outside world can just disappear. His ability to focus on someone/something is admirable but when used to an extreme point, can be extremely annoying. 7147
I like the fact that males always seem to be very protective over their loved ones, whether it is their girlfriend, friends, or even their family members. They always seem to be there whether their assistance is needed or not. What I do not like about males is that at times they may get a little carried away and at times they can be too over-protective. They do not know when enough is enough.7989
In general I like that males are not so involved in drama as females. They seem to stay away from it. I also like that they can provide security and comfort. It makes a woman feel good when they know a man is always by her side. On the other side I do not like that men are so caught up in the physical appearance of their partner. They place a very high emphasis on it which makes them seem shallow.
There are a few male traits I do find desirable, but that are not necessarily present in every male. I think of myself as highly independent, however I do enjoy and admire several traditional roles associated with males. Such as the male instincts to provide for their significant other and/or family and to sometimes be protective, which are traits that usually make women feel safe and valuable. I also like the fact that males don’t seem to be involved with petty arguments and situations as girls usually are. Also, they are able to be more task-oriented, logical, and less emotionally unstable than most woman as well. Supposedly, research has shown that when brain activity of both a male and a female are studied, there is a significant lower amount of brain activity in the male brain than in the female brain at a resting state. This finding provided me with clarity and understanding regarding the cognition of males in general. For the past few years I have been utterly baffled by the actions of my father, brother, and numerous boyfriends. When I am completely excited or upset about something, no matter the level of significance or importance, the male party involved would often have nothing to say regarding the subject. I took their responses as an indicator that they did not care about the subject or event that I was so worked up about. Rather, it seems that they had probably just not thought about it a million times in their head as I had as a woman. Therefore it’s not that they don’t care, but that they just don’t think about things as much as women do. However, to me this reality of the male cognition is highly undesirable. I would much rather communicate with a male partner or family member about the numerous subjects and events that I myself think about and find important. Due to the fact that males seem to think and contemplate about things less than women do, if something is bothering them they may not know exactly what is troubling them because they just simply don’t think about it. Which illustrates yet another dislike I have for males; their lack of cognition results in the stereo-typical male behavior of being unemotional, unattached, and challenged when it comes to verbal communication.7715
I like the fact that guys don’t really hold grudges. When two male friends are arguing they don’t talk about them to other people or even spread lies, rumors, etc. They have a problem with that person and they take it up with them. I also like that they are honest with you. They don’t really sugar coat things. If you ask them something, they have no problem telling you the truth. I hate that guys are very fickle sometimes. They are very much concerned with the physical nature of girls. And when girls want to have something on a deeper level, they freak out as if girls are trying to control them. (1960)
One thing that upsets me about the opposite sex is their violent nature. They are always fighting with each other, or making aggressive comments. I also don’t like how unemotional they can be. They will omit how a situation is making them feel to seem tougher or stronger. I do not view emotions as weaknesses, to me; emotions are what make us human. In my opinion, these two faults are linked. Because men do not let out their emotions, their aggressions must be let out through violence. But on the flip side, men are also very laid back. If I ever have a problem, I know that any male perspective I gain will allow me to look at the problem as being somehow smaller. They do not get caught up in petty arguments or gossip as much as girls. This makes life a lot simpler. In this way, I like being around men because we end up talking about things with more substance than what so-and-so was wearing.
In general, I like how males tend to be protective of girls, behave as polite gentlemen, have a good sense of humor, have very little, if no drama in their lives and that they often do not hurt their friends by holding petty insignificant grudges. I dislike that males often do not take situations seriously; they are carefree and live more in the moment than taking into consideration the future of their relationships or repercussions of their actions. (7254)
When it comes to the opposite sex, I like the fact that they have the ability to be more goofy. Men are more open in their sense of humor, and usually just more free-spirited. I also like how men tend to live more in the moment and enjoy life for what it is right now. What I dislike about men is when they tend to cocky and arrogant. Another thing men tend to lack is thoughtfulness, such as birthdays, anniversaries and just the little things that men tend to forget. Men tend to be more insensitive, just a lack of emotion and always hiding what they are truly feeling.9329
In general I like it when guys are gentlemen and have some courtesy and yet still treat us as equals. It probably sounds like I’m contradicting myself, but I think there is a difference. I like the fact that guys don’t stress over little things like girls do. They take things in stride and don’t worry as much. I like it when guys are straightforward and don’t try to beat around the bush. I also like it that guys don’t worry about their appearance as much as girls do. I think we get so caught up in trying to look good we forget about feeling good about ourselves. What I don’t like about guys is that they can get too egotistical. I also don’t like it when they get so competitive with each other to try to prove that they are stronger, faster or whatever else it is that they compete for. I don’t like when guys think that all girls are pretty much the same that we all cook and clean.(1711)
What I like about the opposite sex, considering that I am a heterosexual female, I like men for the mere fact that they’re not females. I find certain males attractive, some more than others. Vice versa, I like how men are attracted to women. I find it flattering and complimenting when a guy comments on my outfit, hair, fragrance, or any part of my appearance. Girls can compliment girls I know, however, when it originates from a guy, it almost seems to count more. Physically, I like that the male body is on average stronger than the female body. Reason being, I like knowing that if there’s something I’m incapable of doing, for example, opening a jar of pickles or moving furniture, my male counterpart will (hopefully) be able to get the job done. I plan to get married and have children someday, thus I like and am thankful for my future husband (already) that he will make my wants possible.
I like the role that a man ought to have - the caring father, loving husband, and stable career driven man. Now, I know life is no fairytale, so realistically I don’t expect to find prince charming. Hopefully, the perfect man for me will come along. Concerning relationships, I like the “gentlemen” role that men (if they choose to) play. I’m talking about the surprise rose waiting for you on the counter, treating you to dinner, letting you enter first, picking you up for the movies, etc.
Regarding dislikes towards the opposite sex, I will try to identify them without contradicting myself. I don’t like when men hoot and whistle at women in a condescending way. I find it extremely disrespectful and immature. I also find it disrespectful when men assume that we, women are incapable of doing something just because we are women. For example, knowing how to change the oil of a car, doing outdoor activities, and/or understanding and playing sports. (6364)
In general, what I like most about men is that when guys face a problem with another person, man or woman; he confronts the person right away and does not deal with catty little drama. While one woman may face a problem with someone and keep her bad feelings to herself, letting them brew up inside of her, waiting to explode at any minute, a man may rectify the situation almost immediately. This immediate rectification leads to less drama, and I find that to be a huge accomplishment for men. However, I do not like how men’s views on fidelity are typically skewed and can vary from women’s views on fidelity. For example, my father cheated on my mother, ending their twenty-five year marriage; my mother was absolutely crushed but my parents still tried to make things work. During this time, as hurt as my mother was, the thought of cheating on my father never once crossed her mind. And the worst part is that fifteen years later, my father still does not recognize he did anything wrong and does not show any regret towards the matter; perhaps this is simply a way of coping for him. Regardless, this example shows the skewed views between man and woman about fidelity. (4656)
I like how guys can be like little kids and enjoy doing very simple things. I also like how they may know a lot about cars, sports, or video games. I just like, in general, that they are different than girls in the way that they interact with people. Sometimes they can connect with people on a more superficial level than girls can and actually get along. I do not like it when they are chauvinistic and think that they are better than girls just because they are boys. I also don’t like it when they are very immature and do things that most girls would consider stupid because of the risks involved. (6963)
I like how the opposite sex is more carefree and risky. In general, males are raised and expected to be outgoing and athletic, which often entitles taking risks. In contrast, females are raised and expected to be proper and detail oriented. Of course, there are many exceptions today, but for the most part these expectations and standards still exist. I enjoy athletic activities and being outdoors, so these general characteristics that pertain to males work to my benefit. The tendency for males to think they are better than females at almost everything aggravates me. The patriarchy that existed for so long in our country and still exists throughout the world, in some areas more than others, is disturbing. Men are not better than women and vice-a-versa. Although I still encounter patriarchal comments and behaviors every now and then, I have noticed its depreciation. The fact that more women are enrolled in universities and are receiving degrees also foreshadows a further decline of such attitudes and behaviors. 2156
#3. What is the one thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about your own sex?
I feel that most men do not understand that every woman has different reactions to a certain situation. We are individuals and we do not all act in one set and specific way. I feel that guys have stereotyped women as inconsiderate emotional messes. Instead of assuming how women are going to react to a situation based on the reaction of a previous girlfriend, men should give women some time to share and express their own feelings. Men should never assume “Isn’t that what all girls would do?" The answer is NO; we are all different people with different needs and wants. 3220
I think that women are generally perceived as emotional balls of wreckage. It’s perceived that women are constantly crying and being emotional and sharing their feelings and wanting to talk about our feelings. On some level that is true but it’s not a constant thing. I think that to be a well balanced human being, a display of emotion is completely normal once in a while. However, it’s not like women are crying every five seconds of the day. And wanting to share feelings and talk about them is not an everyday occurrence for women. But once in a while, especially with partners of the opposite sex, it is necessary to share and talk about our feelings, it will further a relationship and make the couple closer. Men may misunderstand women when they want to talk about their relationship as a sign of a problem but it is not, it’s mostly a matter of communication to maintain a healthy relationship.
Not all girls are catty. We don’t gossip about everyone nor bitch every second about minute things. If we nag you, it is because you have ignored something important that we have brought up lightly in conversation about you, and that nagging you is the only way to make sure it gets done and not overlooked again. 6237
And there are things too that I think men do not give women credit for and stereotype woman’s actions and emotions to their gender. I think that more men do not understand women’s emotions and their sensitivity. In so many situations I feel men look at female emotions as a negative rather then a positive thing.
The opposite sex does not understand that females overanalyze everything, therefore they need to be careful with their actions. Most guys don’t really think before they act and they end up hurting females. Males also do not understand that even though they have been in a romantic relationship with a female for years, females still love and expect little gifts such as flowers, cards, candy etc. Furthermore, males don’t realize that women are very powerful, intelligent, and important in this world, which is why they need to be nice to females, especially their mothers. 0497
I think they believe that we are really sensitive and we are but its not like we are a house of cards and also that they think that we are not capable of doing the same things as them such as seeing three people at the same time I think guys completely underestimate girls, because unlike them girls don’t go flaunting that they can see multiple people at the same time. I also feel that the opposite sex misunderstands our actions such as our intentions when we do something I think that we have all of these different motives but in reality we really don’t, I feel like they have more hidden motives than we do. More importantly I feel like the opposite sex thinks that we are very fragile but in reality we aren’t we can be at times but its not like they should be constantly walking on eggshells around us. We are independent and do things for ourselves more often than people believe. 1219
I think the one thing the men most misunderstand and get most frustrated with, is that when they ask if something is wrong, women almost always answer, “Nothing.” Men need to know that women do not actually mean nothing, but there are hidden meanings to this answer. I think men need to just take the “nothing” answer in stride and work through it to really understand what is bothering their partner. When a man asks a woman if something is wrong, she will almost always say, “Nothing.” A women usually answers nothing because they are so upset they do not even want to talk about the situation. Also, the women gets even more upset when a man asks because she wants the man to already know what he did wrong. I think women also like the men to be persistent and show them a lot of attention after they did something wrong; therefore, when they say “nothing” they want the man to continually ask and insist on finding out how to make things better. 8623
I think that the opposite sex misunderstands the reason women cry. They think that we are just emotional to be full of drama when we are actually emotional because something in our heart hurts. Just because they are able to hide their emotions, does not mean that we have to also and I think that they expect us to do that.
I think that opposite sex misunderstands the fact that females are “moody.” I do not change my mood often and for no reason. If I am provoked, however, I will change my disposition. However, I do not think this makes us moody. Instead I believe that we are just more sensitive to comments and actions that the opposite sex may perform. 9800
The one thing males generally misunderstand about females is our cycle of emotional imbalances. I feel as if when in an argument with a male they often brush the argument off as if the female does not understand. They seem to believe that the females’ argument is irrelevant because their thoughts are fogged by their emotions. Females do tend to be more emotional than males. However, in general these imbalances are cyclical, occurring every month, but not every day. So using this as an excuse to disregard an argument is not legitimate.
One thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about females is how we are very emotional and usually expect the guy to know what we want him to do, even if we do not explicitly tell him so. As females, we oftentimes expect guys to think like we do, and if they do something contrary to that, we get upset or frustrated with them. I see how this may be kind of confusing and difficult from a guy’s perspective, but maybe they should just try to be considerate and try to understand our emotional needs and perspective as well, so that maybe we could compromise and get along better. (ID: 7558)
One thing the opposite sex most misunderstands about females is our need for communication. They seem to think that talking about a relationship is a scary, bad thing; while for us it is just something that’s necessary so we know we’re both on the same page. It really shouldn’t be that big of a problem but it seems to come up in most relationships. 6551
Confidence. Guys have to realize that there are times when it is okay to lie to a girl when her feelings are at stake. If a girl asks you if she looks fat in something, you could stretch the truth by saying no but you liked something else better. Girls generally just want you to show an interest and if they ask you how they look they want to know you approve. You never lie about the major stuff like where you were and who you were with (hopefully a guy isn’t dumb enough to do something that would damage the relationship anyway so these questions wouldn’t be a big deal). But when it is something about her don’t be brutally honest or blunt, tell the truth in a nice way or if it isn’t a big deal, lie (when in doubt though, tell the truth). Chances are the girl has a low self-confidence anyways so if you care about her, you try to build it, not destroy the little she has. 7147
They do not understand that women like to talk and have open communication. They do not understand that women do not like that they always seem to hide or push away their emotions; They need to open up more and feel comfortable talking with their partner about many different things. 7989
I think females are often viewed as weak. This is a big misunderstanding because women are in fact very strong. I think that they are even stronger than men because they were not always handed everything to them. Women had to fight for equality and that shows extreme strength. As mentioned above, I believe that since women seem to be thinking more often than males do throughout the day they develop thoughts and opinions regarding several events and subjects. I think that when in a relationship especially, women take part in this far more often than their male partners do. Women then expect their male partner to have put in the same amount of consideration about the subject and sometimes become agitated if they have not. This is something that males seem to be absolutely unable to comprehend. They have no idea why their female partner is upset with them, they become defensive, and have no clue how to go about solving the problem at hand. Most likely, the male doesn’t even know that there was a problem or subject that required thought in the first place. Further, they do not understand why women seem to always want to “talk” about things. If women aren’t satisfied with how a situation played out and things were never talked about, women can sometimes build up that frustration and eventually blow up at the male. Again, males do not understand this behavior or the fact they can solve the problem by just quickly talking about it with the female. 7715
Guys misunderstand the fact that girls aren’t always crazy. A lot of the times guys make these girls crazy by the games they are trying to play. I know so many girls who entered a relationship as normal and have come out as crazy as can be. Girls don’t want to be like that, but some reason guys give us a reason to. We just want to be respected and appreciated as a person.(1960)
One of the biggest misconceptions about women is this image that women are objects: stupid and there for your enjoyment. I think that women are seen as lesser or weaker in the workplace, at school, etc. This can work to women’s advantage in that we are allowed a lot more leeway in terms of making excuses for mistakes. But it bothers me to be talked down to by men. Situations where I feel talked down to arise mainly with intelligence or handling money. Men think that women are just spending money without thinking, that shopping is the only cardio we are getting, or that we need their help with school otherwise we’ll fail. I know a ton of smart women who are careful with their money and doing excellently in their schoolwork. If a man thinks a women is intelligent, it is a conditional intelligence, I.E. She is smart for a woman.
I think they can misunderstand the strength that women have. Many things woman can do as well, if not better, than men and they may often think that because we are usually physically smaller or more sensitive that we do not have the ability to do things as well as men. (6963)
I believe that males most misunderstand girl’s communication patterns which are sometimes unclear and full of hints and subtleties. (7254)
The one thing males generally misunderstand about females is our cycle of emotional imbalances. I feel as if when in an argument with a male they often brush the argument off as if the female does not understand. They seem to believe that the females’ argument is irrelevant because their thoughts are fogged by their emotions. Females do tend to be more emotional than males. However, in general these imbalances are cyclical, occurring every month, but not every day. So using this as an excuse to disregard an argument is not legitimate. 2156
What men most misunderstand about women is their need to feel socially close to people, especially that of their significant other. Women have the need to feel secure and want men to prove it. Sometimes men misunderstand the security that women want as being over emotional.9329
I think the one thing that guys always seem to misunderstand is our mood swings. They are always saying that our moods change to the other extreme with no reason and warning. I’m not saying that we are not emotional, but for the most part we can’t control it. Not all girls get PMS but for those who do we are an emotional mess. We can be happy, annoyed, sad, angry and so many other emotions more. Sometimes we are only one emotion, sometimes we are all of them and to the extreme.. And then there is the thing where pregnant woman are impossible, its because of their hormones going crazy. I just think that guys don’t take this into consideration.(1711)
Our sensitivity. Even if in a sarcastic tone, I say, “these pants make me look fat” (the killer subject, I know). And he responds, “well, not that much.” However, I can’t blame him for being honest. I just wish sometimes that men were mind readers. I guess that is part of females overanalyzing everything, which is another womanly subject that men don’t seem to understand and actually I think hold it against us for being as so instead of trying to understand. (6364) One major thing I think that men misunderstand about women is that not all of us are fake and catty. Because some women can be overly dramatic, fake, and petty, I feel that men make a generalization that all women are this. But, I do not feel this so. Examining my actions and those of my close girlfriends, I know that we are neither fake nor catty. I suppose one bad apple, or a few in this case, can spoil the whole bunch. (4656)
#4. Think about a time when you found yourself particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex. What characteristics of that person do you think attracted you? What was the most important factor that attracted you to this person, e.g., physical appearance, personality traits, self-confidence, social status, friendly gestures toward you, etc.?
The last time I found myself particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex, I was most attracted to the fact that he was very well-rounded. Not only did I find him to be very attractive (tall, dark and handsome), but he was also extremely intelligent and graduated college with Honors and is now attending one of the most prestigious graduate schools on the East Coast. He was also very involved in extracurricular activities such as playing football, tutoring elementary school children and participating in many on campus clubs and organizations. Furthermore, he was definitely a “guy’s guy”, but was also very sweet and romantic. While on a date, he was very chivalry – open doors, pay for outings, made sure I arrived home at a reasonable hour, etc … As I got to know him more and more I realized that he was truly one of the few and hard to find genuine nice guys. 3220
This one instance when I was attracted to this person of the opposite sex sticks out in my mind because he was so outgoing was always at the best places to be he was different from anyone that I had ever met. He was friends with everyone I knew and was always in a good mood and whenever I hung out with him it was always a good time, no matter what. What first attracted me to this person was his physical appearance he was like 6’3 black hair muscular really nice bone structure dark eyes and a nice smile. He was so funny and sarcastic was just always in a good mood that I was automatically attracted to him. I think what I first noticed about him was his posture he stood straight and carried himself well and always wore a smile on his face and was always dressed very well. He was jus so well rounded and whenever I was around him I just got such good vibes and had such a great time that I could not help but be attracted to him because I had nothing but positive feelings about and around him. 1219
One such guy that I will reminisce on was the first guy that I meet when I started college. The first thing that attracted me to the guy was his physical appearance. He had longer dark hair which drove me crazy. He had a lean build. And his smile was so endearing and friendly, as well as his laugh that came from that smile. He seemed like a funny, nice guy. And when he laughed, I couldn’t help but smile. Then as I got to know him further it was not only his looks that kept me attracted to him but also he was very flirty and very sure of himself. He would try to play humble and say comments like “Oh girls don’t like me.” But I think that was part of his charm. Well it certainly charmed me as well as other girls. Even though he would say he was humble, he would still be touchy feely and flirty in that way, which was a sign that he was sure of himself. As I got to know him more than just a crush and more as a friend, I still liked him, I would never hook up with him though because it would ruin the friendship, unless of course it would start a relationship, but I wouldn’t know with him. Knowing him as a friend however, I think he is a great guy. He is smart, talented, good hearted, and intuitive to women’s wants and would make any girl happy. So for him, it’s a blend of his looks, his attitude and his personality traits that caused me to be attracted to him.
The last time I was particularly attracted to the opposite sex I was extremely attracted to his physical appearance and his confidence. I think the most attractive thin about him was his appearance because he was my exact type. He was tall, very well built, dark hair, great eyes, chiseled bone structure, and of course, tattoos! Not only was the guy extremely good looking, but he carried himself with confidence. The confidence was not so much that he seemed cocky. He was confident, but also sweet and innocent at the same time. I think what intrigued me the most about this guy is that he carried a “bad boy” appearance, but he acted like a sweet, innocent gentleman. 8623
The male was a gentlemen, sweet, honest, straight forward but in a nice way. He was a good dancer, funny, outgoing, and has a very close relationship with his mother. He was also very confident but not in a cocky manner. He loves himself and values his family. He is also an overachiever, athletic, and intelligent. When we first started dating, he would respect my body and avoid any sexual physical touching until he got to know me better, which I found even more attractive. He also had a passion for dancing, art, and music. Physically, his height and muscles were also very attractive. 0497
Physical appearance and confidence is definitely the first thing that attracts me to men. I love tall, athletic men (preferably 6’0 and above) with dark hair and blue eyes. The first boyfriend I fell head over heels for was 6’6 basketball player with blue eyes and dark brown hair. He was also fantastically intelligent and very friendly. I could never date someone who didn’t have a sense of humor or who was not very intelligent. Humor and brains trumps appearance in my dating world. If he is moderately attractive, but is very funny and smart, I would much rather date him than a brainless pretty boy with chiseled abs and a plastic smile. 6237
The characteristics that attract me to the opposite sex are, of course, physical appearance, but also maturity level, ambition, if he is a gentleman, honesty, and friendliness. For the most part the main characteristic that I find attractive in the opposite sex is his personality. I think that if he can catch me with his charm and kind gestures towards me and others then his appearance is not that important anymore.
In this instance, I was very attracted to the fact that he was smart, good looking, and funny. He was friendly and had a quick wit. What also attracted me to him was that he was intelligent but laid back and could have a good time with friends. 9800
What attracted me to the last male I was interested in was first, his physical appearance. He was handsome, clear skinned, tall, muscular and athletic. After engaging in conversation, his outgoing and social personality, as well as his self-confidence, made him even more attractive. For me, the most important factor for overall attraction is personality. To me, it doesn’t matter if a male is tall, athletic and handsome if he lacks intelligence and personality. 2156
When I first become attracted to someone, it is usually a combination of characteristics which leads me to feel that way. Oftentimes, it is their appearance that draws me to them, particularly because it is what we see first. This not only refers to how a guy looks physically, but also the clothes he wears, his posture, and the way he presents himself, in general. Although appearance may be the fist thing that I notice, it is not really the most important thing for me. I really value a guy’s personality, a good sense of humor, and the way he treats and interacts with people. I am even more attracted to a guy, though, if by getting to know him better, I realize that we have similar interests, hobbies, goals, beliefs, values, etc… (ID: 7558)
Initially, I am most attracted to guys that are extremely confident. This isn’t necessarily a good thing, but it is something that I notice right away. Also, a guy with a good sense of humor who can take a joke is something else that I am attracted to. As far as appearance goes, I notice a guy’s eyes and smile first, but also height is very important to me as I am mostly only attracted to guys who are taller than me. 6551
For me personally, I don’t really have a physical type. What attracted me to the guys that I liked were the way that they treated me. They were nice to me and they made me laugh and were generally easy to talk to. The guys that I really liked began with them being my friends. They trusted me like I trusted them and they weren’t ashamed to be with me. I liked the guys I could tease and they could tease me back and no harm was ever done. They were smart about most things and generally too smart because they always figured out that I liked them. I just like guys I can click with and have a confidence I lack (but hopefully not too much) and can complement me in some ways and understand me in others. 7147
I think it was a combination of many factors that may lead me to being attracted to a male. First, there are always first impressions which includes lots of factors especially, appearance. Next, I would have to say that personality is the next biggest factor. And it only comes after appearance because the majority of the time, you see someone before you get to really know them. But there can also be situations where you may not like someone’s appearance at all but after time passes and you really get to know them, you begin to love their personality and them as a person. 7989
Things that attracted me to someone of the opposite sex were his looks, his sense of humor, and his personality. The thing that really drew me in was when he showed me affection and made it clear that he liked me. Once I knew that he liked me I began to like him even more.
I think that initial physical attractive is absolutely imperative when considering attraction to the opposite sex. I am definitely physically attracted to males that are tall, muscular, good-looking, confident, well-liked, and moderately aggressive. However, much of the male population has these physical traits and physical attraction can happen with virtually anyone. Therefore I also look for other behavioral traits when I am physically attracted to someone. I am not attracted to males who seem overly dominant, overly concerned with their bodies, too aggressive, or disrespectful in any way. The trait that usually grabs my attention the most however, is their gestures and behaviors towards me. For example, if I am at a party or social gathering with someone who I am getting to know and am physically attracted to, I expect us both to do our own thing while at the party. However, if we have been independently socializing for the majority of the party, I love if he would make a moderate effort to acknowledge that I am still there with some sort of gesture. No matter how small the gesture, I respect and admire the consideration and effort of his behavior. 7715
. The most things I find attractive in a person of the opposite sex is their ability to hold a conversation. I can tell within five minutes of talking to someone if it’s going to go anywhere. Of course, physical attractiveness initially draws me to the person but it is their personality that keeps me there. The one quality I look for in a guy is sense of humor. If you don’t have that, then there is nothing that will come out of that.(1960)
One thing I found really attractive about this person was his intelligence. He was smart and he was not afraid to show it. Another thing that really attracted me was how comfortable I felt around him. I never felt like I was in danger, or that he might try something that I was not okay with. Those were the traits that really set him apart from other men I had met, but I think the thing that attracted me initially was his physical characteristics. I believe the characteristics that attracted me most to this specific person were their friendliness and kindness towards me. We were each other’s best friend at the time. He treated me very well and would often stick up for me in front of our classmates. (7254)
What attracts me most to a man is definitely their personality. A man must be able to lure me in and if he can actually make me feel comfortable to be myself around him, then that’s points for him. When the time is appropriate, touch can show that someone is into you and is gesture that they are comfortable with you and almost a sense of closeness. Physical attraction has to be somewhat there because that is always the first thing noticed.9329 For me the first thing that attracts me to a guy is his physical appearance. I look at their eyes, hair and smile. Since I am a tall girl I want a guy who is also tall, so height is also something that attracts me. I don’t have a type because whenever I think a guy is attractive they don’t seem to share any characteristics. So I am not picky, yet in a sense I am because there are certain things that I don’t look for in a guy. Even though initial attraction is because of his physical appearance, the most important factor for me would be his personality traits such as; a sense of humor, charisma, and of course common interests. (1711)
I think a large influence on what makes the opposite sex attractive to me is their body language. How he carries himself. Is he confident? Socially comfortable around people? Or is he insecure? Can I tell? Next to how he presents himself is physical appearance probably because it is most easily accessible and visible to me even when I’m not necessarily eye to eye with him or engaged in a conversation. I’m also a sucker for someone who can make me laugh and make other people laugh as well. So, a good sense of humor is a must. (6364)
Thinking about a time I found myself particularly attracted to man, the characteristics that attracted me to him most were physical appearance, a sense of humor, confidence, flirtatiousness, and self-assurance, to name just a few. All of these characteristics are important, but the most important of all these are personality traits. (4656)
For me, personality traits are first and foremost. I guy can be very physically attractive, but if he has a bad personality, I will not find him attractive at all. Guys that may only be considered average, will become very attractive if they have a good personality. Self-confidence is a huge factor too because I will not be attracted to a guy who does not think highly of himself. Social status does not matter too much because most guys I meet are not in a specific social setting for me to attach them too. (6963)
#5. In your opinion, what are the strengths and weaknesses of the opposite sex? I feel that the strengths of the opposite sex include the fact that most men are more aware of their surroundings. This is extremely important when faced with a dangerous situation at hand. I feel that many men sense when they are in danger and are quick to act on their gut feelings as opposed to many women who can be naïve in such situations. Furthermore, I feel that men are much more practical and take a much more realistic approach rather than an idealistic approach as many women do when faced with an important decision. As far as the weaknesses of the opposite sex, I feel that many men have jealously and controlling issues when in a relationship. In addition, I also believe that many men have problems with fidelity and remaining faithful. I feel that many men are easily distracted and more likely to cheat on their partner. Lastly, I feel that men are much more stubborn and set in their ways than women. Men are much less willing to compromise which can be exceedingly difficult when trying to settle a conflict or argument. 3220
First off the weaknesses, men are insensitive or rather not intone with women’s feelings. They do not sense when women are feeling angry or sad, until a woman blows up and cries and then of course, women are just overreacting. Another weakness is their lack of being in touch with their feelings. If men are seen as in touch with their feelings, they will be teased as being girly or feminine. But I think it is a good healthy trait to be able to acknowledge and deal with ones feelings. As for strengths, one of their strengths is a weakness I pointed out. It’s nice that men aren’t overly in touch with their feelings as women are. Women are enough in touch with their feelings for one relationship. I think that if men were just as in touch with their feelings as women then it would be too much in a relationship. It would be like two women in a relationship so that means double the worrying, obsessing, and wanting to discuss a relationship. Another strength is lack of drama men have. Because they are not as catty as women and don’t feel the need to constantly discuss their guy peers, not as much drama erupts. This I think makes men more easygoing and happier in general because they don’t have the negative energy of gossip weighing them down.
Some of the strengths of the opposite sex are that they are able to cope with many different situations and not have a mental break down like many girls would do. They sit there and think about what is going on and then problem solve. They also make do with what they have and don’t make excuses for themselves if something doesn’t turn out the way it should. I also think another strength of the opposite sex is that they are good at constructing things and in reality they have better knowledge of ho to assemble or fix random things, unlike girls who sit there and over analyze the set of directions provided. Some of the weaknesses is that they are very closed-minded and only believe in what they want to believe and do not give people a chance to try and change their minds. They are also closed of emotionally because they cannot relate to others or sympathize with people as much as women can, its more like they are puzzled by someone in distress rather than putting themselves in their shoes and seeing why the person would be so distressed. 1219
Men are very driven and straight forward. They are vicious when they want something, and this trait often gets them ahead in the corporate world. A major weakness of men is that they are often insensitive and not understanding when things don’t go their way. 6237
I think the strengths of men are that they are strong and masculine. They are athletic and usually great with technology. A strength of men is also that they are hard working. A weakness of men is that they are not considerate about feelings. They do not consider others’ feelings, and they try to hide their own. Another weakness of men is that that they are very headstrong and stubborn. They usually want it their way, and nothing else. 8623
Some strengths about the opposite sex is that most of them are masculine and stronger than females. They can also fix things easier than females or at least have friends that would be able to. Therefore, sometimes having a guy around makes things easier, for example if you’re moving or trying to fix some lights in the house. In addition, males are also sometimes easier to talk to then females, because females tend to exaggerate. Females also gossip a lot more than males. On the contrary, most men have a hard time expressing their emotions. Males do not open up as easily as females. So as females, we have to always work hard at helping the men open up. Men, also do not understand the amount of the pain and discomfort a females goes through when it is time for her menstrual period. In addition, men have a hard time accepting they are wrong.0497
The strengths of the opposite sex are that they are more laid-back, can joke around more readily, are spontaneous, and protective toward women. The weaknesses of the opposite sex are that they are too immature, can be too dominating or jealous, can be egotistical, and don’t pay attention to detail. I think with men, a lot of there weaknesses could be because they take their strengths and over exaggerate them. It is when the things we like become too much that they soon become a weakness. Everything is good in moderation. For example, to be confident is a strength, but to be egotistical is a weakness.
I think that the strengths of the opposite sex are that they are protective, straightforward, adventurous and chivalrous. I think that the weaknesses of the opposite sex are jealousy, infidelity, and insensitivity. 9800
I find the strengths of males to be their general sense of needing to succeed, dominate and take risks. For instance, a male needs to succeed in school and in the work force in order to provide for his family. In order to achieve success, taking risks is often a main factor and dominance is often the ultimate goal. I believe the weaknesses of males are their immaturity and their inability or difficulty to express their emotions. Males often mature later than females. In general, I believe they find it difficult to transfer their energy of being carefree and risky to being organized and driven in the work force. Also, males are generally raised to hide or suppress their emotions, which becomes an issue with dating later in life. 2156
In my opinion, men’s strengths include their competitive nature and determination, emotional strength, physical strength, and their ability to keep things straightforward and avoid drama. A guy’s competitive spirit allows him to be determined and confident, which ultimately helps him to achieve his goals. Although this is a strength, it can also be a weakness if a guy is overly confident or arrogant, and becomes too controlling. Emotional strength is beneficial to a guy, because it helps him to not be held back by his feelings, and to be able to bounce back quickly from difficult situations, while maintaining this image of masculinity and toughness. This too, however can be a weakness, though, if a guy constantly bottles up his emotions and does not learn how to effectively deal with and express his emotions. This can be harmful to the guy, himself, and others around him, and can lead him to eventually have an emotional lapse due to all these bottled-up emotions. Physical strength enables a guy to protect himself and others, and also to be helpful, such as with moving heavy things, etc. In regards to physical strength, though, I see it as a weakness if guys are always eager to resolve their problems through violence. (ID: 7558)
As far as strengths of the opposite sex go, I think males tend to be very ambitious and know what they want to achieve out of life. They are also very good leaders and have more of an inclination to take initiative and to protect others. They can be emotionally unavailable which is a strength and a weakness. As a strength, being unemotional can help in situations where emotions need to be put aside and decisions need to be made. However, in forming relationships, whether friendships or romantic relationships, being unemotional is a huge sign of weakness. 6551
I think that a males inability to understand womens emotions at times is a weakness. I think that a males inability to connect with women emotionally sometimes the way a woman would like can be a weakness, as well as their tendency to hide how they are feeling and unable to share with their own friends and females. Issues of jealousy and being too laid back can also be weaknesses of men. Males also have many strengths. They are very determined, self assured, laid back, honest, less petty, funny, and most importantly don’t get caught up in the same things females do. 5685
In my opinion, a guy’s strengths are what make him easy to be with. Guys have this ability of making a potentially awkward situation, something to laugh about. They are impulsive, protective and confident. The thing is, a guy’s strength can easily turn into his weakness due to his tendency to do things in the extreme. Things are better when done in small and even doses. So, I would argue that a guy’s strengths are also his weaknesses. 7147
Strengths__: they have more physical strength. __Weaknesses: The main weakness that I have noticed with males is that at times they can become too dependent. This just may be a cultural thing. For examples, all of the males I have encountered from this race are very dependent and this dependence can make them become a little lazy. I have seen them dependent on their families for materialistic items (cars, money, and bill payments), for food (to be cooked and served to them), as well as for living arrangements. In other words, these men are not very independent at and are somewhat spoiled! 7989
In my opinion, the strengths of the opposite sex include level headedness, practical, hard working, strong, and masculine. Weaknesses include their inability or unwillingness to express feeling and emotions; as well as their inclination to fight with their fists.
I think a strength that males have is that they are able to concentrate on a given task and achieve their goals well, since males don’t occupy their thoughts with the same things that females do. They seem to be extremely logical as well, which I think is also a strength since emotions often interfere with women’s thoughts. In areas that do not pertain to academics and occupations, such as relationships and family, the absence of emotion and thought in men I see to be a weakness. Men often have very unsuccessful friendships and relationships because of the lack of effort and emotion they put in. So even though they present themselves as emotionally stable and are able to successfully achieve many goals and desires, their personal relationships may suffer if treated in the same manner. 7715
The strengths of the opposite sex are strength, personality, ability to make you feel safe, companionship. The weaknesses are stubbornness, machismo (in some cases), intimidation of the opposite sex. (1960)
The strengths and weaknesses are essentially what I have answered in the previous questions. Their weaknesses are their violent nature, lack of emotional expression, and inability to commit. Their strengths are their ability to avoid petty arguments and to give a more simple perspective to a problem.
I feel the strengths of the opposite sex are their ability to not let their emotions get in the way of accomplishing the things they need to do. Unlike girls, who will often get bogged down if they are having a bad day and will be unable to successfully accomplish things and will be unable to focus throughout the day, males do not let a bad day hinder them. Another strong positive characteristic the opposite sex possesses is their loyalty to their other male friends. If a male friend of theirs confides in them they will keep it solely between them and not gossip. A weakness I feel males have is their inability to look to the future, especially when it comes to their serious relationships with females. Males are often caught in the moment and are not thinking what will happen in a year or six months or how their actions will affect the future of their relationships. (7254)
The strengths of men are there instinct to protect. This goes along with their all together physical strength and feeling protected when with someone of the opposite sex. They like to be the providers and care for their family, friends etc in a time of need, whether it be financially or physically. Men overall like to take care of a woman’s main needs. The weaknesses of the opposite sex is lack of communication skills. They are not well trained in how to express their emotions because of societal rules in that it is not ok for a man to be emotional. When it comes to relationships, men typically have a harder time of knowing how to deal with a situation. Another weakness in males is their emphasis on the visual appearance of women. Men can be very shallow when it comes liking women for who they are versus just for the way they look. 9329
The strengths of the opposite sex would be that they are emotionally detached when it comes to getting something done. The fact that they don’t let emotions get in the way is a strength. Things can get done efficiently and with less mistakes when you are not carrying any excess baggage. Thinking about the stuff that is stressing you out only makes you worry more and it cannot do the task or your mind any good. Immaturity is a male’s weakness. Because of this they cant be taken seriously and probably cant have meaningful, serious relationships because they are not emotionally mature yet. (1711) This obviously depends on the individual. Emotionally, I like that the majority of men are not as emotional as women. Meaning, men are less dramatic and I like having a pillar of strength, so to speak, to give me perspective when I’m being too much of a “woman” - emotional and dramatic. Granted, I admit, I like to have my gossip sessions and catch up on the latest fads and styles with my girls, but sometimes I need a change of pace. As for weaknesses…hygiene. Men are typically known for being less hygienic than women. But hey, sense they are, they can get away with it. Sometimes, honestly I envy men because of it. I would love not having to shave my legs and be able to buzz my head. And not that I “have” to do anything, but to certain extent women are expected to do and not do certain things according to the trends of society. Men’s lack of cleanliness bothers me on occasion. I don’t like when they wear dirty close or when I can smell their dirty close. I don’t know if men are aware of this all the time, but we - everyone can see when they scratch themselves in public and we can hear them when they burp. A personal pet peeve of mine, I hate when guys have long finger and toe nails – EW! (6364) In my opinion, some of men’s strengths include confidence, independence, physical strength, and logical thinking. On the other hand, some of men’s weaknesses include trying to be too macho and to hide emotions. (4656)
One major strength is physical strength. Those guys that work out and are athletic are very strong and fast, more so than girls because of their body types and hormones. Another strength is that they are mentally tough and can endure things that most girls would not be able too. They are also level-headed because they tend not to overreact to things. They can lighten the mood because they use their humor to brush off things that are too serious. They can also be fun to talk to and hang out with because they have different viewpoints than girls. Their weaknesses are that they may have trouble understanding other people’s feelings and being sensitive to their needs. In times of stress, guys may not be able to help each other through. They can also be too stubborn and feel the need to come off as strong and manly. Therefore, they do not listen well or try to show off. They can also hurt the feeling of girls by not being truthful and dating multiple girls at once. Another major problem is their problems with communication and not saying what they mean. (6963)
#6. Can you think of any instances in which you have personally been treated unfairly by the opposite sex? If so, give a brief description of what happened.
Yes, I have in fact been treated unfairly by the opposite sex. For instance, I have had a boyfriend not let me watch certain things on the news that were violent or particularly graphic because he didn't want me to see them. I am not a child and I do not need to be shielded from watching "bad things", especially things that he found appropriate for him to watch. Also, a boy I dated felt that he needed to set a few restrictions on me in terms of how many times he felt a girl should go out. He distinctly stated that “a girl who goes out with her girlfriends more than twice a month is asking for it”. I’m assuming “it” meant being on the hunt for attention and action from guys. We stopped dating shortly after that comment because I found it ridiculous that he was attempting to set limits and boundaries in regards to when, with who and how many times I could go out. 3220
One instance when I think I was treated unreasonably and unfairly by the opposite sex occurred quite recently and still angers me. Recently meaning four months ago. Well earlier this year, I was seeing a guy. Not to be confused with dating a guy because that would entail actually going out on dates which we never did. So I was “seeing” this guy. He went to another school in Pasadena, so we would see each other on the weekends and hang out. When the relationship was not progressing as I had wanted and I begun to question whether or not he was in to me and not just using me, I begun to feel rather bad about myself. And of course the only way I could alleviate my pain was to talk to him about it. So when I asked him what we were doing and if he even liked me, he got pigheaded. He said of course I like you, you are a fun girl to hang out with, however, I thought we were just having fun as friends and never had any intention to go beyond that. Ok that ticked me off because really I don’t think any girl becomes involved with a guy just for fun, the guy should expect that the girl would want it to progress in to a relationship. Maybe I’m stupid and on some level knew that this guy was just using me and just didn’t want to confront it because I liked him. I feel like this guy didn’t even give me a chance, from the first encounter I think he categorized me as a “friend”. So I feel that I wasn’t given a chance and therefore treated really unfairly. Had he given me a chance maybe he would have realized that I am amazing and would have been the best girlfriend ever!...but he’ll never know that now.
One time that I was treated unfairly by the opposite sex was when I was younger and I wanted to play dodge ball and I was the only girl that wanted to play. I knew that I wasn’t going to be first pick because the boys would never do that and they believed they were better than me. I wasn’t last pick because I was better than most of the boys but I realized then that they thought in general that I would not be as good as them in most things and I was determined to prove them wrong and with that I won the game and was the last one in and proved them all wrong. But at that young age I realized that I would always have to prove myself because people were always going to think that boys would be better at physical things than me. 1219
I am a very athletic, strong female. I like contact sports and play them well. I have had guys say “oh, its just girls playing sports… its not real sports” and it makes me want to punch them. Just because I am female does not mean that I am incapable of athleticism or rough play. I understand that girls are not as physically strong as men (it’s an anatomical fact), but females are at the same physical level as one another and therefore play just as hard as the boys when playing sports. Sexual harassment is also a huge problem. I have had my chest grabbed, my butt grabbed, and even my arm grabbed as a man tried to pull me in his direction. Granted, each of the men who touched me received a swift physical blow, it made me feel subhuman and truly objectified. 6237
When I was a sophomore in high school, some of the men at my work would constantly comment on my physical appearance. While what they were saying wasn’t necessarily inappropriate, it was unfair that they would always have to say things about the way I looked – especially because I was 15 years old and they were in their thirties. It made me feel uncomfortable in my workplace and I always dreaded having to walk by them. 6551
An instance in which I was treated unfairly by the opposite sex was two summers ago. I was seeing this guy, we had hung out a few times and gone on a few dates. For some reason, the dating faded due to both of us being too busy to hang out anymore, and we just stopped contacting one another. Coming into the school year, I contacted the guy to see how he was doing, and I got no response. The first time I saw the guy he acted as if he did not even know me, but he showered my best friend, who he had never met before, with all his attention. My best friend, being amazing, knew what was going on and she kept turning him down, but I was still angered by the situation. I feel that the guy lashed out at me for nothing. 8623
I can’t think of any personal experiences, but I have noticed some inequalities in some of my friends’ romantic relationships. The males basically go out as much as they want to but when it comes down to their girlfriends going out, they get very upset. One friend in particularly, does not go out unless her boyfriend does. This is very unfair, which is why I have conversed with her boyfriend about the topic. He claims that she is not confident and wise enough to handle herself in a party scene. His response made me so furious because I know that is truly not the case. He also believes that as a female, she should stay home and wait for him, while he goes out.0497
An instance where I have been personally treated unfairly by the opposite sex is when I have been accused of cheating because I have male friends. Many people think that if you are a woman, you cannot have male friends without having other intentions. This is entirely untrue, but a common stereotype that men use to their advantage.
One of my boyfriend’s friends has treated me unfairly. When I first started dating my boyfriend he introduced me to a few of his friends. At that time I was 2 years younger than all of them so I was little nervous and self-conscious being around all of them. As a result, I was very quiet and did not say much. Later that night, my boyfriend’s friend told me that he though I was stupid just because I wasn’t speaking too much. Definitely an unfair assessment since I had only met him an hour earlier. 9800
At the beginning of my last relationship, I was personally offended when my boyfriend did not invite me to watch a football game with his friends. He did not think I would want to and that therefore I would be a distraction. He thought I would be bored of watching football, even though it happens to be one of my favorite sports! So, because I am a girl he thought I did not like and could not appreciate sports. 2156
One instance when I have been treated unfairly by the opposite sex was when my dad did not let me play soccer when I was younger because he thought it was a ‘guy’s sport,’ and that I would become a tomboy if I played. Although I really wanted to play, especially since most of my friends played soccer, he would not budge. My younger brother, on the other hand, has now played soccer for years, and now plays varsity for his high school, and my dad is the soccer coach for my brother’s A.Y.S.O. soccer all-star team. I’ve told my dad several times that it was not fair that I couldn’t play soccer just because I am a girl, and now he finally apologized, and he realizes his unfairness, and now he enrolls my little sister in A.Y.S.O. each season. (ID: 7558)
I think that the instance I mentioned in high school would be the perfect example. When I called him on his tendencies to being touchy-feely and generally leading me to believe he liked me while at the same time talking about other girls, he just stopped being my friend. I think that leading one girl one while making plans to date another is completely unfair and taking advantage of a girl who has already proven that she has feelings for you. 7147
I would have to say that while working with a male on a group project, I was treated unfairly. He seemed to disregard any comments or suggestions that I had towards the project. I think I was treated unfairly because I was a woman and he seemed to take charge and wanted to make all decisions. 7989
This past year I went to Tunisia which is located west of Egypt. Tunisia is a 99% Muslim country and very traditional in their views concerning women. I remember when I was walking the streets there were almost no women to be found. Only men were allowed out of the house to socialize. Since I was an American woman, all of the men looked at me and treated me differently. When we sat down to get a drink, the server would only ask the guys I was with what they wanted. It was really frustrating and made me appreciate being an American woman today.
I do not venture into friendships or relationships with the opposite sex if they have a lack of respect for me or for women in general. However, I have encountered many of men who have treated me and other women very unfairly. There is this naïve and stubborn demeanor about immature males in which they think they are undoubtedly correct in their arguments and opinions. When someone challenges the opinion of males like that, they become defensive and argumentative. When I myself as a female challenged someone whom I thought was incorrect, my arguments were dismissed and not even contemplated because I was a female and I could not have possibly known what I was talking about. I know this because of the demeaning tone and attitude that was expressed by the male towards me, which was not expressed to other males who challenged his statements. 7715
In middle school, they boys would never let the girls play basketball with them. They would tell us that we didn’t know how to play right. They would not let us play with them no matter what we told them. (1960)
One moment of unfairness occurred this summer when I was hanging out with a group of guys I did not know well. I ended up chatting mostly with one guy, but it was not flirtatious. I needed directions to a tube station and he offered to show me a map he had upstairs. As soon as we left the room all his friends were cat-calling and making stupid comments, insinuating that we were going to hook up upstairs. I was pissed. I feel like guys automatically assume you are interested in them and want to hook up with them. I don’t see why that assumption has to be made.
I cannot think of a time that I was personally treated unfairly by the opposite sex simply because of my gender. (7254)
An instance in which I was treated unfairly was when in a bar/club, men sometimes think that just because of the way some chick looks, and the clothes that they wear, that they are automatically sluts. A man can treat a girl like she is a princess until she does not want to sleep with him and all of the sudden start saying degrading and mean things to a girl.9329
When I was doing my drivers training in high school my instructor talked down to me all the time. Once he asked me how I was doing in school. He just assumed that I as in regular classes and was very shocked to hear that I was taking honors and AP classes. He said that he didn’t except me to be doing well in school and to be in those types of classes. His exact words were, “I would have never expected that from you”. He said something along the lines of like, “a girl like you”. That made me so mad. (1711)
I was golfing with a group of friends – guys and girls. For those of you who have golfed, if you are a female, you tee off at least 5 yards in front of where males. Now, I didn’t know whether to feel gratitude for this little advantage or offended. I mean, it’s golf! I know men are stronger than women in total, but I never saw golf as a “sport” that would make accommodations for women because it is not one to test physical strength. All in all I was offended, but it’s a thoughtful gesture. (6364) Men treat women unfairly all the time. I am not suggesting that all men treat women unfairly, but the instances of unfair treatment occur often. One instance in which I was treated unfairly occurred just a few days ago. I went to a party at my neighbor’s house and he just assumed that I would hook up with one of his friends. I reminded him that I have a boyfriend, but he was like, “Well, I don’t see him here,” meaning what he does not see will not hurt him. But I told him that my boyfriend may not be there, but not only would I not cheat on him, I would not be treated like an object and hook up with his friend just because he wanted to. I cannot even count the amount of times situations like this happen to girls; women are objectified all of the time, in the media and in reality. It is disrespectful and an attack on a woman’s dignity. (4656)
I can not think of a specific instance, but I can think of one where I assumed I would be treated unfairly. I was playing a online video game where I was in a group with a bunch of other players. I was randomly selected as the leader. When I started giving instructions, I immediately assumed that people would not listen to me because I was a girl. I felt that some guys would ignore me and do their own thing, believing that as a girl I would not be able to do as good of a job. I soon realized that no one would be able to tell I was a girl since this was in cyberspace and that most of the people playing the game were boys. Needless to say, our side won due to my instruction, even though I was a girl. (6963)
#7. Can you think of any instances in which you have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex, simply because of your (or their) gender? If so, give a brief description of what happened.
There are a number of times that I feel like I’m being treated well by the opposite sex just because I am a female. These times usually occur when I am trying to get my way and use my sexuality or skills of flirtation to get what I want. I can definitely sweet-talk most guys to get what I want. One such instance I remember happened when I was swimming in the pool with my friends when the pool was closed. We were asked to leave the pool area by the security guard but I just walked up to the guy and flirted with him a little bit and was able to stay in the pool.
I think girls can kind of wiggle their way into getting most guys (boyfriend or not) into doing things for them. For example, on a recent night out to a bar with several of my friends, I accidentally forgot my ID and was a bit nervous that I would not be allowed entrance to the bar. I had been there many times before and the doorman had recognized me. Although I needed to show a valid ID, I was allowed entrance into the bar and even received several free drinks. I can pretty much bet that most guys in this situation would not be treated this way. 3220
Being a female and being 21 has made me realize how awesome it is being a woman because we get treated so much better random strangers buy us drinks if the bouncer thinks were cute or if we talk to him for a little while we don’t pay cover and eventually build a relationship with him to the point where we end up never paying for anything which is always nice. Also when it comes to getting tips in certain jobs such as waiters and hostesses girls always get more tips unless the table being served is a bunch of women but for the most part we always make more money if we smile and act polite just as the male server would but we are given more. 1219
One time I was treated well by the opposite sex was when the cashier working at a restaurant gave me and my friend dinner for free, just because. My friend and I were talking to him in a flirtatious manner, and I believe this is what made the guy give us a free meal. 8623
It is weird to me to think that females get treated better when going out socially, getting drinks, and even perhaps with jobs. However, these advantages are usually only for those females whom the males see as being attractive. In most other cases men have more of an advantage over women. 5685
Recently, I went to a bar with some girlfriends and the place was really crowded. So, I made my way to the bar and got served my drinks right away. I noticed that there were some males at the bar before me that were waiting to order, but since I was a pretty young lady the male bartender attended me first. This is something that occurs all the time at bars, which is unfair for the males. Similarly, females usually get into nightclubs for free, while males have to pay the entrance fee.0497
My car was acting funny so I took it to the mechanic. I stepped out of the car in my short skirt and smiled and asked one of the swarm of men if they could check it out for me because I didn’t know what was wrong. They filled my tires with air and put some more oil in it. If I was a man, I would have definitely had to pay for that, and would likely have gotten much less attention when I first pulled up and asked for help. If you are male, it sucks to try to go clubbing in Vegas. Going to clubs in Las Vegas is such a pleasure when you are female. I get swept right to the front of the line with no cover charge. I get invited to VIP areas and men buy drinks for me. It is wonderful, and saves you a lot of money. There is no way that would happen if I were male. 6237
An instance where I have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex is when I have walked into a club/bar and received preferential treatment simply because I was a woman. Being a woman in this place allows you to get free drinks or get to the head of the line simply because they want more women in the place to make it seem more attractive to others coming in.
I believe that females are given more attention by the opposite sex in general; especially, if they are dressed up or have their hair/makeup done. For me personally, I have noticed that sometimes I’ll get free drinks from a male bartender and other situations like that. 9800
Recently on a trip to Palm Desert I found that everywhere I went men were very gentlemen like and polite. They were constantly opening doors for me and helping me carry out my groceries. 2156
At my old job as a server, I noticed that as a girl I got a lot more help from the guys, and I got tipped much better than my male counterparts. The men at my work were much more willing to help me carry things and assist me when things got busy. 6551
One instance when I have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex, simply because of my gender, was when I went to one of my girl friend’s birthday dinner at an Italian restaurant. We had a group of about 10-12 people, and about half of them were guys, and half were girls. The guys seemed to be extra polite to us girls that day, by ordering our drinks and letting us pick what kind of pizzas, pastas, and salads we wanted, since we were all sharing these orders with the group. They seemed laid-back and let us make all the decisions, such as what we wanted to do after dinner. After we ate, the guys surprised us and got us individual desserts and a birthday dessert for the birthday girl. The guys split the bill and did not want any of the girls to pitch in any money. Throughout the night, they were also very gentlemen-like and opened doors, pulled out chairs, let the girls go first at miniature golf, etc. (ID: 7558)
Well, I have gotten into clubs for free just because the bouncer liked me. Girls tend to also get breaks on things like tickets when the cop is a guy. Otherwise, there is the general chivalry that is occasionally shown when a guy is trying to impress you but I have never had a boyfriend so the occasions for guys to treat me well is not very many. 7147
There is one particular instance I can think of. When I was a freshman in high school, I was the only female in an all male, Industrial Studies class; I felt that the males in this class treated me very well. This class was mainly made of assignments where the students had to put together and take apart a small motor. I remember that the male students in this class were always more than happy to help me with my projects; they even volunteered to help me. At times, it seemed that they were only helping to show off their skills and/or in order to get another favor in return . 7989
I know that when people go out females are almost always treated better than males. For example, at parties, clubs or bars females will always be allowed in without having to pay while often times males are only allowed in when they come with females. This has happened to me before. I have gotten free entrance along with free drinks simply because I am a woman.
I have found that when females meet males for the first time, the male often puts on a short of act and treats the female like a princess simply to gain attention or secure a connection. This can continue on for quite some time between the male and female and is often referred to as the “Honeymoon Stage” in the beginning stages of a relationship. Hopefully this behavior lasts, but sometimes it turns out to be a hoax simply used to achieve a connection. I have met males however who continually treat females as princesses. I found this in males who were very close with their mothers or other female family members, and hold the value that women should be treated respectfully. They go out of their way and beyond their normal behaviors to make the female feel special, understood, and highly appreciated. 7715
I’ve been pretty lucky with meeting guys who are gentleman. They open doors, offer to pay, etc. I feel that they only do that because I am a girl and they were probably raised to treat girls a certain way. (1960)
An instance occurred this summer when a guy was making rude comments and heckling me. My guy friends immediately jumped to my rescue by protecting me and getting the guy away from me. I think that if I were a man, they would have let me deal with the problem on my own first rather than just jumping in and rescuing me. A man who is a gentlemen will treat a women in a chivalrous fashion.
My male friends tend to be very protective of me when we are out at night. (7254)
A particular instance in which I am treated well just for being a girl by the opposite sex is when it comes to service. It is always easier for women to get into clubs and parties as they please, just for being women. If a server is male they are most likely to give a female the most attentions, whether it be a restaurant, bar etc. 9329
Whenever I am walking with some guy friends and we are approaching a doorway they always open it, step aside and say, “ladies first”. Even with guys I do not know. Or when we are having a discussion and we both want to say something at the same time they insist that we go first and are all polite about it. This doesn’t happen that often, but I do notice it. (1711)
My 2 girlfriends and I went out to dinner and a semi-fancy restaurant. We took our time with the evening, laughing about whatever we come across, and once we had finished our wine and dinner, our waiter brought over 3 lemonchello drinks (a dessert drink in Italy) and said, “Compliments of the gentlemen at the bar in the red jacket.” We didn’t know the gentlemen. We had never met, not even that night did he introduce himself. He just decided to give 3 girls who were having a good time a drink. (6364) On the other hand, men treat women fairly, also. This is not a generalization either, because both instances of unfair and fair treatment between men and women occur all of the time. Take the way my boyfriend treats me, as an example. He is one of the most amazing, mature, emotionally in tune, intelligent, handsome, romantic men I have ever met, and he treats me so well. In no way do I think he is perfect, but he is for me. From the beginning of our relationship, he has always put my emotions ahead of his own. In this sense, he treats me so well and fairly. Examining a specific example, when I got my wisdom teeth taken out, when we first started seeing each other, my boyfriend came to visit me everyday while I was healing. He just sat with me, holding my hand and watching TV. And the first day, he brought me flowers and a card, just to put a smile on my face. He is always thinking about me like that, and it’s the smaller things that count more. I appreciate everything he does for me, but the sweet things he tells me, the text messages mean more than anything he could go to the store and buy for me. This is one example of how I have been treated well by men, and the good thing is, some men treat women well constantly, whether it is due to a feeling of obligation or a desire to treat us well. (4656)
Again, I can not think of a concrete example, but, especially in Italy, I have been treated very well by salespeople and other guys because I am a girl. (6963)
#8. Describe an instance, or instances, when you have been rejected by someone of the opposite sex to whom you were attracted. How did they reject you? Was their behavior inconsiderate, rude or insensitive? How did it make you feel? How might they have done it in a more considerate way?
I dated a guy this past summer who I had been interested for several years. He finally confessed to having mutual feelings and we began going out on a very consistent basis. We lived approximately 45 minutes from each other and we would both make the heavy commute in Los Angeles traffic about 4 times a week to see each other. Because our dates would go late into the evening, we would always end up spending the night at each other’s place. After a whole summer getting spending a great deal of time together and getting to each other very well (on various levels), he moved to New York where he was offered a job. Although it was very saddening to hear, I hoped that we would still keep in contact considering the fact that we had gotten so close over the past few months. He has been there for approximately one month and I have only heard from him one time. I’ve tried contacting him a few times but rarely returns my call in a timely manner. I understand that we are both on opposite coasts, but I find it very inconsiderate that he has not tried putting in a little extra effort to contact me. An email, an online message or even a letter would be a nice update. I am a bit frustrated because I did not have extremely high expectations and sadly even my low expectations aren’t even being met. In all honesty, ignoring someone (friend, date, etc) is just plain rude. 3220
One instance that still burns in my mind till this day occurred in my young, naïve years of high school. I had a huge crush on a friend of mine. His friends were mine and my friends were his so it was a pretty tight group. Well, I had written a letter to my friend talking about him and how much I liked him and all those stupid things little teenage girls dwell on. Well this letter was meant for my girlfriend only but while he was looking through her purse he decided to snatch this particular letter and read it. Then he proceeded to steal the letter and share it with all of his guy friends in our circle of friends. Yes, very highly embarrassing. It was obvious at this point that he did not feel the same way about me, seeing as how he joked about my feelings with his friends. It was a very rude, inconsiderate, insensitive and deeply traumatizing experience for me to endure and affected the way I interact with guys. And probably explains why I tend to be rude to guys I like.
There was this guy a met at a party. He was very attractive and funny. I thought we really hit it off and chatted all night. He kept talking about how he wanted to take me out and was going to call me and all these things that I wanted to hear. We exchanged numbers and he promised to call me. We hooked up finally, and I never heard from him again. No call, no text, no email. I even called him a week later thinking that maybe he lost my number, but that wasn’t the case. I felt so betrayed and used. I really thought he liked me, and I really liked him. I felt like one of those stupid girls that can’t recognize that they guy she is going for is a player, but I was completely blind to his lies. I definitely am much more skeptical about the things men say, and distance myself emotionally from the men I encounter or plan to date. 6237
I was once rejected by this guy because I think he was taking our relationship more serious than I was. I thought that we had the liberty to date other people and do our own thing and hang out whenever it was possible but he found out that I had been seeing another guy and he was not very happy about it to say the least and it was my fault because I didn’t ask him before I did date the other guy, but I didn’t want to make it look like I was trying to make the relationship more serious than it was, so I just never asked. When he found out I realized that there had been a lack of communication. He was upset and said that it was better that we just be friends and that I focus on one relationship which made me feel really bad because that was not my intention but in the end he rejected me because I would have preferred to be with him but I didn’t want to pressure him so I didn’t take the relationship too seriously and in the end I was the one who lost. His behavior was not rude or insensitive but when I would run into him at bars or clubs he was would not be as nice to me as he was before and I would have to go out my way to say hi or some times he would say hi but from then on it was kind of strained and awkward. I felt really bad and I was sad because I really liked him and had never met anyone like him before so to me it was something that I wish could have worked out. He just should have been better friends with me in the end and not made everything so awkward because its not like I did it on purpose so I think he should have just gotten over it and us continue to be friends like before. 1219
The one guy I can never get, but have always wanted is my best guy friend. I sense that their has always been a clear attraction and flirtation between us, but we both always have on and off partners. Finally, we were both single and we began to hang out a lot. Suddenly, it just stopped, and I did not hear from my friend for a month. I finally heard from him, and I found out he got back with his ex. It is hard to say if my friend was being rude to me, because I do not really know if we were hanging out so frequently because we are best friends or because he was into me. All I know is that I felt extremely rejected and let down, because I definitely wanted the friendship to move onto something more. I do think that his behavior was insensitive whether he was treating me as a friend or a romantic interest. Either way, you do not just completely stop contacting someone who you have been spending a lot of time with. He could have been honest and informed me that he was talking to his ex again. 8623
The male rejected me when I went to kiss him. He was being friendly and flirtatious with me so I thought he liked me. So, I decided to go in for the kiss, but he turned away. I felt really bad, rejected, and down because nothing like that had ever happened to me. I could not understand how I misread his signals, but later on I found out that the reason he couldn’t kiss me was because he had a girlfriend. After that, I felt a little better about the whole situation, but I still found him very attractive. In this case, I think he should not have been so flirtatious and leading me on if he knew it would go nowhere. It was unfair for me, especially since I was the one that made the first move. 0497
A few years ago, my ex boyfriend was supposed to come and pick me up at my friend’s house. We were still friends and we had just broken up so it wasn’t clear how things were between us. He never showed up, never called, never even sent a text message. He just found something better to do that night and didn’t feel the need to let me know. I felt his was extremely inconsiderate, rude and insensitive. It made me feel like the only reason we were going to see each other was because he didn’t have anything better to do, and then once he found something else to do, he just forgot about our plans. A more considerate way he could have handled the situation would have been to simply pick up the phone and let me know that he could no longer hangout. 6551
An instance where I have been rejected was a time when I had been flirting with a guy and he knew I was interested and by the end of the night he never asked for my number. I didn’t think that his behavior was rude or inconsiderate, but just thought he should have made it clearer that he wasn’t interested since he was flirting back too. He could have made the situation better if he would have just been honest and said that he was not interested in me. That probably would have been more blunt and maybe more hurtful, but I think I would have respected him more for that rather than for flirting and acting like he was interested and then not asking for a number or date.
I was dating a guy for about 5 months and I really liked him. The one day I showed up at one of his volleyball games to watch him. Afterward, I was walking with him and some of his friends to the parking garage and he just told me that he wanted to break up. He said it loudly and so that his friends could hear. I believe that his behavior was inconsiderate, insensitive and rude. It made me feel really upset and embarrassed. He instead should have pulled me to the side to talk about it or waited until we could be alone and then discuss it with me. 9800
A while ago I was attracted to this one male who subtly rejected me by failing to respond to text messages and phone calls. Yes, I believe ignoring someone is not the most considerate way of expressing ones feelings. It made me feel rather naive. It would have been much more respectful and considerate if he had answered my phone call and said that this wasn’t the best time for him to be dating anyone new or that he simply was no longer interested in dating me.
One time I met this guy at a party, and we seemed to hit it off really well. We spent the night talking and taking pictures, and we exchanged numbers. We talked a lot, and I was really attracted by his personality, and I like the fact that we had a lot in common. We hung out like once or twice afterwards, but then one time he did not show up to a party he said he was going to meet me at. He was very inconsiderate, especially since he said he’d be there right after work, and he never showed up. He was rude because he did not answer my phone calls or text messages, and did not give a reason for not showing up. It made me feel sad because I was looking forward to seeing him that night, and it also made me feel stupid, because I had told all my friends that he was coming, and they kept asking me about his whereabouts, and I did not know. A more considerate way of doing what he did would have been if he would’ve called me and apologized for not being able to make it, and also by explaining to me that he had gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend. (ID: 7558)
I was rejected by a male I liked when I laughed at the advances he made. I didn’t really reject him; I made it clear that I liked him but was not willing to go as far as he wanted to. So, when I brushed off his advances, he stopped talking to me and walked away and acted as if he did not know me. This made me feel horrible; I kept thinking about what happened and wondered if I was wrong. I felt that he overreacted a little and the way he handled the situation was immature as well as rude. I think that he could have maybe told me that he was no longer interested in me or done something else to let me know that the relationship was not going to work.7989
I was kind of into this guy in my class and it seemed like he was into me. We hung out a lot outside of school and it seemed to me like things were going well. One night we were about to hook up and I told him that I am not the kind of girl to just hook up with anyone, that I would like to have some kind of a commitment if we were going to take this any further. At the moment he said ok and we hooked up. However afterwards he slowly stopped calling and I would see him around with other girls. I felt so stupid for saying that to him and letting him treat me like that. I felt used and betrayed. I thought he was inconsiderate and a total jerk.
As discussed in class, it seems to be very rare that a girl ever approach a male initially. The males seem to make the initial move to talk or befriend females, maybe because they don’t think about the rejection and simply go for what they desire. Therefore, I myself have never approached a male initially nor have I ever been rejected by someone who I did not know before hand. However, I have been rejected by someone whom I was dating or had known for quite some time. They simply became overwhelmed with emotions and problems within the relationship, and rather than solving problems they didn’t know how to deal with, they would slow or stop communication until the relationship was over. Being in a relationship seems to be a highly vulnerable state for both parties involved, and when one partner shuts the other one out it is extremely hurtful and insensitive. Since there are two people involved in every relationship, I find that behavior to be very selfish and rude. Due to the vulnerability, I became tremendously hurt and did not want to become invested in another friendship or relationship with the opposite sex for quite sometime out of the fear of being hurt again. A more considerate way in which the male could have dealt with the given situation, would be to explain that it was simply too much for him to handle and communicated his feelings so the female may have had a chance to understand as well. 7715
The one time I have been rejected is not through actual rejection like “I don’t want to see you again.” It was more like I never heard from them again. I’ve tried to keep in contact but I never heard from him. I think this is kind of inconsiderate, especially when someone tells you they will keep in touch and they don’t. I can take it hint. I guess we didn’t hit it off. That’s fine. It just bothers me when people make things awkward when they really don’t have to be. (1960)
One instance that was particularly confusing occurred when a guy that I had a crush on and I began to hook up. He asked me to be his girlfriend after some time and I said no because I had just gotten out of a serious relationship. Awhile later, I changed my mind and decided I liked him enough to try to make things work. Some time after that, he apparently changed his mind too and stopped talking to me completely. I finally sent him an e-mail inquiring about what happened and why he had such a sudden change of heart. I felt rejection, but more so, I felt that he was an immature douche bag. In the end, I’m incredibly grateful that things did not work out, but at the time I was beyond confused. I know that, under no circumstances, would I completely ignore someone to get out of a commitment. We go to the same school, we have the same friends, it just didn’t even make sense. I look at him a lot differently now. I do not respect him and I consider him below my other friends because his method of handling responsibilities was so immature. If I were him, I would have made the awkward phone call and just explained myself fully. It’s really the only way to deal with a break-up.
I was rejected by someone of the opposite sex whom I was attracted to by them telling me that “blood is thicker than water.” His comment I felt was rude and inconsiderate. He could have phrased it differently by saying he could not spend time with me because he had a family commitment or something similar and not so harsh. (7254)
An instance in which I have been rejected by someone of the opposite sex that I was attracted to was when I went to go hit on a guy only to find out that he was completely uninterested because he had a girlfriend. However, this guy was very considerate to both his girlfriend and me both for being loyal and yet still befriending me at the time.9329
I was talking to this guy for a while when all of a sudden he stopped calling me. He pretty much cut off all communication. I don’t like it when things are left unsaid because I don’t want any tension around us whenever we do see each other again. So I called him and then he said something like ,”yeah I think we should just be friends”. I was upset because he didn’t tell me in the first place. I had to call him and then he told me. I would have preferred him to be honest with me from beginning and have told me how he felt.(1711)
It was Christmas time, the last day before Christmas break actually. There was this guy I had just started seeing 2 months prior. So, I thought it would be appropriate to give him something during “the most wonderful time of the year,” so I did. It was a simple shirt and a chipotle gift certificate. It was awkward though because I didn’t know if he was going to give me a gift, and I couldn’t not have a gift in case he had one for me, that would’ve been bad…..so short story, I left his gift in his room where I knew he would see it without him knowing. Two days went by before “texted” me (I know, he didn’t even have the nerve to call!). AND, he didn’t even say thank you. “He said these are really my colors.” UH! Needlesstosay, it didn’t last. And to give the guys credit, he gave me a Christmas gift too, by hiding it, later that day. But, obviously, I think he could have handled the situation better. Maybe by saying thank you!
When I was in high school, there was this guy I had a crush on and I had heard he liked me too, so I decided to “man up” and ask him to go to the Prom with me. I had no idea what to expect and I was super nervous, so I was hesitant to ask, at first, but I finally found the nerve and asked. Unfortunately, he told me he could not go with me because someone had already asked him to go, but he said he wished he could go with me. He was neither inconsiderate, rude, nor insensitive, but being rejected still hurt. He rejected me in a rather considerate way, and a year or two later, after we graduated, he told me how bummed he was that we did not go together. Although, my feelings had been hurt a few years before, hearing that definitely did make me feel better. And, I knew that although he did want to go with me, he did the right thing by not ditching his original date. (4656)
A while ago I was attracted to this one male who subtly rejected me by failing to respond to text messages and phone calls. Yes, I believe ignoring someone is not the most considerate way of expressing ones feelings. It made me feel rather naive. It would have been much more respectful and considerate if he had answered my phone call and said that this wasn’t the best time for him to be dating anyone new or that he simply was no longer interested in dating me. 2156
I have never been rejected by the opposite sex since I have never been active in the dating scene (6963)
Imagine that you have known someone of the opposite sex for about a month. You have dated this person several times, but so far there hasn't been any kind of physical intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc.) between the two of you. Now, you are out on a date with this person again.
How would you try to influence this person in each of the following circumstances:
- 9. Situation 1: The date has been going very well and you feel very physically attracted to this person. How would you influence this person to become physically intimate, and to go as far sexually as you wanted to go?
I would definitely let him know I was interested by getting closer to him – sitting next to him, making my hand available for it to be held and act flirty. I usually do not initiate when it comes to doing “firsts” but I would make it easy for him to initiate. If I felt particularly bold, I would give him a little back massage and increase physical contact. 3220
I’m really shy so I don’t know if I would be able to make the first move but I would put myself out there for him to make a move. Or if it were taking forever I would probably just get frustrated and do it myself. I would also probably just bring it up and talk about how they have been in the past and see how their previous relationships went to get a better idea if this is how they always are or just with me in order for me to better understand where I stand and what I should do from there. 1219
If a date has been going particularly well and I want the man to make a physical move, such as holding hands or show some affection towards me I would try to drop subtle hints that I would like that physical intimacy to take place. I would probably touch him during conversation, stand or sit closer to him, also by leaning towards him. I would not just put myself out there and hold his hand directly. 5658
I would definitely make as much physical contact as possible. For instance, if I was laughing I would pretend to laugh harder and touch his shoulder. I would find little ways to touch him like when we were walking bump into him or while watching a movie, bump his arm on the armrest. I would also make eye contact a lot and give sexy glances. Like while looking down, peek up at him without moving my head in an upright position. Another important aspect I would add into the mix is alcohol. Alcohol would loosen both of us up, which could help him be less embarrassed to make the first move. Alcohol would also make us tipsy which results in more body contact and loosen in our inhibitions. And finally alcohol may influence his sex drive and make him desire what I want. Alcohol could also be a gateway to talk about sexual stuff that would give him hints that I want to hook up. Alcohol in general can loosen both of us up to make more body contact, act more flirty and get more comfortable with each other to take it to the next level.
I would make sure to be very flirtatious, and place my body in positions so my best attributes were showing. I would make sure to touch his shoulders, arms, and hair, and make sure to lean on him to show him that I was open to contact. I would point the conversation to topics that would get him thinking about kissing me. 6237
In situation 1 I would definitely be very touchy feely with the guy. I would maybe bring up conversation that would get him to think about holding my hand or kissing me. I would not actually make the first move on the guy, but I would definitely put myself out there so he would realize exactly what I want. 8623
Well throughout the night I would try to be playful and find ways to touch him. For example, if we were at the movies, I would try to get close to his hand on the armrest. Eventually, I might use being tired as an excuse to lay my head on his shoulder during the movie. Now that my head is closer to his head I would say small comments about something that happened in the scene, so my lips could get closer to his. Hopefully, he would get the clue that I want to kiss. On the other hand, if we went on the date to somewhere completely opposite of a movie theatre scene, I would take advantage of any opportunity where I might be able to touch him in some way. For example, I would pat his back, touch his tummy, and stroke his face, anytime I could relate that action to whatever we were talking about.0497
I would be flirtatious and try to make physical contact as much a possible without it becoming too much. I would also make tease the person to try to make us both laugh, because I think one way to become intimate with someone is through laughter. 6551
I would get closer to them throughout the date and drop little hints about having a really good time. Also I would probably flirt a lot by somehow finding a way to touch them on their hand or back or shoulder somehow to let them know that I am okay with them touching me.
I would try to send hints that I am interested in him by doing little things, like “accidentally” rubbing up against his arm, or touching his hand. 9800
If he failed to make a move I think I would let him know that I want him to be more physical by first trying to have some sort of physical contact, whether it would be touching his arm, hand or playing ‘footsie’. Once you break the boundary of physical contact you feel much more relaxed and are more likely to carry it on further. 2156
I would influence a person to become physically intimate with me by being more flirtatious with him, and by getting closer to him. For instance, I could sit closer to him than usual, put my hand closer to his, or just make simple physical contact when the opportunity presents itself. To let him know that I am interested, I could make a lot of eye contact with him and smile. I could also compliment him on being such a sweet guy or telling him how comfortable I feel with him. If at the end of the night, still nothing happened, when we talk next time, I would tell him that I really wanted to kiss him that night. With that, he will definitely know that I am interested, and if he feels the same, maybe he will make a move on the next date. (ID: 7558)
I would take some initiative and suggest to him through subtle hints that I am interested in more from this relationship. For example, more flirting, hugging, and just getting closer to the person.7989
I would physically get closer to him and make it obvious that I wanted to become physically intimate. I would not be completely overt with my actions, but if that did not work I would tell him that I wanted to kiss him.
In this situation I would definitely not try to initiate anything myself, but I would be extremely cautious of my body language, my responses, and the things I said. I would demonstrate through my body language and through our conversation that I was extremely comfortable with him and that I was having a good time. Some people are very closed off and their body language is relayed to the other person as being cold and unwelcoming. Even though I am extremely shy, I would try to demonstrate again how comfortable I was with the other person so they might feel confident enough to initiate something. 7715
I’m not the kind of person usually makes the first move but if I really liked this person I would just be really flirty and make subtle physical contact. Or if I was really going nowhere I would just ask him what his problem was. Does he just want to be friends? Religious thing? (1960)
Being a woman, I hardly ever make the first move with guys, so I would have to lay on the flirtation as best I could without being desperate or obvious. Typically, that means getting very close to that person, making a lot of eye contact, basically doing everything with your body and your words to change the tone of date to a more sexual one. Most guys take the bait, but even if he didn’t, I would find his shyness attractive. Although, after awhile, I would become bored with the lack of intimacy. In order to influence the person to be physical, I would sit close to them or make a point to be close to them in order to give them a hint that I am open to being physical. (7254)
If I had been dating a guy for a month and wanted to go for physical intimacy, I would dress in a way I know appeals to the mans eye. I would also put much emphasis on touch, whether it be just placing my hand on his knee etc, and physically just stay a very close/personal proximity to the male. I would show that I feel comfortable around this man, smile a lot and express in whatever way I can that I want to be intimate.9329
I would make a lot of eye contact and try to say a lot with my eyes. I would also touch him subtly on the arm or leg, maybe getting closer to him as well. I probably wouldn’t say much and play with my lips like licking them or touching them lightly with my fingers. And if he tried to make any advances I wouldn’t shy away to let him know that I am interested. (1711)
I have never been the one to make the first move. Being a girl I’m sure this is common. I would feel very uncomfortable, and do, thus I have never made the first move even if I did feel very physically attracted to him. I’ve never been in this situation before however, so I assume I subconsciously give him the impression that I am comfortable with him. Body language is definitely key in communicating this. Fortunately I haven’t been in a bad situation where he has misread me in way that goes against what I feel comfortable doing. (6364)
If I was dating someone for a while and we were not physically intimate but I wanted to be, I would probably make subtle movements to get closer to him, like move my hand closer to his or scoot closer to him and see where it went from there. From there, if nothing happened and I was clearly into this guy, I would talk to him and see what was up with us. If I was not into him, I would let things go and move on. (4656)
I would do my best to let the person know through my body language and the things I say. Obviously some gestures and words can be taken as invitation for more to occur later. (6963)
#10. Situation 2: The date has been going well, but you do not feel particularly physically attracted by this person. However, you can tell that this person is really turned on by you. Still, you know you're not interested in physical intimacy, and/or the subsequent involvement or commitment that might follow. How would you influence this person to avoid becoming sexual?
I would be a bit standoffish and I would avoid any physical contact. I would try not to do or say anything that would send any flirty signals. If he attempted to hold my hand or initiated a first kiss I would simply tell him that I was not interested in dating or any type relationship other than a friendship. I would be honest and up front about my feelings towards him in hopes that he understands exactly how I feel. 3220
But if the date was not going well I would definitely not try to show him any interest in that way. I would be more distant but leaving space between us and not trying to show him anything more then just conversation that two friends would have. I would hope this way he wouldn’t feel any connection with me that way and would not try any physical contact. 5685
I would probably lie and say I don’t feel good and I want to go home. Or if he was physically trying to do things I would just tell him no and that I am uncomfortable but I would try and say it in the nicest way possible. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but if someone if making me uncomfortable I would try and make the situation better by lightening the mood and making a joke out of how I don’t do sexual things or something like that. But if he were too aggressive I would just ask him to take me home. 1219
Well really this person can’t become sexual without my permission and my permission would entail of me giving him the ability to make moves on me. So I would resist all moves he tried to make on me. If he were trying to become touchy feely then I wouldn’t let him I would simply move away from the person. And if the guy doesn’t get that I’m not into from my hints then I would straight up tell him. If this date has been going well then that implies that I do enjoy his company but just don’t see him as a romantic partner. So I would tell him exactly that. I would gush about how amazing a person he is and how much fun I have with him however I only want to be friends with him. I would try to stay it in the least offensive and awkward way for him, I would try to blame it on me. Like say I don’t know what is wrong with me, I should be going for such an awesome guy like you but I’m stupid and only date jerks. That way he could maybe feel less embarrassed about the situation and still want to be my friend.
I would reference him as “friend” a lot. I would continue to tell him how glad I am that we have become friends and how fun it is to hang out with him. If necessary, I would talk about religion or very serious topics, like the holocaust or genocide so that his mind is as far away from sex as possible. I would also be rude if it was necessary and talk about other guys I have dated or were currently dating. 6237
In situation 2, I would convince this person to not be interested in physical intimacy by treating him like a friend. I would avoid touching him and make my body language say that I am not interested. I would try to act extremely “buddy-buddy” with him, so that he can read I am not romantically or sexually interested in him. 8623
Firstly, I would avoid all physical touching. I would not let him touch my hand, arm, hair etc. Eventually, towards the end of the night I would find a way to start a conversation about our dating and tell him that I am not interested. I think this is the best way to tell him that I don’t want to date him anymore. The reason being is that guys are just more direct and straightforward and if we talk to them the way they think, it’s easier for them to understand. 0497
As much as possible, I would not let the opportunity for physical contact arise. For example, if we were walking side by side and I thought he would try to hold my hand, I would make sure I was holding something so he wouldn’t have the opportunity. I wouldn’t joke around as much, and I wouldn’t flirt back when he flirted with me. Hopefully it would be clear and I wouldn’t have to directly say that I wasn’t interested. 6551
I would influence this person to avoid becoming sexual by not getting close to the person throughout the date. I also would probably end the date at a decent time and say good night and not allow a kiss or anything. I am pretty up front and honest, so at the end of the date I would say that I had a good time but think that we make better friends and nothing more.
I would try to send messages by not acting too flirty. I would try to act as more of a friend, rather than a girlfriend. I would try to drop hints that I am not looking for anything too serious right now. 9800
I would limit any physical contact. I would be polite, but reserved. If he tried to do anything I would withdraw, respectfully, and hopefully he would eventually get the hint.
I would influence a person to avoid becoming physically intimate with me by sending him signals to let him know that I am not interested. I would keep my distance from him, and not give him the opportunity to get close to me. I would not try to lead him on, and I would not be flirtatious. Also, I would not make too much eye contact with him. If he tries to kiss me, I would pretend like I didn’t get the hint, and I would pull away, but not in a rude manner. If he asks to kiss me or hold hands, then I would explain to him how I was not interested in that. (ID: 7558)
I would try to keep him talking to me when he tried something. I would avoid any contact with him that could be misconstrued as something more. I would keep things as platonic as possible. But if he didn’t get the hint I would probably just be honest with him as nicely as possible. 7147
I would try to keep my distance from this person; I would do this to try to hint to him that I am not very interested. If he were to continue to make advances towards me, I would clearly tell him that I am not interested. 7989
I would keep my physical distance. I would not bring up physical intimacy in conversation and I would say things to him about what a great friend he is. If he still is not getting the hint, I would tell him that I’m not interested like that.
In this situation I would be very friendly and sweet, but I would adjust my body language and responses accordingly. For example, instead of sitting extremely close to the other person at dinner or later on, I would position myself further away as I would with a close guy friend. I would also not be flirtatious or suggestive in any way, rather speak to the person as a friend. So they get the point and they are never encouraged to try anything further. I might also point out differences between us if he is not getting the point. For example, if he expresses an opinion that he holds I might voice that I disagree, which makes it uncomfortable enough to the point that he wont try anything else. 7715
I would keep the conversation light. If he would start being somewhat physical I would kind of nudge him off me. I think that even though guys fear rejection, it’s been my experience that they appreciate it when you’re honest with them. I guess so they won’t waste their time. (1960)
In this situation, I would most likely act disinterested and unresponsive, which is probably not the best thing to do. I hate playing games with men, so I would rather he be 100% sure that I really, really do not want to hook up with him. I wouldn’t sit anywhere near him, I wouldn’t smile as much, I wouldn’t talk as much, and I would stray from any topic that was remotely sexual. If things were really desperate, I would possibly mention other guys I was seeing or other guys I was really good friends with to make him feel uncomfortable. Most guys hate it when you bring up past lovers or any other threats to their territory.
To avoid someone from becoming sexual with me because I am just not interested, I would be more stand-offish. I would explain the best I could on how I only want to be friends and nothing more. I would not be touchy-feely or flirty at all. 9329
I would be short with my conversation and keep my physical distance and be careful of my body language in order to hopefully make him uninterested. (7254)
I would keep things on a friend level like talk to him as I would talk to my friends. I would try to keep my distance with him and try not to smile too much. I would keep my hands on my lap and not move them too much. I would ask him questions, talk a lot to maybe have him be annoyed by me. (1711)
I consider myself to be an honest person, and yet I am also considerate of other people, almost too much sometimes where I sacrifice my thoughts to avoid making the other feel awkward. But in this case there is no exception. This situation is SO awkward for both parties. And I hope I would say something or not mislead him before it got to a sexual point. I would start with a compliment or 2 before saying that I would rather be friends (yea, I’m sure guys love that) or that I’m attracted to him in that way…or at all. (6364) On the other hand, if I was dating someone who wanted to be physically intimate with me, but I was not into him so much, I would tell him that I was not ready for the next step in physical intimacy and that I would really want to take things slowly. However, if I was not into a guy, I would not let things even escalate to that level; instead, I would break things off early in the game, to avoid getting anyone’s feelings involved or, at worst, hurt. (4656)
I would limit any physical contact. I would be polite, but reserved. If he tried to do anything I would withdraw, respectfully, and hopefully he would eventually get the hint. 2156
Once again, I would use body language and verbal language. I would avoid getting too close to this person or saying anything that would recommend that we see each other in a more intimate setting. If things got to close, I would state outright that I was not interested and that I wanted to be left alone. (6963)
For each of the following sentence fragments, complete the sentence, and, if you wish, add a few more sentences to complete your thought. Do not include the sentence stem in your response--only your answer to it.
- 11. In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become "insanely" jealous when...
their girlfriend is talking to someone of the opposite sex that appears to be a potential threat to him. 3220
their partner talks to someone else that could potentially be a threat to him or her. 1219
a woman is romantically linked to a guy and other boys are around and giving that female attention and being flirty. If that guy was only mildly interested in the female, he becomes insanely territorial and competitive with the other males in the room. If this guy was part of the animal kingdom, he would probably pee on his female to stake his territory.
… when another guy is interested in me or is contacting me. 8623
…..his girlfriend makes new male friends and talks about them. 0497 You spend a lot of time with other males 6237
When he feels insecure and the girl he likes is being hit on by another man.
Their girlfriends talk to other guys and/or other guys try to talk to their girlfriends. 6551
…a woman has guy friends that she hangs out with without her boyfriend. 9800
their girlfriend or girl of interest is showing attention to another male in front of them. Also, if they are unable to be out with the girl at the time any mention of a different man or guy that a girl has been with in the past brings up “insane” jealously 5685
...Another guy is flirting with his girlfriend, or the girl he likes, sexually. When another guy is too touchy-feely and appear to be crossing the boundaries of friendliness, then boyfriends tend to become protective and jealous. 2156
We have friends that are guys, and they call us or want to hang out or go to lunch. It seems as if somehow they are insecure; I don’t think it’s fair that we have to discard all of our guy friends, especially those that we have been close to for years, just because we are involved with someone or in a relationship with someone. (ID: 7558)
girls show any type of friendship with a straight guy that’s not him early on in a relationship. 7147
They see that someone else is interested in you. Many times they may act that they do not care about you but once they realize that someone else is interested, they get jealous and do whatever they can to get you back.7989
I have a male friend other than my boyfriend
…they have both a physical and emotional attachment to someone of the opposite sex, and another person seems to be relating with them on a very personal level. Males get insanely jealous when they feel that something they care about is being threatened by another person’s influence. 7715
they are insecure about themselves. Or when they themselves are doing things behind their back and accuse the person of the opposite sex of doing the same (1960)
you bring up other men who are threatening their claim on you.
their girlfriend hangs out with their ex-boyfriends.9329
...other guys are having intimate relationships with girls and they are not. (7254)
girls that they like are getting a lot of attention from other guys and the girls are enjoying the attention.(1711)…another member of the opposite sex is also involved in the situation- any situation. Whether it is a text from the opp. sex, me asking the opp. sex a question about homework, receiving a simple happy birthday wish from the opp. sex, or even if a guys voice is in the background while I’m on the phone; these seem to make another member of the opp. sex who I am involved with jealous. The matter becomes even more problematic if this member of the opposite sex is your boyfriend – everything listed above seems to make him extremely jealous, insanely if you will. (6364) ...their girlfriends talk to other guys, who are just their friends and have been long before the boyfriend and girlfriend met. (4656)
Girls have very close guy friends. (6963)
#12. When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex...
should be the first to initiate but only then they are both ready to do so. 3220
is more aggressive ad has a tendency to misread signals. 1219
is a lot more forward than women!
Is very aggressive and mostly only thinks about themselves. 6551
Should make the first move. They are the ones who think about it every six seconds anyway. 6237
doesn’t think about anything other then the moment that they are in and what is about to happen. I don’t think that men think about what it means for the future or any consequences.5685
…has to make the first move 8623
….. usually makes the first move. 0497
Should be the first to initiate but should do it kindly and respectfully.
…should be the one to initiate, but do so when he feels both are ready. 9800
...Is generally expected to make the first move. 2156
Usually is first to make a move, whether it be holding hands, kissing, or any other type of sexual interaction. (ID: 7558)
usually has more guts to do it than we do and are somewhat “forced” by societal expectations. 7147 Always seems to be the initiator. 7989
makes the first move
...usually always initiate physical intimacy. I think it might be because girls think too much and don’t want to be rejected, while males just go for what they see and want. 7715
usually makes the first move. (1960)
usually is the person who does the initiating.
should initiate first when the time is appropriate.9329
...is expected to initiate physical and sexual actions, between heterosexual couples. (7254)
are shy but try to seem experienced and confident.(1711)
…will be the one to make the first move (because I know I won’t), and it must be done in a respectable way. (6364) ...is usually the most dominant and the one who initiates it. (4656)
Usually makes the first move(6963)
#13. The opposite sex seems clueless about...
a women’s emotions and true feelings. 3220
handling our emotions. 1219
why women become upset with men which stems from their lack of being intone with women’s feelings. If they could sense women’s feelings then women wouldn’t get as frustrated with men and become visibly upset at them.
female emotions 6237
…the way that women emotionally get involved so easily.
… how women really feel. 8623
Paying attention to details
…what is important to a woman. 9800
Females need for communication in relationships. 6551
...Communication and emotions when it comes to relationships. 2156
Hints that women try to send and reading emotions. (ID: 7558)
how a girl really feels. 7147
…...what females actually go through physically, mentally and emotionally, every month during their menstrual period. 0497
what women really want from a relationship. Most importantly they do not understand that women like communication in a relationship.7989
…how a girl can be so worked up about something that seems absolutely irrelevant to males and that they probably haven’t even thought about twice. 7715
feelings. When a girl is really mad them. They tend to take things the wrong way. 1960
how to tune into a girl’s feelings
how to make a a committed relationship work.9329 …romance and understanding women’s emotions. (7254)
what is romantic for a girl.(1711)
…showing his feelings and appreciation for a girl (his girlfriend). (6364) ...emotions and sensitivity. (4656)
Understanding girls moods. (6963)
- 14. Being romantic is something that the opposite sex...
is only good at during the initial stages of a relationship. Being romantic tends to fade as time progresses. 3220
is capable of. But not for every woman he becomes involved with. I think that when a man truly and genuinely likes a girl then he would be romantic with that girl to show his true feelings for her.
…enjoys being with a female when he is trying to deepen the relationship with her, as well as, treat her in a way in which he can show her how he thinks and feels about her.5685
can be good at it but usually its because they want something in return rather than just doing it out of their heart. 1219
loses over time in a relationship 6237
… to work on. They need to know that women like romantic things. 8623
Should do more often and take more time to realize that being romantic is different than being sexual.
…should do more often. 9800
Finds very difficult to accomplish. 6551
...Tends to hide from their friends for fear of being made fun of. 2156
Should try to be for a girl he truly cherishes and appreciates, even if it is a little cheesy, it’s better than never being romantic at all. (ID: 7558)
does to impress us and show us how much he cares. 7147
has a little trouble with. But when lots of thought and effort are applied, they can be very successful.7989
either gets completely or not at all
...is good at when they sincerely care enough about the other person. If a male is trying to be romantic with someone he barely knows… it’s a little sleazy! 7715
can be really good at or can know nothing about depending if they are that kind of person. 1960
sometimes knows how to do, but most often not.
does not know enough about.9329
...generally has great difficulty accomplishing. (7254)
thinks its just about roses and chocolate. (1711)
……does in the beginning of a relationship but diminishes with time very rapidly.0497
…has yet to catch on to that women really find this attractive, but very hard to find in a guy. (6364) ...sometimes put too much thought into. Women appreciate it, but we do not expect a horse drawn carriage ride around a city and the whole nine yards. Instead, romance can be simple and still have a huge effect. (4656)
should not do to the extreme(6963)
#15. Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend/girlfriend through a series of relationship "tests" by...
testing a women’s patience. 3220
taking them out to places and seeing if they will flirt with other people.
trying to assume a dominant role. And seeing if the female will back down and let him assume the alpha male role.
seeing how they interact with their friends, how much they tolerate/enjoy sports, and how they react to conflict 6237
…seeing how far they can push them. For example, seeing how they can be with other women. Or seeing exactly what they can get away with in the relationship. 8623
Doing something specific just to see what kind of reaction they will get out of them.
…pushing you so far just to see how you will react. 9800
asking really specific questions about other males, past, and what they are doing and have done to see if they are being honest and are committed. Introducing their girlfriend to their good friends and family. 6551
...Seeing how they react when they are encountered by another male who obviously is attracted to them. How the girlfriend reacts when they are interacting with their previous girlfriends and friends that are girls. Also, how the girlfriend handles their desire to just hang out with the guys. 7715
Doing certain things to see how much they could get away with, and by saying that we just need to trust them if we love them, and that we shouldn’t have to question everything they do. (ID: 7558)
pushing buttons to test our limits. 7147
Initiating fights for ridiculous reasons. It seems that they want to want to see how long you will put up with these fights. If you give up quickly, then the relationship was not strong and therefore was not meant to be. 7989
seeing how they are with his friends
...seeing how well they react to certain situations. I think people test each other to protect themselves and make sure they aren’t going to get hurt by the other person. 2156
asking them what they think about other girls/other guys. i think they do this to see if this person is serious about them. No one likes to get their heart broken so I feel that people will do anything to avoid that at costs. 1960
being really distant and making you deal with the unknown reasons for their distance
...looking at other attractive people, inviting them out with their friends to see how well they get along and if their friends approve and taking time to contact the person to see if they get upset or worried. (7254)
bringing them out with friends or family to see how well they get along.9329
bringing up past girlfriends and asking about our past relationships.(1711) …...asking many questions and showing up to their apartment randomly. 0497
…taking her to a party to see how she acts in front of his friends and other people in general. Does he have to babysit her? Or is she independent and doesn’t need him to initiate conversations and make her feel comfortable. (6364)
...trying to figure out how loyal their significant other is or how much she cares about him. (4656)
Making the girlfriend question the relationship and how serious it is. (6963)
#16. The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes except when it comes to...
women having more power in the work force, make more money and have a more dominant role than a man in the same field. 3220
high power roles like presidency, CEOs, and high ranking doctors.
making more money than he does in a marital relationship or in reference to women playing sports 6237
…roles in society that hold power 8623
Playing sports. 6551
…the household, being president, gender specific jobs, such as firefighter, and holding elite positions within a big business. I feel that a lot of men say that women are not held back by gender anymore but it still seems clear that they still think of many jobs as gender specific. 5685
Bringing in more money in the household. The opposite sex seems to find that if they are not bringing home the larger amount of money and taking care of the woman then they are not being “man-enough”.
…a woman who is more athletic, more intelligent or who makes more money. 9800
...Athletics, job positions, and dominance in the household. 2156
Physical strength, sports, and cars. (ID: 7558)
anything physical, especially sports. 7147 Domestic skills. Men always seem to feel that they shouldn’t have to cook, clean, etc 7989
the woman making more money than the man
...a woman who threatens him in athletics, career, etc. 7715
making money. I feel that men feel intimated by women in power or who make more money than them. Traditionally, men have always been the bread winners and if they no longer can do that, they feel like it makes them less of a man.1960 level of intelligence, handling money, and sports competitions
...status in the workplace, salary and sometimes household chores and responsibilities. (7254)
employment status and income.9329
helping with the domestic work, leave it all to the women.(1711)
…...who should do the domestic work. 0497
…sports. (6364) ...competition within their romantic relationship. (4656)
Girls having a lot of power over guys. (6963)
#17. Possessiveness is something that the opposite sex... has a tendency to do much more often than women. 3220 does too much, I think they need to get over themselves and just trust the other person. 1219 ……is obsessed about especially when they are in love with someone. 0497 has inherently. definitely shows in extreme when they are dating someone 6237
- 18……is more obsessed with physical appearance than females 0497
- 19……do not think about as much as before, but it is still present 0497
- 20……are not sensitive about issues such as pregnancy and abortion.0497
- 21…….they are honest, even though the truth might hurt. 0497
…needs to work on. Men get extremely possessive with their partner. 8623 …demonstrates through jealousy. Sometimes I think that some men have a hard time controlling their possessiveness so that it does not destroy a relationship or emotionally harm the woman involved. Thinks is his right if the girl is his girlfriend, but in all actuality it is definitely not his right and he needs to learn how to let that go. …should try and change. 9800 Deals with in irrational ways instead of communicating how they feel. 6551 ...Needs to learn how to control. Exercises, particularly when they feel insecure, or feel threatened that they’re someone is trying to flirt with or steal their girlfriend. (ID: 7558) tends to exhibit especially around other males. 7147 can have problems with at times. While in relationships, men seem to need a lot of attention and get bothered when they do not receive it. 7989 needs to tone down …does when they are insecure or threatened. 7715 . is guilty of. Some men view women as their property and if there is any sign of another man getting in the way, they get defensive. Possessiveness can also be seen as a way to control and keep women subservient. 1960 mostly has a problem with, but some men are not too possessive. has difficulty controlling with someone they care very much about.9329 ....has a hard time giving up. They are very possessive of their accomplishments and their possessions. (7254) seems to do a lot with their girlfriends or maybe girls that they are obsessed with.(1711)
…takes very seriously, and is the reason why he may become jealous. (6364) ...can take too far. Sometimes when a guy is possessive with his girl, it can be flattering and even a turn on; but other times, when a guy takes possessiveness to an extreme, it is a huge turn off and can be smothering. (4656) Has a lot of(6963)
- 18. When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite sex...
holds it in high regard. I feel that most men place a much greater importance on physical attractiveness than women tend to do. 3220
is definitely more attractive to females compared to males. However, as a race in general, women are prettier and more attractive than men but that’s because most women take an active, pain-staking role in their physical appearance.
…places more emphasis on it then women do. 8623
is most attractive when they are tall dark ad handsome with light eyes. but when it comes to selecting a mate they are way too into it and dont really look see the person for who they are. 1219
is obsessed with it. Physical attractiveness is much more important to males than females when searching for a partner 6237
Is too concerned a girl’s physical appearance than their actual personality. 6551
Puts more emphasis on it then we do.
…holds it very highly. 9800
…puts a lot of emphasis on females 5685
...Is very attractive when they are in shape, athletic, tall, have a head full of hair and clear skin. Most of these characteristics imply that the male has good genes, which is attractive with bearing offspring.
Oftentimes focuses on appearance first, rather than personality, sense of humor, or anything else. Just because a girl is physically attractive, she way not be the ‘ideal’ girl, and does not necessarily posses all other characteristics that a good girlfriend should have. (ID: 7558)
is capable of being very attractive as long as they take care of themselves in basic ways like exercise and hygiene. When it comes to their feelings about us, physical attraction is what generally seems to attract them to us more than our personality. 7147 Can be good at “keeping up” with their appearance. But there are many times when they do not even try to look their best. For example, they won’t shave or dress up. 7989
places a lot more emphasis on it
...places a lot more emphasis on physical appearance 7715
tends to be shallow. I think by nature men are more visual than women so if they have something that is nice to look at, it will keep their attention. 1960
puts great emphasis on how good-looking their girlfriend is
...holds it high on the list of characteristics that qualifying potential partners must possess. (7254)
way more into visual appeal then women.9329
thinks that it is very important. (1711)
...seems to value that more than women when looking for someone to be in a relationship with. (6364)
...can be absolutely stunning, but it does not matter unless his good looks match what is on the inside. Basically, if a guy is good-looking but has a horrible personality, then his attractiveness no long matters; on the other hand, if a guy is good looking and has an amazing personality, then that is when physical attractiveness really matters. (4656)
Has a mix of attractiveness. (6963)
#19. Money and status is are things that the opposite sex...
can feel intimidated by if possessed by a woman. 3220
…value very much and prefer to have in the relationship. 8623
should have 6237
…strives for not just for personal gain but also for females so that they can be better providers and be more attractive when they are still looking for a steady relationship.5685
Feels insecure without
…strives for. 9800
Need to feel masculine and powerful. 6551
...Strive to achieve, but often believe they deserve and can acquire more of and faster than females.
Values, desires, and finds very important, not only now, but more importantly, in the future. (ID: 7558)
is something they judge each other by and can e threatened by girls who outdo them. 7147
want. I think they feel that men think they need these things in order to be “real” men and also they think they need them in order to get attention from women.7989
judge one another on
...definitely finds valuable 7715
strive for. They more money and power you have they more things you can have. They also think that you can get more girls if you have these things. 1960
tend to find very important, but there are a good amount of men who are not caught up in those types of things.
...hold most important and strive to gain often more than anything else. (7254)
thinks are of great importance to their personal success.9329
does not always need but if they so happen to have them then they are more of a “catch”. 1219
want eventually, even now for some.(1711)
…are threatened by if a woman has more money or is of a higher status. (6364)
...may or may not have. It is not crucial for them to have either, but it makes life easier for them when trying to raise and support a family. (4656)
That can be important for some girls.(6963)
#20. It hurts me most when the opposite sex...
does not understand what I am feeling or says rude comments about my friends or me. 1219
doesn’t listen to my feelings and takes me for granted. 3220
plays with my feelings. I hate to be played with emotionally. If I really like a guy he definitely has a strong opportunity to screw me over.
…lies, and is not honest about the way the feel. 5685
Treats me or any of my friends like objects. 6551
Makes you feel used or unwanted 6237
…ignores how I feel and does not care about my feelings. 8623
Disregards our feelings or says something rude and expects me to not feel anything about it.
…are rude and disrespectful of women. 9800
...Disregards my side of an argument because they don’t believe I know enough about the discussion on hand.
Is inconsiderate and thinks they are better than girls, and don’t respect them, simply because they are guys, and they are supposed to be stronger and make the money. (ID: 7558)
shuts me out or treats me differently when “the guys” are around. 7147
when you are in a relationship and your partner ignores you. 7989
doesn’t trust me
...is completely insensitive. 7715 lies. Be a man and be honest. 1960
does not take into consideration my feelings.9329
cheats on me
...is inconsiderate and not respectful of me and others. (7254)
disrespects us and crosses the line with their actions and words.(1711)
…if the opp. sex were to cheat on me. (6364)
...is insensitive. (4656)
Lies and does not take my feelings into account.(6963)
#21. I feel best about the opposite sex when...
they do little things to let me know that they care about me and our relationship, such as planning a nice evening out or in, giving me a cute love note just because and making me feel special. 3220
I have power over them.
they appreciate and accept me for who I am. 1219
…they respect me and are a gentleman. 8623
they hug me and show they love me through their actions and words 6237
Are kind and considerate. 6551
They do something sweet, little, and unexpected.
…they share their experiences and treat women and myself with great respect and equal ness. 5685 …we understand each other. 9800
...They compliment me on any level, whether it be my athletic ability, my looks, my intelligence or my personality.
We get along and are complimentary to each other. (ID: 7558)
they make me laugh to make me feel better. 7147
when they are honest and genuine. 7989
it is noticeable that he is making an effort to make me happy
... they appreciate your friendship and place in their life. 7715
they are honestly interested in what I have to say. 1960
we are very close friends who are able to communicate well and consider each other on an equal playing field.
...they are open and honest and easy to talk to and trust. (7254)
when they understand what I am feeling.9329
they treat us fairly and don’t look down on us. (1711)
...he is romantic or surprises me with dinner plans, flowers, or a care package in the mail. (6364)
...there is a connection between the two of us and we are completely comfortable around each other. (4656)
Cares about me more than other people in his life(6963)
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RESPONSES FROM THE FALL, 2006 CLASS (please do not add anything, or edit, to the text below.)
#1. Think about the previous interactions you have had with the opposite sex. Has a situation ever occurred with someone of opposite sex that you found deeply puzzling and/or incomprehensible? And which you also think is somehow a function of that person's gender (not just the specific individual involved)? If so, think about what happened, and the behaviors, cognitions, motivations, or emotions of the opposite sex that you found particularly puzzling.
Copy and paste your response to this question below. Leave a blank line between your response and those of others. Do the same for the rest of the items.
NOTE: REACTIONS TO COMMENTS SHOULD NOT BE INSERTED HERE -- THEY SHOULD BE INSERTED ON THE "REACTIONS TO COMMENTS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX" PAGE.
In past relationships I have found a pattern in how males tend to end them. In my experience, they have been very loving and caring throughout the relationship. They tell women that they love them and then one day they just stop. It is not as if men try to hurt women but I find it very puzzling that they are able to just stop feeling whatever it is they thought they felt before. Perhaps it is because they never know how they feel in the first place and feel a pressure to feel a certain way. Regardless, they are able to get over relationships rather quickly (even if the relationship had gone on for years). In my experience, the most confusing thing about it is that they do not even seem frazzled or hurt the next time they see their former mate. I don’t understand how men can go through so much with a person and then feel nothing for them.
There was this one time that my mother was very upset about something going on. She had been talking to me about it and was crying. My brother came up to say good bye to her cause he was going out for the night and he didn’t even noticed that she was upset. He looked at her confused and asked her if she was sick because she sounded like her nose was stuffed. I couldn’t believe how completely oblivious he was to the situation. I think that he didn’t notice this because guys don’t deal with their emotions in the same way so they might not completely recognize when a girl is upset. My bother left for the night and he didn’t even think twice about my mother until I called him the next day to inform him of how insensitive he is.
Yes there are many instances in which guys act in many confusion and rather contradictory ways. In many occasions I feel like this is more of a level of hypocrisy that anything, there are a lot of expectations of women but not so many from men when in a relationship. It may be the culture factor that emphasizes certain behaviors in men and have overtime become innate in them.
One situation that I have had with someone of the opposite sex that I found to be puzzling or incomprehensible was when this person became overly competitive to the point of being cruel and denying my own ability to succeed in something they considered themselves to be knowledgeable in. I think it is a function of the male gender to be of a more competitive nature and yet the extent to which this person would go to assure his own ego that he was better than a girl was somewhat startling. It wasn’t just the “I let you win” card it was almost as if he was angry that I was doing well in what he considered his domain. I once dealt with a guy who did not think it was important to tell another girl that he’d previously been involved with (and who he still had feelings for) that he was hooking up with me. The reason I felt she had the right to know was because he had played us both at the same time a while back so it was like he was doing the same thing, only this time I actually knew about it. Anyway, he honestly did not understand why I felt it was important that she should know. He thought it wasn’t a big deal for her to know, yet he didn’t want me to tell anybody anything because he didn’t want it to get back to her in case she found out and didn’t want to be friends with him anymore. He felt like the issue was becoming this big dramatic thing and I told him he was making it dramatic. It was easy for me to understand, but he honestly did not feel the same. I got so frustrated because he didn’t see things the way I was explaining them to him. There was a major communication block there.
The most puzzling thing that I have found in some males is there ability to be completely emotionless and stolid after different kinds of sexual relations. Not to say that they need to become attached, but the fact that they can allow their bodies and specific body parts to have intimate encounters with complete strangers and not have any feelings for that is odd to me. I cannot understand how the value of sexual intercourse is more meaningful to women and not to men. It seems as if men are looking for a place whereas women are looking for romance. Although this is not true for most men and women, it is significant enough for me to notice a difference between the two gender
In the past, when I have had fights with guys, it has often felt like it was much easier for me to articulate my feelings and thoughts about what was going on than it was for the guy. In general, it seems that it is much harder for guys to identify and explain their feelings. It also seems like guys sometimes get threatened when a girl can be clear about how she feels. In different situations, with different people, the guy has often negatively reacted to me being confrontational. This is incomprehensible to me because it feels second nature to talk about my feelings and confront the problem at hand. It does not seem that guys necessarily feel that way.
The most recent puzzling moment I have had came this summer. My boyfriend and I spent three months apart this summer, one of which I was in Greece on a summer study abroad. While I was gone we got in a fight about missing each other. I called him sad one day because he was so far away and I missed him and really wished the summer could have been different. His reaction was not at all what I expected. Instead of returning the sadness of us being apart he was just angry. He said he hated when I said I missed him because he felt like I expected him to do something about the problem of us being apart. I did not understand his angry reaction. I think the reason we had conflict was the difference in communication styles one and two in how each sex deals with emotions. He felt like there was a problem to fix when I was just sharing how I was feeling. I think females might deal with missing someone by being sad and sharing their emotions, while men bottle become angry because they cannot fix that the female is sad.
I had a friend who was best friends with a guy and they had a flirtatious relationship. One day they kissed and both agreed that it was a mistake. After that the friendship was never the same. She tried to talk to him to save their friendship but the guy refused to talk about his feelings with her to the point where they were no longer friends. As I was friends with both of them it was really hard for me to watch them become really awkward towards one another and I found extremely puzzling that the guy had no want to try and fix anything between them. It was like he just gave up and that was it, no one could do or say anything to change the situation. I also witnessed two of my best guy friends get into a horrible fight. One day, to my surprise one of the guys brought home food for the other one and with that gesture the problem was understood to be solved. I found that odd that a simple gesture like that would be enough to resolve the fight and that the two guys didn’t make any effort to talk their problems out with each other. I feel like guys in general have a hard time expressing and talking about their feelings.
On one occasion, I met a guy that I really liked through work. He eventually asked me for my phone number, we went out to dinner and the movies together, and eventually slept together. When I told him I had feelings for him, he was bewildered and surprised and said that I took his having sex with me the wrong way. He said he just saw me as a friend. I find it incomprehensible that men are able to have sex with women even though they don’t actually like them. I think that men, unlike women, are able to function on a sexual level completely separate from their feelings. I found it puzzling that this particular member of the opposite sex, as well as other males, find it completely normal to not have sex with a girl they feel apathetic towards.
Both men and women often do not understand each other because of distinctions between them. From my point of view as a woman, I sometimes found puzzling and incomprehensible about men when I think back about my previous relationships with the opposite sex. The most puzzling behavior was that men usually misunderstand between truth and white lie. For instance, I had a blind date once and I really did not attracted to him but when he told me something, which was not fun at all, I smiled at him and pretended like I was having fun. However, I heard that he thought I’ve got a good impression from him but I just pretended not to make him feel bad. This is not the only time I thought that men did not have a sense to notice the truth. Because men cannot see through women’s true mind, women often have troubles with men.
When I broke up with my high school boyfriend, he did not give me any reasoning for why he wanted to break up. He told me that he just changed his mind, but really he just didn’t want to tell me the true story. He wanted to protect my feelings about being interested in another girl, but in attempting to do this he ended up just confusing me and causing me more pain thinking that there was something wrong with me if was able to just stop caring about me one day. I think that in wanting to do what he thought would be best for me, he was really just protecting himself so he didn’t look like the bad guy. To this day this is one thing that I just don’t understand.
I feel as if males bottle up their emotions. Most of the men that I have dated or are friends with try to hide their emotions. I feel like they may do this because it is not as acceptable in society for males to cry. I do not think that men should show their emotions about everything (because it is a great quality to be able to hold things in during certain situations), but I do believe that men forcefully hold most if not all of their true feelings in. The only time that men really have let me see how they truly feel is when we are very close. I do not think it is healthy to hold things in just because society will look down on them. Then again maybe men really just do not have the same emotions as women. I guess that is why I find emotions in men vs. women so deeply puzzling.
First off, when thinking about the “opposite sex” I think I should mention that the people that immediately come to mind are the group of males that I have dated in the past plus all my current male friends and enemies…all of whom are my peers. I’m not thinking of my dad and his friends, or even the boys I have babysat. So although I will try to think of males in general, I think the guys in my age group mostly will be the influence to my responses.I once dated this guy who I was really into, and I was sure he was into me too. One night we watched a movie together and then we started making out. I was exited but I knew he was much more experienced than me. He started to try to do things I wasn’t comfortable with and I said “no.” So then we just ended up going to sleep. He took me home in the morning, I was super excited about the previous night and thought we were still really hitting it off. Well, he stopped calling me and life moved on, but years later I was talking to him about it and he said that he thought he had made me really uncomfortable that night and was afraid that I thought he was too pushy and that he was waiting for my call. Being a girl, I assumed he’d call me if he liked me enough...him being a boy he figured if I still liked him I’d call him. I don’t feel like I have found an encounter with the opposite sex to be deeply puzzling or incomprehensible. There have been times with both male and female that I am confused by their actions but write it off as a characteristic of their personality and not necessarily their sex.
Just recently I was deeply puzzled by my brother’s actions with my ex-boyfriend. My boyfriend recently just broke up with me during the summer and although I am drowning in my sorrow, my younger brother has now become my ex-boyfriend’s new best friend. At first, I was completely puzzled and jealous at my younger brother’s actions since my brother and my ex-boyfriend have always had a love-hate relationship. Almost three years ago, my brother punched him because he saw him flirting with girls at a party. Almost a year ago, my ex-boyfriend stopped talking to younger brother because he egged his house during a drunken night adventure. I am just puzzled that they can continue being friends even though we are not together and the fact that my ex-boyfriend has repeatedly disrespected me while we were together. I just don’t understand that they always go through phases of liking each other and hating each other. Boy relationships are so easy and are handled so different than their relationships with the opposite sex. ( ID: 9367)
#2. In general, what do you like about the opposite sex? What do you dislike? Again, think of the opposite sex in general, as they actually are, not how you might like them to be different.
. I like how men are relaxed and seem to take life for what it is. They, generally do not have catty fights with their friends or get their feelings hurt for trivial reasons. They think through situations logically and do not get over-emotional when the time is not right. I like how they can be very caring at the right times and make me feel protected when I am feeling threatened by something. I like how they are physically active and always willing to be outside and enjoy life. I dislike how they seemingly have no emotions (or pretend as if they don’t). I hate when they act a certain way around females and then when a male comes into the picture they turn into a macho man who cannot say an intelligent thing. I dislike the way they expect women to always be presented in a ceratin way but hate to wait for them to get ready. I also dislike the way in which they let anger get the best of them and act irrationally when it comes to issues of jealousy and "property". I also dislike how the always think that being in a commited relationship is always more a burden than it is a good thing. I like that males never take things too seriously and never blow things out of proportion. They are much more easy going than girls. What I dislike is that they are very bad with communication skills. They won’t talk about their feelings and they aren’t someone you can go to when you want to get something off your back and talk about it.
When motivated men can actually be very caring and act as providers and in some ways as protectors. Their intrinsic motivation to succeed in certain areas can actually be very admirable. In times of real importance males will generally step up and be a support system. They are on the other hand they are very possessive and objectify women. Sexual tendencies tend to be more promiscuous.
In general I like that guys: are stronger and thus more protective of women, can keep things simple without adding a great deal of drama to everything, see things from a different perspective without overanalyzing and that guys try to teach the things they are good at to other people. I dislike the fact that guys: often treat women as though they are not equals, disregard the little things that are important, generally, to females, are able to benefit from the double standards that exist in society, can be hypocritical in what they expect of a woman. I like it that men seem to be more rational with their emotions, take initiative, are outgoing, confident, and don’t gossip as much as women. I don’t like their inability to communicate effectively, they don’t always show emotions, can be insensitive, are impulsive, and can be possessive. in general, I like the way guys are protective of girls, no matter what type of relationship they are in. I also like the way that they constantly compliment girls. I like the way that they are usually conscious of their physical appearance (ie. Working out). In general, I really don’t like the way males often try to act better, smarter, and stronger than females. Not everything is a competition and I hate the way that they get mad if they “lose to a girl.” I also don’t like the way that they will often act “manly” around their guy friends and ignore or limit their affection for a girl if she is present at the same time. Also, guys often miss girls’ hints, which is extremely annoying. I don’t like how jealous guys get either. Finally, I actually don’t like how laid back guys are sometimes because it makes me feel like they don’t care as much about stuff as girls do (which I know that we often “over-care” about stuff but I don’t know, it makes sense to me).
I love the companionship with males, whether it be physical or platonic, or emotionally connected. Having a male to confide in is important. I like that I can gain new perspectives from males and that they seem less likely to judge. I dislike that males typically cover up their feelings more than females do. Sometimes guys refuse to overcome the notion that they have to be strong and keep their emotions inside, when really venting their frustrations and feelings could greatly benefit them. What I like about the opposite sex is that men have a protective nature in them and how they rarely involve their emotions into every day situations. What I dislike is how they are insensitive towards situations that do not involve themselves or others they care about
In general, there are many things that I both like and dislike about guys. I like when I feel protected by a guy. For example, if I am walking with a guy at night in a dark place, it is comforting to know that the guy will protect me if he needs to. I like that most guys are chivalrous when they are out on a date with a girl. I like that mature guys are go-getters and make things happen for themselves in their lives. I don’t like when guys get aggressive when they are angry. An example of this would be when a guy punches a wall when he is upset. I don’t like when guys get jealous and territorial of a girl they are dating. I don’t like when guys act macho or superior to girls. I don’t like when guys are afraid of commitment.
In general I like that guys are a lot less maintenance than girls and are less caddy or dramatic. They are usually easier to get along with. I also enjoy their passion for sports. I like the fact that they are able to be biologically faster, stronger and taller because it makes me feel protected. I like that guys do not go through hormonal changes and that they cannot have babies. I also like that they are a provider of sexual pleasure. I wish I could be like men and not overanalyze everything. In general I dislike that guys on average are a lot less sensitive and nurturing than women. They are less likely to really listen and be there for you in a time of emotional crisis than a female friend. I also do not like that they are not as in control of their sexual drive as women. I mean when they want it they have to have it. I really do not enjoy that most men are less clean and have more body odor than women. A mans room will be a lot less sanitary than a girls room. I do not like that men have less body fat then women because it is just not fair.
I think my favorite thing about the opposite sex is that guys generally tend to steer clear of drama while often girls seem to get very caught up in it. The thing I dislike about guys is that they are less capable then girls of communicating their feelings.
In general, I like that men are physically stronger than women, and their overall masculinity. I dislike the fact that men don’t want to talk about things. If there is a problem in the relationship they run and hide if they think a discussion is approaching. They don’t talk about their feelings. They pretend as if they have no feelings. They are motivated by sexual drives more than anything else. They are willing to do and say almost anything if they think it will convince the woman they are dating to sleep with them. They are afraid of commitment. If they have done something wrong, they won’t confess unless you (the woman) finds out first. They don’t seem to find it important to take an interest in the things a woman finds interesting, they don’t care about becoming more familiar with her hobbies or passions. They can’t handle it when women get emotional. They have no concept of just how sensitive a woman’s heart really is. They don’t understand subtle hints, instead they need to be hit over the head with an idea in order to get the message.
Mostly I like when men try to protect women. Even if they are in danger, they protect women first. I do not know their protective actions for their good images or not but, I feel reassured and loved when men protect me. Another characteristic that I like about men is that they do not complicate any situations. Women tend to think and make a problem more complicated but it is not always helpful for solving problems. Sometimes, it is good to simplify the situations. These are the reasons that I like about men, however, men cannot get any hints from women because they are too simple. Although most of women and I know that men do not pretend like they do not know but they really do not get it, women are keep giving them hints and complain about not getting it. Another characteristic that I dislike about men is that they pretend to be brave. As the above, it is good when men protect women but if they overact, women do not like it.
In general, I like that the opposite sex is more level headed in that they are able to think things through and not jump to any dramatic conclusions if they don’t have all the information available to them. Men are definitely more laid back in general and I think that works well to balance out us females. I enjoy that they like to try to fix things themselves and although there are times when they don’t really know how to do it, they won’t give up without giving it the old college try.
In general, I like how men are more honest and straight-forward. I also like how men are less-drama than women. For example, it is very uncommon for guys to have catty fights over a girl with their guy friends. However I am appalled and somewhat disgusted when guys use violence to answer their problems. I also like how all guys (fathers, brothers, boyfriends) are very protective and caring with females. However, I dislike when “protectiveness” turns into jealously and possessiveness. I also like how guys are active and love being adventurous. I think I like this quality in men because I lack this quality of loving the outdoors and being physically active. (ID:9367)
I like that the opposite sex is generally brave and protective. Although I like when men are very “manly” I do not like is when they act overly macho just to impress people. I am very big on chivalry. I love when men open the doors, pay for dinner, etc., but I do not like when men insist on paying for dinner because they believe that the men are the ones that are supposed to do so. It is nice to be pampered, but nice to give some back. This reminds me of another thing that bothers me about men. Men are stubborn. In general I like the opposite sex. It’s nice to get a break from being with girls all the time. I think most of the time males are more laid back then females and I like that. I like when guys are interested in a girl and are not afraid to show it. I like when they respect women. I like the opposite sex because they are different from us and it really is fun to talk about them and try to figure them out. I’ve always been irritated by the fact that guys don’t have to take as much time getting ready, but then in turn can sometimes end up taking longer than me somehow. I don’t like how they can take advantage of a girl and not even think twice about how she feels or how he ought to feel. One last thing, I hate macho man guys. This guy is good looking, knows the right things to say, usually has a nice car, and when you realize that all he cares about is how he looks to his friends you will wonder how you or any other girl saw anything in him.
#3. What is the one thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about your own sex?
. I like how men are relaxed and seem to take life for what it is. They, generally do not have catty fights with their friends or get their feelings hurt for trivial reasons. They think through situations logically and do not get over-emotional when the time is not right. I like how they can be very caring at the right times and make me feel protected when I am feeling threatened by something. I like how they are physically active and always willing to be outside and enjoy life. I dislike how they seemingly have no emotions (or pretend as if they don’t). I hate when they act a certain way around females and then when a male comes into the picture they turn into a macho man who cannot say an intelligent thing. I dislike the way they expect women to always be presented in a ceratin way but hate to wait for them to get ready. I also dislike the way in which they let anger get the best of them and act irrationally when it comes to issues of jealousy and "property". I also dislike how the always think that being in a commited relationship is always more a burden than it is a good thing.
Males have a tendency to misunderstand emotions. More often than not they perceive our emotional sensitivity as a type of hysteria or emotional unbalance. It is something that they cannot comprehend of handle. It is misconstrued when usually is just a form of release in order to better deal with the situation once we’ve completely clear our head.
I feel males misunderstand my insecurities and the need for sensitivity surrounding them.
Boys most misunderstand any hints that you might be trying to give about anything. They can not read people what so ever and everything must be spelt out to them. You always have to ask them to do something, they will never just do it without asking.
The opposite sex most misunderstands the fact that women value their independence just as much as their desire to be taken care of or protected.
Males seem to most misunderstand our emotions and why we feel the way we do about certain things
Males misunderstand that females can be independent and equally intelligent as the opposite sex. Many men consider women to be weak and inferior but that is clearly just a stereotype. Just because females are naturally smaller and less strong than men, the assumption that women need men and cannot survive without them is old fashioned. The opposite sex misunderstands how women have PMS and it is not simply an excuse for us to exit out of a situation. They misunderstand why we can one minute want to cuddle and the next, not want to talk anymore.
One thing that guys most misunderstand about girls is our need for communication. They may know that that is what we want, but they don’t understand why we want and need clear communication. Girls are generally more verbal than guys, and that difference creates a gap in our basic needs. I would say that guys cannot empathize with our needs for communication, so they cannot truly understand them.
I think the thing that men most misunderstand about women is PMS and pregnancy. I feel like they don’t understand how PMS works or how it is possible to get a female pregnant even with protection. They do not understand the pressure females are in to try and not get pregnant. Getting pregnant when you are not ready is a scary thing and is something that women are always thinking about. I think men to be more understanding and considerate of both these issues.
I think that guys are not able to pick up on hints that girls drop to them. For example if a girl is upset she might say she wants to be left alone when really she wants someone to sit and talk it out with her. A girl is more able to pick up on that then a guy is.
They think women are too emotional, when in reallly it’s their utter lack of emotion that causes them to view us that way.
The one thing that the men most misunderstands about women is that they assume that it will be easy to go out with women who does not have attractive appearances. Many women do measure men by appearance too but mostly men judge women by their physical appearances. I am not sure whether it is because they had experiences that they were rejected by good-looking women or not but they tend to think good-looking women are hard to go out with. It is not understandable that men still think in this way even though they all know that appearances are deceptive.
I think that men misunderstand a woman’s need to vent. There are times when all we need to do is talk heatedly about a certain problem and eventually it works through our system. Often they find it ridiculous that if we are yelling about something and getting all worked up about a certain situation one day, but the next day we are completely okay, it either didn’t really mean anything to us and we are just being dramatic. In reality, our ranting and raving is the equivalent of men punching holes in the wall to get out their frustration. No one knows exactly why this outlet is chosen, but often we feel better once it is out of the way.
Men do not understand a lot about women (and vice versa). We can try to explain over and over why we feel a certain way, but it is difficult for men to truly understand. For some reason I feel like when I say something to a man he interprets it totally different than a female friend would. Maybe our nature as males and females causes this or maybe it is society that makes it so difficult to understand each other. I feel like men also do not understand why women are generally open about their emotions. Lastly, I feel like men do not understand why we tell our girlfriends everything. It is great to talk to friends about experiences, but men like to keep a lot bottled up.
Maybe that we are forgiving if we really like them…they don’t need money or flashy things or stunning model looks as long as they have a good heart. Also, I think they might not realize that girls can be just as horny as they are…it just takes a little more to get us started.
I think that guys misunderstand women’s emotions. Most men (from my dad to my brother) think that all women are toooooooo emotional!! This upsets me because I do consider myself a very emotional being I don’t believe that men should characterize me as solely emotional! I feel that men don’t consider emotions as important qualities to possess therefore disregard and ignore women’s inherent nature to be emotional. ( ID:9367)
#4. Think about a time when you found yourself particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex. What characteristics of that person do you think attracted you? What was the most important factor that attracted you to this person, e.g., physical appearance, personality traits, self-confidence, social status, friendly gestures toward you, etc.?
Well the first initial attraction that I will have to a male is going to be physical but that is not necessarily the most important. I really value how they carry themselves and their social skills. It is very important to me that the male is friendly and outgoing and completely comfortable talking to me and all other people. This shows self confidence and this is all something that is very attractive to me.
The things that attract me most to guys is sincerity, gentleness and humor. If a guy is funny I am almost immediately attracted to him. I love to laugh and if I could have one thing in a relationship it would be that. At my age, I am not looking to get married or get into a long term relationship. I want to have fun and if I can have fun with a guy and trust him, that is all I need. Initially, without talking to a guy, I am most attracted to his eyes and smile. I think one can tell a lot about a person by their smile and how much they use it!
Personality traits such a sense of humor and their personal values were important to me. If they viewed the world in a creative manner and placed worth on things that aren’t necessary superficial or tied to wealth, that made them more desirable. Social status was not important although I seem to gravitate more with those who have struggle to get to their position, once again because of the value they place on those things they gain.
The characteristics of that person that made me attracted to them was their gentleness/ kindness, sense of humor and respect toward me. The most important factor of these was kindness.
There has never been one guy that I was overly attracted to but there are several characteristics that I consider attractive. First off, I am attracted to guys who you can tell are confident, but aren’t cocky. I also look at physical appearance (probably as much as guys do girls) because I like a guy with blue or green eyes, a tan, and a built body (arms and abs specifically). Finally, their personality. I like a guy who has a good sense of humor and can make me smile even when I’m mad. I like a guy who is also social and can do things independently from me because I like to be independent a lot.
A sense of humor and body language are the most attractive traits in a male. If there is no body language between you and the other person, and it is not easy to communicate with them, then not much can come out of that situation. The initial body language between a guy and a girl can greatly affect their future. In this case, first impressions really do mean a lot. Also sense of humor is attractive because if two people cannot find humor in the same things, a pretty boring relationship would come around. I am attracted to a man who can hold a conversation without him seeming obvious that he is trying to impress me. I enjoy when a man talks to me and looks into my eyes and I am able to know he is intently listening to what I have to say and what is important to me. Physical characteristics are usually over six feet tall, athletic build and nice teeth. I want a man who is confident and ambitious and has difficult yet reachable goals.
The times that I have found myself particularly attracted to a guy usually involve a combination of traits. Above all, I find charisma extremely attractive. Besides that, interesting and quirky people attract me the most. If a guy is flirtatious with me, I am more likely to be attracted to him. However, if his flirtation is too obvious or sleazy, I will not be attracted to him. There are certain things I look for in the physical appearance of a guy, but if he does not have a personality that I find attractive, I will not be attracted to him.
The first thing that attracts me to someone of the opposite sex is usually their appearance because that is the first thing you see. You see a beautiful smile or bright shinning eyes. However, that attraction can either grow stronger or die based on the person’s personality and morality. By morality I mean in general if they are a good person, if they are nice and generous. For me, it is also important that the person be motivated to do something with their life.
The last guy that I was really attracted to was very funny. I won’t consider dating a guy unless he has a good personality and a good sense of humor. The most important factor that attracted me to the guy was his goofiness and ability to make me laugh.
Physical appearance, height; he was very tall. He had a take-charge kind of personality. He was very confident, almost cocky. He was very intelligent and intuitive. He was articulate. He knew a little about a lot of different things. He was spontaneous. He shared similar views. He had a way of making you feel like he really understood you, like he could see into you in a way that other people could not. His intelligence.
I personally attracted to men who work hard and fulfill their responsibilities. When a man does not do best on their work and spend time without any plans or goals, it makes me to think that this man will not take our relationship seriously and will be run away when we have a problem. I also found myself attracted to men when they have attentive consideration toward me. This behavior gives me a feeling that he really cares about me. Also, it seems like he really try to listen and understand what I say.
For me what attracts me to a person of the opposite sex is if they are able to make me smile or laugh. It could be their smile, something about the way they carry themselves, their interactions with other people, etc. For me, if a person can make me smile just by looking at them I am immediately intrigued and continue to pursue that person until I find something that makes that smile fade.
In high school I found myself generally attracted to the typical jock. I liked big, strong men. I am not saying that all jocks are dumb, but there is that stereotype for a reason. These men tend to focus on their sport and their bodies than their studies. As I am growing up I am finding myself less and less attracted to people for physical reasons. I now find myself more attracted to ambitious, smart, outgoing, and funny guys. One quality that I have found attractive in men my entire life is confidence. In order for me to be attracted to someone they have to be confident. I have a boyfriend and without a doubt the number one thing that attracted me to him was his personality. I started liking him because of his sense of humor mostly, and also his confidence in all settings and because he was very open about liking me.
The characteristics/qualities that attract to me to a guy is a good personality, sense of humor, and a beautiful smile. However, I can also be very superficial and be attracted to a guy solely because they are good-looking. The first thing that attracted to my ex-boyfriend was that he made me smile and laugh. I also noticed that he had such self-confidence (almost cockiness). I also liked how he was very goal-oriented and optimistic with his life. After getting to know him more, I was also attracted to him because he cared and was very protective to his family and friends. ( ID: 9367)
#5. In your opinion, what are the strengths and weaknesses of the opposite sex?
Men’s strengths include physical strength and emotional strength. The fact that they can hide their emotions so well is both a strength and a weakness. It is empowering to know that nobody can tell what you are really feeling, however, if you never let those feelings show then they will eventually wear you down. I think that men are usually more independent than women and they are also generally very driven and know what they want in life. I think weaknesses in men include friendship and what it entails. Men do not know how to comfort one another and that is huge.
Boys are very rational and straight forward when dealing with several things. But they are also not very sensitive and usually aren’t very good with comforting you or relating to you in a time of need.
Men seem to be very confident and driven toward their goals. However, I feel they can be impulsive and get side tracked very easily. Male strengths lie in there determination and perseverance. It is that competitive quality that allows them to achieve almost anything, but it is also their undoing. Arrogance and male belief in superiority arise from that same competitive quality. They can become very possessive and prideful when they loose control of that characteristic.
The strengths of the opposite sex are: their protectiveness (to an extent), their ability to take things at face value, physical strength and ability to remain calm and logical in stressful situations. The weaknesses of the opposite sex are: jealousy, machismo, at times an overly competitive drive and ability to thwart responsibility.
Some of the strengths that guys possess would include their ability to at least notice when something is wrong with a girl. I also think they are strong when it comes to handling situations where they need to keep their cool. I think that guys are also good at dealing with profane and mean comments from girls. I’m blanking on the strengths at this point. Some of the weaknesses I think guys have are their insecurities about a girls’ involvement (past or present) with other guys, but also just in general. I guess this is where jealously would come into play.
A strength of males is their inherent nature to protect. A weakness is when males think that women are completely helpless and could never attempt to protect themselves. So their “protection instinct” is a double-edged sword. Females like to feel protected when we show signs that we want to be protected – like in a dark alley or when we are affectionate in the bedroom, but if a woman wants to stand up for herself there is no need for a guy to be the protector and take charge.
Strength about the opposite sex is when they have a protective nature towards women and the people they love. Weakness about the opposite sex is that most men cannot multitask. They must complete one job before attempting another. Whereas women can do five or six task at the same time.
There are several strengths that can be attributed to the opposite sex. It seems that in a crisis, guys have the ability to stay calm and take action. They do what needs to be done. In general, guys seem to be able to be the “strong” one in a relationship if the girl is having a problem. They are often good at being an anchor and a shoulder to cry on. One major weakness that most guys have is their lack of communication skills.
I think men’s strengths are a problem solving mentality, thinking of things in the simplest terms, enjoyment of physical activity and being low maintenance. I think their main weaknesses are communication and expressing emotions.
Some strengths of guys are their ability to make us feel protected. Another strength of guys is their ability to give girls a simplified or direct perspective on something that a girl might read more into than is necessary. Some weaknesses of guys are that they are jealous and make compulsive decisions or can act irrationally when angry.
I think men's strengths are their ability to let things go and not hold grudges. They are quick to settle arguments. They are not afraid of physical activity. They are doers and not thinkers. They seem not to be fearful in general. Weaknesses include, their love of sex and their inability to keep sex from controlling them.
The strengths of men are that they are straightforward and have better ways of reliving stress than women. On the other hand, men have a tendency to solve all the problems immediately but sometimes it makes problems worse. Mostly women want to have a time and think about the problem more deeply and seriously, however, men want to solve a problem as fast as they can and do not want to think about it anymore even though some problems are not that simple. Their fast reactions often give bad impression to women. It seems like men do not care about the relationship as women do.
I think a major weakness of the opposite sex is their inability to be the same person around their group of friends and the girl they are interested in. It is a major turn-off when a guy keeps changing his mood based on the people that he is surrounded by and I think that maybe if they understood this they would be a little more cautious of their actions. A strength that they have is that men are able to compartmentalize their feelings in an argument with their significant other. I am not saying that it is one of the things that I like most about them, but I feel that it is to their advantage that they are able to have a heated discussion and get all their points across without having to worry about tears or yelling taking away from their argument.
I think men’s confidence is a huge strength. Men seem to have more confidence than women. Men’s drive to succeed is also a major strength of theirs. Men’s weaknesses, in my mind, are that they are stubborn and selfish. They are so driven to succeed in life that they only focus on themselves and are very set in their ways. This could also be seen as a good thing, but I believe it is a weakness because it stops them from being able to compromise. I believe that women compromise a lot more than men do in their relationships. Strengths- its socially appropriate for them to date any age under them (the possibilities increase as they get older, for us the possibilities decrease), get paid more in the work place Weaknesses- lack of communication skills, inability to not care what friends think, do not understand what sex means to a woman (ie responsibilities if she becomes pregnant), don’t understand menstruation, think about sex too much and will do anything to get it
'* Strengths- Confidence, Competitive, Masculinity, More optimistic and driven-oriented than women, More frank and straight-forward than women.' * Weaknesses- Lack of commitment, Lack of communication skills, Less emotional, Sometimes chauvinistic, More selfish and egotistical than women, More cocky and narcissistic than women, Impulsive, Possessive. ( ID: 9367)
- 6. Can you think of any instances in which you have personally been treated unfairly by the opposite sex? If so, give a brief description of what happened.
I was in a relationship for two years and very committed. I gave him my all (without losing myself) and everything was going smoothly. Out of the blue, he ended it because he found out that the "hot girl" in school liked him. He saw her but also took advantage of my love for him and vulnerability and continued to see me as well. He continued to sleep with me because he knew I could not say no to him and he still clung to me for emotional support even though I was not getting anything back. This went on for two years. It was my fault for going along with it but I was in a particularly difficult time in my life and he knew this and did it anyway. I have a group of guy friends that give me a hard time about anything and everything that I say that they might consider being a stupid question. They have no mercy and always jump into making fun of myself or any of my other girl friends. But if one of them says something that is dumb they are more likely to drop it faster or not even really acknowledge it. It’s unfair how they are so quick to make fun of something that a girl does that is stupid when they might have done something themselves that is similar.
Yes, actually I use to work for a time with my father unpacking, fixing and repackaging furniture. On one of the jobs in San Diego, where a warehouse had furniture with out a particular glaze that needed to be fix a group of young males, older than I, decided to help us. They laughed at me for being their and having no place among “men”. To their misfortune one of them could not work a simple tape dispenser to which I decided to let them fight for awhile before I demonstrated that they had been wrong and promptly use the dispenser with greater ability than them, packing furniture twice as quickly as them.
An instance where I was treated unfairly by the opposite sex was when there was a problem that needed to be solved I don’t remember if it was for a class or a club project or something, but I had an idea that I knew would work or at least help and I wasn’t allowed to express it because the guy thought that his idea was better and constantly interrupted me when I was trying to mention it. (We went with my idea).
Does getting cheated on count as unfair? I’m not really sure what to put here, but I think it sucks to get cheated on, it seems pretty unfair to me. Although I can’t remember a specific instance, I know that I’ve dealt with guys that have thought that I couldn’t do something and it really irritated me because they doubted my ability to be as able to do something as they were.
I have been treated unfairly by the opposite sex when I was taken advantage of by a sober male when I was intoxicated. Not only was this illegal but it was embarrassing and devastating. When I was younger my neighbor had a skateboard and I use to admire his ability to skate. I then asked my father for a skateboard and he told me those were toys for boys and they were not meant for girls.
I was a freshman in highschool, and I started dating my best guy friend. We didn’t spend that much time together because he went to a different school. Therefore, it was hard for me to be completely comfortable in our physical relationship because we didn’t interact very often. After a few months of dating, he got drunk one night and cheated on me. He confessed the next day, and told me that he felt awful. I believed him and we stayed together. Then, a month later he cheated on me again and broke up with me before I found out. I felt very unfairly treated, and his rationalization for cheating was that I wasn’t as sexually active as he wanted me to be.
The only situation I can think of when I was treated unfairly would be on an athletic field of some sort. I think that guys always think that they are stronger, faster and better at sports than girls. It is true that they have the potential to be stronger, faster and better, but that does not mean that every individual male is better than every individual female at sports. It has happened to me a few times that guys have laughed at me when I asked to play a sport with them simply because I was female and they thought there was no way I would be good enough.
I grew up in a family that loves football. My little brother used to be quarterback of his high school team and so I used to practice throwing and playing with him. When I would try to play with my guy friends I often found that they would not treat me as an equal that could play well. Because I was a girl they figured that I couldn’t play as well as them and I often found that extremely unfair. I also don’t like when guys pretend to care about you only for the mere chance of trying to hook up with you later.
At work sometimes I’m teased as a girl for not being able to life heavy things. My work is mostly manual labor. I also work at a restaraunt, and it seems they promot the men much sooner than they promote female employees. Recently, I've been butting heads with the management a lot about why I have not yet been promoted. The management is all male, and they think I'm too emotional.
I have been treated unfairly by a person of the opposite sex because of my inability to keep my emotions from being displayed at all times. On several occasions when I would be taking with a guy that I am in a relationship with about something that has upset me, whether they understood it or not, I will bring it up and sometimes yes, there will be tears. As soon as they appear though, I am immediately not taken seriously in their eyes and I get the “don’t be so dramatic” line. Although I would like to have a rational conversation about an issue, they immediately throw out all reasoning I may have because of my tears.
One time in high school the guys thought it would be really funny to throw food at all of the girls. After a while I got really angry that they thought it was hilarious to hit us in the head with hot dogs (real mature…). One of the guys saw how upset I was getting about the whole thing and since we were friends he came to talk to me. I started telling him how they had no respect for women if they were throwing food at us when we were trying to eat (even if it was their way of flirting). This guy who I thought was my friend then yelled out in front of the entire cafeteria “I RESPECT YOU!” while starring at my breasts. Obviously I was infuriated. I was treated unfairly because I was a woman. I think that men need to respect women more, and if that “friend” had really respected me he would not have made that sick joke.
I had a teacher in high school who picked on me constantly. He was the football coach and most of the other students liked him so I never approached him about it but it really affected me at the time. In the past few years I have definitely been treated unfairly by the opposite sex as have most of the girls I know. I have been cheated on, lied to, used and taken advantage of. But I have learned a lot along the way and if that’s what it takes to eventually get to someone who cares about me it was worth it because I’m so happy now.
Just recently, my boyfriend broke up with me. We were together for 4 years. During these 4 years, he lied to me, cheated on me with one of his friends, and taken advantage of emotionally, financially, and mentally. During high school, I was in the swim team. Our coach was a man who treated all the girls very unfairly. Unfortunately, the whole team was made up of all girls with five guys. We noticed all season long that he treated the guys on the team better than the girls. (ID: 9367)
- 7. Can you think of any instances in which you have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex, simply because of your (or their) gender? If so, give a brief description of what happened.
A boyfriend that I had always made great efforts to make me happy. He would leave me notes in the morning and bring me flowers all the time. He would always want to take me out to dinner and pay for everything. He made me feel precious and lady like. I think that he enjoyed taking care of me because I was a female and he cared for me.
Whenever I have gone on a date with a guy I have noticed how they can treat me with a lot more respect and sincerity. For example guys will usually pay and they also do different gentleman like gestures such as opening the door. These are all things that they do differently for us since we are girls. Also another instance that a boy has treated me particularly different is whenever I might be out late and they will always offer to walk me home or to my car so that I will not be by myself in the dark late out night.
On one occasion my tire blew out and although I could replace the tire on my own two guys stopped to help me. If I would have been another guy I don’t believe they would have stopped to help me.
A more recent incident occurred when I was moving back to school, one of my guy friends offered to help me move all my stuff in. He would always try to take the heavy stuff even though he was in some pain from an old injury. Even though I offered to carry the heavy stuff he would do his best to keep me from having to do the brunt of the work. Also, his helping me and the way in which he tried to do the hard stuff on his own wasn’t a product of his ego, but more his way of trying to be helpful. In one of my relationships my boyfriend always considered me in whatever he was doing as well as always did those cute little things that girls like (such as giving me a card or letting me always pick the movie we went out to see.)
I have been treated well by males in my workplace because I work at an organization that consists mostly of females, and all the males who work their seem to hold women’s opinions of high regard. Though I do work for a women’s clinic, the men there treat all the women with great care, as one would hope. It is also a unique workplace because the majority of the higher positions are all held by females. . I was once at a party with my boyfriend and a fight emerged from the crowd. My boyfriend quickly placed me and my friend behind him so we would be protected in a sense.
I can’t think of a particular instance where I was treated well just because I am a girl. In general, I feel that guys are chivalrous towards me, and this is probably because I am a girl. This includes opening doors, offering to carry things for me, etc.
Yes, any instance in which a guy is interested in either dating or hooking up with me. I think that when guys want something they can be very nice and they will pretty much do whatever you want them to do.
I have a guy friend that will walk me home from parties just to make sure that I get home safe which is usually very comforting late at night. I know he does this because I am a girl.
I remember once when I was very drunk, and a guy who happened to be pretty strong was standing nearby right at the moment when I collapsed. He carried me up two flights of stairs to where I lived because my friends weren’t strong enough to lift me. I thought that was pretty nice. I’m sure he would not have done that if I had been a guy.
Men use more polite words when they talk to women than men. Once, My friend introduced me a man. When I talked to him, he was so polite and had delicate manners. However, it was totally different when he was talking to his guy friend on the phone. He used lots of slang and abuse language. I believe that the reason why he purified his words was because I am a woman and he did want to give me a good impression about him as a man.
The instances that come to my mind are when I am in line to get into a club, or party, or restaurant and there is a guy letting people in. Often, they will let more women in because they want to increase the chances for the limited number of men in the place. It also helps when I am carrying something that looks to be a bit heavy, because on more than one occasion someone will offer to help me and carry it for me.
Unfortunately chivalry is basically unheard of nowadays, but I have experienced it in some little ways. When men have taken me out on dates they usually pay for dinner and are extremely sweet. Another instance that I can think of is whenever I have to carry heavy things men usually step in and help. This is obviously because men are thought to be stronger than women. To be honest I do not mind if a man carries my things because he thinks I am too weak to do it.
I dated a guy who was from the south. He was so sweet to me and did all the things guys are supposed to do; pay for meals, open doors, compliment me all the time, give me little presents unexpectedly, call every day…the works.
One day in my freshmen year, my friend and I went off campus to do some errands. At this time, I was going to another college which happens to be on a very big hill. While we were driving up to our school, her tire blew out and we were basically stranded. We stayed near the road and waited for help. Many cars went by and did not stop. After five minutes of waiting, a car stopped by. The car’s passenger happened to be an old man who worked in the area. He helped us out by putting my friend’s spare tire on. We were very grateful that he helped us out. After being humiliated by an ex-boyfriend, the guy that was interested in me (and who I strung along and broke his heart) called me and asked how I was doing since he saw me crying at school. I was amazed and shocked that this guy could call and ask how I was doing when the day before I broke his heart in a letter. (ID: 9367)
- 8. Describe an instance, or instances, when you have been rejected by someone of the opposite sex to whom you were attracted. How did they reject you? Was their behavior inconsiderate, rude or insensitive? How did it make you feel? How might they have done it in a more considerate way?
--- I think the worst thing I could think of was when I began to really like one of my good friends. I was very excited when we first kissed and it seemed like we were getting along great. I was expecting a call from him one night but it was getting very late. I went out with my friends instead and ran into him on a date with another girl (who he began dating the next day). We never talked about it and he expected me to still be his good friend. After it was clear that he had hurt me, we did not talk for an entire year and ignored one another in the halls. If he had been up front with me from the beginning I would not have felt as betrayed and I would have been able to deal with it better and remain friends with him. Once I was dating this guy and he moved away for about two months and when he got back I found out that he had met someone else and was in a relationship with them. He didn’t tell me right away and I had to hear this from a friend of mine. I wasn’t bothered that he had met someone else but I thought it was very inconsiderate that he didn’t just tell me himself. He defiantly took the easy way out.
I’m sure everyone has been rejected at some point in time, so here is mine. It wasn’t enough to reject me but rather he made sure to make a public event out of it, gathering his friends to watch. It was more than just unpleasant it was humiliating and the least he could have done was just said no, privately in discussing the matter; especially since it was he who offered to talk about it.
An instance in which I have been rejected was not too humiliating in that the guy didn’t make a big public scene about it, but humiliating enough that what seemed like my whole school (even though it was somewhat small) knew about it within a day or two. His behavior wasn’t rude or inconsiderate but it still made me feel really hurt as though there was something wrong with me.
I had a thing going with this one guy for a while and then we broke it off right before summer started. I didn’t think we’d get back together so I was letting go, but throughout the entire summer, he kept saying stuff that convinced me to give it a second chance. So once summer ended we met up and I was pretty confident that we could have a better relationship than we’d had previously. But all of a sudden he told me he didn’t want anything anymore so he basically led me on the entire summer! I felt completely rejected and it was like he never even thought about my feelings or the way he’d led me on. He should have just kept his distance during the summer, like I was, instead of making empty promises. But as I like to think about it now, it was a great learning experience.
I have been rejected at parties by males when they see someone they consider more attractive or more sociable than me. Typically the male is not rude when he makes it clear that he is not interested, but it does not feel good to know that he thinks someone else is more attractive than you. I cannot think of a situation were I have been rejected. I am usually not the type of woman to go up to men first. I let them make the first approach.
When I was in high school, my ex-boyfriend (whom I was still very attracted to and interested in) approached me in the quad and yelled at me in front of a group of people. He accused me of saying something to a friend. It was all a misunderstanding. However, he said very hurtful things to me and embarrassed me in front of a large group of people. I began to cry and was never able to look at him in the same way. It would have been better for him to talk to me in a private setting and not to blow up in front of so many of our friends. When I was in highschool, I had feelings for one of my best guy friends. We hung out all the time, and there were many instances where I felt that the attraction was mutual because there was a lot of flirtation between us. It turned out that he didn’t have feelings for me, but he knew that I had feelings for him. Instead of being honest with me and telling me that he didn’t have feelings for me, he told my friends to let me know that he wasn’t interested. I felt that the way he acted was immature and that he sent me mixed signals. I would have preferred if he was direct, and had not flirted with me and lead me on.
Freshman year I had a crush on a junior guy, the problem was that his roommate liked me. We started seeing more of each other despite the fact that we were hurting our friend. We were really enjoying each others company, but eventually it needed to come to an end. We decided we should no longer see each other because of the pain we were causing his roommate. At first I was really upset, but in the end saw the benefits of the decision. He was very considerate during the entire thing so I never became angry or resentful towards him.
I liked one of my guy friends who I was really attracted to and finally got up the nerve to tell him about it. He didn’t feel the same way but was nice about telling me that it would be better if he and I were just friends. This honestly made me feel kind of awkward around him for awhile but we stayed friends and eventually it became a joke between us. I appreciated that he was honest with me and didn’t lead me on and that we were still able to be friends.
He got a girlfriend. I thought that was inconsiderate, rude, and insensitive. It made me very, very angry. He could have been more considerate by telling me hr didn’t want to see me anymore, and that he didn’t think it was going to work out between us.
When he rejected me, he said he do not want to lose me as a friend. His reaction was not inconsiderate or rude but I thought it might be better to reject me directly. Because he still gave me a hope that he has a good feeling toward me at least as a friend, it took me a time to forget about him. Therefore, I believe that it is a better way to reject a person more directly because even though it is hard to overcome, it is faster and easier.
When I was in seventh grade there was this boy that I had had a crush on forever. At one of the dances my friend and I made a pact that we would each kiss the boy that we liked. During a slow dance with this boy I went in for the kill and he just turned his head away and stopped dancing with me. I felt it was a bit rude, but at that age I don’t think that boys know exactly what to do in that situation. It made me feel terrible and because of that, although it was years and years ago, I don’t really put myself out there on the line when it comes to pursuing boys. I just hated the way I felt after that and it is a feeling I would like to avoid at all costs.
I think that men sometimes thing it is okay just to ignore a woman if they are not interested. If someone calls you it is common courtesy to call them back. If you are not interested simply tell them so. I think that men believe women would not be able to handle straight on rejection so they simply avoid her. This is extremely rude and more hurtful than just telling her that you are not interested. Rejection makes me feel upset, lonely, and confused. I always like to know why things happen, and when I am rejected I try to find what is wrong with me to justify the rejection. He strung me along for a long time. I liked him a considerable amount but I wished all along that he wasn’t such an asshole. He rejected me by coming over one night and when I didn’t feel like making out he wanted to leave. Looking back I probably should have seen this coming. We talked for a while but I knew it was over because I realized I couldn’t like him if he didn’t like me for more than my body. The whole situation made me feel really stupid.
The most vivid memory of being rejected by a guy was in seventh grade when I liked one of my guy friends in my class. We started so-called “dating” and then after a week he broke up with me. I was totally crushed by this sudden and unexpected rejection. I realized after that he only started dating me because his friends told him too and he only liked me as friend. I was sprung this one guy until I started high school. I was very sad for a long time because I felt like no guys in my grade were genuinely interested and liked me. However, now as I look back I am glad that he rejected me because he was more of good friend than boyfriend material. This experience also made me realize that I shouldn’t just jump into relationships because it’s the thing to do and also to connect with a person before jumping into a relationship with them. ( ID:9367)
Imagine that you have known someone of the opposite sex for about a month. You have dated this person several times, but so far there hasn't been any kind of physical intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc.) between the two of you. Now, you are out on a date with this person again.
How would you try to influence this person in each of the following circumstances:
- 9. Situation 1: The date has been going very well and you feel very physically attracted to this person. How would you influence this person to become physically intimate, and to go as far sexually as you wanted to go?
I would flirt like crazy. Touch him any chance I got. Smile a lot. I‘m pretty forward so I might even ask him if he wants me. Also, alcohol helps me feel a little more confident as well as loosening him up and not making the situation forced or awkward.
I would just try to talk about more personally things or act a little more flirtatious just to show that I am interest. Hopefully they would get the hint and then they would make the first move and I would just go with it. But I would try to do several different things like sitting a little closer to them or really looking at them in the eye when we are talking or anything that would give them the idea that I am interested.
I would be very flirtatious and try to make as much physical contact during the date as possible (holding hands, kissing etc.). I would smile and giggle a lot and giving him intimate looks. At the end of the night, I would invite him up to my apartment and maybe put on a movie. Hopefully my judgment would be good enough to know if he would respect my boundaries and he would stop when I wanted to stop. I would really have to feel comfortable with the person because I have trouble saying no. I think I would also tell him, verbally, the boundaries before going upstairs to see if he complies.
First of all find a right moment to actually kiss the person and then follow it up by actually whispering some suggestive words in their ear. If not maybe just mentioning it in a conversation might just do the trick.
I would influence this person to become physically intimate by finding ways to initiate physical contact without for lack of a better way to put it “jumping all over him” and I would be more flirtatious. I would keep it low key though because I wouldn’t know his boundaries and so I would take things slowly and then go from there.
Well, this is one thing that I think has definitely started to change in our society. It was always expected for the guy to make the first move, but I think guys are too damn scared to make the first move that girls often end up doing it. I don’t have a problem initiating the first kiss or hand hold, etc. so if the date was going well, I would probably just do whatever I felt was appropriate at that time.
If that was the direction our relationship was headed, I would just continue to be myself and outgoing. Hopefully the guy would pick up on certain hints. However, I am a very shy person, so it would be difficult for me to make the first move. I would not hesitate to make the first move, and if I was rejected, then I would consider our dating period over. I believe that it is easy, as a female, to get a male to go as far sexually as you would like. Situation 1: I would either tell him and if I knew he was interested in me then I might make the first move and hold his hand or kiss him.
I would use body language to let a guy know that I was physically attracted to him. I would feel comfortable touching his arm or his hand. I would also use eye contact to show that I was interested.
Since I am not a very aggressive girl, I would try to send signals to the guy that I wanted him to be more aggressive. I would be very flirty and touchy, maybe even feed him or something during the dinner. I might put my hand on his leg or hold his hand more than usual. If in the end he did not get the hints I was sending I might just move in myself and ask if I could kiss him since I really wanted to all night.
I would influence the guy by being very flirtatious with him and making physical contact with him, liking touching him.
Through my experiences in dating I have learned that if you have been on several dates with a man and he has not kissed you or held you hand, he just isn’t that into you. Forcing something between the two of you will only result in getting hurt, looking like a fool, and having the guy pretend to like you when he really doesn’t. Eventually, he will resent you for making him pretend and not getting the hint.
I will do physical intimacy indirectly. For example, I will touch his hand while we are walking or talking. By giving him a hint, I will influence this person to become physically intimate.
I would influence them to initiate things by using body contact in small ways (knee, small of the back, forearm, etc) to start to subtly let them know that I wanted to be in close contact with them. I would take off a sweater or coat if I had a shirt on underneath to expose my arms and neck. Because I am not every aggressive I would continue to use subtle hints like this and hope that they caught on…if they don’t well then I would probably give up but so far this has worked to my advantage.
I am very upfront about things because I am not that scared of rejection. If I wanted to hold my dates hand I would do so. If he pulled away then I would not try again. Most girls are not like me in this sense so other things that I might do would be smile, laugh, flirt, or move in close to them. I would make it pretty obvious that I wanted to become physically intimate with them through my body language.
At first, I would use very subtle physical advances so he could take the hint that I wanted to more physical with him. This would involve accidentally caress his arm, playing footsies with him, or touching his arm while conversing with him. However, if I was really into him I would be more aggressive and flirt with him like crazy and eventually kiss him before he initiates it. (ID:9367)
- 10. Situation 2: The date has been going well, but you do not feel particularly physically attracted by this person. However, you can tell that this person is really turned on by you. Still, you know you're not interested in physical intimacy, and/or the subsequent involvement or commitment that might follow. How would you influence this person to avoid becoming sexual?
I think the person would know I wasn’t particularly interested because I would shy away from any advances. In the past usually I make up an excuse that has some truth to it. Like that I have class the next day or I have plans later to hang out with a friend. I would continue being very nice but maybe bring up something in my life that is going to be happening in the future and just say how I am enjoying being single and independent and how I am not looking for any sort of relationship right now. I would try to make things as simple as possible and try to come home earlier than usual and not allow him to try to get too close to me or do anything with any sort of physical intimacy.
I would make the date as "friendly" as possible. I have lots of guy friends and know how to interact with them. I would make jokes about other girls and not touch him a lot. I would give him high fives and use other forms of friendly gestures. At the end of the night, I would give him a short hug and thank him and say that I had to go to sleep. Hopefully, that would get the point across.
It would depend on the situation but sometimes just taking everything jokingly may discourage the person. In many cases throwing the “I just want to be friends” line may do it.
I would influence this person to avoid becoming sexual by trying to make everything I said as friendly as possible. I would probably try and tease him about other girls saying that he likes them or vice versa or I would make frequent references to how he is a good friend and if possible without being cruel I would drop names of other guys not to make him jealous but to give him the hint/ idea that he’s not the guy for me.
I just dealt with this last night. There was this guy that totally wanted to get it on with me and I wasn’t feeling it at all! So instead of hanging out in his room and drinking (as he wanted to do) I asked him if we could just watch a movie instead. So he put on the movie (comedy of course) and all of a sudden brought out a blanket for us to share! Then he was putting his arm around me and trying to pull me closer to him and I was thinking “not uh”! Before he’d tried to cuddle up with me I had told him that I was supposed to go over to my friend’s room because she had wanted to talk to me so after he tried getting close to me I told him I had to go because my friend didn’t stay up late and she’d probably be going to bed really soon (it was 1am). So he said he would walk me! Honestly he was not getting the hint! I told him she lived on the third floor so he didn’t have to walk me there. So he walked me right outside his door and tried to kiss me again. I turned my face and gave him a hug and said bye. Then I walked back to my own room without ever stopping by my friend’s place. Anyway, so my answer to this question would be to direct the situation in a less romantic turn. I picked out a comedy instead of a romantic film to watch. But in general situations where I can’t get out as easily as last night, I usually try to make it a funny atmosphere where we just joke and laugh the whole time.
I would try my best not to lead this person on. I would not flirt or give this person the wrong idea. If it was clear that this person was interested in me and I was not, I would most likely let him know how I feel about him.
If the person attempted to be physical with me I would ask him to take me home or just tell him that that is not what I want. I would have no problem saying no. Situation 2: I would start to mention how I am not looking for a relationship and I am feeling more of a friend connection between the two of us.
If I was not interested in a physical relationship with a guy, I would try act as platonic as possible. I would not touch him, unless it was just a friendly hug. I would try to hint that I wasn’t looking for a relationship and that I was in a place where I just wanted to be friends.
I would not be as flirty or touchy as I usually am. I might even drop a line about not being ready to be in a physical relationship. If in the end he tries to kiss me anyway I would pull away and be as polite as possible to let him know that a kiss is not what I was wanting. Hopefully he would not be too offended.
I would influence this person to avoid becoming sexual by avoiding all physical contact with him and by let him know several times that I value his FRIENDSHIP but don’t want anything beyond that.
If I wanted to influence this person to avoid becoming sexual with me, I would change my tone of my voice so that I came across as dry and no-nonsense. I would stop all eye contact. I would cross my arms across my chest. I would avoid looking sexually appealing altogether by keeping a very stiff posture and using rigind body language. I would gesture very little. I would pretty much act like a robot.
I will try to change a mood by changing a topic, which is not romantic at all. And I will also try to be in crowded place or any place we should assume a reverent attitude. By changing a situation, he may get a hint that I am not interested in physical intimacy.
I would sit back with my arms crossed and with one leg crossed over the other. It makes it seem like I am very tense and not open to physical contact, I would use a lot of verbal clues as well making sure to address them using terms that clearly suggest friendship, for example, “kiddo” or something along those lines. Nothing sexual about the term kiddo.
I would talk about other people that I had crushes on. I might even pull away and be physically distant. I think that a person can tell a lot from someone’s body language so I would simply make it pretty obvious that I did not want to be physical with this person by pulling away. In certain instances guys did not get the hint and I have actually had to say “No!” I prefer the body language because saying “no” to the person makes me feel like I am talking to a dog.
I would influence this person to avoid becoming sexual by trying to make the date as platonic as possible. I would joke around with him by talking to him about other girls and refer to him as “buddy” all night long so he could take the hint that I am not at all interested in him. I would also mention other guys name right at the moment when he would make a non-friend/sexual advance. However, if the situation gets too out of hand, I will just be direct and frank with him and tell him I only see him as a friend. (ID: 9367)
For each of the following sentence fragments, complete the sentence, and, if you wish, add a few more sentences to complete your thought. Do not include the sentence stem in your response--only your answer to it.
- 11. In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become "insanely" jealous when...
their girlfriend is being persued by a former boyfriend or guy they liked in the past.
Females have good male friends.
you are out with a group of people and there are a lot of other guys their that they don’t know and when they can’t come.
They want the attention but I am giving it to another guy. Another guy spends time alone with you, even if your just being friendly.
Girls choose other things over them like hanging out with friends, especially when they know that other guys will be there. This might be aggravated by the fact that they weren’t really invited to come either. a girl is talking to or hanging out with their ex.
I am dressed promiscuously and talking with males when they want me to be focusing only on them. another man thinks his girlfriend is attractive and tries to approach her for her number
Girls flirt with other guys. It seems that guys feel the need to “mark their territory.” In other words, guys need to show other guys that a girl is their property if they feel that the girl is suggesting otherwise.
A girl dances with another guy where there is lots of touching involved.
when you talk to or about ex boyfriends or other guys.
They think you confide in another male more than do with them.
Girls become close with other guy friends.
girls are friends with their ex-boyfriends
girls innocently flirt with friends of the opposite sex.
their significant other is being pursued by a male friend or ex-boyfriend. (ID: 9367)
- 12. When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex...
is not good at reading signals about whether the girl is interested or not.
Should be gentle and kind. will do anything so they can get physically closer to you. Tickling you is something that they usually do.
May either be very romantic or try to get you drunk
Is usually pretty quick to take the initiative.
is usually thinking far too much about getting some than they are about the girl.
Typically makes the first move….(males that is.) usually compliments the woman to make her feel comfortable then will usually make the first attempt to kiss her
Makes it very clear in a physical way that they are interested. For example, a guy will just go in for the kiss.
is more aggressive
usually makes the first move. an sometimes be too aggressive. However, there are many guys that are way too shy and never initiate anything.
Acts like ravenous dogs.
needs to take the initiative, but be willing to back down a bit if they jump in too far.
is upfront and ready to go.
Tend to be more aggressive and assertive with women. Men are more straightforward with their sexual actions whereas females are a little more passive. (ID: 9367)
- 13. The opposite sex seems clueless about...
how happy a girl can make their life
Paying attention the little details
What is romantic and what is just weird / cheesy.
your feelings and what you are thinking
how they feel about anything.
pop culture, reading our emotions and the fact that it takes females a little time to look as good as we do. . why it takes us so long to get ready and when we say nothing is bothering us it usually means we want them to keep asking.
A girl’s feelings and needs. Even if a guy tries to give a girl what she wants, he may not know how to or exactly what to do.
how girls are able to get pregnant and PMS
relationships, feelings, and hints that women try to send them.
How women want to be treated. They think we have no feelings just like them.
what girls really want.
the messages girls are trying to send them, whether it be that we are interested or not interested at all. how to let a girl know they are interested.
emotions and how women need more attention and love from their significant other. Also how to keep females consistently happy without asking them how to do this. (ID:9367)
- 14. Being romantic is something that the opposite sex...
appreciates only when in a relationship with a girl they really care about.
Should always do, but it seems they are clueless when it comes down to it.
Does not understand
Makes attempts at and most times that is good enough.
has to really try to do. It does not come naturally and they don’t usually like it or want to do anything romantic for you.
can have a hard time comprehending and thus executing.
Does when they want something from us… typically sexual. . should always possess. Romance is a quality that usually helps a couple to fall in love with each other and in order to keep the sparks alive he must remain romantic.
can be, depending on the guy. However, from experience, it seems that guys in my age range (22) our shy at showing a romantic side.
Is good at if they really care about the girl. Being romantic is easy if there is real love in the relationship. Romance can manifest itself in countless ways; it is very personal to the relationship.
from my experience can be very good at, but only if they really want to be or it is a special occasion.
tends to be only on special occasions. A lot of times I feel like guys are only romantic on times it is expected like anniversaries and birthdays etc.
Knows very little about. They seem to only get a clue once a woman has decided to leave them and is fed up with their garbage.
cares about me.
finds to be optional…its not.
tries to be, but usually is not too successful because they really do not understand women.
is yet to comprehend. Romance to men varies and is done differently compared to women. Therefore, any little subtle attempts of romance done by men should be appreciated by a female since a male’s concept of romance is different than a female’s concept of romance. For example, I think it is romantic for a man (boyfriend, husband, etc.) to send flowers for a significant other on any ordinary day. However, a male is clueless to a female’s concept of romance and would find this inconvenient for him. Therefore, his version of romance would be like cleaning up for himself or not arguing with his significant other. (ID:9367)
- 15. Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend/girlfriend through a series of relationship "tests" by...
(this is so true! my boyfriend even admits to it!) asking you to events where a lot of drinking is involved to see how you handle liquor, inviting you to hang out with him and his friends to make sure they’re cool with you, hanging out with you for a whole weekend to see if they get sick of you.
Seeing if the female will choose him over her friends and test how long he can keep her with him.
Asking for relationship breaks or having them hang out with their friends
introducing you to their friends and meeting their family, to see if they approve of you. Also they might see how far you will go with them sexually.
Asking them to choose between them and their friends or plans that they had already made.
watching how they act with other people of the opposite sex.
Making sure that they don’t flirt with other guys too much and that they can hang out with his friends are accepted by all the guys. asking questions about where he went, what he did and who was there even if we already know the truth. The reason behind this is to see if he will be honest and tell us the truth.
Making sure his girlfriend gets along with his friends. It seems that it is very important to a guy that his girlfriend can hang out with his friends, and that the friends like the girlfriend.
Asking them to choose to hang out with either them or their friend. Forcing a choice between the two
putting a guard up and acting like they don’t care as much as they really do. Maybe flirting with other girls to see how much the girl they are with will be upset by it.
Purposely being inconsiderate to see how angry they get. For instance, they’ll cancel dinner dates at the last minute, or stare at other women.
having lots of “guys’ nights” to prove that they still are independent and can do their own thing to make sure that the girl isn’t overbearing.
pushing us as far as we can go emotionally just to figure out what they can and cannot do.
testing out to see our patience. For example, I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years now and we have gone through our break ups. I feel that whenever he breaks up with me, he is testing to see my patience in him. As a male, he automatically assumes he as all the freedom he can get that whenever he messes up he can always get me back. (ID:9367)
- 16. The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes except when it comes to...
the general concept that they are smarter.
Sports, cars, intelligence, logic.
Income. They always want to be the one bringing in the most money.
looks. The girl always has to look perfect and must have a good body and are considered fat if they have a little extra weight on them.
Making more money. sports. An example would be that women basketball athletes and not viewed as popular as men basketball players. Also, we have yet to see a woman play in the NFL.
Equality of strength. This can include physical strength and also intelligence. It seems that guys still stereotype women as weak and powerless.
women playing professional sports.
sports, the workplace, and income. I don’t think that guys like admitting it when girls are as good as them at sports. I also think that often in the workplace men treat women as inferiors and often think they are less qualified than a man for a job because they are a woman. I think that a lot of guys would also not be okay with the fact that their girlfriend or wife made more money than them because guys like to be the main breadwinners.
sports and being competitive.
Work, money, child rearing, and housework.
stay at home dads.
physical strength, intelligence, money making, and housework.
Workforce, Income, Physical Strength and Intelligence (ID:9367)
- 17. Possessiveness is something that the opposite sex...
has a problem with more often.
Has a problem with and deals with it through anger.
Exercises only when they feel threatened by another male
Has trouble getting over.
needs to work on. They always seem to get jelous and don’t like it when you are going out with other people when they aren’t there because they might not totally trust you or the people you are going out with.
can do without even realizing they’re doing it
Needs to chill out about. Jealous boyfriends are not a good time. usually has when they are in a serious relationship. The opposite sex usually wants to feel as if the woman is his and no one else can have her.
Displays often. It is very common for guys to try and control who their girlfriends spend time with.
needs to take out of their list of characteristics.
has a problem with more than women do.
Does not like. should try to never have. Possessiveness ruins relationships and everyone should learn to get rid of or not express it often.
needs to control
is hypocrital about. They hate for women to be possesive over them, but once another guy says hi to us they freak out.
expresses too often. This trait clearly shows how much men are insecure with themselves and feel that they need to express this to show their masculinity and superiority. (ID:9367)
- 18. When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite sex...
are attractive each in their own way.
Is way too focused on it. He needs to focus more on the personality.
really like girls with good bodies and are very hard on them having this ideal body.
Focuses on our appearance but not theirs.
Can be critical but at the same time complain about the what it takes to meet those expectations (time!).
always notices that first.
Loves curves and a gorgeous face.
Prioritizes a girl’s physical appearance over other good qualities she may possess.
puts too much importance in it. I feel that women are more forgiving when it comes to physical attributes, but many men have high standards when it comes to the female appearance.
places more empasis on than females do
]is very concerned with it. I think that guys are way more concerned with how women look than women are with how the guy looks.
Is very shallow. I believe their motto says “No fat chicks.”
puts way too much pressure on females.
is absolutely necessary
Put too much emphasis on looks rather than personality. Men have high expectations for females to look consistently “beautiful” or “hot” whereas females have fewer expectations for males. (ID:9367)
- 19. Money and status is are things that the opposite sex...
thinks they need to get a girl.
Takes pride in and needs for his ego.
doesn’t necessarily care about it.
Think about a lot. Especially for Hispanic males money matters are primarily their domain.
Worry about, sometimes too much.
probably enjoy because it goes along with their need to feel better than girls.
Finds extremely important and relevant.
Care about. Guys like to be providers, they like the feel that they can take care of a girl. This also means that they are sometimes threatened by women who make money and can be financially secure on their own.
Find more important and critical to happiness than women do.
cares way more about than women do.
Uses to validate their worth in the eyes of women, instead of more important things like morals, character, and intelligence.
think they should have for their successes.
are concerned about in regards to how they look to women.
aims for in life because that is what society tells them will make them happy.
constantly worry and value over other immaterial things. Men feel that these things make them look “cool” and use to show off to other men and to the opposite sex. (ID:9367)
- 20. It hurts me most when the opposite sex...
don’t respect women.
are rude, inconsiderate and degrading to myself or any of my friends.
Rejects me and does not give me the emotional support that I need.
Fails to embrace their true emotions because of personal fears of male superiority
Is disrespectful towards me or people I love and respect.
doesn’t consider the way their decision affects me.
Doesn’t find me as attractive or as desirable as other girls.
Makes me feel insecure about their feelings for me. I feel the worst about guys when they send mixed signals and I can’t read what they really feel.
Does not take my emotions seriously and tells me to "stop being such a girl"
lies or makes you think they care about you when they really don’t.
Behaves in a manner typical of their gender
does not take my word seriously.
change their mind about how they feel about you without letting you know and they just disappear.
Take me for granted. I do not appreciate when men either unintentionally or intentionally hurt me through their actions and words. (ID9367)
- 21. I feel best about the opposite sex when...
I’m in a good relationship. you actually feel comfortable being with the other person. When you can talk to them about everything going on in your life and you know that they aren’t going to judge you.
They are considerate and caring.
He knows what I need and tells me the right things at the right times. Also, when he makes me feel protected and safe.
They do little things to remind me that they care.
I know we’re on the same level as each other.
they are sincere and want to have a good time with me. When a guy just wants to have a good time and is not always thinking about sex. I know I am desired.
They make me laugh and feel good. I feel the best about guys when I feel genuinely good about the relationship and therefore we can enjoy each other’s company to the fullest.
They show me they care by being considerate and spontaneous.
When they genuinely listen to you and when you ask them for help they try to help you with your problems. This I think shows that they really care about you.
They act differently from what is typical of their sex.
they give me a feeling that i am special.
they are complimentary.
They show me that they care instead of just tell me.
They appreciate your companionship through subtle and genuine actions that make you feel special. (ID:9367)
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