Spring, 2010 - women's comments
- 1 Comments about the Opposite Sex Homework
- 2 Comments by Women
- 2.1 RESPONSES FROM THE SPRING 2010 CLASS:
- 2.2 My ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for a year and half. I had broken up with him after about a year, and after being apart for a couple months, he persuaded me into giving him a second chance. He told me he hated his life without me, and couldn’t stand being apart. I agreed to start dating again, and within a few months we were officially a couple. However, one night, two months after we had gotten back together, he broke up with me. The way he went about doing it was the puzzling part. He invited me to his house for dinner and movie, we slept together, and afterward, he told me he wasn’t sure he wanted me to be his girlfriend anymore. After he begged me to get back together with him, he all of a sudden didn’t want me anymore. And the way he told me was the way my girlfriends and I tell each other we’re not sure we want to buy a certain top while we’re shopping. He was so casual about it. I felt like my heart was being ripped out, and he was acting like he was mulling over a purchase. It was so not a big to him, and to me, my world was ending. -3365
- 2.2.1 1. I’ve been in the room where several of my male friends, whom I knew had just experienced emotionally painful and stressful situations and clearly needed support or at least an opportunity to vent, were all sitting together in silence rather than dealing with their emotions. I suppose it’s possible that I just didn’t understand the situation correctly, but I’ve seen this happen on other occasions as well. I just can’t understand why males are so afraid to express or deal with their emotions, particularly to the point that they prefer sitting in a room together in complete silence. If I were to rationalize it, I guess it could stem from the fact that most guys don’t want to appear weak or vulnerable. Showing your emotions or expressing what you’re feeling around other guys must be a sign of weakness. Maybe this goes back to the idea that in the animal kingdom, it’s often the biggest, strongest male that earns the chance to mate with a female. In any case, you can’t deal with your emotions or expect to feel better if you don’t express them and I find it very puzzling that many guys are so reluctant when it comes to emotions. If you’re truly strong and powerful, you can express emotion without appearing weak. (0798)
Comments about the Opposite Sex Homework
Comments by Women
HOMEWORK INSTRUCTIONS Due date: Next class session. WORTH 10 POINTS
This is a writing assignment. Please do not write your name on your paper; instead, put the last 4 digits of your student ID # at the top of the page. Use a word processing software program (such as MS Word) to write your paper.
You comments will remain confidential -- I will not match your paper with your name.
Your paper should be between about 2 to 5 pages long. It will not be graded -- you will get full credit as long as you take this exercise seriously.
Print a copy of your paper, and give it to me at the next class session.
Later in the semester, we will review and discuss the comments.
Please write as thoughtfully, clearly, perceptively, and honestly as possible. Your classmates will read your anonymous comments, and some of your comments may be selected for inclusion in a book I am writing. (If, for some reason, you do not want your classmates to read your anonymous comments, or you do not want your anonymous comments included in the book, please write a note indicating this at the top of your paper.)
There are no "right" or "wrong" answers. Simply describe, as honestly as possible, what you feel and think. Again, all of your comments will remain anonymous.
In contemplating the traits of the opposite sex in general, as a group, write one or two paragraphs to answer each of the following questions. You do not need to include the question itself before your response. Also, think about what you actually like or dislike about the opposite sex IN GENERAL, not about the specific characteristics of one or two people you have known.
Also, you are writing about how you think the opposite sex actually is, not how might like them to be. Be honest -- don't try to censor your thoughts or worry whether they are politically correct.
When you are finished with your paper, save and print it. Then you will need to also include your comments about the opposite sex with those of your classmates at our class wiki web site (see: http://drmillslmu.wikispaces.com/,
Log in. Click on our class, Psyc 310, and then click on Homework Assignment 1, women's or men's responses, as appropriate.)
Click the "Edit This Page" button at the top of the page. Then scroll down to each question to paste in your response to that question, followed by the last four digits of your student ID. Click "Save" when you are done.
Note: If you are doing the "Reactions to the Comments by Women" homework, do NOT insert your results below. Instead insert them in the Reactions to Women's Comments page.
RESPONSES FROM THE SPRING 2010 CLASS:
#1. Think about the previous interactions you have had with the opposite sex. Has a situation ever occurred with someone of opposite sex that you found deeply puzzling and/or incomprehensible? And which you also think is somehow a function of that person's gender (not just the specific individual involved)? If so, think about what happened, and the behaviors, cognitions, motivations, or emotions of the opposite sex that you found particularly puzzling.
1. My ex-boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship and often times we have to establish ground rules. I had told him before that it makes me highly uncomfortable when he gets drunk around other girls. About a year ago, he started lying to me and telling me that he was not getting drunk at all, and in fact was not drinking. Things went smoothly for a while until I found out that he would lie to me about how much and when he was drinking. After the first several times, I let him off with a “don’t lie to me again” speech and assumed he would learn a lesson. He repeated the same behavior and saw the way that it would make me feel and continued it because it was his manhood, his college experience and he wasn’t willing to sacrifice it. His behavior completely puzzled me. I could not understand how he could say he loved me yet lie to me in order to do something behind my back. This situation goes further than mixed signals and it almost falls in the category of entitlement. Needless to say he is an ex for a reason.
1. I don’t understand how men can eat so much. At parties or get-togethers, I feel like men are CONSTANTLY eating – whether it be the food provided or asking “Is there any food left”. It’s as if they plan on making sure that there is nothing left. After completing a plate full or two, they would state how incredibly full they were or how they couldn’t possibly eat another bite. And yet soon after, they decide that another meal needs to be had!! It’s as if they don’t think about the quantity or even care. -- 0936
1. My most recent interaction with a member of the opposite sex was dating a male over winter break. I found him very confusing because he was very closed off about his intentions and feelings. It was not in a typical male way, but rather in an incomprehensible way. He didn’t display any behaviors that indicated that he was interested in me or found me attractive. However, he did take me to very expensive restaurants and clearly enjoyed showing off his success, but there was little to no physical or verbal indication that he found me special. I feel that this is associated with his gender. Males are uncomfortable expressing their emotions, and associate money spent as affection. Many men appear to come from a place of providing versus emotional displays of love. This can be traced back to the beginning of time. Even though both genders have evolved, certain cognitive behaviors are unique to the sexes (5039).
A situation where I was puzzled by someone of the opposite sex happened just the other night. My guy friend was watching TV but the show that was on was something that he cant stand. When I noticed and commented about it, he said he was too lazy to get to controller and would rather just sit and watch hoping something better would come on afterwards. I was puzzled because if I was watching something I disliked, I would immediately change it. I think this is a quality of the male sex because they are generally lazier and less bothered by things that they dislike. -6108
I was broken up with by a guy that told me he was in love with me. However, he said he wanted to be able to have sex with other girls. He also said he was a college student and this was his time to sleep around. I was completely puzzled by his words. He claimed to love me and we were in a great relationship, yet sleeping around ended up being his top priority. I definitely think this is a function of typical male behavior, especially at this point in our lives. I could never imagine a female breaking up with a male for the same reasons. Men prioritize sex. They will do a lot to get in bed with a girl, including break up with someone they claim to "love." (4543)
1. At the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend was really scared to officially call me his girlfriend. Despite the fact that we hung out every day, slept over at each other’s apartments every night, were completely exclusive, and even met each others families multiple times, he was scared to death of the official title. Even though he had been in a previous relationship with an unfaithful girl, it was still really hard for me to understand his difficulty with official commitment. We dated exclusively for 5 months or so before becoming “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”. Perhaps men just have a much hard time at commitment than women? I’m not sure. 8782.
One interaction I had with the opposite sex was watching my boyfriend unload the dishwasher. He picked up one bowl and put it away, then went back and picked up another bowl and put that one away. I was confused as to why he would not just stack up all the bowls and then take them over to the cabinet. I laughed out loud at him and asked why he did not just take all the bowls at once. He looked at me like I was a genius and said he had never thought of doing it that way. After we had this conversation, he started grouping things together before putting them away. I talked about this with him and we both believed that men have one track minds where they are focused on one thing at a time and do not necessarily question the way they are doing things as long as the job gets done. -3969
My ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for a year and half. I had broken up with him after about a year, and after being apart for a couple months, he persuaded me into giving him a second chance. He told me he hated his life without me, and couldn’t stand being apart. I agreed to start dating again, and within a few months we were officially a couple. However, one night, two months after we had gotten back together, he broke up with me. The way he went about doing it was the puzzling part. He invited me to his house for dinner and movie, we slept together, and afterward, he told me he wasn’t sure he wanted me to be his girlfriend anymore. After he begged me to get back together with him, he all of a sudden didn’t want me anymore. And the way he told me was the way my girlfriends and I tell each other we’re not sure we want to buy a certain top while we’re shopping. He was so casual about it. I felt like my heart was being ripped out, and he was acting like he was mulling over a purchase. It was so not a big to him, and to me, my world was ending. -3365
1. Once, I was taken out on a date to a nice restaurant by the beach, by this guy who had been trying for a while to get me to go out with him. I had one time invited him to a formal which he attended and we kissed, but soon I realized it seemed he did not want anything serious. This second time when he was so persistent that I go out with him, I thought maybe it was different, considering a year had gone by. My reasoning was that another year had given him new insight and perspective. Everything was going well on the supposed date until he said, “you know I don’t want anything serious”. I was confused because the persistence and they way he was being nice to me was making believe that he was interested in more than just a physical relationship. -1316
1. One of the most vivid interactions I have had with the opposite sex occurred one night at a party. A couple walked up into the front yard of the house and a few guys from the party walk up to introduce themselves. The guy who had just arrived would not shake another guy’s hand and this altercation immediately escalated to violence. I just don’t understand how that guy couldn’t just brush it off and not think twice about it. - 2968
1. The one thing I do find puzzling is when men act out of character to impress their friends. I am not sure if guys hide there true selves from women and act real towards men, or if they act more genuine to women and put on a phased for their male friends. I have seem examples of when I speak to a man he tells me on perspective which seems more sentimental, and then goes and to a friend, still in front of me, and totally changes is attitude and perspective towards the subject.- 4183
I have had puzzling interactions with men in my life, as recently as yesterday. Eight months ago I was dating a man who I was very attracted to, emotionally and physically. However, the both of us plunged into our relationship quite fast. He seemed to be very interested in me, in that he loved spending time with me, and could talk to me very openly. The way he talked to me reassured me that he was into me, especially because he is very standoffish, and comes off rude to those whom he is not close with. However, this fast paced romance dwindled down within less than two months and I was completely cut off by him. There was no explanation; however he was extremely polite, and quiet around me. When I confronted him about this, he said it was not his fault, and once again became a person who was distant. I speak with this person once a month, and every time our conversation leads to the idea that we both have the potential to get back together because he still cares for me. However, his actions do not follow his words. This is very puzzling to me because he is 27 years old, but acts more mature than other men I have met. However, this attitude leads me to believe that men, of all ages still have the same psyche. - 8554
1. I’ve been in the room where several of my male friends, whom I knew had just experienced emotionally painful and stressful situations and clearly needed support or at least an opportunity to vent, were all sitting together in silence rather than dealing with their emotions. I suppose it’s possible that I just didn’t understand the situation correctly, but I’ve seen this happen on other occasions as well. I just can’t understand why males are so afraid to express or deal with their emotions, particularly to the point that they prefer sitting in a room together in complete silence. If I were to rationalize it, I guess it could stem from the fact that most guys don’t want to appear weak or vulnerable. Showing your emotions or expressing what you’re feeling around other guys must be a sign of weakness. Maybe this goes back to the idea that in the animal kingdom, it’s often the biggest, strongest male that earns the chance to mate with a female. In any case, you can’t deal with your emotions or expect to feel better if you don’t express them and I find it very puzzling that many guys are so reluctant when it comes to emotions. If you’re truly strong and powerful, you can express emotion without appearing weak. (0798)
1. I can’t think of any specific instance where I simply couldn’t understand a guy’s perspective, but I’m sure I would question a situation in which a guy is extremely competitive or combative toward another guy for no apparent reason. I have never encountered a situation personally, but I have heard of instances in which two guys get into fights over silly things like who was first in line, simply to assert their dominance over the situation. Maybe if I talked to him about why the fight was started in the first place, I would probably be able to sympathize with him and see his point of view, but as an outsider I would be perplexed. (2742)
I find it puzzling when males say one thing but don’t go through with what they are saying or do something else. I don’t think that males are aware of what they say, or the fact that their actions say one thing but do not express what they really want to portray. For example, when a guy likes a girl, he does things for her, hangs out with her, and shows his affection in a physical way. These actions can lead a girl to think that he likes her right. But these actions do not match the way he is thinking, he says that he respects girls, and that respects you and your opinions, and accepts your for who you are. And yet they do not commit to a relationship, or the relationship between the guy and girl doesn’t go further than friends. Another example is when guys say “I respect girls,” or “I will never hurt you,” emotionally, and then they are the ones to exactly do what they would not. They say they will call you but they don’t, they say we’ll hang out, but you don’t, or that they will do something, but doesn’t go through with it. I just don’t understand how men can say one thing but do another it is very puzzling. -2248
- A characteristic of the opposite sex that continues to leave me boggled occurs quite often. It seems that men do not see that they have revealed an emotion regarding their mood or opinion on a matter being discussed, yet I can easily pick up on this emotion simply by their body language, facial expressions, etc. It seems that men are always struggling to understand what they want and how they feel on very important issues, which, to me, are so easy to pinpoint. I believe that men, on average, are less emotionally intuitive than women, when it comes to interpreting their own feelings as well as the feelings of others. It also seems that in relationships, men are often confused at “what they want.” This has been said to me many times by various people, and they seem to sincerely not understand what path/relationship/situation/etc. would be best for their happiness and well-being. -4742
1. The only situation that I can think of where the interactions were incomprehensible happened a few weeks back. While at happy hour with some friends this guy that I’m sort of talking to showed up and was somewhat distance and it was odd because we text throughout the day and have even gone on a few dates. So the reason he was being distance was somewhat foreign to me. But by the end of the night, he had his arm around me and we even kissed for the first time. That night was pretty awesome. I suppose that he is shy when it comes to girls, but he’s actually an outspoken guy. Nonetheless, I can hardly speak volumes on this interaction because I’m still trying to figure him out. And so far it’s confirmed that he likes me, but it’s a very confusing situation indeed. I suppose this awkwardness can be attributed to the male gender’s inadequate display of affection. (6354)
- 1. There was a guy that had been trying to confirm a date with me for about a month or two. At first I declined his invitations, but eventually I accepted. We went out and had a great time together and went out together on a few more dates. One evening, he called and asked if he could come over to my house because he needed to talk with me about some things. I said that was fine and he came over a little while later. He proceeded to tell me how much he cared about me, that he wanted us to be able to share everything with each other. and that he wanted me in his life forever. After this conversation, we went out on one more date together. After that he stopped calling. We had a few other interactions after that, but eventually stopping communicating all together. If we’d have had sex after the “want you in my life forever conversation”, I could maybe infer that he told me those things in order to get me to sleep with him…but this wasn’t the case. The whole thing was very, very strange! (1333)
1. Men are incomprehensible at times due to their hidden feelings or emotions. For example, I heard that he liked me, yet, he is not showing me those feelings and is instead hiding them at times. I have noticed that men tend to express their emotions less. I have also found that they are very clear and direct in what they have to say. Certain times they can act or be very “cocky” to show off. It is extremely puzzling that they like girls are hard to understand.(6553)
#2. In general, what do you like about the opposite sex? What do you dislike? Again, think of the opposite sex in general, as they actually are, not how you might like them to be different.\
1. One of the main things I like are there physical features. They seem to be a lot more comfortable in their own skin as well. Another main thing I like about the opposite sex is there different perspective. They do not see things the same way as women and it is always refreshing to see things in a different way. Something I do not like is that they seem to hide there feelings and aren’t very expressive which makes communication very difficult. They also do not seem to be happy with commitment at any age.- 4183
2. I find that many of the character traits of the opposite that I find favorable are simultaneously rooted in traits that I dislike. For example, I like that men offer a protective quality in their companionship, a guardian if you will. However, protectiveness is also something that I dislike when it is not moderated. I also find that men tend to be direct about opinions whereas girls aim to avoid being harsh. The forthcoming aspect of men’s directness is something I admire but it can also lead to turmoil amongst coed relationships. Perhaps the most admirable quality in men is their loyalty to one another. We have all heard the expression “bros before hoes”, which seems to be true amongst male friends. Male camaraderie is a foreign concept to us girls, and the amount of loyalty is truly respectable. On the other hand, I have fond that I dislike boys who let their pride get in the way of their consideration. Although confidence is important, like protection, it is only a virtue in moderation.
Tere are many things that I like about the opposite sex, and it may have to be because I grew up with two older brothers. Throughout the years, I have noticed a lot of the differences between men and women with the way they interact with strangers, and I have found that men are a lot more friendly to those they don’t know, even if they are the same sex, whereas women are usually cold to other women and sometimes distance themselves from men. I also like that guys have a lot easier of a time putting something upsetting behind them, which is a trait that I wish more girls had. I like that guys are generally more direct about issues or what they are saying, and think objectively about situations (They are problem solvers). What I do not like though is the emotional rollercoaster that women are put through is greatly different from the one guys experience. I hate that everything is generally black or white to guys, especially when it comes to emotions. Finally, one of the biggest things I dislike is how men compete to maintain macho status, and usually involves using women in the process. -6108
2. I like that males are protectors, in the sense that they have more of a tendency to defend physically and verbally what they care about. I like that males are direct and less drama. I like that men are more approachable and easier to hang out with. Most males are low maintenance and easy to please. I like that males are fixers, they strive to find immediate solutions to problems. I don’t like that males are often inconsiderate and often seek the easy way out. It annoys me when males are less attentive to their girlfriend when they are around their guy friends. I dislike that males build up their ego as a form of masculinity. I dislike that males hide their emotions, even when provided with the perfect opportunity to express them. I don’t like that males refer to sexual cat calls when attempting to get a females attention. Lastly, I dislike that most males fear commitment. 1007
Some of the things I like about the opposite sex are concerned with their lack of drama. Men seem to rarely have drama in their lives, unless it involves women or relationships. I also like that they do not hold grudges. A lot of women will hold a grudge against one of their best friends for something pity and they will not end up talking to them for weeks. Furthermore, I like the sense of security I have when I have a boyfriend. However, do not mean that they are going to protect me on the streets from a robber. Being in a relationship and having a guy that I care about in my life just makes me feel secure in general. I enjoy the feeling I get when I know I have someone who cares about me like I care about them. Lastly, I love that the majority of men enjoy sports. I am not your average girl in the sense that I can talk about sports like a male does. It is hard to talk to one of my girl friends and say, "Hey, what do you think about Chone Figgins going to the Mariners?" It just doesn't work out. Unfortunately, I can come up with more things that I dislike about the opposite sex. For instance, I do not like that guys hate being vulnerable. Vulnerability is scary for everyone. However, it also brings people closer and let's them know how you feel. I also do not like that guys are less emphatic. It is much easier for me to talk to one of my girlfriends when I have a problem than it is to talk to a male. If I want to let out my emotions and cry, a girl would give you a shoulder to lean on. A guy would tell you to suck it up. Furthermore, men are more likely to cheat than women. I do not feel they are as loyal. Another thing that bothers me is that men tend to be romantic and let it fade as the relationship progresses. I am a very laid back girl, I do not need a lot to be happy. However, a short text message or a back scratch every once in a while wouldn't hurt. (4543)
2. In general my favorite aspects of males are their physical appearances; including strength, height, and facial features. I also like the security that comes from having a man in my life. I feel save and supported. Another thing that I like is having an alternative perspective. Men have a very different way of thinking, and sometime it is nice to have a more direct view. I dislike how they are not as inclined to pay attention to detail in a relationship. For example, men are not reliable at calling at a reasonable point in time, or remembering details like anniversaries or important conversations. I also dislike how they stray away from making a commitment, or being 2. I really like that males have an easier time not letting emotions guide them in making decisions. This allows them to solve certain problems more efficiently and effectively. I also like the little to no drama aspect of boys. I grew up with only boys, so very little drama. Once I got into fifth and sixth grade I started noticing my girl friends seeking out and even creating drama. Sometimes, it is very refreshing hanging out with boys to escape this. The limited emotion in males is also actually one of the main things I dislike about them. Because they do not experience and show as many emotions, it is harder for them to empathize with others. The may not be able feel and experience the pain and happiness of others around them, so it seems as if they do not react to others emotions as much as women. This sometimes comes off as if they do not care. 8782.
Some things I like about the opposite sex are the sense of security I get from being around them and that they are very direct and say exactly what they mean. I feel like boys are raised to protect girls and be tough in threatening situations. Because of this, being around men provides a sense of safety and security. I know that when I am with my father or my boyfriend, they will put themselves in harm’s way in order to keep me safe. Directness is desirable in the sense that we do not have to try to decipher what the guy is saying. Guys are very willing to say what they mean. I think guys are taught this as a positive style of communication. Whether or not this is the case, it is always nice to hear the truth straight up. Some things I dislike about the opposite sex are the constant competitiveness and the ease with which they resort to anger and violence. Competitiveness can be a positive quality, but guys seem to make everything into a competition. They are always trying to one-up each other and be better than the next guy. Anger and violence seem to come very easy to guys. They are willing to beat up each other, throw things, and yell even when it is about a small problem. Guys seem to have trouble talking things out; they would rather fight it out and let the best man win. -3969
I like the physique of the opposite sex. I find their cut features very attractive. I also like how straightforward they are. Guys do not play mind games; they tell it like it is. I do not like how insecure they can be. That insecurity usually leads to a super macho façade that I find very annoying. I also do not like how casual guys are about sex. To most women, sex is more about the connection between two people. But for guys, sex is just about getting some, and getting out. -3365
2. In general, I love the fact that the opposite sex is not half as dramatic as women are. I also like that guys do not overreact about the littlest things or overanalyze everything. As addressed in my last statement, I dislike the fact that violence tends to be the first course of action for most men. - 2968
2. I like that the opposite sex assumes a protective role when around a female. I like the feeling of security and just knowing that someone has my back, physically if I ever needed it. Another thing I like about the opposite sex is the way they think in a more abstract way. When I need someone to draw me a diagram for how I can fit my entire luggage into my trunk, a male already sees it in their head and puts the luggage in with less effort than I would have used. -1316
2. I like that males are usually far calmer than women, and that they can rationalize situations by compartmentalizing their thoughts- that is separating emotions from logic. Another thing I like about males is the thick physical body of men, which sort of complements the fact that men are more protectors. I dislike that men are too calm with their emotions, in certain situations. According to me, this leads them to suppress any emotions they have and possibly act in an adverse way- such as giving off the impression of having no emotion at all. Most men I know also like to have multiple girls in their reach, for when in need. This is something I have never understood, especially of grown adult men. - 8554
2. I like that men, in general, are less swayed by their emotions. I can think of a lot of times when my emotions or empathy toward something have prevented me from doing or experiencing something to the degree I might otherwise have. It’s as if men have a greater ability to just get things done than women do, which isn’t always a good thing maybe, but definitely can be. In high-pressure situations, men can be better at quickly assessing a situation and acting to fix the problem. Not that I necessarily agree with this, but it’s interesting to think about the fact that we’ve never elected a female president in the history of the United States. I also like that men have an innate ability and, to some extent, a desire to protect. Women definitely express this toward children, but men seem to be able to protect in a sort of big-picture sense. There’s something reassuring in the idea that a father will go to great lengths to protect his family in times of crisis. I dislike the domineering tendency that men sometimes have. I feel like men are more desirous of power than women often times are. It’s as if this occurs in even the simplest things like a boyfriend wanting to drive while his girlfriend sits in the front seat or a father ordering food for his entire family at a restaurant. I also don’t like the fact that men in general seem to communicate less effectively than women. Guys seem to mumble and trip over their words far more frequently than girls. I also dislike the fact that guys seem much messier and less organized than girls. Whether it’s their apartment, or their car, or their closet, or their personal hygiene it seems like guys are always much less organized than girls. (0798)
2. In general, I like that guys tend to be less overly dramatic than girls are, and can take certain things in stride while girls would get offended or angry. I feel that talking with guys can be much more relaxing, because I don’t have to watch what I say as carefully, and can be more direct with them, as they tend to be more direct with others in general. Rather than hiding behind backhanded comments or sarcasm, guys tend to be more direct with what they have to say, which can be refreshing, since I don’t have to try to find hidden meanings in their words. I also like that guys, especially a boyfriend, makes me feel secure, not just physically but also emotionally. It’s comforting to know that someone is there to protect me, just in case, and that he is also there to listen to what I have to say and comfort me if I need it. I don’t like that guys tend to be too competitive with each other, which can lead to them resorting to violence or anger more quickly than a girl would. Because they have a drive for competition, they tend to get into trouble when they’re with other guys, even friends. Guys will have silly competitions between friends, doing stupid things until someone ends up getting hurt, and for no reason than to prove their masculinity to each other. (2742)
I like how men are a seen as a figure of security, if I were to walk to my car by myself late at night in a parking lot, I would rather have a guy walk me rather than a girl. I like the men’s physical features, the fact that they are taller then girls, their muscles and athleticism. I also like how guys are simple, in a way that they are straight forward if their mad they say they are mad. I also like how guys don’t take as long to get ready as girls do. I like how men can also give another perspective to a situation. However, I dislike how men are not aware of the details of a relationship, for example, if a guy says he is going to call/text you at a certain time and he doesn’t. I also dislike how guys make their own assumptions, they do not like to discuss their feelings or like to talk things out. They just leave the problems alone an expect it to resolve on its own without talking about it. Which leads me to another thing that I dislike about boys, they always assume things, without getting confirmation from another source. -2248
2. One of the things I find most attractive in the opposite sex is their ability to remain confident in stressful and difficult situations, and how they are able to remove themselves from emotional attachment and simply do what is best to simplify a situation for them. I dislike that they seem to be unaware of certain thoughts or feelings I am having (and attempting to convey) and even when I describe these feelings they seem to not “get” it. They are sometimes unable to realize that their significant other has feelings and needs just as well as they do. -4742
2. I like the opposite sex’s distribution of muscle mass - I like guys with meat on their bones. There’s something about a man’s legs that I really like. Their masculine and confident stride is a like. I like the smell that (some) guys give off naturally. GUYS GIVE THE BEST HUGS!!! Or it could just be that I’m a hugger, but I’m sticking to the previous statement. I like how guys like to chill and relax, but sometimes they chill too much and don’t have a good concept of time, moderation is important in this regard. I dislike how guys are sometimes too literal and don’t understand the “signs” or “read between the lines”. I particularly dislike how guys are extremely motivated by sex or the approval/adoration of women.(6354)
- 2. In general, it seems that men don’t interact with a lot of drama. Sometimes when there is a group of girls, feelings can get hurt easily and there can be a lot of unnecessary drama. Men seem to relate to one another in a relatively straightforward way. I like this. At the same time, women seem to be more sensitive to each other when there is a vulnerable or hurtful situation. It seems women pick up on each others emotions very well, and are perhaps more willing to step forward and try to comfort each other and “be there” for each other if that is what’s needed. I guess I don’t like that men seem to be a bit insensitive to others needs in order to perhaps avoid an uncomfortable situation. (1333)
2. I like that men are protective and strong which provide a sense of security. I like that they are generally more honest and loyal to friends. I like that they are strong and their physical features. I do not like that they are messy. I don’t like that they don’t show their emotions although they have emotions. I also do not like that they don’t pay attentions to little yet important details about the girl or anniversaries.(6553)
#3. What is the one thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about your own sex?
3. Men always stereotype women as being overly emotional and forthcoming with our feelings. Men have feelings too, perhaps they are less willing to be made vulnerable by admitting to them. Or, maybe the culprit is society as men are expected to project a certain masculine image at all times. This stereotype of women being uncontrollably emotional and moody has prevented women from being elected or promoted into positions of high esteem for years. Hilary Clinton, for example is a very intelligent and educated women who was teased for being a woman running for president. Jokes surfaced that appeared to assume that if you menstruate, then you are too moody and emotional to be in charge because of the potential disaster that may ensue. If men could look past their misunderstanding that women are intensely emotional and actual possess a brain, then the future of gender roles may be redefined.
The biggest thing that men misunderstand is definitely that women are almost cursed with the ability to care too much. Our concern for them or the relationship is interpreted as nagging or overbearing, however, what they don’t think about is how it is a lot of work to worry about not one, but TWO peoples lives, choices, and mistakes. They should feel more appreciative that they have someone who ‘has their back’ and supports their dreams. -6108
3. Men think that we want them to be romantic at the beginning of a relationship so that we can fall in love with them but the truth is that we want them to be romantic all the time. Not overly excessive romantic, like diamond rings, but maybe a text or a few words. 8513
3. Men are under the impression that women are constantly "nagging" to constantly do things, and we never leave them alone. We are truly only trying to help them improve there lives and accomplish their goals. - 4183
3. The biggest misunderstanding that I have with men is when they think that I am attacking them, when in reality I am simply expressing concern. This seems to be an ego related issue. Men seem to possess the need to defend themselves and not take my questions as curiosity and not an attack (5039).
3. I think the display of emotions in women is confusing to me. We sometimes expect men to do the same and if they don’t, we get confused! Compared to the lack of emotions in men, I think our display of emotions seems dramatic and unnecessary. 8782.
One thing the opposite sex does not understand is why girls travel in groups to the bathroom. It is something girls even have trouble explaining to guys. It is not that we need help or anything; we just turn trips to the bathroom into a social gathering, in a way. It is hard to explain exactly why we feel the need to travel in groups, but it just works for us. -3969
Guys seem to either misunderstand or ignore the fact that a girl who throws herself at any and all men is not a good catch. -3365
3. The one thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about women is probably communication. Guys have a hard time expressing their emotions which limits them from being able to communicate what they truly want. Excuse us for wanting to know what’s going on. - 2968
3. I think males feel that women are incompetent and cannot do anything because of your nurturing ways. Many males feel women are not strong willed because their notion of a woman is for females to please the males. I think males need to stop thinking of the stereotype that women need to comply with every demand brought upon by a male and realize that although women are nurturing, caring, and compassionate, we do have strong ideas and values. We are intellectual beings as well and do not always need a male to do all the work for us. -1316
The one thing that men misunderstand about women is that we are irrational, or dramatic in relationships. However, this is a defense mechanism to something which was previously provoked by the opposite sex, in a situation.- 8554
3. It’s as if men don’t always realize that both genders experience emotion and that there’s nothing wrong with expressing those emotions. Emotions are part of being human and to keep them inside because to not do so would be “unmanly” just doesn’t really make sense and, more importantly, isn’t healthy. If you are sad or upset about something, pretending to not be sad or upset isn’t going to make your sadness go away. More than likely, it will only make it worse. The point is that men who are truly masculine will still be masculine even if they express their emotions in ways that other men might perceive as feminine. (0798)
3. I think the thing that guys misunderstand most about girls is how badly we need emotional support from them. Like we discussed in class, guys tend to overlook the little things in a relationship that are very important to a girl. Forgetting to call when he says he will, not remembering anniversaries, being preoccupied with something while we are trying to have a conversation with him, all of these are small things that are easy to change, and would prove to a girl that she really is important in a guy’s life. In addition, we need them to really listen to what we have to say, and respond with something more than an “mmmhmm.” We need constant reassurance that you think we’re attractive, because everywhere we turn, we’re being bombarded with media that says we’re never good enough. (2742)
One thing is that they think girls make things too complicating or over analyze things. Which in fact we may look at things in a more complex way, but only in a way that we give ourselves options in a situation. Guys do not look at a situation in more than one perspective and thus leave the girls left to reason the outcomes of various options. We look at things in terms of how the outcome would result in the long term. On the other hand, guys are only thinking in the present and at the moment. For example, a guy can choose to be in a relationship with a girl, they start going out, however the girl is about to leave for college in a couple of weeks, meaning a long distance relationship. The girl can factor the difficulties of a long distance relationship, communication, time management, not being able to see him physically, or talk as often. But the guy just thinks about the girl and not the possibilities of problems ahead that come with a long distance relationship. So the decision to begin a relationship is already in jeopardy. -2248
3.The most common thing the opposite sex misunderstands is why we feel the need to talk what seems to them as all the time, and when a situation is difficult, we bring up the subject. Usually when they do guess, it seems to almost be a random guess. Women seem to need to resolve issues, and men would rather brush them under the rug to move one. There seems to be huge differences in preferences for handling situations and men simply cannot put themselves in the women’s state of mind. Often when they try, they still seem frustrated. -4742
3. I think that the opposite sex often times misunderstands how emotional women are. This is not to say that our crazy emotions are always necessary or defended, but that guys underestimate their affect on our moods and feelings. I think that might be one of the biggest gaps in the interactions between the genders.(6354)
- 3. I think that men think women are extremely concerned with money and status. While these things can be great, I personally am more concerned with how a person can communicate and what things they value in terms of intelligence, family values, honesty, integrity and humor. (1333)
3. Men do not understand our wants and needs. They are usually looking for sex while we are usually looking for a meaningful relationship. They don’t completely understand that we want to them to be romantic once in a while and show their emotions. They at times don’t understand why we want or prefer them to make the first move or initiate the relationship. Men have trouble understanding why women are so emotional and sensitive to so many things.(6553)
#4. Think about a time when you found yourself particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex. What characteristics of that person do you think attracted you? What was the most important factor that attracted you to this person, e.g., physical appearance, personality traits, self-confidence, social status, friendly gestures toward you, etc.?
4. When I am very attracted to somebody, it is initially based on physical attributes. I generally find tall, brown haired, light-eyed boys to by my “type”. However, favorable personality traits tend to amplify their attractiveness. For example, a boy with mediocre looks who has impeccable manners and is chivalrous becomes much more attractive than he might have been with just his looks alone. I am also interested in the way a boy treats his family, especially his mother. This entails friendliness, respect and politeness. Although looks are the first thing that catches my eye, there is not profound attraction without favorable personality traits.
4. The last time I was particularly attracted to a male, it was primarily due to his outgoing personality. I remember the first time I met him; I was just taken back by how outgoing and friendly he was. It was interesting to notice that as our friendship grew, I became to appreciate him more and more. Then, once he made it clear that he wanted to be more than just friends, I became to find him physically attractive. I find that I am most attracted to a male who shares the same morals, goals, and hobbies that I do. 1007
I remember meeting this guy freshman year and being almost immediately enamored by him. He was extremely funny, polite, and knew how to flow a conversation. It was obvious by our conversation that he was interested in getting to know me and he asked me to dinner. I was initially attracted to him because I found him physically attractive and wanted to find out what kind of guy he was. I was pleasantly surprised to find he had a good personality and moral compass to go along with it! -6108
1. It is initially based on physical features, but then it really came down to the man having ambition and a plan for his future, and able to keep an intelligent conversation. A man who is unable to speak and seems to not be educated is the biggest problem for me.- 4183 4. I am most attracted to men that are nice-looking, smart, successful, funny, financially stable, have a nice home, and does chivalrous things like make me feel special. The most important out of this list is probably being smart and funny (5039).
4. I am particularly attracted to a male with a great sense of humor, who is smart, and is interested in the same things as I am. Working out, playing sports, and being buff are definitely not what I find attractive. I am attracted to men who are creative, artistic, and individual. 8782.
A time when I was particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex definitely began with noticing physical features. Everyone has the desire to talk to someone they find physically attractive. Then I tried to get this guy’s attention in some way in order to break the ice and try to open up conversation. The conversation went well; he seemed to be reciprocating my feelings. His friendliness and the fact that we had a lot in common kept me wanting to talk to him. In this situation, I really did not know a lot about him until we started talking one on one. I pursued him almost completely based on physical appearance. -3969
With my first boyfriend, I was attracted first to his looks. He was also captain of the water polo team in highschool, which I found sexy. However, he was dating another girl, so the fact that I couldn’t have him also added to my attraction to him. They broke up a while later, and at that time I was attracted to the special attention he gave. As shallow as it sounds, the last thing I became attracted to was his personality. -3365
4. Personality, self-confidence and friendly gestures were three things that I found attracted me to someone of the opposite sex. Looks don't hurt, but the last guy that drove me crazy was hilarious, sure of himself and was incredibly nice to me even though he didn't have to be. He was no Brad Pitt but he was cute and the fact that he was such a fun person to talk to and be around helped a ton. - 2968
4. Physical appearance is obviously one of the first things I notice. I tend to be attracted to tall guys, about 6 feet and above, dark hair, and colored eyes (the whole dark, tall, and handsome complex). From there, I usually tend to forget looks and really focus on the personality. Although, it has happened with one male in particular that once I actually started to talk to him, I tended to “forgive” some of his physical flaws such as him being a tad overweight, the pimple on his nose, or the fact that he had braces. Overall, I think personality and self confidence are what wins me over because then the other things, like the physical aspects seem to almost diminish.-1316
4. The last few times I was the most attracted to men in my life, were when they were easy to talk to, had a set business or career, were financially wealthy, dressed impeccably, treated me as one of their very good friends but were still intrigued by me, and were 5 years or more older than me. I would say that physical attraction is something that drew me towards the person, however their personality (humor, attitude towards me) is what kept me interested. - 8554
4. The characteristics which attracted me at first were mainly physical (eye color, height, hairstyle, etc.) and things like his confidence and overall personality were what made me want to get to know him more. While physical appearance definitely matters, it’s the other things that matter most. (0798)
4. The first thing I notice in a guy is his confidence. But there’s a fine line between confident and cocky, and cocky is a major turn-off. I do take into account appearance and good looks, but it must be combined with a good personality because looks alone are not reason enough for me to be in a relationship. I also like a guy with a sense of humor, and who isn’t shy to speak up in social situations. In addition, a guy will always attract my attention if he pays me attention, and shows that he is interested in me, too. (2742)
The things that attracted me to this particular person was that he was tall, handsome, and had a really nice smile, and he also had a great muscular physique. The most important factor that attracted me to him initially was that he was handsome and physically attractive. As I got to know him a little better his strong self-confidence and ability to take initiative became a prime factor. Also his ability to make me laugh was the most attractive aspect of this person. -2248
4. Things that attract me to the opposite sex are confidence, intelligence, sense of humor, and of course physical attractiveness. However, I believe that confidence and intelligence come hand-in-hand. I am always looking for someone with a compatible sense of humor, because laughing makes me feel more comfortable with a person, at ease that the relationship is healthy and will last, and it allows both people to enjoy themselves when spending time together, ameliorating the frequency of fighting and disagreements. -474 4 Well with this particular guy it was not his looks right off the bat, but his personality. He was super funny and kind. We blossomed into a couple from being friends for a year or so. I remember as friends, he would do the sweetest and most random things for me. And I thought of him as just a friend until our friends began telling me he liked me. But besides that little summary, I like his arms and his lips. Loyalty was a major factor for me. The fact that I could trust him and that he had my best interest at heart really reeled me in. (6354)
- 4. For me, the most important factor when it comes to being attracted to a man is his character. I find myself attracted to honesty, integrity and intelligence. I am also attracted to humor, confidence spontaneity, and kindness. Other very important characteristics include someone who cares about his family, his friends and his community. (1333)
4. What most attracted me to my significant other was his personality. I was definitely attracted to and love his sense of humor and that he can always make me laugh even when I am really upset. I am attracted to his determination and ambition, which are great traits. His smile and defined facial bone structure are physical features that I am attracted to. His ability to make me laugh is really important. (6553)
#5. In your opinion, what are the strengths and weaknesses of the opposite sex?
5.Males strengths consist of: low maintenance, less drama, simple, easy-going, nice demeanor, great providers, they are protectors, they fix things, they can be logical when women are emotional. Males tend to be calmer in stressful or chaotic environments and tend to be more instinctive. Males weakness’ consist of: they are bad listeners, they are inconsiderate, they tend to put their needs before others, they are messy, they are egotistical, they are too sexually driven, they are indecisive, they are afraid to show their emotional side, they are afraid of commitment. 1007
1. I think the opposite sex have many strengths. One of the main is being able put things together, and understand the mechanics of how things work a lot easier then women. One of there biggest weaknesses is they are unable to express their emotions as well as women and they feel like to be a “man” they have to hold everything in.- 4183
Some of the strengths of men are: different sense of humor, physical strength, emotional disposition, problem solving abilities, and their directness. All of these allow them to usually be very efficient with normal tasks. Some of their weaknesses are: their small emotional range, inability to think more outside of the box when it comes to other women and men, their desire to sleep around and create double standards, and their ability to become very possessive and jealous. -6108
5. The strengths and weaknesses of the opposite sex are an ironic juxtaposition when it comes to men. Interestingly enough, many of the things that men do as a way to boost their confidence or seem more attractive to girls tends to be their biggest weaknesses. For example, men get competitive in athletics because being the “best” at physical activity is not only extremely masculine, but also very attractive. However, when men exceed basic achievement and reach a very extreme level of competition with other men it brings out the worst in them, and therefore becomes a weakness. Along with competition comes the strength of confidence. When guys exude a certain level of confidence it is definitely an attractive quality, however, when they take it to the next level of arrogance and hyper masculinity then it becomes a weakness and incredibly unattractive. In my opinion, a guy’s ultimate strength is to exhibit a quiet maturity, which will allow him to stand out amongst the other boys who are overtly try to be attractive to girls.
5. The strengths of men are their ability to be less emotional when it comes to situations. They are able to have a more rational and direct perspective. They are also more inclined to be a source of security to their families. Also, men enjoy sex much more than woman, and are able to orgasm during penetration. Their main weaknesses are being less likely to allow love-like emotions for fear of being vulnerable, and not expressing empathy (5039).
5. Like I mentioned above, I think one of the biggest strengths of men is that they do not typically let their emotions guide the decisions they make. This allows them to solve problems more effectively and efficiently. I think one of the weaknesses of men is the fact that they feel like they have to sleep around to be accepted and liked by others. Because of this, commitment and loyalty may come as a difficult task. I think that suppressing emotions is also a weakness of males. Suppressing emotions can be extremely harmful, and sometimes causes the inner emotions to become overwhelming and destructive. 8782.
One major strength of the opposite sex is their physical strength. For example, I am the same height as my boyfriend. We wear the same size pants and nearly the same size shoe. Despite this, he is significantly stronger than me. He could probably carry me for a mile without stopping where as I can hardly pick him up for more than five seconds. One major weakness of the opposite sex is their trouble communicating their emotions. Guys are raised to be tough and never cry. I think this is a detriment to their emotional development. Because of this, guys will sometimes confuse things like sadness or disappointment with anger. Guys are not as in tune with their emotions and this is probably largely due to the fact that they are taught to suppress feelings. -3969
Guys in general are literally physically stronger than girls, which I think is a strength for them. It lets them play the role as protector. The one weakness I can think of nowadays is lack of chivalry. Guys don’t court girls like they used to. -3365
5. The strengths of the opposite sex are things like the fact they they do not sweat the small stuff and are generally pretty laid back in nature. Some of the opposite sex's weaknesses include their lack of an ability to express their emotions and how easily they resort to physical violence and aggression. - 2968
5. Some strengths that males poses include their physical strength, their spatial thinking, and their ability to not take things to heart and hold onto grudges. These are not only advantages to their daily life, but also the personal life, and to their intellectual abilities (i.e. males are sometimes better at math than females). Weaknesses that males tend to demonstrate are being overly possessive or jealous, not expressing their emotion (which makes females wonder what they are really thinking), and the male obsession with sex (which is sometimes quite annoying to females). -1316
5. The strengths of males are that they can easily walk away from a destructive relationship, and have the ability to calm a situation down. The weaknesses of the opposite sex are their lack of emotions (at least overtly), and the fact that it is very rare to get them to commit without waiting. - 8554 5. Men are very good at problem solving and spatial thinking, such as reading maps and navigating freeways. They are also very loyal to one another and seem to have a natural ability to protect the people and the things they care about. Men can also be stubborn, in a good way, and defend the ideas they believe in. Men aren’t as good about acknowledging and expressing their emotions. As a result, men seem to have more trouble when dealing with others since they aren’t as able to grasp what someone may be feeling on an emotional level. For example, if I’ve had a bad day or I’m feeling depressed, I’ll usually turn to one of my friends who is female because she will be more likely to show sympathy than one of my friends who is male. Another weakness that men have is that they tend to desire control or other forms of power and will sometimes be ruthless and insensitive in their attempts to get it. In an office setting, for example, it seems like men more than women tend to step on their co-workers, so to speak, if it means being successful. (0798)
5. Similar to things I like about guys, I think their strengths are the fact that they are better at controlling emotions than girls are, and can better determine what is worth really getting upset over, and what can be shrugged off. They tend to be better at focusing on the bigger picture and determining what is really important in the long run, while I feel that girls get overly obsessed about small, insignificant details and don’t realize that in 3 hours, it wont matter anymore. A guy’s greatest weakness is his belief that he needs to prove his masculinity to everyone, especially other guys. He doesn’t have to hide his emotions completely, or put a show on for his friends to make them think he’s more of a man. (2742)
Some of the strengths about males is that they are physically stronger then girls, this comes in handy when there are heavy things needed to be transported. They are knowledgeable about cars and household repair subjects. If you give them a task like to change a light bulb or to assemble something, he will probably figure it out. Guys are determined in a way that if they are faced with a problem, they are willing to resolve it. Some of the weaknesses about males is that they are driven to feed their ego. With that they are also competitive, in a sense to only increase ones own pride. Another weakness is that guys rarely base their decisions on the long term results, but rather focus’ more on the present moment when making a decision. For example, a guy could buy a racecar because he wants one in the moment, but does not think in the future where he is going to store the car, or when or how he is going to maintain it. He will get it anyway because at the time he wanted it. Or in the moment a guy would want to have sex, but does not think about the consequences or the factors that could occur in the future if something went wrong, all because he wasn’t thinking with his brain but with his balls. -2248
5. The strengths of the opposite sex include physical fitness, confidence, and ability to execute necessary tasks concerning their own wellbeing. They seem to have an amazing ability to remove themselves from a situation to preserve their own mental health, even if that means abandoning something they love. 5 Hmmm… I think that guys have strength in sexual ability and performance. They are also considered security figures for women. As a woman, I hold this very dear to me because you never know what might happen and if you’re prepared for it. I feel that a major weakness in males is their disregard to detail and their vocabulary. As woman we speak strategically and purposely – that is, we choose our words carefully. Males do not think about or are not aware of the vocabulary they use. (6354)
- 5. Strengths of the opposite sex, in my opinion, are their ability to rationalize and deal with situations in a relatively straightforward way. I also think that once you gain the trust of a man, they usually tend to be very loyal. I think that some of the weaknesses of the opposite sex include a bit of emotional distance in dealing with vulnerable and perhaps uncomfortable situations. (1333)
5. Strengths of the opposite sex include: brave/protecting or provide security, less emotionally complicated and have less drama, provide different perspective and are very direct. Weakness include: disorganized, immature, too sexually driven, and don’t show emotions often.(6553)
#6. Can you think of any instances in which you have personally been treated unfairly by the opposite sex? If so, give a brief description of what happened.
6. I feel as though I am often treated unfairly as a woman, simply because of my body. I continuously find that in professional work environments, males are often “checking me out” or making cat calls when I walk past them. I feel that males often demean my mind and inflate my body. Males often undermine a woman’s strength, integrity, and power. I feel that, personally, I am treated with more fragility simply because I am a woman. When I was raised, I was more sheltered and constricted as opposed to my brother who was free to do whatever he pleased. I am held under a more strict and protective standard in my family and am constantly fighting for more freedom. 1007
6. I have not personally experienced sex discrimination, however I have been an eyewitness to my close friend’s experience. In high school, my girl friend Annie was on the same volleyball team as me and she constantly expressed interest in in playing division one, college level volleyball. She was one of the best players on the team, however, when engaged in a conversation with our male coach and his male assistant, they seemed to laugh at her ambitions claiming that it doesn’t matter which team she would play on because women’s volleyball will never hold a light other sports dominated by men. Needless to say, both coaches were fired but their criticism of her ability to compete with the attention hat males received broke her spirit and she ended up suffering a back injury which has prevented her from pursuing the game. Although it was not my experience, it could have easily been me as I was on her team with several of the same goals. As a bystander it made me feel angry yet helpless.
one very memorable instance where I was treated unfairly by men was on the golf course. Having been Varsity Captain of my high school golf team, I can play pretty well under pressure and in the company of better players. While playing a round of 9 holes with another friend of mine [a guy], his friend from high school came and caught up with us. He happened to join us at a hole I was not familiar with and I hit a bad shot, which he claimed it was because I was a girl and didn’t belong on the golf course. I then went on to prove to him through the next 6 holes that the bad shot was not because I’m a girl, but because I needed a mulligan! -6108
6. I was treated unfair on a date with a man recently. It was a third date and we went to dinner and then drinks. While we were enjoying our drinks, we ran into a few of his friends. At this point, my date spent the majority of his time with his friends and proceeded to get really drunk, to the point of being unable to drive me home. I was really upset and felt taken advantage of and ignored.(5039)
6. My father has sometimes treated me unfairly because I’m a girl. There were just certain instances in middle school or high school that were unfair. For example, if I wanted to go to a concert or the park at night, my parents would not let me go with just my girl friends, they would always want a boy to go with us. And the only reason was because I was a girl. 8782.
6. A particular instance I have been treated unfairly by the opposite is actually one that occurs quite often. I feel that when my boyfriends and I have hung out, we do what makes them happy and what they find as interesting or leisurely. However, I feel that I am always ensuring that my boyfriends are enjoying themselves, and almost don’t care what we are doing as long as the other person is doing. The favor is not as often returned. -4742
1. I have had a situation where I was in a car with men, and we got a flat tire. They did not let me try to take the bolts off the flat tire even though they have been working on it for about 20 minutes and could not remove the bolts. They finally gave in and within 3 minutes I was able to remove the bolts!- 4183
One time I was treated unfairly by the opposite sex was in P.E. class in middle school. The girls were all upset because we wanted to play flag football but our male teacher would not let us. Finally, after he got tired of us begging, he let us play for one class period. Most girls did not know how to play football and could not catch or throw a football. Afterwards, the teacher told us that was why the girls don’t get to play football. We were very offended and brought up the situation to the principal. -3969
My own Dad treated me unfairly. He let my brother start dating at a younger age than I was allowed to, and his reasoning was merely because I’m a girl, and my brother is a boy. -3365
6. One instance when I was treated particularly unfairly was last summer when I applied for a job to work a music festival. I was more than qualified to work the booth (having worked many music festivals in the past) and the artist signings but the fact that I was a girl made the person (the guy) give an immediate "no." In the guy who picked the employee's opinion, girls were there purely to sleep with the band. He completely disregarded whether or not I had the ability to do the job and went straight to generalizing something about me without ever meeting me. - 2968
6. Many instances of being treated unfairly of the opposite sex come to mind ranging from things such as academics to who gets to drive. One of the most profound experiences I had was in high school. For an Advanced Placement course in chemistry, I along with two other people had to balance formulas and make solutions. I worked with two other males and myself. Soon, the two males were doing everything hardly ever letting me touch anything. Sometimes they would solve a formula and just tell me what to do with the chemicals. I was keeping up with them though, and soon we got to a formula that neither of them could balance. I finally figured it out and thought I should help them. I was trying to let them know what I did, but they just kept brushing me off like I was a fly pestering them. Just because they thought they were superior to females in this subject, they disregarded my knowledge. They treated me like a bug because they thought I was incompetent and unable to figure out math or chemistry and clearly they were wrong (especially since I ended up getting a better grade than both of them in the end). -1316
6. Men I have dated have not treated me unfairly, however I feel as though my best friends who are men treat me unfairly. They act as if because I am a woman, I am generally weaker than them, and therefore need constant guidance from them in everything I do. If I do not agree or abide by their ‘good will’, I am usually subject to being ignored or lectured on how I need to take care of myself. However, if the men act the same way I do, it is totally acceptable. - 8554 6. The only time I can remember being treated unfairly by the opposite sex was in elementary school. I had a lot of trouble with math when I was younger and my fifth grade math teacher, rather than give me help when I asked for it, decided to grade me based on the little math skills I had (I think my best test grade was a C- ). I never did find out why he refused to help me, even when I told my parents about him, but I’ve had my theories since there were several boys in the class who were also having trouble and he didn’t seem to have any problem with helping them. (0798)
6. I can’t think of any instances where I have overtly been treated unfairly by a guy. (2742)
6. In elementary school I loved to play sports, the boys would also like racing and playing dodgeball, but the other girls didn't really like to play sports so I would always try to hang out with the boys just to play sports. But when it came time to pick teams the boys wouldn't pick me because I was a girl, and they thought I would make their team lose because I was a girl. -2248
6. I can’t think of anytime that I was treated unfairly by the opposite sex. And if there was an occurrence of inequality, I must’ve blocked it from my memory. (6354)
- 6. The only thing that comes to mind is an instance when I was having something fixed on my car. I knew what was wrong with the car, I’d owned it for a number of years and it was a reoccurring problem. I’d recently moved to another state and this was the first time I’d used this mechanic. When they gave me the bill, I couldn’t believe how much it was. ..it was almost double from what I’d paid at the other mechanic. I can’t confirm why the bill was so much larger than it had been in the past. However, I do think they assumed I didn’t have much knowledge about the car and what needed to be repaired on it because I am a woman. (1333)
6. When I was younger my father used to treat me unfairly in comparison to my brother whose only 1 year older than me. My curfew was at an earlier time, I always received phone calls informing me to come home because it was late, while my brother was allowed to be out later. Once of my guy cousins once treated me unfairly when I wanted to help him connect a surround sound system, he instead told me to go help my aunt cook. (6553)
#7. Can you think of any instances in which you have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex, simply because of your (or their) gender? If so, give a brief description of what happened.
7. There are many cases in which guys are particularly nice to me, however their motives are generally pretty questionable. To clarify, when men who are strangers to me open doors, or buy drinks, or offer to drive me home, their intentions are primarily sexual. Over the summer I went salsa dancing with my roommate in Hollywood, a place that I rarely frequent. After sitting on the sidelines for a while, older gentlemen offered to dance with me. I gratefully declined because, let’s face it, I’m not about to provocatively dance with an old man who is a stranger. A few minutes later he offered to buy me a drink. Again, I gratefully declined. His nice gestures were only precursors for the sexual activity that he was hoping to get from me that night. I guarantee his gestures were due to the fact that I am a girl who appeared lonely and vulnerable.
7. Often when I go on dates, the male will open the door, pay for the bill, let me borrow his jacket, and make sure I am safe. I feel that this is done as a customary act due to my gender. It is seen in society as customarily proper to accommodate to a woman’s needs and comfort. I feel that this perspective is evoked from the idea that women are fragile and in need of assistance. 1007
As for being treated well because of my sex, I recently just moved into a new apartment complex this semester, and while unloading and carrying things up to my door, I got endless help from any male within a 20 foot radius of me, offering to carry or unload or hold boxes for me. It definitely made the process a lot easier on myself. -6108
7. I was in a long-term relationship, and the man that I was with was a very kind and nurturing man. He made me feel loved and appreciated everyday. He was a caring and patient man that loved me enough to allow me to be vulnerable and comfortable in my skin. I never felt as though games were being played, or he was taking advantage of my love. I respected that he was always upfront about his feelings and wasn’t afraid to tell me what he thought because he knew that I respected him in return (5039).
7. I definitely have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex. I am treated very well by my boyfriend. He does a good job of being interested in things that are going on in my life, which shows that he cares. He also does not completely dismiss my emotions like some guys, and is very understanding with them. 8782.
1. There have been times when at parties I have gotten free alcohol for being a women, and other times I have gotten out of moving violation tickets because the cop felt bad for me (which wouldn’t have happened if I was a man). - 4183
One time when I was treated particularly well because of my gender was at my high school graduation. I went to an all girls high school, and at our graduation ceremony, we had male teachers helping us up and down the stairs to the stage. They told us it was because they did not want us to fall on the stairs because of our high heels. We were also told that teachers volunteered for this position, and there were far more female teachers than male teachers at the school. Maybe it was because of our heels, or maybe it was just because we are girls. -3969
The instance that immediately stands out to me was when I was in elementary school. There, I played sock-o with the boys at recess. Sock-o was a game similar to dodgeball, but you could have as many players as you wanted playing on the court. The biggest difference, however, was that only boys played sock-o at recess. I don’t remember how, but I eventually started playing the game with all the boys during every recess. I was one of the taller kids in elementary school, and I was athletic. I was really good at the game, but the boys made a rule that no one could throw the ball at me because I was a girl. -3365
7. One instance where I was treated particularly well by a member of the opposite sex simply because of my gender was on a recent trip to Arrowhead with a group of friend I have known since I was little. The boys on this trip in particular were raised in a very traditional background where the men open doors, drive cars, pay for food, etc for the girls. In this scenario the boys did all the manual labor as well as opening doors, etc. - 2968
7. Males always want to “impress” a lady. Often times, males hold the door open for females or offer to drive. Men most often are particularly nice to females when they want sex. Many times I have been out in clubs or parties and guys will offer to buy me drinks. Of course, the offer for drinks or a ride to a party is not given for free, sometimes things are expected. -1316
7. I have been treated well by males in many ways. For one, as men get older they become more careful with their words. Lately, I haven’t heard people say I have a great butt, or a sexy stomach or that I am hot. These complements are changed into, gorgeous, extremely attractive, great body; which is something I appreciate more. Another way in which men have treated me well are when a good friend offers to buy a drink. This is important because it shows that its not only in a dating situation but just out of the fact that I am a woman. - 8554
7. I can’t really think of any specific instance in which I was treated particularly well. I’ve had doors held open for me and jackets or blankets put over my shoulders many times, but I don’t know that those things were done for me just because of my gender. Most of the time, I just thought the other person was being nice but I suppose I could be wrong. (0798)
7. I have been treated better by a guy because I am a girl. It’s as simple as walking into a restaurant and having a stranger open the door for me because I am a girl, since he wouldn’t have done the same for a guy. Or having the waiter working at that restaurant pull out my chair, but not the chair of the guy I’m having dinner with. Simple acts of chivalry that tend to go unnoticed are perfect examples of a guy doing something nice for a girl he doesn’t know, just because she is a girl. (2742)
One of my friends from high school transferred to the same college as me last year and he didn’t really know anyone at the school, and I was his closest friend. We hung out a lot and went to dinners; he paid for my dinner all the time and bought me random things, like starbucks, or ice cream, pinkberry and other things. There was this one time we went to Disneyland together and we were walking through the stores, I love eeyore and so I went to find the eeyore dolls, there was one particular eeyore doll I liked and I was hugging it, he looked at me and said “do you want that?” I really didn’t need it, so I said, “nah, I really don’t need it.” But he insisted that he would buy it for me, and I asked why, and he said “just because.” It was really nice of him to buy it for me, and that he just wanted to buy me something just because, and not because I asked him to buy it for me. -2248
7. I feel that anytime someone of the opposite sex is attracted to me and is looking for a relationship, he will do anything to make that happen and achieve that closeness—if it means doing activities I like, eating food I enjoy, or simply spoiling me with affection. This often dissipates as the relationship continues and he knows he actually “has” me and there is no danger in me leaving him. -4742
7. There are many instances when the opposite sex will be particularly nice. I tend to believe this goes back to “old school” manners and chivalry. For instance, if I’m approaching a door a guy will open/hold the door. Sure it could be common courtesy. But guys have particular mannerisms when they are being polite like bowing or nodding their heads. The infamous “ladies’ first” line is a classic.(6354)
- 7. The situations that come to mind first include instances of male chivalry, maybe a man helping lift heavy luggage, holding a door open so I could walk through first, or coming around to my side of the car to open my door first. Also, a particular situation when I was being pulled over for a traffic violation, and receiving only a warning (thankfully) rather than a ticket…I think that being the opposite sex of the officer helping with this outcome. (1333)
7. One time in high school, I forgot to wear a sweater and it was really cold in the classroom. I didn’t ask anyone for a sweater but suddenly a guy in my class, whom I did not know whispered to me if I wanted to borrow his sweater because he noticed I was cold. I am pretty sure if it were his guy friend who was cold, he wouldn’t have asked him if he wanted to borrow his sweater.(6553)
#8. Describe an instance, or instances, when you have been rejected by someone of the opposite sex to whom you were attracted. How did they reject you? Was their behavior inconsiderate, rude or insensitive? How did it make you feel? How might they have done it in a more considerate way?
8. When I was a junior in high school I began to casually date a boy from another school. He was really cute, drove a fancy car, and had a really cool house where his parents let him do pretty much anything. After a few weeks of pretty continuous communication, he completely stopped talking to me. I was so confused. Although I was slightly hurt, I was not too emotionally invested in him, but I was disappointed at the thought of losing the idea of him. One day, a mutual friend of both his and mind was IMing with him online. I asked her to ask him about me, out of curiosity and bitterness. He told her he lost interest and that he probably would never touch me again. Of course he did not know I was in the room but I felt hurt and betrayed as if I had done something wrong, something so repulsive that he did not want to touch me again. Was I really that bad? Or perhaps he was just a jerk. Had he had the courage to tell me that he wasn’t interested to my face, the situation would have been significantly smoother.
8. I was recently rejected by a male and it was such an interesting experience. We had both liked each other for a while and had anticipated being in a relationship as soon as school began. But when I told him that I wanted to be with him he freaked out and just wanted to be friends. What was interesting was that he took forever to tell me that he just wanted to be friends. We sat in his room forever in silence while he came up with his answer. What was even more interesting was that after he told me he just wanted to be friends he gave me a long hug and then walked off pouting. It was as if he wasn’t happy with the decision he made, but he was too afraid to change it. I though that his behavior was inconsiderate and rude. It made me feel insecure and disappointed. I think it would have been better if he would have explained his reasons for just wanting to be friends. 1007
The most memorable time that I have about being rejected by someone of the opposite sex is very interesting. He and I had been talking and see each other on a very regular basis for about 5 months, but things were not developing or evolving like they should have been. I felt caught in this in-between grey area and when I talked to him about moving forward, he simply said that he was not ready for serious commitment (but he only wanted to see me) and that he wants things to stay the way they were. Eventually I told him that I couldn’t just sit and wait around under his conditions while mine were entirely ignored and that he needed to make up his mind in a fair and mature way. Needless to say, he did not choose me and has cut almost all ties with me. This really hurt because he was seemingly able to go from what a great friendship we had to cutting me out of his life in one swift easy motion with little [apparent] distress to him. He could have just been more forthcoming with his mindset rather than just saying “Im sorry, I hope youll understand”. -6108
8. I went to a bar recently with a group of girlfriends and met a guy that was very sweet and attractive. We spent the majority of the night talking and flirting. He was very complimentary and made me feel special and sexy, something that I had been struggling with prior to this. I was feeling really good about him. He asked me for my number and told me all these places that he wanted to take me. I got excited and gave him my number. I had to leave at this point, and he acted really bummed that I was leaving. He said that he would call the next day. He didn’t, he never called. This was upsetting because he was the first man that I had been interested in for a long time. I felt that his behavior was inconsiderate. It wasn’t fair to lead me on and get me excited and then not follow through. He didn’t need to ask me for my number if he didn’t want it. I would have had no problem leaving and thinking that I had had a nice time flirting with a hot guy. I was not expecting anything, and would have been ok with just talking to him (5039).
1. I was once dancing with a man that I was interested in and in the middle of dancing his friend pulled him away from me and shoved him to dance with another women who he felt was more “attractive”. This definitely was very inconsiderate and hurt my feelings. IT made me feel like his friend though I was not good enough to even get the time of day from him. - 4183
8. In kindergarten I had a huge crush on a boy. I would stand by him in the line, sit next to him in the reading circle, and chase him on the playground when we played kiss tag. None of these things were reciprocated, it was clear that he was not in to me. I was rejected, but not in an extremely inconsiderate way. 8782.
An instance where I was rejected by the opposite sex was when I tried to talk to a guy at a party. He was standing with other guys, which made the whole thing risky to begin with. When I tried to talk to him, he just rolled his eyes at me and talked to me like I was a total idiot. When I tried to get him away from the group, he just laughed it off and went back to talking to his friends. His behavior was very rude and it made me feel dumb for wanting to talk to him. He could have maybe said he had a girlfriend, whether he did or not. He could have just told me he was not interested instead of embarrassing me. -3969
In highschool, this guy and I liked each other. We would go out to eat and hang out at each other's houses. One day during class, he seemed like he was avoiding me. Soon, he stopped calling and texting. A week went by, and I overheard his ex-girlfriend talking to a friend about how they had gotten back together. Had I never overheard this girl, I would not have known why the guy had stopped talking to me. Rather than being upfront and telling what happened, he ignored me and left me to figure things out on my own. -3365
8. I have rarely experienced an inconsiderate or rude rejection; mostly because I do not put myself out there much. Most of the time, I can pick up on the fact that he is not interested and move on. There is no point dwelling on some guy who is not going to change his mind about you. But being the true girl that I am, I can not help but feel a little insecure about myself when I am rejected. It is not the end of the world and that little bruise heals pretty darn quickly. - 2968
8. When I broke up with my first love and boyfriend at the time it was very unclear. We had done the whole high school thing such as dances, parties, and prom, but he graduated and I kind of seemed to “lose touch” with him. When I called he was always doing something and said he would call back (but didn’t). Finally, at a party we both attended (but arrived to separately), he hugged me and then basically hung out with his friends the entire rest of the night. It was not until the end of the party that I had to say the most dreaded words “we need to talk” that I was able to understand that he was calling it quits. Even then, he did not say it was over instead he said “you will always be one of my best friends but...” and gave me the whole we are going to different colleges excuse. To be more considerate, he should have just made it a clean break and told me what he was thinking two weeks prior to the whole event at this party. -1316
8. Most of my rejection takes place after I am involved with the man. The men are the ones who make the first move. Eventually, they reject me in the midst of starting a relationship and claim that I don’t seem as if I am ready for one, or want on because I am trouble. However, personally I know that this is not true. It makes me feel as if their understanding of me was probably done in haste, or because of what other people hear about me, they have easily agreed to believe it. This is horrible for me, because I barely have any time to prove myself otherwise.- 8554
8. A few years ago, I liked this one guy and we spent a lot of time together and he told me he liked me as well, but it turned out in the end that he had no intention of being in a relationship. I’m sure a lot of it was me reading too much into the situation, but I still feel like he should have told me that he wasn’t interested in being with me much earlier than he did. I really felt bad, and sort of used in a way, when he finally told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship and I’m sure I would have still felt bad if he had told me earlier, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have felt as bad as I did. Though we spent a long time together and he told me he cared about me, he clearly didn’t have my feelings in mind at all. (0798)
8. My very first boyfriend never actually broke up with me, but basically just avoided me until I gave up on him. Although we had only been dating a couple of weeks (back in junior high, a couple weeks seemed like a year and a half), he didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me that he was no longer interested, and basically left me to figure it out for myself. So yes, I do think he could have handled the situation better, at least letting me know that we were breaking up. (2742)
. In the 9th grade I like this boy that was older then me, I was in one of his classes, geometry. We kind of knew each other, and most of my friends knew his friends. I finally got the guts to talk to him and ask to hang out. I asked him if he would like to hang out or go see a movie one night, but he said he had volleyball practice so I suggested another day, and he said he had paddling practice, and I suggested another day to hang out and he said he had a game that day, I kind of got the hint and started to change the subject. In a way he was letting me down easy and was nice about it, I was too nervous to notice that he was turning me down, but he did it in a considerate way. He didn’t talk in a rude tone or yelled at me or make fun of me while we were talking. -2248
8. Most often when I am rejected by the male sex, it is done in a very inconsiderate manner that they themselves would not like to treated in had they have been in my position. This involves completely cutting off communication and simply going about their business as if it is simply that—a business deal that has gone sour and now the merger has ended. It was quite rude, and leaves no room for negotiation. What they say goes, and I have no opinion in the matter, because they are making the decision solely with their own happiness in mind, rather than considering where the relationship was at or where it could potentially go, or simply how in love we were and that the opportunity may not come around again. It seems that relationships are not their main concern. Of course, I felt unimportant and saddened and found it much more difficult to move on from the situation.-4742
8. Yes, there have been a few instances where a guy has turned me down; THANK GOD they occurred in middle school and the first half of high school. In middle school and my first two years in high school. I was a chubby girl. And BELIEVE me, if you think its hard being the fat girl in school; just think of the embarrassment the guy feels. NO ONE WANTS TO BE LIKED BY THE FAT GIRL – NO ONE!!! And of course the rejections had me feeling down and out because most of the time it was a straight up “no” or even “hell no”. But thankfully, those experiences helped me become a better person from the standpoint of getting to know people not their skin or body type. (6354)
- 8. I was dating a guy for a few months and suddenly he became very distant and always seemed to be busy when we’d have made plans to spend time together. This went on for over a month. Finally, I asked him to come over so we could speak, as I intended to end the relationship. When he showed up, he explained that he’d cheated on me with another girl and that he didn’t know how to tell me. I was so upset that I’d wasted over a month wondering what was going on and trying to communicate and be understanding of his work and busy schedule. If he’d have just been upfront with me from the beginning, I think that there would have been a lot less damage done. (1333)
8. There was this one time when I was seeing a guy and I got the impression that things were going well between us and that he liked me like I liked him. Well, he was either playing games or looking for something else in a girl because he then just said “ you know what this isn’t working out.” There were no emotions, he spoke dry concrete words. I was confused my his mixed signals and was sad of course because it didn’t really seem that time that he cared one bit. It would have been nice if he would have explained why it wasn’t going to work, or if he would have been more sensitive about the situation. (6553)
Imagine that you have known someone of the opposite sex for about a month. You have dated this person several times, but so far there hasn't been any kind of physical intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc.) between the two of you. Now, you are out on a date with this person again.
How would you try to influence this person in each of the following circumstances:
#9. Situation 1: The date has been going very well and you feel very physically attracted to this person. How would you influence this person to become physically intimate, and to go as far sexually as you wanted to go?
9. In order to influence a man to become physically intimate I would try to make things as private as possible. I would make sure we were not in a public or platonic place (i.e. bedroom instead of living room). I would also be very interested in his stories and his life. I would amp up the flirting and probably include some type of flirtatious touch. Other than that, the ball is in the man’s court and if he doesn’t make the move, then its on to the next one.
9. I would make a move that suggested to him that I wanted to go farther physically. I would brush his hand or lean in really close when talking to him. 1007
A way that I would try to make the other person be more physically intimate might be by creating less distance between us and talking in a softer tone. I might also touch his hand or wrist and flirt to show more that I am interested in him. -6108
1. I think I would probably lean in a and speak closer to him and find ways to flirt and touch his arm or knee, just any type of signal to make it obvious that I was interested- 4183
9. Situation #1: I would tell him that I found him really attractive and wanted to kiss him. I would see what he said and/or did, and analyze the situation from there. If he took this cue and kissed me then I would presume he was shy and was looking for me to give him a hint of what I wanted. If he does nothing, then it is safe to assume he is not interested in me (5039).
I typically do not make the first move. However, I think I would make other small advances. For example, touch his leg or his arm while we're at dinner or hold his hand. If I was getting a good response and he was returning the advances, I would probably kiss him if I felt he wanted it too. (4543)
9. I would definitely make sure he was feeling the same way about me that I was about him. After this, I probably would sit closer to him or put my hand on his leg. Maybe if I was feeling extra bold I would initiate holding hands, but definitely not more than this. 8782.
If I wanted to get things moving, I would probably try to make it known that I was comfortable with moving forward. I might flirt more by doing things like finding opportunities to touch his shoulder, arm, or hand, to sort of break the barrier. Or I might make more eye contact, showing that I am interested. I would probably have a hard time physically making a move, but I would try harder to hint at it. -3969
I am not that forward of a girl. I’d like to be, but most of the time I chicken out when it comes to “making the moves.” However, when I am attracted to a guy, and I want things to get more intimate, I try to find ways to touch him for no reason (ie: a brush on the arm, shoulder, chest, etc). I’ve noticed I laugh a little louder at an attractive guy’s jokes than those of any other guy. I try to maintain eye contact, I lean into his body, and I look at his lips when he talks. -3365
9. If I am on a date with a guy and it has gone really well and am really attracted to this person, I would probably throw a couple subtle hints his way, lean in a little closer and see if I can figure out if he feels the same way. I am not one to make the first move but you never know. - 2968
9. To advance things physically, I would play up the flirt. Possibly the next time I go out with this guy, I will wear a low cut top, a skirt and possibly some heels. I will make sure that hair and makeup are in place. I would also try to sit closer to the other person. Maybe make things intimate. Even make some jokes or some comment alluding to what I want. -1316
9. If I hadn’t had any previous physical intimacy with the person of the opposite sex before, I would probably touch them in a sexual way under the table or kiss them close to the mouth to show them that I wanted more.- 8554
9. I think I would try to eliminate as many things as possible that could be distracting. Like if we were both sitting on the couch watching tv, I might suggest that we go somewhere else, like a bedroom or something, to make it clear what it was I was interested in doing. I think I would also physically touch him in intimate, but not necessarily sexual ways. For instance, I might lean my head on his shoulder or rub my hand on his arm. Something not to obvious, but enough that he maybe gets the idea. If he doesn’t respond to either, I guess I’d have to move on to something else. (0798)
9. In order to influence a guy to initiate some form of physical contact after a couple of dates, I would sit closer to him than I have in the past, or touch his hand or shoulder during a conversation to help cross the physical touch barrier and initiate contact between us. (2742)
Well I would lessen the distance between the two of us on the date. I would walk closer to him, or make excuses for him to come closer. For example, I would say that I am really cold, so I would stand closer to him until he hugs me, or notice his clothes and compliment on them by touching his coat or looking at his shirt and touching his shirt. Also I would flirt more by touching, if he was joking around I would touch his shoulder or tap him, any physical contact whenever possible. I would also go the opposite way an hold back, like pretend that I’m mad at him so he would have to come closer to me to say sorry or hug me in order to make me feel better. But I wouldn’t let it go that easily but pretend for a while until he gets closer. -2248
9. To influence someone of the opposite to become physically intimate after a date has already started, I would definitely make sure to smile a lot and make the person feel welcomed by my warm personality. I would make eye contact, and sit closer to the person and touch the person’s arm or hand more to show them that I am accepting and trusting of them. I always feel that it is good to laugh at the other person’s jokes, as it seems that men like it or are comforted by a woman who laughs. I would also turn/orient my body toward the person. -4742 9. If the date was going well, I don’t think I’d have to do much of anything to prompt a physical response. You just know when someone’s into you or not. But let’s say I was unsure or something… somehow I’d find a way to flirt or touch their hand and see what the response is. (6354)
- 9. I would try to be flirty without being pushy or too obvious. I’d maybe touch his hand or knee if we were laughing about something together. I’d also try to smile when making eye contact and give off a positive feeling abut our conversations and time spent together. (1333)
9. In this situation I would be very affectionate with the person for him to know my strong feelings toward him. I would then want to have a serious talk with him about our relationship and about our intimacy so that he knows and understands where I am in the relationship and what I am ready for. (6553)
#10. Situation 2: The date has been going well, but you do not feel particularly physically attracted by this person. However, you can tell that this person is really turned on by you. Still, you know you're not interested in physical intimacy, and/or the subsequent involvement or commitment that might follow. How would you influence this person to avoid becoming sexual?
10 I would make an excuse to leave the date. I would tell the person that I would be more comfortable being friends. 1007
- I would stay on the date, but i would not make any intention that at i wanted anything more to happen, and since nothing has happened so far, it would be the same as the other dates, i would just not see him again. -4183
10. I would make sure I was not coming off as being flirtatious or acting differently than I do around my other guy friends. If physical contact was attempted, I would say that I was more comfortable just being friends. 8782 10. Situation #2: If I was not interested, I would just make myself unavailable to him. Fold my hands in my lap, not get close enough for him to cuddle or kiss me, and not invite him back to my place (5039).
A way that I would try to make the other person be more physically intimate might be by creating less distance between us and talking in a softer tone. I might also touch his hand or wrist and flirt to show more that I am interested in him. -6108
10. On the other hand, if I was attempting to avert any sexual intimacy with a date, I would do the exact opposite. I would make sure we were in a very public place. I would talk about other guy friends who I equate him with as well as drudging up past boyfriends to establish the friend zone. I would not inquire as to his personal life as much and I would be sure to end the evening early. The most important thing here is to avoid leading the opposite sex on to the point where he tries to kiss me, because that requires a more blunt rejection.
If I did not want things to go farther, I would probably try talking about him as a great friend. If we were in a situation where we were given the opportunity to sit close to each other, I would try to keep a bit of a distance and maybe even cross my arms to act closed off. However, I would have trouble telling him flat out that I did not want things to go farther. -3969
If I do not want things to get intimate, I keep my hands to myself. I’ll fold my arms in front of me, and flinch away from being touched. I’ll try not to keep eye contact, and keep the air casual. For instance, if he makes some suggestion, I usually act like I don’t know what he means, or laugh and pretend it’s a joke. -3365
10. If I am on a date with a guy and was not interested at all I would probably stay on the date and make it clear I just wanted to be friends; there's no use in hurting anyone's feelings. Subtle signs usually do the trick but if the guy doesn't take the hint then it becomes time to make the fact I am not interested more obvious. - 2968
10. To avoid becoming sexual, I would most likely close off and not be as open in conversation. I would try not to sit too close to the other person. I would also mention another guy or possibly make up a potential boyfriend so we can keep it on a strictly “friends” level. -1316
10. If I was not interested in the person, I would probably talk to them less, but still nicely. And I would not make any future plans with them. - 8554
10. I think what I’d do in this case is start by telling him that I’m not interested in physical intimacy. I know if I were turned on by a guy and he wasn’t interested in me I’d hope he would tell me instead of leading me on. I’d definitely reassure him that I’m still interested in spending time with him and that I want to get to know him more so that I don’t hurt his feelings. For all I know, maybe as I get to know him more, I might become physically attracted to him. I guess if he still didn’t understand that I’m not interested, I’d probably just leave. If he really cares about me and is someone I should be spending my time with, then he’d understand that I’m interested in him, but I’m not physically attracted to him. (0798)
10. If I was not physically attracted to him, I would do just the opposite, sitting a little further away to show that I am not as interested in being close to him, and not initiating any kind of contact. In both cases, I would use body language and personal space norms to let him know my intentions and hopefully he will reflect them. (2742)
. I would be more physically distant from him on the date. Watch my actions and make sure that I don’t do anything that would lead him on. For example, I would avoid touching him in any way, or just focus on the conversation. For example if he tried to put his arms around my shoulders I would just keep my hands to my sides or put it in my pocket. I would also reply in short answers and avoid eye contact at most times. I will be nice, but yet give him the hint that I’m not interested in him physically but possibly as a friend. I would joke around more and treat him more as a good friend rather that an intimate partner. -2248
10. To influence someone of the opposite to become physically intimate after a date has already started, I would definitely make sure to smile a lot and make the person feel welcomed by my warm personality. I would make eye contact, and sit closer to the person and touch the person’s arm or hand more to show them that I am accepting and trusting of them. I always feel that it is good to laugh at the other person’s jokes, as it seems that men like it or are comforted by a woman who laughs. I would also turn/orient my body toward the person. -4742
10. To avoid a sexual invitation, I would giggle and say “what are you doing” or “hold your horses” or my personal favorite, “Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God… you didn’t just do that”! lol those three are sure to stop any advances attempted… (6354)
- 10. I would try to pay attention to my mannerisms and make sure that I avoid physical contact (hand, shoulder, knee touching). I’d also try to avoid any other expression that could be read as flirty. And, when it was time to say goodbye, I’d definitely give a hug with no option for a kiss. (1333)
10. I would not give him mixed physical signals or show any of them so that he doesn’t get the wrong idea about me or so he doesn’t assume that we will become physically involved. I will also tell him that I am not attracted to him physically and would prefer if we were just friends. (6553)
For each of the following sentence fragments, complete the sentence, and, if you wish, add a few more sentences to complete your thought. Do not include the sentence stem in your response--only your answer to it.
#11. In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become "insanely" jealous when...
11 You are dancing with another guy and you are wearing a revealing outfit. 1007 11. … their girlfriends spend time with their guy friends without them present (5039). 11. when their girlfriend is talking to guys they don’t know. 8782. females have FRIENDS of the opposite sex. (4543) … his girlfriend has a close guy friend who he may see as a threat. -3969 ... Any other guy gets in the way of what they want. -3365 ...girls flirt with other guys (1205) 11. I talk about another important male friend. -1316 ...I hang out with another guy without him there. - 2968 ... a women is seen being interested in another man- 4183
11. I talk about my relationships with other men.- 8554
…other men become involved in the presence of women-6108
11. …there is the remote possibility that a fellow member of the opposite sex might be interested in the same woman. It seems like so many guys become extremely jealous when they see another guy just standing next to someone they’re interested in, even if they’ve been told that the other guy is just an old friend or something and had no interest in the girl. (0798)
11. … A girl has physical contact with another guy, as in dancing with them at a club, or even to the point of having sex with another guy. He isn’t as jealous about a conversation between his girlfriend and another guy as he is about his girlfriend being touched by another guy. (2742)
…when a girl is talking to another guy that is a friend, or has close friends that are guys.-2248 11…I am talking to other men in a friendly way, or talking about another man in an endearing way that may reveal a close friendship or attraction. -4742
11. You break up with them and find a new guy… or when you change something in your life symbolizing that you’ve moved on… or when you start going to the gym and your body is on fire. (6354)
- 11…they feel they aren’t the central focus of your attention. This seems especially true if this diversion of attention is due to another man…even if it’s just a friend. (1333)
11. women have a close guy friend or when they see women flirting with other guys and not them. (6553)
#12. When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex...
12. Eager 1007 12. Always ready for the next step and does not usually thing twice - 4183 ...must make the first move!(1205) ….usually, but does not always have to, make the first move. -6108 12… can either be respectful and take it slow; or they can be disrespectful and make the girl feel cheap and used (5039). 12. should be respectful and take things slowly. 8782. … usually makes the first move, and usually wants to make the move more so than the girl. -3969 ... Needs to know they’ll be successful before they act, unless it’s a random hookup, then they’ll initiate sex with anything that breathes and has a vagina. -3365 12. should make the first move, but respect a women's wishes if she choose to wait to become sexually involved. ...usually has no problem with it - 2968
12. Usually makes the first move. They are physically more aggressive. - 8554
12. …isn’t always as cautious as they think they are. I’ve known many guys who think they’re able to hide their intentions with a girl, but it’s really obvious what they’re thinking. (0798)
12. …Is eager to initiate sex, but usually listen to what you have to say about it, and will be respectful of your wishes, if only just long enough to get the sex. (2742) …eliminates the distance between him and the girl. He gets closer to the girl, hugs her or puts his face closer to her. -2248
12. becomes much more affectionate and jokes around with me. -4742
12. Sometimes gets straight to the point or they’ll aggressively dance around it (6354)
- 12....usually needs to be the one to initiate it. (1333)
12. wants the process to move a lot faster than the woman wants it. (6553)
#13. The opposite sex seems clueless about...
13. How significant communication is. 1007 ....details(1205) 13… how to manage women’s emotions and needs (5039). 13. handling emotions and communicating. 8782.
girls. Period. (4543) … how girls express their feelings in indirect ways. -3969 ...Courtship. -3365 the complex emotions of a female.-1316
... remember date of birthdays, anniversary, any important event.- 4183 ...what the "right" thing to say is. - 2968
…putting thoughts into words and words into meaningful communication-6108 13. How to tell a girl the truth without beating around the bush.- 8554
13. …anything having to do with emotions. They often times don’t understand what message a girl is trying to convey and are petrified to show their own emotions around other guys. (0798)
13. …How to effectively communicate with a girl. (2742)
…being a gentleman, doing simple things, like opening the car door, or guiding her to walk on the inside part of the side walk away from the road, or something such as just listening to her talk. -2248 13. …why I am reacting they way I do about something that frustrates me. -4742
13. A WOMAN’S FEELINGS (6354)
- 13....understanding that sometimes a woman just wants to talk about what’s on her mind, and isn’t always looking for advice or a solution. (1333)
13. our emotions and why we like to communicate more about them. (6553)
#14. Being romantic is something that the opposite sex...
14. Isn’t that great at. 1007 …has labeled as something negative or a hassle-6108 ...attempts but never fully succeeds (1205) 14… does when they are in love or want a girl to get intimate (5039).
14. can sometimes struggle at. 8782. … should try to do more often. -3969 ... Is surprisingly good at when they want to be. -3365 . is something males have a really hard time perfecting. 1316 ...is sometimes good at and sometimes not so good at.- 4183 ...does when they want sex. - 2968 14. Can do, but rarely does.- 8554 14. …seems to have trouble with. Some guys can be quite romantic, but in general, guys just don’t’ seem to know the first thing when it comes to being romantic. (0798)
14. …Is capable of, if they put enough effort and forethought into. They should do it more often because they can be very good at it and it is really appreciated by girls. (2742) …needs to work more on.-2248 14…capable of doing when he wants to have romance for himself. -4742 14. Can do if they want to but they just don’t (6354)
- 14....can be very good at…if they want to. (1333)
14. is well at doing when they want to . (6553)
#15. Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend/girlfriend through a series of relationship "tests" by...
...lying about pregnancy scares (1205) 15. … introducing the women they’re interested in to close friends and family. It is important to guy that their chosen woman fit into his life as much as he needs to fit into hers. If she is able to keep up with his friends and works well in the mix of his family, then the major test is complete. Sadly, women are the ones who tend to play more “games” and “tests” on their boyfriends. - 0936
15… asking specific and loaded questions to inquire what their response will be compared to what they think the right answer is (5039). …holding out on calling to see if the other is affected or notices. -6108 15. holding out on calling them at the beginning of the relationship to seem as if they’re hard to get. 8782. … doing activities rather than having conversations. -3969 ...Testing how much the other really wants/ needs them. -3365 waiting to see how their significant other will react to for example one not calling.-1316
...seeing how far the girlfriend is willing to go for them, and introducing them to their guys friends -4183 ...introducing me to his friends. - 2968 15. Being unavailable, to see how far the woman will jump. - 8554 15. …asking questions they think are cryptic but actually aren’t…(0798)
15. …Having her meet the important people in his life to see if she will fit in with his friends, and family. (2742)
15. …starting unnecessary arguments just to get girls mad or see how she will react to different scenarios.-2248 15…taking a girl to a place he likes, asking what her interests are, or to meet his friends and note the interaction. 15. Driving the their girlfriend crazy or just purposely being confusing (6354)
- 15....seeing how they react when another man is flirting with them. (1333)
15. introducing her to his family. (6553)
#16. The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes except when it comes to...
16. Paying for dates, working when pregnant, raising children. 1007 ...money (1205) 16… allowing women to be more successful. Men have issues with not being the top (5039).
16. certain household chores. 8782.
doing things for them for no reason. Guys expect girls to do the cute, romantic, sweet things. Yet they don't do it for us. (4543) ….household chores, cooking, shopping and sometimes on dates. -6108 … being the bread winner. -3969 ..."going Dutch" -3365
money. 1316 ... paying. -4183 ...women being more successful than men. - 2968 16. Sleeping with others. Men get praised, women get labeled.- 8554 16. …who controls the relationship. Guys never want to give up control, even over the smallest things. (0798) 16. …Sports and housework.(2742) 16. …household duties such as cleaning, cooking or making decisions.-2248 16…hanging out with friends. Guys seem to need more alone time with their friends. -4742 16. MONEY and SPORTS (6354)
- 16...a woman’s social independence. (1333)
16. career or job position. Men always want to make more money than women. (6553)
#17. Possessiveness is something that the opposite sex...
17. Has a higher rate of. 1007 ...strongly demonstrates (1205) 17. has when they are either really into the person they are with or when they do not trust the person they are with. 8782.
…needs to learn to contain-6108 17… has when they are with someone they deeply care about and don’t want to lose (5039). … has when it comes to their partner. -3969 ...Is guilty of moreso than girls. -3365
17. has a difficult time controlling.1316
...has in great quantity.- 4183 ...has a lot of - 2968 17. Only has it when they truly care about the woman. - 8554
17. …is too good at. Guys want to either “own” something (or someone) or have nothing to do with it/them. (0798) 17. …Tends to exhibit a lot of, especially in covert ways, such as holding hands, or holding a girl’s waist while walking, etc.(2742) 17. …likes to showoff, guys like to flaunt their girlfriends, and claim to his peers that she is with him. It shows his status in society and how other people see him so it is like showing off his prize. -2248 17…conveys when a woman is talking to or about another man. -4742 17. Does that seems kind of psycho (6354)
- 17....is sometimes too concerned with. (1333)
17. struggles with and have trouble controlling. (6553).
#18. When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite sex...
18 Takes physical attractiveness more into consideration. 1007 ...has to have good skin, brown hair, light eyes (1205) 18… is strong, manly, and has a great smile (5039). ….uses that as a basis of talking to girls or not. -6108
18. cares a lot. 8782. … thinks about it way too much. -3969 ...looks good -3365 18. should demonstrate some care for their body. 1316
... works a lot less than women to achieve.- 4183 ...cares a lot about. - 2968 18. They are sexier than women. But then again I am not attracted to women, and I think men are extremely sexy.- 8554 18. …seems to prioritize this first. Men tend to say that personality matters more to them, but clearly attractiveness is what they care most about. (0798) 18. …Relies too heavily on looks (2742) 18. …trusts his sense of physical attraction as a primary characteristic when looking at a girl. If he is physically attracted to a girl, he will most likely be interested. -2248
18…is very concerned what his mate looks like and will look like in the future. -4742 18…is good at achieving, and does so confidently. -4742 18. Can either be a 10 out of 10 or… a 4 out of 10 (6354)
- 18....seems to put too much emphasis on it. (1333)
18. is the first thing that they look for in women, while men work less on their physical appearance. (6553)
#19. Money and status is are things that the opposite sex...
19. is not usually very interested in, depending on the person.8513 ...loves (1205) 19… pride themselves on (5039). ...expect women to want (6108) should work to attain. I honestly do not care about either attribute. However, I like a guy that sets goals for himself and achieves them, whatever they may be. (4543).
19. thinks that these are the only things women care about. 8782. … thinks girls always want from them. -3969 ... Like to have secured before settling down. -3365
values. 1316 ... cares less about then women-4183 ...cares more about for themselves. - 2968 19. Care less about, but should care more about. - 8554 19. …will defend to the death. Anything that makes them more powerful or allows them to control more is what guys strive for. (0798) 19. …Value highly in themselves, and can help them determine their masculinity as compared to other men’s.(2742) 19. …highly puts on the top of his priority list.-2248 19…becomes distant when he is dealing with something difficult, rather than talking about it and sharing the grief or stress with me. -4742 19. Hold near and dear to their heart(6354)
- 19. …seems to directly relate to their level of manliness. (1333)
19. consider important.(6553)
#20. It hurts me most when the opposite sex...
...lies (1205) 20. makes generalizations about my character due to the fact that I’m a female. I think that I’m very different than the typical female stereotypes. I often have guy friends who make generalizations about how girls are crazy or stupid. I don’t appreciate being grouped into this category. 20. Is unable to just act like a man and tell a girl he is not into her, he rather just not speak to the person again- 4183 20… leads me on or makes me feel taken advantage of (5039). 20. Fails to show their affections. 8782. … acts like I am getting upset over nothing when it is something that means a lot to me. -3969 ... Ignores me because I’m not a tramp. -3365 ...rewards those who act with the least morals -6108 20. disregards the way I feel, or fails to listen to what I have to say 1316
...generalizes. - 2968
20. Strings me along, because they know I can be vulnerable.- 8554 20. …seems to have no concern for my feelings and just seems to care about me for physical reasons…(0798) 20. …Demeans my emotions (2742) 20. …makes assumptions. -2248 20…becomes distant when he is dealing with something difficult, rather than talking about it and sharing the grief or stress with me. -4742 20 Is unfaithful, lies, and is neglectful (6354)
- 20....doesn’t realize the importance of authenticity in communication. (1333)
20. does not listen to me when I am trying to have a serious conversation. (6553)
#21. I feel best about the opposite sex when...
21.he acknowledges that women are also essential for the world to keep spinning. 8513 ...he remembers details (1205) 21… they treat me like they care about me and think that I am worthy and special (5039). 21. Shows they care with small things. 8782. … they act like gentlemen because they want to, not because they think they have to. -3969 ... I feel I have a genuine connection with them. -3365 21. does things for me without expecting something in return. -1316 ....there is no unneeded sexual tension -6108 … they show their strong feelings towards me in any way.- 4183
...complements me, even if I don't handle them very well. - 2968 21. They don’t pay attention to any other girl but me. - 8554
21. …they express their emotions and dont do the whole “manly” thing. I don’t mean to say that guys should be more like girls when it comes to expressing emotion, but I know I tend to think of and understand things on a more emotional level and I feel like I can sometimes understand guys better if they’re able to meet me half way, if that makes sense. (0798)
21. …We can have an honest conversation, whether it’s about serious relationship issues, or simply about a movie we saw together. (2742) 21. …he makes me laugh.-2248 21…he is being affectionate towards me, and shows me off to his friends. -4742 21 Whenever I feel genuinely happy… or I feel best about them whenever they surprise me by being sweet or considerate (6354)
- 21....they are honest and authentic. (1333)
21. He shows his affectionate side. (6553)