Spring, 2011 - Comments from men
Comments about the Opposite Sex Homework
Comments by Men
HOMEWORK INSTRUCTIONS Due date: Next class session. WORTH 10 POINTS
This is a writing assignment. Please do not write your name on your paper; instead, put the last 4 digits of your student ID # at the top of the page. Use a word processing software program (such as MS Word) to write your paper.
You comments will remain confidential -- I will not match your paper with your name.
Your paper should be between about 2 to 5 pages long. It will not be graded -- you will get full credit as long as you take this exercise seriously.
Print a copy of your paper, and give it to me at the next class session.
Later in the semester, we will review and discuss the comments.
Please write as thoughtfully, clearly, perceptively, and honestly as possible. Your classmates will read your anonymous comments, and some of your comments may be selected for inclusion in a book I am writing. (If, for some reason, you do not want your classmates to read your anonymous comments, or you do not want your anonymous comments included in the book, please write a note indicating this at the top of your paper.)
There are no "right" or "wrong" answers. Simply describe, as honestly as possible, what you feel and think. Again, all of your comments will remain anonymous.
In contemplating the traits of the opposite sex in general, as a group, write one or two paragraphs to answer each of the following questions. You do not need to include the question itself before your response. Also, think about what you actually like or dislike about the opposite sex IN GENERAL, not about the specific characteristics of one or two people you have known.
Also, you are writing about how you think the opposite sex actually is, not how might like them to be. Be honest -- don't try to censor your thoughts or worry whether they are politically correct.
When you are finished with your paper, save and print it.
Then you will need to also include your comments about the opposite sex with those of your classmates at our class wiki web site (see: http://drmillslmu.wikispaces.com/ ).
Log in. Click on our class, Psyc 310, and then click on Homework Assignment 1, (women's or men's responses, as appropriate.)
Click the "Edit This Page" button at the top of the page. Then scroll down to each question to paste in your response to that question, followed by the last four digits of your student ID. Click "Save" when you are done.
Note: If you are doing the "Reactions to the Comments by Men" homework, do NOT insert your results below. Instead insert them in the Reactions to Male Comments file. Due to the small number of men in this class, insert your responses with the comments from several men in previous semesters of this class:
COMMENTS BY MEN, SPRING 2011:
#1. Think about the previous interactions you have had with the opposite sex. Has a situation ever occurred with someone of opposite sex that you found deeply puzzling and/or incomprehensible? And which you also think is somehow a function of that person's gender (not just the specific individual involved)? If so, think about what happened, and the behaviors, cognitions, motivations, or emotions of the opposite sex that you found particularly puzzling As I was walking away from the gym last night, two ladies that I am friends with yelled bye to me as I walked ahead of them to my car. I said bye back and she replied, "Did you see us watching you play basketball?" I said no. Then her friend immediately replied, "Don't let you ego get too big now." This flabbergasted me as to why she would say that. Usually I quickly think of a clever response for comments like that but this one completely stumped me. I had no idea why she would fire such an odd comment. I think it might be a function of gender because girls have an uncanny detection for guys' egos and when they think they might be abnormally large. I say this because I secretly did notice a flock of girls watch me play basketball, inflating my ego just a bit. I just didn't want to admit it. (3839)
1. There have been many instances in the past in which my girlfriend has expressed sudden jealousy and anger when I give attention to other people. Obviously, one could expect interactions with other girls to be a problem, with fears of undue flirting. However, this also occurs when I am giving attention to my male friends as well. While this could possibly be due in part to personality, I am convinced that it must mainly be an issue of gender. For one, I have had similar experiences with other women in my life ( e.g. my mom). Also, I cannot think of any male friend, family member, or acquaintance who has ever remotely displayed such a reaction. The most puzzling part of this is that these bouts of jealousy seem to often occur right after moments of pure contentment or intimacy between my girlfriend and I. It literally feels like there is a switch on the back of the head that turns on the bad vibes. With my mom, it seems to be more of a surpressed indignation over the family's general lack of appreciation for her efforts as a provider and organizer. When times are good, there's no mention of any problem. However, as soon as a dish is broken, or a trash bag is not taken out, there is hell to pay for how hard she strives to help the family "survive", and how little I or my father do to assist in the campaign. (0645)
1. Although I have never had an experience with the opposite sex which I would go so far as to call “incomprehensible”, there are some things I find about females which don’t make sense to me. In particular, the majority of the females I’ve known seek serious, long-term relationships. Females appeared this way to me even in high school. Furthermore, most females I’ve known are looking to get married and to do it at a very young age (in general). I’ve had numerous relationships that ended very fast because I’m not interested in having a “serious” relationship. I plan on finishing school and starting a successful financial career before I settle down and get married. I have no fear of commitment, but for one that is theoretically as absolute and eternal as marriage, I am in no hurry. Thus, the behavior I find puzzling about females is how high of a priority they place on finding serious, exclusive, long-term relationships from even a very young age. (5626)
1. An event that has occurred over and over for me is the ultimatum between my girlfriend and my friends. Why can't I hang out with my friends for a few hours when I haven't seen them in a while? Instead I am left with a choice. I can decide to be with her or with them. It becomes a "me or them" thing, and I don't understand why. (0298)
1. I have had many encounters with a particular female (my first girlfriend) in which I found the argument, the situation, or both to be incomprehensible. She would be angry with me for no apparent reason, which I reasoned is her taking out her anger from the day out on me. I find this to be true with some hormonally imbalanced women, however, I do not believe that it is generalizable to all females with the exception of those “off days” that occur in everyone’s lives. (5092)
1. There was this one time over winter break when my girlfriend and I had not talked on the phone all day. I knew she was at work and I told her I was spending the day with my family from back East that I do not get to see that often, and so I did not really think it was necessary to call her. However, when I was going to go to sleep I texted her telling that I just wanted to say good night because we had not talked all day. Well long story short she was upset at me that I never called her and that she had really wanted to talk to me. I was really confused as to why she just did not call me if she had wanted to talk to me. Anyways I called her after a few angry text messages and realized she had just had a bad day and wanted to vent to me, and now she was just taking it out on me. Anyways from that point on, I told her when she wanted to vent she could just call me even if I was with my family. (9814)
1.There are definitely many situations with the opposite sex that I have found puzzling, but one that comes first to my mind. It was probably about half a year after I had broken up with my girlfriend. We still had feelings for each other but were going to different schools in different states and it just became too hard to deal with. But we would still hang out on breaks and such. Around spring break or summer break we were hanging out and it was clearly obvious by the way that she was acting that she was feeling like she wanted to get back together with me. I’m not going to go into detail but it was pretty certain what she was feeling (a long time later I asked her about it and got that confirmed). But the next time I spent time with her which must have been only a couple weeks later, she acted 100% different. Completely cold to me in a way she had never been before. It was just such a complete switch and I had no idea where it had come from because nothing had happened between us since then. I also remember asking her that night if I had done something or what was wrong etc. and she said nothing was wrong. I think at least that her just shrugging that off was a function of her gender. Also I personally couldn’t figure out her radical change in action either, so its possible that was a function of it as well. (1866)
#2. In general, what do you like about the opposite sex? What do you dislike? Again, think of the opposite sex in general, as they actually are, not how you might like them to be different.
I like how women are so comforting and soothing. I like how soft they are. I like how clean they keep themselves. I like their anatomical differences to men. I like their motherly instincts. I don't like how judgemental they are. I don't like how rediculously sensitive they are. I don't like how detective they can be and how they take everything so meaningfully. I don't like how moody they are. I don't like how they settle disputes so "behind the scenes"ly. (3839)
2. I 2. I like and appreciate that I can talk with my lady friends about everything I simply can’t talk about with my guy friends, including but not limited to: falling short of the ideal male standard, other personal failures, dreams, aspirations, and how to talk to other girls. Male and female friends hold you to different standards and look out for your different needs. Men are always going to like women for their looks. Always. But there’s a warmth in every girl’s embrace, one that’s hard to find between guys. Women just seem naturally capable of transmitting raw nurture and for that, I love having them around. I don’t like having to mind read. When I can see facially that something is wrong, responding with “It’s fine” doesn’t help anyone. Also, PMS is an overused excuse. I’m not insensitive towards biology, but since all we do from birth to death is behave, everything we say and do is a choice. So man or woman, we all should make better choices and just love and respect each other no matter how crumby we feel. 4168
The things I enjoy about girls have to do with both their physicality and personality. On the physical side I love just about everything about them. Whereas personality wise there are certain qualities I love about girls. Generally I love how girls are spunky, out there, and extremely open. They are usually clean; smell great, and always organized. Whereas things I dislike about girls are their unwillingness to drop grudges, their love for cliques, how deceiving and conniving they can be, how sometimes high maintenance they can be, and finally how judgmental they can be to other girls. (5899)
2. In general, I like how most girls have a soft side to them. Whether it be them being sympathetic, connecting at an emotional level, or helping a person out in need, I feel that it is more common for women to engage in these more compassionate acts than for men. I don’t like how many girls are capable of being more catty. I feel as though sometimes its hard to know what a girl actually thinks about you and what they are saying behind your back. I do believe that girls talk behind people’s backs more often than guys in the sense that a guy would be more willing to say something bad to that other person’s face. (9995)
2. The thing I like most about women is their ability to discuss things and become emotionally invested in the matter. Men are unable to speak to other men about feelings and insecurities. However, women are not. They are both willing and able to discuss a problem or insecurity in much greater depth and detail than men. The thing I dislike the most about women is their oversensitivity. I know I wrote that I like their emotionality, but there is a limit to this. There comes a point when things should be let go. Women do not tend to do this. They remember everything; they hold it as a grudge. What was said as a minor comment escalates into a full-scale problem and lingers for an indefinite amount of time. (0298)
Things that I like about women include: 1 – they are nice to look at… 2 – sensitive and empathetic… 3 – communicative… 4 – nurturing… 5 – they are the ones that have the babies. Things that I dislike about women is that: 1 – they don’t communicate directly and hint instead… 2 – they don’t know what they want… 3 – they are over sensitive about certain things… 4 – they over analyze trivial things… 5 – too self conscious about their appearance. (5092)
2. What I like about the opposite sex in general is their willingness to listen and to help. Women tend to be better listeners and actually provide feedback and comment on things more so than men. They seem to care more about what the person is going through than most of my guy friends and I really appreciate that. I also like that they help balance my life. Women tend to do more things that I do not like to do, such as cooking and baking. Women help me experience new things and explore things that I had never thought about before. What I dislike about women is the fact that they do not communicate directly about what they are feeling. With most women it is like trying to solve a riddle, and a very difficult riddle at that. Then when you do not understand what they are trying to say, they get upset and then it turns into your fault. But in actuality there are not too many things that I dislike about women. (9814)
2. What I like about the opposite sex is that they seem to be a lot more caring. They tend to be genuinely concerned if you have a problem or what not, while guys seem to really not offer very much help. Also in general they seem to listen and remember more than guys do. Also they seem to be more intuitive in terms of telling what you are feeling. One thing I like and dislike at the same time is how emotional they are. Sometimes its nice particularly if things are going well. But probably the majority of the time they are way too unnecessarily emotional about everything. Also they tend to over analyze everything as well, which in combination with being really emotional tends to end up a bad mix. Because of this they tend to freak out at things when we don’t even realize they are happening or more rationally determine as no big deal. I also don’t like how they don’t really say whats on their mind, and expect us to just know. A lot of the time though, its really ambiguous as to what they are thinking even though they think it may be obvious. Also the whole acting one way while feeling completely different just makes no sense. How are we supposed to know how your feeling then? Also one thing that has been kind of annoying me recently, which could actually go both ways I guess, but that girls take the stereotypes of males too far. For example one of my best friends is a girl and she’ll tell me a story and then say something like “oh your a guy you won’t care you have no feelings” and such. It gets really annoying because we do actually have feelings, whether or not we wear them on our sleeves or not. (1866)
#3. What is the one thing that the opposite sex most misunderstands about your own sex?
I believe that when you give one glance at a girl, no matter if they appreciate it or not, they automatically think that you are attracted to them or that you are "creeping them out." That's why I have developed a refined tactic in sending the glance. (3839)
3. The opposite sex seems to believe that all men care/think about is sex. Yes it is true that men very often think of sex, but that is not the most important thing to men nor is that all men think about. I believe that women think about sex just as much as men do but women either do not like to admit it, do not know how to handle their feelings or fail to act upon their emotions/urges to protect their reputations/image. (7753)
3. The stereotype about men and emotions seems to be one of the biggest misunderstandings. In general, it seems that women either believe that men are emotionless or do not care for emotions. This is in fact untrue, and I believe I can say this not just for myself but even for the most "macho" kind of male. I know that I do my best to surpress displaying sadness or insecurity, admittedly sometimes because of the cultural pressure to be masculine or for other reasons. However, I know that I am also very much in touch with my emotions, and have even been complimented as being emotionally intelligent. I believe women are looking for certain benchmarks of emotion, such as sharing all our problems or insecurities with them, and asking how their day went. When these certain criteria are not met, they mistakenly assume that emotions are simply not the male forte. Guys care, and think about emotions a lot. We just do not always need to express them. (0645) 3. The most misunderstood thing about men, by women, is the belief that we have the same capacity for emotional expression and self-understanding that they do. We don’t. (5626)
3. Women tend to think that men are sex-obsessed robots that are void of any emotion. It is true; men think about sex. Women do to. But that is not the only thing men think or care about. We have feelings and emotions just as women do. We are not “allowed” to show them due to culturally constructed notions of what it is to be a man. However, if you get us alone, you see that, like you, we do have emotions. (0298)
Men speak directly. I want X. Women do not understand that simple and direct communication is the easiest way to speak to men, and they would rather have a guessing game. That, in turn, (in my belief) is why some women have problems with other girls in talking behind someone’s back rather than confronting them and thus is also the reason for which some girls have more guys as friends. (5092)
3. The one thing women most misunderstand about men is our "inability" to multitask. It is not that we do not know how, but rather it is that we do not want too. When we are watching a sports game, TV show, reading the paper, or playing video games, we are interested in that one thing. We do not want to be interrupted or worry about anything else. Most guys that I know actually do know how to multitask and they can do it quite well. When guys hang out together they multitask all the time, but that is because guys talk to other guys about things that they want to hear or do not mind hearing about during a sports game or such. However, when women want to talk and we are watching a sports game, they typically want to talk about their feelings or gossip, and on the rare occasion try to have us explain the game to them. It just gets frustrating. (9814)
3. I think that girls seem to think that since we don’t outwardly show as much emotion all the time, that we don’t feel anything at all. This is completely untrue and really annoying if you ask me because they then act differently based on this assumption. (1866)
#4. Think about a time when you found yourself particularly attracted to someone of the opposite sex. What characteristics of that person do you think attracted you? What was the most important factor that attracted you to this person, e.g., physical appearance, personality traits, self-confidence, social status, friendly gestures toward you, etc.?
I believe for all initial attractions, physical appearance is the number one factor just because all others take either more time to discover or are too insufficient to create an attraction. Physical appearance instictually activates a sexual drive which is quite an undeniable force. (3839)
4. When I first met my girlfriend, the first attraction was purely physical. I was struck by how pretty her face was, and then secondly attracted to the shape of her body. However, what made her stick in my mind was her "cool" almost aloof manner. She did not give me a particularly warm "girly" greeting. Instead, it was a polite greeting, and a general sense of disinterest in me. I am not sure if this made me crazy about her because she seemed so unattainable, or something else. However, my attraction to her deepened when I was informed by a friend that in fact she was incredibly attracted to me, and was attempting not to over-play her hand. (0645)
4. The first things that I am attracted to every time are physical features. Without ever hearing the women say a word, I am attracted. Another factor that draws me to women is mere proximity. There was a time when I saw a woman for the first time and was not attracted to her. However, after seeing her everyday for three weeks, I suddenly am attracted. (0298)
The initial feature that captures my eye personally is a girl’s smile. If I can stare at her face all day, then I know I’m not going to have problems with that down the line. Though this is the first thing I notice, it is not the most important. A woman’s friendly personality and positive relationships with others is most attractive for me. (5092)
4. The characteristic I think attracts most males to females right away, including me towards my current girlfriend, is physical attractiveness. It is with physical attractiveness that a guy is attracted to a girl and goes up to talk to her. However, once that initial attractiveness is made clear, there are many other things that attract guys further to girls. For me, the reason why I went to talk to my girlfriend (before she was my girlfriend) was because I thought she was very pretty. However, as time went on and I began to go on several dates with her, I soon realized that there were multiple characteristics that attracted me to her even further than her beauty. She was caring, understanding, funny, nice, and genuinely interested in what I had to say. The most important factor that attracted me to her, was like I mentioned, was her beauty. However, that was only the initial attractiveness, and as our relationship developed I found myself even more attracted to her just because of the way she was, her personality. (9814)
4.Physical appearance usually comes first because it is the most apparent. But then I think what most attracts me to a girl is her personality and also how she relates to me. If she doesn’t seem to be interested in me at all usually I won’t be as interested in her. (1866)
#5. In your opinion, what are the strengths and weaknesses of the opposite sex?
Strengths: financial responsibility of life, manipulative ability over men, knowledge of social norms and popularities, emotion detection ability or sensitivity. Weaknesses: physical strength, maintenence, pregnancy, dealing with emotions, problem solving. (3839)
5. Females are for one, very caring. They are excellent at taking others' problems and internalizing them as their own to assist in helping to find solutions. Also, they tend to be much more organized than men. I rely on the women in my life to keep me on track with my appointments and cleaning of my room. Finally, women are very generous and will express their generosity even when it is not neccesary. For weaknesses, women tend to think emotionally, rather than logically. Also, while they are very detail-oriented it can sometimes bog them down with seemingly useless facts or analysis of situations. Also, constructive criticism can easily be interpreted as a personal attack to them. (0645) 5. The strengths of females are their abilities with language, persuasion, social interaction, emotional intelligence, self-control, self-identity, empathy, and understanding. The weaknesses of the female sex are being overly concerned with other people/relationships and not concerned enough with their own personal accomplishments. This over concern with other people is what I would hypothesize causes females to be so emotionally dramatic, analytical, and sensitive. (5626)
5. Some of the strengths of women are their caring, mothering, and nurturing skills. The greatest strength of women is the ability to empathize. Men are often not so good at this. Women, however, have the ability to hear a person’s problem and really put themselves into that person’s situation meaning that they truly know what the person is going through and how he or she feels. The weakness of women is their inability to take any type of criticism. Constructive criticism is meant to build a person up not tear them down. However, most women do not see the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. To them, it is all destructive. Any criticism, constructive or not, is taken as a personal attack. (0298)
The strength of women is in their ability to sympathize and empathize with others as well as vocalize their emotions well when speaking with others. I believe their weakness is that they have too many emotions to deal with, often letting it get the best of them. (5092)
5. Strengths of the opposite sex include: understanding, listening skills, helpfulness, caring, genuine interest in what you have to say. Weaknesses, however, include: jealousy, self-conscious, indirect communication, always having to be right. (9814)
5.The fact that they seem to care more about things is definitely a strength. They tend to put more value on relationships and more work into such things. Also how they are better listeners and are more intuitive. They just seem to balance us out in a lot of ways. Their weaknesses though are that they overanalyze and are too emotional and it can get in the way of daily life and cause issues in their interactions with others that don’t really need to happen. (1866)
#6. Can you think of any instances in which you have personally been treated unfairly by the opposite sex? If so, give a brief description of what happened.
Coming back into the school year, a girl I was dating somewhat assured me that we would be back together when we got back to school from the summer. However, with little to no communication over the summer, she proceded to date another male as soon as we got back, leaving me completely stranded. Party time! (3839)
6. During my summer internship, my girlfriend was convinced that I was constantly flirting with other female interns. One time, I mentioned the accomplishments of one particular intern and foolishly mentioned that I thought they were rather admirable. I had only brought this up because I specifically wanted to share my internship with my girlfriend. However, a few days later, we ended up having a fight about my comment. She accused me of admiring another girl while not admiring her enough. It was useless to explain to her that my intentions in mentioning the other intern, was to comiserate and joke a bit with each other about how unaccomplished we were in our careers. I felt that she was jumping to conclusions and not thinking very logically. (0645)
6. I was early into a relationship with a girl. I was texting my sister while sitting next to her. She saw a female’s name on my phone and immediately began accusing me of cheating. She eventually admitted that her previous boyfriend had repeatedly cheated on her. She had been conditioned to believe that all men were cheaters. This led her to believe that I was doing the same thing. She calmed down when I was able to convince her that the girl was my sister. However, I was still in trouble for not paying enough attention to her. (0298)
I once went out on a date with the rudest feminist I have ever met. When I opened the door for her she gave me a lecture on how we aren’t in the 50’s anymore and that women can get their own doors without any help. When the bill came, I started to take out my wallet but stopped and politely asked if she would like to split the bill. She then gave me a monologue lecture on how gentlemen don’t exist anymore especially when they don’t want to pay for the whole dinner. I failed epically on multiple occasions that night, none of which I considered to be severe on a date with a sane individual. (5 092)
6. There was this one instance when this one girl that I was dating at the time went to one of her friend's birthday parties. Since I did not really know the friend I decided not to go and instead hung out with some of my friends. My girlfriend told me she was most likely going to spend the night so I decided to start joining in on my friends who were playing beer pong and just having a good time. However, at about midnight my girlfriend called me and wanted me to come over. I told her I was drunk and that I could not drive and she lost it. She began yelling at me about how we never hang out and how I always made her come to me. I tried explaining to her that she had told me she was going to spend the night, but she replied with "I said most likely, that is not a definite yes". Anyways she continued yelling at me for always doing this. Needless to say that relationship soon ended. (9814)
6. I have had girls get angry at me for things I have said or done (or more often not done) for things that shouldn’t be upsetting at all. (1866)
#7. Can you think of any instances in which you have been treated particularly well by the opposite sex, simply because of your (or their) gender? If so, give a brief description of what happened.
A girl comforted me at her apartment with food and water, etc. Then she drove me to a party nearby. I believe that its the motherly, or caring, instinct in her that drove her to take care of me. (3839)
7. I was sitting on a couch at a VIP booth in a night club at Las Vegas. Two girls came up to me and grabbed me off the couch and starting dancing with me. One of them started making out with me because she thought I was a hot guy. (7753)
7. When discussing automobiles, women tend to assume that I know what is going on. It seems that just because I am a male, I should know cars. There was an instance where I was at a mechanic’s shop. Two women, neither of whom I knew, were having a discussion. In order to clear up an issue, they asked me a question about cars. They let what I said settle the debate. They treated me as if I were an authority on the issue simply because I was a man. (0298)
I cannot think of any particular instance in which I was treated exceedingly well by the opposite sex because of my gender. I will acknowledge, however, that women in general have told me that it is easier to talk to me than it is to talk to their closest friends, which is always a welcomed compliment. (5092)
7. I do not think there have been any instances in which I was treated particularly well, simply because of mine or their gender. I know of instances where I was treated well by the opposite sex, but it was because of what I did, not just because I was a guy or they were a girl. (9814)
7. I have had girls act particularly nice to me when they wanted me to do something for them and not nearly as nice at other times, but I’m not sure that is really because of my gender to be honest. Otherwise I can’t really think of too many situations where I was treated well just for being a guy. (1866)
#8. Describe an instance, or instances, when you have been rejected by someone of the opposite sex to whom you were attracted. How did they reject you? Was their behavior inconsiderate, rude or insensitive? How did it make you feel? How might they have done it in a more considerate way?
Well, as aformentioned in question 6, the girl I was dating treated me unfairly by leaving me hanging with false hopes. I believe that if you are going to make a decision that involves the other person, it isn't just guy-code to communicate your plans, its human code. She rejected me because I was going with the original plan to get back together or at least work on it, while she apparently wasn't while refusing to at least inform me of the direction she wanted to go. It made me feel sad and betrayed, but it also lit a flame inside me. It became somewhat of a motivation to have an awesome time last semester, which I did. (3839)
8. In one instance of rejection, my 8th grade girlfriend broke up with me when I called her to plan a date. Although she was not particularly rude, I was rather hurt that she chose to do it when I had called her. However, she did not seem spiteful, but more matter-of-fact about it and a bit apologetic. I suppose in the long-run it was good of her to just be honest, instead of waiting for our date to break the news to me, but at the same time, she could have been more proactive with contacting me about the issue, rather than waiting for me to walk into it. (0645)
8. One time I really liked this girl. Whenever I was around her, I became nervous. After a couple of days, I asked her if she wanted to go out on a date. She declined. At first I was really hurt because I couldn’t figure out what I did wrong. However, after the fact I realized that she simply wasn’t attracted to me in that way. She was very nice in the way she declined. We continued being friends even after she rejected me. (0298)
I do not approach women randomly in social places. I only go out on dates with people I know. In one particular instance, I was rejected by a girl who told me that she loved me like a big brother and knew that I would always protect her no matter what. This was the most considerate way I can imagine rejecting from her perspective, and I thank her for that. (5092)
8. During my junior year of high school there was this girl that I was attracted to. I asked her if she wanted to go to a movie that weekend. Instead of just saying she was busy or already had plans, she laughed and said "NO!" I just remember replying "Wow. You're a f*cking bitch" and then just walked away. I was hurt but not all that much. I just remember thinking that if that was how she turns someone down, then I did not even want to go to the movies with her. (9814)
8. My girlfriend my senior year in high school called me and broke up with me about a week before I was supposed to go visit her at her college. She was clearly pretty sad about it too and did it in a considerate way but I had very little warning before, it almost came out of nowhere. We tried to stay friends but a while later she seemed to come up with this whole list of things that were completely untrue about why we broke up. One was that we never talked about music and politics or something like that, and we at least used to talk about music all the time. I think she just kind of created them to make herself feel better about it, but it really annoyed me and I didn’t see her for months after that. (1866)
Imagine that you have known someone of the opposite sex for about a month. You have dated this person several times, but so far there hasn't been any kind of physical intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc.) between the two of you. Now, you are out on a date with this person again.
How would you try to influence this person in each of the following circumstances:
#9. Situation 1: The date has been going very well and you feel very physically attracted to this person. How would you influence this person to become physically intimate, and to go as far sexually as you wanted to go?
I would communicate those feelings non-verbally in a touchy-feely, comforting way while maintaining that smooth feeling of the date. Non-aggression is always the key in these situations. I would also enact the push-pull tactic where I would make it seem like I want her and then push her away, initiating a desire for me in her. (3839)
9. I would probably find excuses to have physical contact with the girl, such as putting my arm around her shoulder, or holding her hand, etc. Her responsiveness to this would help me gauge how interested she is physically. Also, I might try to direct the conversation towards a more sexual topic, possibly with light jokes about sex. (0645)
9. I would start by holding her hand throughout the night in an attempt to plant the seed of intimacy. If this does not work, I cannot say what I would do next. It would differ from situation to situation depending on how I felt about the girl and how I suspected that she felt. (0298)
I would start out very subtly asking her to walk with me somewhere and try to gently ease into holding her hand. If the walk fails I would attempt to find a club or restaurant where dancing is a norm. Any excuse for physical contact with her would be the first step, and gradually that physical contact should increase throughout the night to the point where she is the one who wants sexual activity instead of the guy begging for it. (5092)
9. I would start by doing the little things, like holding her hand as we walked back to the car or something, putting my arm around her at the movies, or something like that just to show her that I am physically attracted to her and that I do like her. As far as going as far as I want sexually, I would actually take it slow. If it has been a month and we have not really done anything physically intimate, I cannot just expect her to want to have sex. I would end the date by trying to kiss her and see her reaction from there. (9814)
9. I would definitely try to make some kind of physical contact first, put my arm around her, hold her hand.. depends on the situation. Then I would just go from there based on how she was reacting. (1866)
#10. Situation 2: The date has been going well, but you do not feel particularly physically attracted by this person. However, you can tell that this person is really turned on by you. Still, you know you're not interested in physical intimacy, and/or the subsequent involvement or commitment that might follow. How would you influence this person to avoid becoming sexual?
I would maintain friendly communication and avoid any non-verbal cues of physical attractiveness. I would maintain a cool, calm, and composed stature as if to say, "We are just friends, and I am comfortable with that." (3839)
10. I would be sure to keep my interaction with her kind and interested, but not overly engaging or intimate. In other words, I would do my best not to give her a false green light to be come physical with me. I would keep the conversation away from sex, romance, or intimacy at all costs, and I would avoid any unneccesary physical contact. If contact did occur or she made a move on me, I would find a polite way to excuse myself, or simply be honest with her that I am not physically interested if I cannot get out of the situation with another reason. (0645) 10. I would be friendly but keep my distance spatially and not engage in intimate dialogue. Being a male, this situation would be much easier for me to deal with because the male is always expected to make the first move. (5626)
10. I would be as subtle as possible. I would not engage in any physical contact with the girl. I would not even discuss physical contact or intimacy of any kind. Hopefully this would send the message. If not, I would simply be as polite as I could by respectfully declining her attempts at physicality. (0298)
1o. I would attempt to change the scene where it is inappropriate to be physically intimate. In avoiding physical contact throughout the night, hopefully her urge dies down. If not, then I would flat out explain to her (before it gets to a certain point) that I enjoyed the time together, but I do not see the two of us working out together in the future. (5092)
10. I think the best way to influence the person to avoid becoming sexual is to just explain to them in a respectful way that you just feel differently. I know that the conversation will be weird and awkward but if you really want to avoid the consequences and hurting her feeling, then you just have to tell her how you truly feel and hope she understands. (9814)
10. I would keep up the conversation but try to act a little more aloof, not act too interested in anything they were saying but not so far as being rude. And not make any kind of moves, usually we have to be the first to make one. (1866)
For each of the following sentence fragments, complete the sentence, and, if you wish, add a few more sentences to complete your thought. Do not include the sentence stem in your response--only your answer to it.
#11. In general, it seems that the opposite sex has a tendency to become "insanely" jealous when...
I check out a hot girl right in front of them who also is very hot. (3839)
11. …they recognize another woman’s attraction towards someone they like. (7753)
11. they feel ignored (0645)
their boyfriends interact or have friends that are females. (5092)
11. their boyfriend, or someone they are currently seeing, is talking, or maybe even harmlessly flirting a little, with a girl at a party or anywhere for that matter. Even if the action is harmless and the guy is just being friendly and the flirting is just coming naturally it does not mean that they are no longer interested in you, and girls should ask the guy before they immediately assume the worse. (9814)
11. A woman’s boyfriend/husband acknowledges a member of the opposite sex in a positive way. The woman seems to feel the need to compare herself to the other woman. (0298)
11. you talk to other girls. (1866)
#12. When it comes to initiating sexuality for the first time, the opposite sex...
lays back and lets the man do the work. (3839)
12. Leaves it for the man. (0298)
12. is usually hesitant. For females, sex is more than just sex. It is an emotional experience that is supposed to signify trust, love, and comfortableness. However, most guys just view sex as sex and do not necessarily see the deeper meaning that most females see. (9814)
tend to be more seductive in “reeling in” men while men are the ones who approach women. (5092)
12. almost always waits for the male to act first, but doesn’t always give very clear signals. (1866)
#13. The opposite sex seems clueless about...
The desire for physical superiority. (3839)
13.When a guy wants to be left alone he really doesn’t want to be around people, he isn’t using code talk like a female. (6163)
13. The motivation behind a male’s behavior in different situations and contexts. (5626)
13. The differences in the ways that males and females communicate. (0298)
what they want. (5092)
13. a guys love for video games. Video games allow guys to relieve stress and do things that they cannot normally do in real life. (9814)
13. How guys really think. (1866)
#14. Being romantic is something that the opposite sex...
absolutely loves. (3839)
14. …acts as if it is important. (7753)
14. Is very good at. (0298)
admire about boys and need periodically throughout a relationship… Some more than others. (5092)
14. respects and if a guy does it then it is something special. (9814)
14. desires and puts effort into. (1866)
#15. Sometimes it seems that the opposite sex puts their boyfriend/girlfriend through a series of relationship "tests" by...
putting out rediculous scenarious and asking for our opinion. (3839)
15. …making them choose between them or their friends. (7753)
15. Testing loyalty. Women put their boyfriends between “rocks” and “hard places” making them choose between them or the man’s friends. (0298)
giving the man a decision and saying she doesn’t care either or, but in actuality in her mind, THERE IS A WRONG ANSWER. (5092)
15. doing something on purpose to see how their boyfriend will respond. Sometimes they will just not do anything and see if their boyfriend will step it up and make plans or want to see them. (9814)
15. saying something that is completely different than what they actually believe/want and seeing if we can guess the actual truth. (1866)
#16. The opposite sex seems to support equality for the sexes except when it comes to...
basic human morals. (3839)
16. …chivalry such as expecting men to pay for dinner and give them the whole princess treatment. (7753)
16. asking men out on dates, being treated to food/outings constantly. (0645) 16. Initiating interest, making sexual advances, paying for them, and traditional courtesies. (5626) it comes to being romantic on a date or within a relationship... and paying for dinner (5092)
16. Paying for things. Women want to be treated equal in every other aspect of life; however, when the check comes, the man has to pay. (0298)
16. nothing, they want equality in everything. (9814)
16. Starting relationships, men always have to make the first move in every stage. (1866)
#17. Possessiveness is something that the opposite sex...
17. …can not over or even fake. (7753)
17. Holds over men. Women are very possessive of their men. (0298)
does not want men to be, but simultaneously wants the male to be protective. (5092)
17.exhibits when another girl that is physically attractive approaches their "man". (9814)
17. can carry a little too far. (1866)
#18. When it comes to physical attractiveness, the opposite sex...
struts their stuff, for their very life depends on it. (3839)
18. is objectively way more asthetically pleasing to the eye than men are. (0645) tends to focus on (and are this more sensitive to criticism about) their appearance. (5092)
18. Holds an advantage. Women can make men do whatever they want. (0298)
18. uses it to their advantage. (9814)
18. is a lot more attractive then men but sometimes use this advantage manipulatively. (1866)
#19. Money and status is are things that the opposite sex...
are instinctually attracted to. (3839)
19. react differently to. Some women are validated by their ability to buy things and influence others. Some are extremely down-to-earth. (0645) 19. Are much more important to than men. (5626)
19. cares about, but then again so do men. (9814)
takes into consideration when looking for a boyfriend or spouse. (5092)
19.Want in their future. (6163)
19. Value very highly. (0298)
19. do consider for the future. (1866)
#20. It hurts me most when the opposite sex...
ignores a simple hello from me. (3839)
shows insecurities (9701)
20. …acts towards me in a negative way because of prior experiences with guys that treated them poorly or because of untrue assumptions that they have about me. (7753)
20. Is hypocritical about what they think about me. (0645)
20. Feel that they cannot trust men. (0298)
stereotype that all men are the same, thus prejudging men when barely meeting someone for the first time. (5092)
20. assumes that just because I did not call, thinks that I do not really care about them. (9814)
10. Judges me immediately without really getting to know me. (1866)
#21. I feel best about the opposite sex when...
they love me. (3839)
21. …I find out that they are really into me or that our attraction is mutual. (7753)
21. They use their charm and talent for care and consideration. (0645) when they are sincere in their caring for others. (5092)
21. I am early on into a new relationship. (0298)
21. they are comfortable enough with me to not worry about anything, and know that I am there because I want to be, not because I have to be. (9814)
21. They genuinely care about and want to be with me. (1866)